Chapter 4

Present day

"Astrid breathe!" Heather uttered as she watched the blond pace in her small living room area. Damian was oblivious to his mom's nervousness as the toddler was occupied with watching reruns of Rugrats on the TV.

"How can I breathe?! I mean… what even possessed me to say yes to this date?!" Astrid muttered.

"Maybe because he's hot and you need to get laid?" The other woman commented. "Well you said he was hot but we both know taste varies."

"Yeah, but what if it's the same song and dance?" Astrid questioned. "The moment guys find out I have a kid…"

"If he blows you off then he's an ass," Heather stated. "However, you can't stereotype every guy only because of a few bad dates. Sure, some guys are dicks about it. Some guys don't mind. When you're fishing you'll never know what you'll get."

"You're not helping," she retorted.

"All I'm saying is perhaps he's an orca in a sea of seals," Heather remarked.

"Seals are cute. My dates were not." Astrid deadpanned "And now you're bringing in a killer whale?!"

"So I might have to work on my analogies," the brunette stated with her hands on her hips. "Go on this date, get some action, and see where it goes. If your date's an ass just kick him in the balls."

"I don't want to be arrested again!"

"Why? That's how you and I met…"

"Heather seriously. You should not be condoning assault since you're a cop!"

"Goooooooo!" Heather uttered while shoving Astrid out of her apartment. "Damian will be fine, we have dinner, you look fabulous and very…."

"Don't you dare!" Astrid cut her off with a roll of her eyes.

When she got in the elevator she could see her distorted reflection in the metal walls. She'd found one of her fancier dresses in the back of the closet. It was a coral blue maxi mini dress with short sleeves. Heather had been a peach to lend her a set of black heels which she claimed she never actually used since she was more of a tomboy. They had been bought by her brother and had sat in the back of her closet for ages. Astrid combined those with a black clutch purse and a sterling silver necklace with a blue pendant.

Both she and Hiccup had agreed to drive to the location themselves for the first date and when Astrid pulled up to the posh restaurant named Mangia Tutto she felt a bit ashamed at her beat-up-looking car. The restaurant was in the good part of town and the streets were lined with fancy cars. It sort of made her feel small. The valet's assessing stare at her vehicle did nothing to assuage her feelings as she handed him the keys and got her parking ticket.

She took in the ambiance as she walked into the restaurant. The building had high vaulted ceilings and the lighting was low to enhance the romantic mood. There were tables on the ground floor and a VIP section on the second floor that seemed to wrap around the inner wall in a sort of U-shape. A crystal chandelier hung over the open space, sparkling in the low lighting. The tables all had cream-colored tablecloths with a candle centerpiece. Astrid looked at the people seated but she could not spot Hiccup at any of them. He had texted her earlier that he had already arrived and had been seated.

"Can I help you ma'am?" The hostess asked as she had finished with the client that came before Astrid.

"Ah yes… I'm supposed to meet my date here. He said the reservation was under the name Hiccup?" she asked more than stated.

"Oh yes, Mister Hiccup's guest!" The hostess perked up. "Please follow me."

She had expected to be led to one of the tables on the ground floor but her brows shot up when the hostess beckoned her up the stairway towards the VIP section. She was led to a booth in the back where Hiccup sat with his back to the corner. Upon spotting Astrid he got up, nearly tripping, and greeted her warmly.

"Astrid, you came!" Hiccup had said excitingly as both retook a seat with the hostess, telling them that their menus would be brought shortly.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" She questioned, not uttering a word about the fact that she'd also been second-guessing herself.

"Well… uhm… to be honest…" Hiccup nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I've had dates cancel on me a couple of times. Mostly for… different reasons… but still."

"I didn't take you for someone that got canceled on Mr. Tall-Suave-and-Handsome," She said which caused a blush to appear on Hiccup's cheeks.

"Believe it or not, I'm usually not that forward." He confessed. "One of my frie-..."

"Signore Haddock!" Someone interrupted. "So great to see you here again!" The boisterous man approached their table with menus in hand.

"Nice to see you again Giovanni," Hiccup greeted with an odd chuckle.

"And this must be your date, che Bella Donna," The man exclaimed while handing them their menus. Astrid blushed. She might not know Italian but the meaning was clear.

"Signora, you will love Signore Haddock. He's as sweet as our famous tiramisu," The man uttered before leaving the duo alone so that they could decide on their dishes. All the while Hiccup was blushing while Astrid couldn't keep it bottled up anymore and started laughing.

"So you come here often?" She joked in between giggles.

Four years ago

Lightning illuminated the night sky in Havenholme as a torrent covered the small town. Everyone was safe at home, well almost everyone. A lone figure sat huddled on a bench at the deserted bus station dressed in a dark blue hoodie. A small suitcase sat beside the figure as they waited for the Greyhound bus to arrive.

The hood was up but a messy braid of blond hair could be seen peaking out from under it. In her hand was a crumbled tear-stained letter that she had read too many times over the week.

An insane-sounding laugh left her lips as the rain kept crashing down around her. Has it really been a week? A week since the almost wedding, a week of her parents waiting to see if Thuggary was playing a cruel joke, a week of her sister's taunting… it felt more like years. Astrid was tired. She was tired of fighting with Alex over every perceived slight. She was tired of walking on eggshells around her parents. Her father didn't look her in the eyes, and her mother only shot her dirty looks.

Astrid knew why too. Her mother's judgemental church friends were stoking the fire. Gossip went through this small town like wildfire and of course, her failed shotgun wedding was the hottest topic around. She'd even heard the freshmen from her former high school joke that she was super easy as she passed them in the supermarket. Whispers were everywhere, and old ladies were pointing and calling her a disappointment to her family. Young children were told to steer.

One day Astrid had gone into her yard and yelled in frustration at the sky. Yeah, she fucked up but she was at least owning up to it, unlike her douche of an ex-boyfriend. He'd fled town the day of the wedding with only letters left for both her and his parents.

Dear Astrid,

If you're getting this letter I will long since have left town. I know it's supposed to be our wedding day, and I know that I told you I loved you but I was simply deluding myself and you. I simply can't continue this farce anymore.

There was more to our relationship that you did not know about. For years I had been in denial and when I realized the truth about myself I was already in way too deep. To put it bluntly, I tricked myself into believing I loved you. I'm gay. There I said it.

Do you remember Austin's party? The one where I asked you out. You were so over the moon and said yes while my insides were churning with disgust. I'll be frank. I only asked you out on a bet.

I was sloshed and the guys were making fun of me for never having a girlfriend. As I leaned against that wall and admired Austin's perfect features, 'cause let's face it. He was one hot jock and I know you would agree. At that point in my life, I hadn't come to terms with being gay yet. I went with the peer pressure and as they pointed you out in the crowd they bet that I couldn't score you this semester. Of course, I caved and accepted the bet. I never thought it would turn out like this. We were careful.

But when I spent my nights with you I came to realize that women weren't what I wanted. While we were dating I had secretly installed Grindr on my phone and was meeting up with guys behind your back. Yes, I cheated and I'm sorry but I needed to find myself.

I soon hooked up with this older guy the next town over and we hit it off real well. He doesn't know about you and I pray he never will. I'm sorry that I can't get married to you Astrid. I'm sorry that you and my parents have to find out like this but I have finally made up my mind and decided to live my life the way I want and not by my parents' expectations.

I'll be cutting all ties to this town and moving away. Please don't expect me to be in your child's life. To be honest, I never wanted children. The dread set into me when I realized that you couldn't abort that thing.

I'm sure you'll be a great mother. Just be sure to do it without me.

-Thuggory Jimson

She crumbled the letter again and stuffed it into her backpack that she'd placed on the other side of her. Distant headlights shone through the torrent as the large bus came closer. Astrid grabbed her backpack and her small suitcase as she stood up, waiting for the shriek of the brakes. Not once did she look back at Havenholme as she boarded that bus.