A small disclaimer before you get to reading, this ff will have a lot of one-night (Probably) stands with different OP girls, as the MC goes around doing his stuff. As for a proper romance, or if the ff ends up being a harem or not, that will be decided later on by my Pⓐtreon members. -Obnoxious winking-


(I got a bit philosophical about how I think immortals would see life while I was writing this prologue. I may have cooked or not, but I don't know. Judge by yourself.

Also, I recommend you put some good melancholic or sad music for this chapter. At least I felt like it helped me get in the zone.
Personal recommendation: What could have been - from Arcane. Though, you can play whatever you want.

Well, that's all. Enjoy the chapter)

[Prologue: Conqueror of Death]

...

Many people say that they would like to be immortal.

Of course, there are many types of immortality. People who will continue on living forever but can still be killed regardless, people who won't die unless certain conditions are met, people who won't die no matter what, and people who will die of old age but who cannot be killed in any way possible during their time alive.

There were probably even more types of immortality, but most of the time when people say they want to become immortal they often mean the two later types.

Some simply don't want to die, while others don't want to die but also don't want to live forever.

But I have a question for all of those people... Would the price you would have to pay to obtain such a thing be worth it?

Personally, I would say no.

As for the reason... I would not wish this kind of pain even to my greatest enemy.

"I'm taking everyone down with me!"

-BOOOOM!-

-Sigh…-

How long have I been doing this…?

At this point, after everything I've gone through, I no longer know.

A year, two years, a decade, a century maybe?

Time is so confusing here, it's like I'm in an endless dream where time doesn't make sense.

But I guess that's something intended. Otherwise, what else would have been the purpose of the Third Trial?

Fortunately, I've grown accustomed to the feeling of being lost in time. Had I not, I would have lost my mind long ago.

"Put your gun down!"

-Bang, bang, bang!-

"It was a nerf gun…Well, whatever"

… But I wonder, how much longer do I have to continue doing this?

After the last trial, what meaning does this have at this point?

What is it that they want me to learn by experiencing this again?

"Hey, give me all your money!"

"Alright, calm down man, here you g—"

"DIEEEE!"

-Stab!-

"Crazy fucker"

How does this trial differentiate from the last one? It's the same fucking thing.

I already got it. No matter what I do, what I accomplish, after I'm dead everything means nothing.

Wasn't that the learning I was supposed to internalize by doing this the last time?

What else do you want me to learn from doing the same thing now?

What is different in this trial?

That I can die in multiple ways?

That death is at every corner, no matter how safe a place seems?

"Hey, what is that light in the sky?"

"Huh? Uh… It kinda looks like a meteo—"

-BOOOOM!-

What the fuck is it you want me to learn, crazy God?

"Father, there's something I must tell you"

"What is it, son? Come closer, tell me"

-Stab!-

"I'm sorry, but I need that inheritance. I have a huge debt to pay…"

"Huh… I guess I should have indeed told your mom to abort you when it was the time... Well, never mind, I gave the inheritance to the cat. Enjoy becoming homeless you little son of a gun"

"Faaaaatheeeer!"

-Sigh…-

I'm tired of all this.

I don't care about death anymore.

Just let me rest.

I… Just want to sleep.

… Forever.

Huh?

It stopped?

What did I do? Is it something I said?

What the fuck was the thing I had to learn?

I don't even know what I learned!

[Child…]

Oh, it's you.

Did I make it?

[No, you failed]

Oh.

Then I guess this is it for me.

Haha… I got so close.

[Indeed. You are the only mortal to have made it this far. I congratulate you]

Thanks… But does it matter? I'm dead already. What is the point of feeling good about having reached the last staircase, but not the end of the stair?

-Sigh…-

I feel tired.

Let me sleep.

[...]

All this Trial stuff has worn me down.

I have already seen enough to know what kind of person I am.

Even if I became immortal, what would I have accomplished?

And even if I accomplished something… Would it have mattered?

Probably not.

Nothing does in the end.

So, just… Send me off.

[... Do you not wish to know the purpose behind the last trial?]

I don't care.

It probably was just another nihilist bullshit.

Just let me rest.

[...]

Please.

[Very well]

-Bam!-

Oh, so death is pure darkness, huh?

Good, because I don't like sleeping with the lights on.

[...]

Why so silent all of a sudden? Are you disappointed I failed?

[No… It's just… It's always sad to see a promising soul fade away]

I guess so.

But it also is what it is.

[You've learned well]

And for nothing in the end.

[...]

So, when will this death stuff begin?

[Now. I was just having one last talk with you]

Much appreciated.

[... Alright, let your eternal rest begin]

Finally.

[Farewell… and good luck]

Hmm, thanks.

-Tzzzz…-

Huh.

So, this is what it feels like to die while being already dead, huh?

It feels funny, like I'm being shattered into a million pieces, and then dissipating into nothingness.

Would have Thanos felt like this when he got snapped away?

Hmph, it's kind of comical.

Both of us died just before accomplishing our goals.

Though, mine I got it more recently.

More specifically, after I died for the first time.

Who would have thought that I would receive the offer to become immortal after literally dying?

Though, it would have been better if I never accepted it.

I wouldn't have had to go through so much shit if I had been more cautious.

Some say that ignorance is bliss… And they are right.

I wish I would have simply died for good while being ignorant of the uncaringness of this cold universe.

I wish I would have died as a human.

As for how I died… It was just another death like any other.

A heart attack, and at a damn young age at that.

Would I say I felt angry at having died so young…? Not really.

Such a fact stopped mattering to me long ago… After I went through the so-called "Trials of Immortality" a lot of things stopped mattering actually.

Shit, why did I have to accept that offer?

Why did I think trying to become immortal was a good idea?

Why did I have to go through so much shit, only to gain nothing in the end?

-Sigh…-

It doesn't matter. I'm dying now.

That's all I want.

What I did, or what I chose doesn't matter anymore.

I already learned that, didn't I?

In the Second Trial, to be more specific.

Shitty trials.

They only got worse as they progressed.

What kind of psycho came up with them?

Probably someone with a lot of free time… An immortal, most likely.

Huh? What were the trials about, you ask?

I don't feel like telling you now that I'm in the process of dying… But whatever. I've got nothing else to do until I cease to exist for good... So, consider yourself lucky.

The first one was the trial of suffering.

I went through every single time I received pain. Be it emotional, or physical.

The death of people close to me, the times I fractured a bone or worse things, the times when I faced disappointment in everything around me, the times when my dogs died.

Even the time when I had my heart attack was included.

I went through all of those moments, relived them as if I was there all over again, and then continued doing so over and over until I grew numb to the pain they caused me.

There wasn't a learning in that Trial to internalize. Its goal was just to make me grow numb to any sort of pain.

And after it accomplished its goal, I passed to the next trial.

The Trial of Shame.

There, I was forced to see all the errors I committed during my life, and all the regrets I had when I was dying.

And, just like the previous trial, I got forced to relive those moments repeatedly until I also grew numb to them... Until I learned that neither of them mattered and that they were what they were, and they couldn't be changed.

Something simple to say, but hard to internalize truly into the human mind.

At that point, it wasn't wrong to say that I had become numb to most things in life. But the next trial proved that thought wrong once it arrived.

The Trial of Eternity.

It was rather simple when compared to the other ones.

I was forced to live in darkness and silence for a dizzyingly long amount of time.

The wait was at first painful. Being left with my thoughts and my thoughts only allowed for certain issues to resurface, and unknown feelings to appear.

Despite what I lived on the trial of shame, the wait and the need to keep my mind occupied eventually led me to ponder about the "what ifs".

It led me to reimagine my entire life all over again. To create even more regrets that may have not been there in the first place.

To see what I could have changed, and what I could have accomplished if I had taken another path at that time.

But that came to an end when enough time passed.

Eventually, I learned to accept the silence and simply let time flow, while also not caring anymore about any regrets I may have had.

Things were what they were, and even if I didn't like them, there was nothing I could do about them.

I came to accept the flow of things and let myself flow along it.

So, I waited.

And I waited.

And after an unknown amount of time, without even noticing, I advanced to the next, and penultimate trial.

The Trial of Illusion.

That one was the worst one of all.

It didn't only show me my death, but it showed me all the lives and deaths I could have possibly had.

It was like seeing and experiencing a multiverse of myself… but with the plus of seeing every single possibility that would have led me to my death in each timeline.

Every. Single. One.

Be it disturbing ones, absurd ones, common ones… I was forced to live and experience all of them in the flesh.

I witnessed the cycle of life and death at its finest.

And at some point, I understood it.

I saw my life as a millionaire, as a famous actor, as a renowned doctor, as a homeless guy, as a serial killer, as an activist, as a policeman, as a politician, as a professional athlete, as a physical culturist, as a president, as a hitman, as a soldier, as a teacher, as a firefighter, as a human trafficker, as a programmer, as a businessman, as a psychopath… I saw all of them.

And in the end, I understood that no matter what I did, what I accomplished, how my life turned out to be in the end… it all amounted to nothing when dying.

In neither of them was I satisfied. There was always a regret lingering somewhere in the depths of my mind.

No matter what I did, or what path I chose, I never managed to satisfy the desire of having a "meaningful" life.

And that was the answer.

The meaning that everyone always looks for during life and before death, was all but an illusion.

Like the saying I have been repeating over and over… It is what it is.

Life and death don't hold any special significance to them.

They just exist, and so do I.

I lived, and I died, that was all.

What I did or what I accomplished during my brief existence just happened.

They held no real importance, meaning, or purpose.

There was no one to judge my crimes, nor anyone to praise my achievements in the afterlife. No one to mourn me, and no one to hate me.

All my desires and fears were meaningless.

Everything was meaningless.

And once I understood that… I was sent to the final trial.

The one I just failed.

It was called the Trial of the Unknown.

And to be fucking honest, the name fits perfectly.

As you may already know if you were paying attention to my tantrum earlier, the trial was completely identical to the Trial of illusion.

Nothing changed.

I continued to experience all my possible lives and deaths, over and over again.

And as for the meaning or moral that I was supposed to learn…?

It was probably just another nihilist shit that forced me to understand that nothing mattered in the end.

I have no proof but no doubts.

And at this point, I don't care anymore.

-Tzzzzzz…-

I'm about to die.

I can finally leave this meaningless reality, which exists just because it does.

I can finally stop being what I am, and be what I was.

Tsk, I sound so stupid.

Though, now that I think about it… it's not like I lived a life so different from all this nihilist shit, right?

I only lived because yes.

I only worked hard because yes.

I only studied because yes.

My goal was just to continue existing because yes.

… There were good moments in my life, but honestly, now that I'm dead, I can say it was a life without purpose.

A life without meaning.

A meaning that, honestly, I thought at some point would arrive.

A meaning that would grant me something to strive for until my death, and that would give me peace of mind once my final breath arrived.

A meaning that now I know, didn't actually exist, and would never exist.

Not for me, and neither for anyone else.

We all lived to die and for nothing else.

It may be a sad ending, but it was the ending nevertheless.

And nothing could change such an ending...

…No matter how much we living beings tried.

And now that I was finally going to die… I could finally accept it.

After all, now that my end was around the corner, I could finally escape from this horrible story that is called life.

I was finally free.

… Huh…

But I can't help but wonder… what would have happened if I had been the one to decide that meaning?

Does it really matter that there isn't a real meaning?

Things are what they are, and nothing else. That I've learned through the trials.

However, that doesn't mean that things can't be what I want them to be, even if it is only on my mind.

Who says I can't give life a meaning on my own?

-Tzzzz…-

Things can have a meaning, at least for me.

Who cares about what the universe, or whatever life and death are part of, thinks?

Let it continue being meaningless. I don't care.

-Badump-

As for me, I'm going to do my own thing.

-Badump-

I lived such a shitty and useless life, didn't I?

-Badump-

It had its good points here and there, but it could have been better.

-Badump-

I could have been better.

-Badump!-

I could have accomplished so much.

-Badump!-

I could have tried a lot of experiences.

-Badump!-

I could have enjoyed so many things.

-Badump!-

I could have known so many people.

-Badump!-

And yet, I died young.

-Badump!-

Such a brief existence and I wasted it.

-Badump!-

So many regrets I could have fixed if I had more time.

-Badump!-

Time…

-Badump!-

If only I had more time…

-Badump!-

Pain, regret, time, life and death… I want to experience all of them again.

-Badump!-

I don't care if I have already seen every single possibility.

-Badump!-

I want to suffer again.

-Badump!-

I want to enjoy again.

-Badump!-

I want to live again.

-Badump!-

And…

-Badump!-

Give my life, a meaning of my own.

-Badump!-

[Congratulations, you conquered Death]

Wut?

|An unknown amount of time later, in a different place…|

"Oi, are you dead?"

-Thud!-

"Oi, answer me"

-Thud!-

"Worthless slave, I only pushed you a little bit, and you are already dead? I wasted my money on you!"

-Thud!-

"Ack-!"

"Huh? You are alive?"

"Cough, cough…!"

"What, I thought you were dead… Well, it doesn't matter. Come on slave, continue carrying me. We are still midway to the house"

"Wh–who are you, where am I?!"

"Are you stupid?"

"I was dead… How come I am alive again? And who the fuck are you?!"

"Shit, I bought a defective product… And father won't buy me another slave until next month... Fuck!"

-Thud!-

"Argh!"

"Useless trash… Hey, slave number two, carry me instead"

"..."

"Good, good, oh, and slave number three. Carry him to the house… And don't forget to teach him properly his responsibilities as my possession when we arrive"

"... Urgh… Fuck…"

"He became stupid all of a sudden. I would usually kill him because of it, but since I won't get another slave until the next month, I will hold back a bit this time"

"Cough, cough!"

"Now, let us resume our stroll"

"Huff... Huff… What the fuck is happening?"

"And shut him up. I don't want his squealing to hurt my precious ears. I have already been lenient enough to forgive his insolence of almost dropping me—a Tenryuubito, who is like a God compared to you lowlives— while in the duty of charging me"

"Ten–ryuubito you said…?!"

"Hurry up!"

"Hey, sorry about this…" (Whisper)

"What?"

-Thud!-

-To be continued-