THIRTY-SIX

Cissnei looked uncertainly at Yuffie as she stood expectantly in the doorway. "I'm fine with you coming in, if the others are. We… we were kind of talking about some sensitive things…"

"Oh, fill me in!" Yuffie grinned, rubbing her hands together.

"Is it alright?" Cissnei asked, glancing at us.

Aerith and Tifa both nodded, and so did I. "Yeah. But, Yuffie, what you hear tonight has to stay between us, understand? Nobody else can know. Especially Cloud. Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course! On my word as a ninja!" she promised. Then she made a zipping motion across her mouth. "My lips are sealed, guys. And may Leviathan drown me if I ever go blabbing."

"Works for me!" I smirked, giving her a thumbs up.

Aerith and Tifa agreed, and Yuffie bounced inside. "So, I heard you guys were having a sleepover! Sounds like fun!"

Cissnei nodded as she closed the front door. "Yeah, something like that. Sorry I didn't invite you earlier, but you weren't there at the time, and I wasn't sure if it would be okay with the others."

"You're forgiven," Yuffie laughed. "Thanks for letting me join in on the fun. Cissnei, wasn't it? That's what Cloud said."

"Yes, and you're welcome," Cissnei said.

Yuffie put her pack down near the door, plopped onto the carpeted floor by the end of the sofa, sat down with her legs crossed, and looked expectantly up at us, her almond eyes wide and eager. Like always, she was a bundle of energy, but her arrival had also seemed to take some of the heaviness from the air and our mood. I didn't think she'd be able to contribute very much to our understanding of what was going on with Cloud, but even so, I was glad she was with us.

"So, whatcha talkin' about?" Yuffie asked, grinning widely.

Aerith smiled. "My old boyfriend, really."

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Ick. Grownup stuff! I should've known. But I'm all ears, everyone, so let's hear it!"

"Well, for starters, his name's Zack," Aerith began.

From there, we took turns getting Yuffie more or less caught up on everything we'd already talked about, and she was just as surprised and amused that we'd all known him as we were. She stretched out to lay on her left side with her head propped up on one closed hand as both our discussion and the night went on. The rest of us had all made ourselves comfortable as well, and eventually, we got back to what I'd been about to tell everyone before Yuffie had arrived.

Tifa looked curiously at me. "So what were you going to say earlier, Jessie? Before you got interrupted, that is."

"Oh, right," I nodded. "It's about Cloud's sword. Buster."

"What about it?" Yuffie wondered.

I went on. "I think Zack used to have it. I only saw part of it when I met him that day, but I'm sure it's the same sword."

"It is," Aerith murmured.

"You recognized it, too?" I blinked. Then I understood. "Of course you did. You spent a lot of time with him."

She smiled. "Yeah. I'd know that sword anywhere."

"I remember it, too," Tifa added. "He had it in Nibelheim. But why would Cloud have it now? How did he get it?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, Tifa. The night after we first met, I asked him how he came up with the name Buster—we'd made our first trip across the slums together for my old job that day—and he told me he couldn't remember. I hadn't thought much of it at the time, but now I'm not so sure. Something's wrong with him."

"He has seemed a bit off," Yuffie agreed. "Dunno what it's all about, though. The way he just flips out now and then…"

"I'm worried about him," I sighed.

Aerith took my shoulder. "We'll figure it out, Jessie. Whatever it is. That goes for you, too. We know Sephiroth's got something in mind for you as well. Him and Jenova. But we'll stop them."

Tifa nodded. "We won't let them win."

"Nobody messes with my friends," Yuffie winked.

"Thanks, guys," I smiled.

Aerith gave my shoulder a light squeeze. "Anytime. And you know, I recognized Cloud's sword the night we met, but I never said anything about it until now. I just wasn't sure what it meant or why he had it. So I decided to just watch and wait for a while."

"That was probably for the best," Tifa agreed.

"I think so, too," Aerith replied. "But that's not all. I've also noticed other things about Cloud as well. Some of the things he says and does, they're just like Zack. I don't know what it means."

Cissnei frowned. "I thought he seemed a little familiar. But I didn't know why until now. It wasn't the way he looked, but how he acted. At times, he wasn't so different from the way Zack used be. Cloud doesn't seem to realize it, though. He didn't recognize Zack's name earlier, but I know that he… well, nevermind. It's nothing."

"You know that he what?" I wondered.

She shook her head. "I'd rather not talk about it right now. Ask me later, Jessie, okay? But anyway, that was definitely Zack's sword. Wasn't his first, though. Zack used a standard-issue broadsword when he was still Second Class. He didn't get Buster until later, not until after he was promoted. His mentor, Angeal, gave it to him. They were good friends and fought together during the war with Wutai."

Yuffie suddenly sat up. "Huh!? Wait a minute… it can't be… can it? Hey, uh, what'd Zack look like? Spiky black hair, bright blue eyes, kinda tall? Bit of a wise guy, always joking around?"

Aerith and I gaped at her, our jaws dropping. "You too!?"

"All five of us!?" Tifa laughed.

"Wow!" Cissnei chuckled. "Zack really got around, didn't he? What are the odds we'd all find each other like this?"

I smirked. "He sure did!"

"How'd you meet him, Yuffie?" Aerith asked.

"It was near the end of the war," she said, giggling. "I was only nine at the time. Gave him all kinds of hell, though. But he kept up with me pretty well. Tried to steal some treasure from him, you see. I'd give him a lead and let him do all the work, then I'd pop in once he was all done and try to swipe it. He didn't fall for it, though."

Tifa grinned. "That's definitely you."

"I thought Cloud's sword looked familiar, but I just couldn't figure out where I'd seen it before," Yuffie went on. "Well, now I know. But it's still weird that he has it. What happened to Zack? He wasn't such a bad guy, really. I hope he's okay. And when we find him, I'm gonna kick his ass for making you worry so much, Aerith."

"Thanks, Yuffie," she smiled.

Cissnei looked away for a second, so fast I almost didn't see it, but I did, and I didn't miss the unease in her eyes. The others didn't catch it, but I'd learned how to read people through my experience as an actress and knew what to look for. She was hiding something, whatever it was that she hadn't wanted to talk about earlier. But she'd also invited me to ask her about it later. In private. And I intended to. She still hadn't told me about her first meeting with Cloud, either. I hadn't forgotten about that. And I was going to get some answers.

The five of us talked for a while longer, but we didn't really get any closer to finding answers about Cloud, his sometimes strange behavior, and his connection to Zack. Aerith and Cissnei were the quietest, and I couldn't help wondering how much they knew or suspected but weren't telling us. I had a hunch it was quite a bit. But I couldn't be angry with them, not really. I had my own secrets, after all.

As good as I'd felt since dealing with some of my personal demons in Corel, I hadn't forgotten for a moment the nightmarish vision of the future that I'd seen in my dream at Fort Condor. Parts of it still haunted my sleep, visions of watching myself stab Aerith with the knife Edwyn had given me. Her body falling in the water. Blood everywhere. Jenova laughing coldly in my mind. Cloud didn't know—at least, I don't think he did—but I could tell he was worried about me.

After about an hour or so, Aerith excused herself and went outside to get some fresh air. Yuffie yawned, unrolled her sleeping bag near the fireplace and fell asleep. After watching her for a minute, Tifa followed Aerith outside, no doubt seeing as well as I did how troubled she was. I knew Tifa would take care of it, though, so I put it out of my mind and glanced meaningfully at Cissnei instead.

"Want something to drink?" she asked. "Sorry to make you wait so long for answers. I know it hasn't been easy."

I nodded. "It's okay. And yeah, a drink sounds good."

So we went into the kitchen, took two bottles of cold soda from the fridge, and sat down opposite each other at the nearby table. Now that were finally alone, I was eager to hear what she hadn't wanted to say in front of the others. Also a bit apprehensive.

"So, you said Cloud was really out of it the last time you saw him," I reminded her. "And that a friend was with him. That was Zack, wasn't it? They did know each other… and he's forgotten."

Cissnei sipped her drink. "Yeah. They were close, best friends. I'm afraid I didn't know Cloud very well—I'd never seen very much of him before then. But I recognized him that day."

It was as I'd thought. "You know that trooper I ran into before Zack left for Nibelheim? It was Cloud. I'm sure of it."

"Why didn't you tell the others?" Cissnei wondered.

"I don't have any solid evidence it was him," I sighed. "And I'm not sure how it might change things if I did. He doesn't remember, you see. He had his helmet on the whole time. Plus there's his mental issues. So I didn't even know it was him for ages, not until recently."

She smiled. "It is kinda cute, though. That the two of you met back then and found each other again years later without even knowing who either of you were. I hope he figures it out someday."

"Thanks, Cissnei," I replied. "I know he will. I love him."

Cissnei nodded. "I can tell. As for why he was out of it when I saw him, I think it was mako poisoning. I'm not sure how he got it, but that was what it looked like to me. I don't think he even knew who or where he was. But we were here, just outside Gongaga."

I thought I understood. "Hmm… I've heard stories about how bad mako poisoning can get—a friend of mine's mom died from it, and she herself has pretty bad mako sensitivity that makes her sick if she's near the fumes for too long—so that could explain why Cloud's been having a hard time remembering certain things. But…"

"But what?" Cissnei asked.

"The attacks he's been having," I went on. "It can't be just the mako poisoning. Something else is going on. I've… had a few myself as well. So it's gotta be more than just the mako. And some of what Cloud does remember, mainly about Nibelheim, doesn't really match up with what Tifa and I know. He was just a trooper back then."

She gazed intently at me. "Something happened in Nibelheim. And more than what Shinra's made public. I wish I knew more. But Jessie… when I saw him and Zack here before, he was wearing almost the same outfit as he did today. The shoulders are a bit different, and maybe one or two other things. But other than that, it's the same."

"Zack must've put it on him," I mused.

"That's what I think, too," Cissnei agreed. Then she sighed sadly as she grasped her drink with unsteady hands. "There's… one other thing you should know. Zack and Cloud were on the run that day. And I was supposed to stop them. But I let them go. Zack was a good friend, and I couldn't bring myself to turn against him."

I reached out and put my hand over hers. "You did the right thing, Cissnei. I would've let him go, too. But why were they on the run? Had to be from Shinra. What were they after, though?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. Zack had been on the road with Cloud for a while by the time I saw him. I think they were trying to get to Midgar. They almost made it, too…"

"What happened?" I asked, still holding onto her.

"Shinra sent an entire battalion of troops after them," Cissnei said. "Tseng and I tried to get to them first, to save them, but… we didn't get there in time. I heard that… Zack was gunned down… just a few miles from Midgar. Within sight of it, there in the badlands."

I'd suspected he was dead, but still, it hurt to hear it. "No… he was so close to the finish line. He was supposed to come home to Aerith… damn Shinra bastards! He deserved better than that."

Cissnei wiped a tear from her eye. "He did. Anyway, not long after that, I quit the Turks and came here. I knew it was his hometown. And I felt responsible for what happened. So I've been watching over it and Zack's parents ever since. Atonement, I guess."

"You did all you could," I assured her. "It's not your fault."

She smiled sadly. "Thanks, Jessie."

I nodded, my own heart aching at hearing about Zack's death even though I'd barely gotten to know him. Then I thought of Kunsel, who'd been a good friend of his and who still believed he was alive. How was I supposed to tell him? Though I knew it would be better coming from me, someone very close to him, than anyone else.

There was another thing that bothered me. Hearing that Tseng had tried to save Zack made it hard for me to know what to feel about him. On one hand, he'd played a part in my mom's death, the train explosion about four years ago that had nearly killed me as well. And yet, I knew he regretted it. And from what Cissnei had said, he'd tried to rescue not only Zack, but Cloud as well, who'd no doubt been with him. I couldn't hate him, not anymore, but I wasn't sure how I felt, either. I decided I'd talk to him if I could and at least hear him out.

"Hold on…" I said as something suddenly occurred to me. "Where was Cloud? Shinra obviously never found him."

Cissnei blinked. "I don't know. I'd thought he died with Zack."

I nodded. "That's why you were so surprised to see him earlier. I'm guessing Zack must've hid him somewhere. When did this happen, by the way? You said you haven't been here that long."

"About four months ago," she replied.

"Right about the time Cloud came to Midgar," I breathed, my mind starting to put the pieces together. "Tifa told me she ran into him at the train station in Sector 7 while she was out for a walk. He must've found Zack after the battle, took his sword, and then gone the rest of the way to Midgar alone. He was stable when I met him that night, so whatever fog had been in his mind had to have cleared up by then. At least, most of it. But he's still got some memory problems."

Cissnei frowned. "That makes sense. But what caused them? Gotta be more than just the mako poisoning. Aerith mentioned that she saw some of Zack in how Cloud acted. I haven't seen much of him, but I've noticed it a little, too. Does he… think he's Zack?"

"Maybe," I said. "I doubt he realizes it, though. But I'm not so sure that's all of it. I need to think about all this, go over it in my mind for a while. Something else is going on here, Cissnei."

"For sure," she agreed.

I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Thanks for telling me all this. It hasn't been easy, but I'm glad I know. Makes it a bit easier for me to try and help him. He means a lot to me, Cissnei."

"I can tell," she smiled. "And you're welcome, Jessie."

"You gonna be okay?" I asked.

Cissnei sighed uneasily. "I think so. It's just, I've never been able to break the news about Zack to his parents. I haven't had the heart to do it, and I don't actually know for sure that he's dead. It's all in the official reports, but I never saw him go down. He might still be out there. And if there's even a chance he's alive, I don't want to snuff out the hope his parents have of seeing him again. I couldn't do that."

I didn't blame her. "Neither could I. And I hope you're right. If you did say something, that would also lead to questions about you that I'm guessing you'd probably rather not answer."

"Exactly," she agreed. "Like I said, they've been good to me. I don't want to hurt them or lose their friendship. It's hard, though. Seeing the ache in their eyes, how much they miss Zack, and knowing what I do. I can't bear it sometimes. But it felt good to finally have someone I could talk about all this with. Thank you, Jessie."

"Anytime," I assured her. "You know, I… didn't trust you at first. A bit defensive about Cloud, I guess. And wary because you were a Turk. But I was wrong. You're a good person, Cissnei. I'm glad I got to know you. And make a new friend while I was at it."

She grinned. "Likewise. Well, it's pretty late. Ready to turn in?"

"Sure am," I yawned. "Thanks for the drink."

"No problem," Cissnei chuckled, standing up. "I'll show you where you can lay down. I've got an air mattress you can use. The others have probably unfolded the sofa bed by now."

I joined her, more than ready to crash now as we left the kitchen. It was well past midnight, and I knew we'd be getting an early start in the morning for our little eavesdropping mission on Scarlet. I was eager to find out what she was up to and put a stop to it if I could, but what was in my mind the most was all that I'd learned from Cissnei about Cloud. I worried about him and swore I'd get to the bottom of this mystery no matter what it took. I had to, for both of us.


"You okay?" I asked.

Aerith gave a little gasp of surprise and quickly slipped something back into the front pocket of her red jacket. I caught a brief glimpse of something small, metal, and gold in her right hand before she tucked it out of sight as she sat on the wide porch swing near the front door, her eyes gazing across town at the night sky above the rooftops. A few stars glittered here and there like precious gemstones, but the moon was just a sliver, a faint crescent waning in the dark.

"I-I'm alright," Aerith said, startled but not looking away.

I sat down next to her on the swing. "You sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Just… being here hasn't been easy for me, Tifa. Finding out about Zack, meeting his parents… it just brings it all back, like he just left yesterday. I told Cloud I didn't mind that I hadn't heard from Zack, but… that wasn't entirely true."

"Oh?" I asked.

"I still miss him, even if… I did let him go," she admitted.

I took her hand and smiled. "He might still come back, Aerith. He could still be out there somewhere. Don't give up."

Aerith sighed. "No… he's not."

"How can you know that?" I wondered.

"This stays between us, Tifa, okay?" she said, looking at me now. "I don't want the others to know. They all worry about me enough as it is, especially Cloud. And I'm not going to add to that."

I nodded. "Sure. Go ahead."

"You see… I felt him return to the planet a few months ago, before this all started. It hurt, but… I wasn't surprised. I've always known he'd never return. He never has, not in all the times this journey of ours has happened before. At least, as far as I know."

"Aerith… you understood… what's really going on, even before we met you?" I breathed. "You knew about it?"

She shook her head. "Not very much, really. It's like hearing a faint whisper in another room. You're aware of it, but you can't quite make it out or tell what's being said. I'm learning more as I go. The planet's a lot more than it seems, Tifa. It's a living, breathing thing that goes beyond what our senses tell us. I can feel it, though. Intuition, you might say. It shows me things… about us, our journey…"

I gazed intently at her, fascinated. "What things?"

"More than I can put into words…" Aerith replied. "But I've always had the sense that Zack never returned. When I felt him… leave us… I knew for sure. But I'd accepted it a long time ago."

"I'm sorry…" I murmured, my own heart aching.

She smiled sadly. "Thank you…"

"But look at Jessie," I said. "She always died before. Until now. She's alive and well this time, so maybe Zack is, too."

Aerith looked away again. "Not all fates can be changed…"

I laid hand on her shoulder. "Aerith?"

"What happens when… you feel your life's on a rail, with no way to change it, and then… something unexpected happens? Something that makes you wonder… what might've been. A glimpse of another life… a look at what you could've had, could've been, if only…"

"Talk to me," I said softly. "What's wrong?"

Her voice was just as quiet. "I never even saw it coming…"

"What do you mean?" I wondered.

When she looked at me again, Aerith pulled out the object she had put in her pocket earlier and showed it to me. It was a brooch, rounded and made of gold, inlaid with the emblem of a condor. It shimmered in the glow of the porch lights as it rested in her palm.

"It's beautiful," I breathed.

"Edwyn gave it to me," Aerith smiled.

I blinked in surprise. "The commander at Fort Condor?"

"Yeah," she said, and I was amused to see she was actually blushing a little. "During that week we all spent there, he and I, well… we got to know each other. After you and the others left the party that first night, we talked for a while. And we just… hit it off."

"Really?" I grinned.

She went on. "Yeah. I actually got him to dance with me, if you can believe it. But what I didn't expect was that… I'd like him so much. He liked me a lot, too. I… hadn't felt that way in a long time. Scared me at first, but… it also excited me. So I… let him in."

I stared at her. "You mean…?"

"Um, let's just say that you and Jessie weren't the only ones who got some that night," Aerith admitted, her cheeks red.

My jaw dropped. "Wow… way to go!"

She gazed tenderly at the brooch. "Thanks, Tifa. He was wonderful and sweet. I wouldn't have gone that far yet, but…"

"But what?" I asked.

"It's nothing," she insisted, shaking her head. "Anyway, we talked a lot, too. Did you know he's a single father? Two young kids, a boy and a girl. They're with his sister in Darnath, that town on the southern edge of the badlands where all the families were evacuated to. Edwyn hasn't seen them in months because of the siege."

I sighed. "That's gotta be hard on him. What about their mom?"

Aerith looked sadly at me. "She died a few years ago. He didn't say much, only that she was sick for a long time. I'm the first woman since then that he… that he's had feelings for."

"I had no idea…" I murmured. "He never said much about himself. To any of us, really. Not that I saw much of him."

She nodded. "Edwyn's a quiet man. Not one to say a whole lot most of the time. But he does remind me of Zack in some ways. He has that same selflessness and generosity, that same courage and desire to do all he can to protect everyone. I guess that's what attracted me to him. We spent a lot of time together during that week."

I couldn't blame her. I'd tried to get as much time alone with Biggs as I could while I'd been there. "I'm happy for you, Aerith. And I guess now I know where you kept running off to."

"Yeah," she said softly. "He and I kept it quiet to avoid creating any complications. He's in charge at the fort, you know. And we didn't want rumors to start spreading around about us. With me having to leave, it might've created the wrong impression about our… friendship, making thing harder for him. We didn't want that."

"I think I understand," I nodded. "Did anyone know?"

Aerith chuckled. "Yuffie. Caught me sneaking back to our quarters on the morning after. She's kept it quiet, though. And Lena, she saw me and Edwyn kissing one afternoon a few days later."

"Well, thanks for letting me in on your little secret," I smiled.

She nodded. "You're welcome, Tifa."

I went on. "So… after our journey's over, do you think you'll spend more time with him, see where things go?"

"I think… I'd like that…" Aerith murmured. "But I…"

She looked away again, and I was startled to see that her eyes were wet. A tear slid down one cheek, and at first I didn't understand. Then I remembered what she'd asked me about someone's life being on rails, unable to change. Had she been talking about hers? And Edwyn… was he the unexpected thing that had happened?

I gave her a gentle nudge. "Aerith?"

"I haven't known him very long, but… I like him, Tifa," she sighed. "Probably more than I should. And I believe he and I could really have something together. If only we had more time…"

"You will when we go back to Fort Condor," I promised.

Aerith closed her eyes. "I… I hope so…"

"You know something," I said, seeing her falter and sure that I was right. "Tell me what it is. Maybe I can help."

She shook her head and wept. "I can't… I just can't…"

As Aerith leaned against me, I wrapped her in my arms. "I'm here, Aerith. What's wrong? You're not alone."

"No, Tifa…" she sniffled. "Not this time. Some things I can't share. But… there is something else. Until we came here, I was fine with how I feel about Edwyn. But… after meeting Zack's parents, I… I wonder if I was wrong to… to get involved with him."

I didn't see how. "You said yourself you knew Zack was dead. You'd made your peace with it long ago. No one could expect you to be alone for the rest of your life. You deserve to be happy."

Aerith wiped her eyes. "I know, but… I feel guilty… like I betrayed his memory. He only died recently, and I…"

"You didn't do anything wrong," I insisted.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

I nodded. "Positive. You didn't meet Edwyn until well after you felt Zack die. You've always been faithful, Aerith. And I'm sure he knows it. I remember how nice a guy he was, how brave and kind, and he'd want you to be happy. So be happy, Aerith. For him."

"Far be it from me to argue with my best friend," Aerith giggled as she dried her face. "Thanks so much, Tifa."

"Anytime," I smiled.

We sat together for a while on the porch swing, gazing at the night sky above the rooftops and the trees of the surrounding jungle. It was a warm, balmy evening, and our part of town was quiet aside from a soft breeze that whispered quietly through the leaves.

Eventually, we went back into the house. The others were all asleep already, Yuffie snuggled up in her sleeping bag. Jessie was laying on an air mattress nearby, and Cissnei was in her bedroom. That left the pull out sofa for me and Aerith to share. It didn't take us long to get it ready, and soon we were warm and comfortable under the blankets. But still, it was a while before I finally fell asleep. My mind kept going over both what Aerith had told me… and what she hadn't.