April 6, 1979
Peter stopped by the flat with a couple rolls of parchment and a bottle of Odgen's. While stuck in the Potter's house awaiting a clean bill of health, the Order had gotten wind of some dark activity in London. Peter was briefing Sirius on it while Remus filled in James. It wasn't so important that they all needed to be together to go over a plan, but they all needed to be aware of it.
Calandra unpacked one of the boxes they'd brought back from the Potters'. She hefted the box labeled S. Room up on the bed and opened the flaps. Calandra piled the stacks of parchment on the bureau for Sirius to go through and placed two fancy quills in quill stands on the desk. She pulled a gold watch out of the box and ran her thumb over the face of it. She flipped it over and a glowing inscription was carved into the back.
Fleamont Potter
Calandra laid it carefully on the chest. Sirius and James got matching watches for their seventeenth birthdays. They'd shown them off proudly at school. James had mentioned that his Father gave him his Grandfather Henry's watch as well, but he preferred the one he and Sirius picked out. She didn't know Fleamont had given Sirius his own watch.
Calandra looked toward the photo that stood proudly on their dressing table. She and Sirius and Euphemia and Fleamont; all smiling wide smiles with their arms wrapped around one another. Calandra waited, knowing that the picture wasn't complete. Sirius threw a hand up in the photo and a second later James ducked into the picture, making a funny face and setting his parents to laughing. He pulled Lily into the shot in the nick of time. Then the scene started over.
There were other photos from the wedding taken from more flattering angles and with better lighting. But Sirius loved this one. She'd asked him why he wouldn't rather have one of the other ones framed and displayed and he'd just smiled and said that that particular photo was perfect.
Calandra wiped a tear from her eye as she watched the photograph play its scene over and over. This was his family.
...
May 13, 1979
"You seem so tired." Calandra rubbed a hand across Sirius's back. "Did you get any sleep last night?"
He smiled and shook his head. "Not much, but I'm fine."
"Was Peter ok?" Calandra asked.
"Yeah, I gave him the potion on the hour, every hour and his head stopped smoking around two this morning." He nodded absentmindedly.
"So, it's him I get to thank for my little wake-up call in the wee hours of the morning?" she laughed and threaded her fingers through his.
Sirius didn't laugh, just offered her a small smile.
Was Peter really ok? What was wrong?
"Hey," she said, snapping a finger in front of his face. "You ok? What's going on?"
"I wanted to talk to you." he said.
"Ok. What about?" she linked an arm through his.
He didn't say anything, he just gazed out over the pond. She waited a minute or so and turned to face him.
"Sirius? Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.
He let out a harsh breath and turned to her.
"I can't do this anymore."
"Do what? The Order?" she asked.
"I can't do this." He gestured between them, looking somewhere over her eyes. "Us. We can't do this anymore."
"What? What are you talking about?" Calandra let out a nervous laugh. She was missing something.
"I can't be with you anymore." He said still not looking her in the eye.
"You're…you…" she started. "Why?"
Sirius scratched the back of his neck.
"Listen, Cal. I really like you. We've had fun, and I've enjoyed every minute, but we should quit now."
"That's all you think of us." Anger rose in her chest. "A bit of fun. After everything, I'm nothing but a bit of fun to you?"
"I didn't mean it like that." he said running a hand through his hair.
"So, it's just me. You don't want to be with me?" she demanded.
"No. I don't." he said, turning back to the pond.
"I don't believe you." she said crossing her arms.
"Well, you should." he bit back.
"You expect me to believe that you don't want to be with me after all we've been through?" she demanded. "No, I don't buy it. I don't know what's going on with you, you've never lied to me before."
"I'm not lying to you now." He said in a soft voice.
She was silent.
"I don't want to be with you." he repeated. "This is over between us."
"No." she said, furious. "No, you can't just do that without explaining. What did I do?"
"Nothing." He said shaking his head, staring at the water.
"Then why? Did you meet someone else?" her heart froze at the thought.
He laughed and scrunched up his nose.
"No. There's no one else." He said.
"Is it because I don't want children?" she asked.
He shook his head.
"Then why? Just tell me." She said furiously, rounding on him.
He took a deep breath and turned to her. He still didn't look her in the eye.
"I realized that what we have will never work." He said softly.
"Yes, it can. Of course it can." She said desperately. "I'm not letting you do this. Let's go home and talk about this. We can fix whatever it is."
He shook his head. "You can't. I've changed the wards. It's over between us."
"You changed the…." She was gobsmacked. He really meant it.
"Look at me!" she demanded. "Look me in the eyes."
He tore his gaze from the ground and looked her square in the eyes.
"Tell me you don't love me." She said, heart racing. "Tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away and never bother you ever again."
Pain. Longing. Hope. Agony. They all flashed in his eyes. Those beautiful grey eyes.
"Tell me." She repeated.
He just shook his head and spoke in a detached voice.
"James will make sure you get home safely. Goodbye."
He turned and walked to the apparition point and vanished.
She stood frozen for a heartbeat then ran after him. She apparated to the stoop outside the flat and ran up the stairs. She shoved a key in the front door and tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge. She waved her wand and tried the spells and passwords that should work. They didn't.
Rage filled her chest. She pounded her fists on the door. He couldn't do this. She wouldn't let him.
"Sirius! SIRIUS!" she yelled. "Let me in!"
Tears ran down her cheeks as desolation filled her veins. A hand wrapped around her upper arm and she felt herself being gently pulled away from the door.
"Come on, Cals." James said softly. "I've got your things. We'll go to Fawcett."
She jerked her arm away from him and glared at him.
"Go talk to him." She said furiously. "He'll listen to you. Go talk to him, I know you can get in."
James just looked somewhere near her feet and didn't say a word.
"Go on!" she demanded. He just shook his head and she shoved past him, knocking into his shoulder.
"Fuck you." she spat. "Fuck the both of you."
She ran down the stairs, ignoring James calling her name, and disappeared as soon as she got to the stoop.
...
May 13, 1979
Calandra appeared at Remus's house a raging mess. She composed herself and knocked on the door. Remus opened the door and stared at her in surprise. He wore striped pajama bottoms and a robe that looked hastily thrown on, the sash not even tied properly.
"Come in." he stepped to the side and Calandra rushed through the door.
"Are you alright?" Remus asked closing the door and moving to where Calandra stood.
"No." she said in a huff. "I'm not. Not at all."
Remus didn't say anything. Calandra looked at him. His hair was messy, and his eyes were bloodshot. A long scar roped its way down his chest and disappeared under his robe. He looked exhausted, more so than usual. Her heart softened toward him until he opened his mouth.
"Did he dye your hair again? Catch him checking out another bird? What's got you all riled up?"
Her anger boiled up inside her again.
"You!" she pointed a finger at him. "I trusted you."
"Me?" he said in surprise. "What did I do?"
"You told me it would be ok. I asked you, years ago. I asked you. After he told me, I went straight to you. I asked you if he was telling the truth. Or if it was another joke."
"What?" Remus looked poleaxed.
"You told me it was real. You promised you'd never seen him that way. Promised that he wasn't just using me. That he wasn't going to hold any of it against me or try to hurt me like that."
"You lied!" she cried.
"No I didn't." Remus said.
"You did!" Calandra said. "You did, because he did!"
"What?" Remus repeated.
"I'm nothing but 'a bit of fun' to him."
"No, that's not…" Remus started. "He…he told you that?"
Calandra nodded.
Remus ran his hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck.
"Listen, Calandra. You should really talk to him about this. I don't think-"
"Well, I can't very well do that when he's warded the flat against me now can I? So, since I can't go yell at him, you'll have to do." She sneered.
"Death by association doesn't seem like your style." Remus quipped moving to sit on the sofa in the room.
"Hell hath no fury and all that rot." She retorted stomping to stand in front of him.
Remus looked up at her pensively.
"Did he really say that?" he asked quietly.
His question took the wind out of her sails. She slumped down onto the couch and stared at the floor. Her hands lay in her lap and she stared down at them, not really seeing them. A large lump stuck in her throat and her eyes felt hot with tears.
"Why?" she looked up at Remus. "I thought he…I thought I….I don't-"
Calandra buried her face in her hands and cried the tears she'd been holding back. Her hair fell in a curtain around her face and her shoulders shook. Remus shifted on the couch and laid a hand on her back.
"Why did it have to be him?" she said, raising her head. "Why didn't I just ignore him? Why? I should've never….always knew…."
She rubbed her nose.
"Why did I let myself love him? I knew this would happen." She said quietly.
"No, you didn't." Remus said.
"Yeah, I did. I told you. I'd end up with someone who doesn't love me, wishing I'd never spoken to him." She smiled ruefully.
"At least I'm not stuck in a box. At least I could run." She ran a finger along the sofa.
Remus cleared his throat.
"I'm going to go make you some tea." He said and got off the couch.
She watched him walk toward the kitchen and sighed. He came back with two mugs of tea and sat down beside her. She stirred her spoon around listlessly as they sat.
"I didn't lie, you know?" he said softly. "I truly thought he was gone for you."
Calandra shook her head and frowned. "I guess we didn't know him as well as we thought."
A sharp knock at the door startled Calandra. Remus set his mug down on the small table by the couch and crossed the room. As soon as he unlocked the door it burst open and James Potter stomped in the room. Calandra's eyes hardened at the intrusion.
"Moony!" James said brightly. "Thanks mate, where-"
He cut off as soon as he saw her sitting on the couch. She rose to her feet, fuming. The mug she was holding clattered to the floor, tea spilling everywhere.
"You told him?" she screamed. "Where do you get off, Remus? Where the hell do you get off, doing that?"
"Cal-" Remus tried to cut in.
"No!" Calandra yelled. "I came to you, because you're one of my best friends. You're the person I thought would understand. But as soon as you could, you went and told him?"
She flung a hand out towards James.
"Calli-" Remus repeated.
"No." Calandra laughed, shaking her head. "No. Goodbye boys. Give Sirius my best won't you."
With that she turned and disapparated on the spot, straight to Alice's house.
