Chapter 16 – So Utterly Right

Edward and I finish the fence at dawn. I knock the last rail into place and then survey the field, now enclosed by a sturdy fence, with satisfaction. "That should do the job pretty well."

"If it doesn't we can always look into some of that new electrical fencing they're developing," Edward says. "I read about it in a magazine – Rosalie would probably be able to figure out how it works."

"I think gadgets and machinery would be the only way we'd get Rosalie to be involved in this farming enterprise," I say. "She was certainly scathing about helping out with the dirty work!"

"She does have a lot of mechanical aptitude. I've actually been thinking about buying her a car to work on. Maybe something older, in need of restoration? Or something newer that she can play around with and test out her theories for boosting power?" Edward grins. "Carlisle was less than enthusiastic when she suggested doing some further alterations to the Cadillac."

I laugh too, knowing how quick Carlisle usually is to bend over backwards to give Rosalie anything she even hints at wanting. "Sounds like something she'd be really excited for."

"You could come in on it with me," Edward offers. "Help me find something?"

"Sure. As long as I can pay you in good wishes, because that's all I've got."

"You've got money," Edward says. "It's family money, but you're part of the family."

I shrug. "It's not my money. Carlisle's already given my family a fortune, and the lord above only knows how much they've spent buying me clothes since I tear through everything I own when I hunt. Not to mention everything else they're always bringing me home from town. That's more than enough. I'm not taking handouts for more!"

"It's hardly a handout when you consider how much work you've done here," Edward points out. "You've cleared and planted and fenced several acres of land – that's worth quite a bit."

"That's just repayment for everything Carlisle and Esme have done for me, and I'm still in their debt. I don't want to take their money Edward, it's theirs and they don't need to waste it on me."

Edward smiles and leans back against the new fence. "I don't think you understand just how much money there is. Believe me when I tell you that Carlisle and Esme will not go without no matter what they buy for you. Carlisle's had two hundred and seventy years to accumulate assets. He's been a well-paid doctor for a lot of that time with very low expenses, made some lucky investments, and compound interest and inflation really work for you when you've got centuries. He arranged matters so that I, posing as a distant relative, was able to inherit my parents' estate too so I've contributed too. We hold an extensive real estate portfolio, there are investments in stocks and shares and bonds, and a reasonably valuable collection of art and jewellery and antiques. We lost quite a bit in the Wall Street crash of '29, but once you have enough money it simply generates more money without a lot of effort. We're not the Rockefellers, but we're extremely wealthy by anyone's standards."

I know he's telling the truth because Edward always does, but it's hard to comprehend. There's nothing in my life experience that comes close to this. I used to think the people I helped my mama clean for were rich, but they didn't have half the things that the Cullens have. I'm not even sure what stocks and shares actually are…my parents never had more than a few dollars spare at any time, and as little kids we didn't even wear shoes all summer to save the cost of shoe leather.

"It does make it difficult to explain, because it's an entirely different concept of wealth to what you grew up with," Edward says. "I couldn't even give you a total value without a lot of digging, because it's all owned and invested through companies and trusts so that it's not traceable to us. But the investments bring in the kind of income that mean we could continue to live the way we do indefinitely and the capital would still grow. Carlisle works because he loves what he does, not because he needs the salary. He really does consider it all family money too," he adds. "In fact, he would be most perturbed to realise that you don't consider yourself entitled to use what you want. We all have accounts in our own names and you should too. Really, nothing you're likely to buy is going to make even the faintest impression on the bottom line…certainly not some old banger of a car for Rosalie!"

"Well, you look for one – you'd know better than me what she'd want in a car." I'm still uncomfortable with the money aspects of this family, but I can't deny that I'd love to be able to give Rosalie gifts without having to go through the others. She likes gifts and flowers, she likes those outward trappings of a relationship, and all I want to do is make her happy.

"I'll keep checking the classifieds and let you know if when I find something suitable."

"All right. I might go and find her now, see if she's ready to talk to me."

I give Edward a quick wave and head off into the forest, following Rosalie's scent trail. It leads up the mountain, but I think I know where she will have ended up so I take a chance and try there first. Her waterfall pool.

Rosalie is there, floating on her back with her hair swirling out around her and her half submerged body shimmering in the filtered morning light. So beautiful. She hears me coming and turns herself upright, and I stop at the edge of the water.

"You look like a mermaid. Or maybe a beautiful siren, luring me to my doom." I can't look away. "Except I'm not doomed at all. Not by being with you…do you want to talk? Or not yet?"

Rosalie's face softens. "Why don't you join me?"

I step out of my skirt and shirt, pausing when I get to my underwear. The pile of Rosalie's clothes beside me has her satin bra and knickers clearly on top, but given her uncertain mood I'm not sure how far her invitation goes.

"You can be nude if you want to," Rosalie says, as though she, like Edward, can read my mind.

She watches me as I slip out of my bra and bloomers, and once I'm naked I stand still for a moment and let her look. This is what you get, angel-girl.

I wade out into the water until it hits my thighs, and then I dive under and swim towards her. Rosalie's legs are moving slowly, to keep her afloat, and the curves of her body are smooth and sleek in the water. I emerge beside her, and I'm tall enough that with my feet on the bottom of the pool the water laps against my collar bones.

"Hey beautiful girl," I say. Her wet hair is slicked back, emphasising the structured beauty of her face and drawing attention to her eyes, glowing like moonshine whiskey. "You all right?"

"Yes." Rosalie rests her hands on my shoulders, tipping forward until she can press a soft kiss against my lips. "I love you."

She says it softly, with no particular inflection, but to my ears it may as well be accompanied by a triumphant blast of trumpets and the tattoo of drums and the skirl of the bagpipes. She loves me. She said it. She loves me.

"I love you, Nell, I do," she breathes against my lips. "Love you so much…I'm so glad you're mine."

Mine. The same word that echoes through me whenever I'm with her. Mine.

"I'm all yours." I rest my forehead against hers, gazing at the endless depths of her eyes. "Always."

"I want that," Rosalie says. "I want you…always. But doesn't it bother you that we'll always be hiding? Always be pretending that we're something we're not?"

For a moment I think she talking about vampirism, and this half shadow, half light life that we live. But then I think of last night at the cinema, the couples all around us and Rosalie sitting beside me with her arms tightly folded across her chest and I know that for once vampirism's got nothing to do with it.

"I didn't really think about how the reality of it would make me feel until last night," Rosalie goes on. "That you and I together is something people find offensive. Because here at home it's accepted - well, Edward seems offended of course, but he's offended by the way I breathe so it's easy to discount his opinion! But then we went out and all around us were people out on dates, people who don't feel even half of what I feel for you, and they were open about it and we can't be. Another part of who I am that I have to conceal."

"Does it matter that much?"

"I know it shouldn't. You make me so happy – as if stupid human prejudices should have any power to impact that at all." Rosalie bites her lip before she bursts out, "It just made me so angry though! It seems so unfair, so utterly senseless…if I had held your hand, or you had put an arm around me while we watched the movie, or even sneaked a kiss there in the dark – what would have been so wrong with that? Why would so many people judge it as deviant or immoral? What makes it any different to what else was going on around us?"

"I don't know," I say a little helplessly. "I don't think it is." The way I love her, the purity and passion and depth of it, can't possibly be anything but divine.

"What I want to have with you…it feels like everything to me, but it's such small things in so many ways. I want to be able to hold your hand walking down the street, and I want to be able to kiss you in the back seat of the cinema. I want to be able to go out and dance with you and not have to think about how it might offend. I want to be able to wear a white dress and a veil and stand up and say I love her and I want us to be together for always just so that everyone knows…" Rosalie's voice is shaking. "I hate that we can't have that."

"Oh, Rosa-girl, I love you so much." I touch her full lower lip with a forefinger. "And I would love all of that with you…and I'm sorry that the world's not there yet. I've never really understood it myself. If it's any consolation to you, Edward says it's a lot more common that you'd give credit for, and that things will likely change one day."

"And I suppose we've got eternity to wait for it to do so?" Rosalie smiles wryly.

"Aren't we lucky that we do?" I grin. "Imagine it Rose, one day I'll be able to get down on one knee and ask you to marry me…won't that be worth waiting for?"

Rosalie laughs, half unwillingly. "I wish I had half your optimism!"

"You'll come to it." I hesitate. "And you know I don't mind giving you all the time you need to think about things…but don't shut me out. I love you. Don't ever think that there's anything we can't work out together. You just need to talk to me."

Rosalie nods slowly. "I'm sorry I left you last night without saying anything. But I was angry and feeling hateful, and I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to think that I regret this, or that I don't think everything is worth it for what we have. I wish things were different…but I don't wish you were different." Her mouth curves up into a tender smile. "The two of us…how can it possibly be wrong, when it feels so utterly right?"

Her hands slip from shoulders upwards to coil in my hair, and in the water her breasts press against mine as her legs wrap around me and she kisses me. I slide my arms around her, her bare skin smooth under my hands, and the cold pool we're in may as well be molten lava for all the heat that flames between us as the kisses deepen.

Oh Rosa…yes.

My hands roam across the wonderland of her naked body. The silk of her skin over the hardness of muscle and bone as I trace the lines of her back, the soft fullness of her breasts and the pebbled texture of her nipples as I raise her high enough that I can kiss them too. Rosalie drops her head back and sighs, and then slides back down, sinuously rubbing against me.

"So…utterly…right," she murmurs, nipping at my earlobe.

I have her ass in my hands, squeezing her flesh, and I hear the hitch in her breath as my fingertips graze what's in between. For a second I think I've gone too far, but then she arches her back a little and nudges against my fingers and I nearly lose my footing because it's clear that she wants me to do this. I trail my hand over her hip and across her belly before dipping down into the space she makes between us and curving my fingers around her sex. Rosalie breathes out hard, and I catch her lower lip in a kiss. "I love you."

She still has her legs wrapped around me which opens everything up to my questing fingers. I explore the shape of her, the soft folds and spaces between, circling her hard little nub until her whimper turns into a whispered plea. Then I'm touching and massaging her, pressing in until she groans, stroking and rubbing until her legs clamp tight and Rosalie throws her head back and cries out in wordless, abandoned pleasure.

I laugh, because there's nothing else to do with the sheer joy I feel in seeing her like this, and she laughs too, her eyes glowing as they meet mine.

"Oh Nell, you…that was…" And then Rosalie laughs again and kisses me exultantly. "I love you…you are everything I could ever want. Come with me." She duck dives under the water, giving me a very tantalising glimpse of her behind, and then reappears at the side of the pool. Water cascades off her body as she steps out onto the bank.

In a second I'm standing beside her, and I can't help staring at the absolute exquisite perfection of her naked body. "You are so fucking beautiful, you know that? So totally, wonderfully perfect…sometimes I still can't believe you're real, and you're here with me."

Rosalie's looking at me too, with a kind of greedy wonder that makes me ache. I reach for her, but before I can touch she's spread our discarded clothes out on the grass and is beckoning me closer. Eagerly I sink down beside her, melting into her embrace and opening myself up to her kisses. The feel of her naked skin against mine is like a thousand tiny electrical sparks flickering through my body.

Rosalie pushes my shoulders back against the ground, leaning over me as she moves her kisses from my mouth to my jawline, biting at my earlobe and then sucking at my neck. She travels downwards, lips in the hollow of my collarbones as her hand curves around my breast. I groan, but as I reach towards her Rosalie takes my wrists in her hands to restrain me.

"It's my turn," she whispers, rising above me. "My turn to see what I can do to you this time." She kisses the palm of my captive hand. "If you don't like it, say so, but let me try first."

"Oh yes, yes, yes." As she releases my hands I clutch at the ground beneath me and briefly close my eyes "Whatever you want…"

Because this is what I want too. Rosalie, wanting to touch me. Rosalie, looking at me with eyes gone dark with desire. Rosalie, kissing and caressing and exploring me with hungry intent. Seeing her do this, feeling her mouth and hands on me…it puts to rest the tiny nagging doubt I've had that she doesn't want me with the same fervent desire as I want her.

I don't think about it very hard though. I can't, not when Rosalie has both hands on my breasts as she kisses and mouths at them. I arch up towards her as my nipples peak, and then groan as her lips close around me. From one to the other, her tongue rasping across my nipple as she suckles hard, pulling me deeper into her mouth, and I dig my fingers deeper into the earth and whimper helplessly as the pleasure flares. I can think of nothing but the liquid heat of want flowing through my body and pooling in between my legs.

Rosalie's hair feels like a thousand touches of silk as it trails across my skin. Her kisses move from my breasts down to my belly, and I give a gasping yelp of laughter as she tongues my belly button. Her laugh vibrates against me, and then she's kissing her way lower and I feel her sweet breath on my mound as she nudges at my thighs and moves them apart.

"Rosa…oh…my girl…"

I look down my body as Rosalie raises her head slightly. "Please," she says, and I'm falling apart just at the look on her face as she pushes my thighs further apart and breathes in my scent. "Nell…please."

"Oh yes, oh please yes, oh…holy mother of mercy, YES!"

Rosalie kisses me again and the rest of the world disappears. All I know is her mouth in between my legs, lips and tongue all over me, inside me, hands gripping my thighs because I can't stay still, licking and sucking as the pleasure swirls and grows and consumes me, until there is nothing but the most exquisite, all-encompassing bliss.

"Sweet Jesus." I open my eyes, discovering that I've dug elbow deep holes in the earth and my hands are covered in the dust of pulverised rocks. My legs are still shaking. "I'm sorry I can't be more eloquent, but…holy fuck, Rosalie!"

Rosalie, leaning against my hip, is eyeing me with a mix of amusement and what can only be described as smug satisfaction. "I'll take that as an endorsement."

I grin down at her. "Yeah, I think you can…damn Rosa-girl, are you always going to surprise me? Not that long ago you said you didn't even know what to do with me, and now you've done that?"

Rosalie rests her head against my belly and smiles at me a little sheepishly. "Well Carlisle's books might not have had a lot to say on the subject, but the college library was rather more informative. I mean…really…ah…extremely enlightening."

My laugh is big enough to jostle her, and with a grin she sits up and combs her fingers through her hair. "It's a long way from anything my mother ever told me – which was basically that nice girls don't touch, talk about, or even think about such things. Believe me, just reading about all the things not-nice girls might get up to was a very eye-opening experience!"

"Well if I had to choose, I think I'm firmly on the side of the not-nice girls after that!" I snort. "I can't wait to see what else you've got up your sleeve."

"You might not say that if you knew about some of the things I was reading about." Rosalie raises an eyebrow.

"I'll take my chances." I sit up and attempt, unsuccessfully, to wipe the mud off my arms. "Rosa-girl, I know you hate being dirty…but I really want to hug you right now."

"Oh well…what's a little dirt?" And Rosalie slides over onto my lap and I wrap my muddy arms around her and nuzzle into her.

"I'm sorry if I can't be – if this can't be – everything that you might want," I say softly. "I'm sorry that the world doesn't want to see how beautiful and right the two of us are together…but they're wrong. I love you, and I know right down to the marrow of me that this is everything good. You have to believe that too. Because, no matter what we have to pretend, I am all in on this – you and I, always."