Chapter 5

After signing all the legal documents, Jessica finally spoke to Seth that night in her hotel room. Their conversation had been brief, leaving far too much unsaid that needed to be said. Yet, it was a good unsaid.

Thinking over their phone call, while she sat on the train journey home, she smiled.

"Jess, it's me."

"Hi Seth. How are you?"

"I'm fine, woman. It's quiet around here though."

"Oh? I was not aware I made that much noise," she teased.

"You know what I mean."

"Hmm...perhaps."

Pause. He had called her. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"Seth? Shouldn't we talk? About the other day…"

His anxiety was palpable through the phone line, but the silence continued. She had wanted him to bring up her kiss, but she was impatient, even as she struggled with what to say. Yet, she could not pretend it had not happened and she could not wait a moment longer to find out.

"Seth, I hope I didn't offend you at the train station…when I kissed you."

"What would give you that impression?"

"Well, you didn't kiss me back. I was hoping it was because you were surprised, but I worried that maybe—"

"I enjoyed it. Only wish I had time to return it. Please don't tell me you regret it."

Seth wanted to return it? Oh, the tightening that had been in her chest for the last two days started to lessen at the realization. "Of course not. I'm relieved."

"Since you brought it up, I hope next time, I'll be better prepared to kiss you back."

"Alright." She felt breathless. She was not sure what was happening, but she wanted to go home and find out.

That Saturday afternoon, as she arrived back in Portland, Jessica had alighted from the train, looking for Seth's salt and pepper head in the midst of the people waiting on the platform.

When she located him, he was wearing a new bow tie, a yellow one with white polka dots, along with a gray blazer and pants. He looked charming, but what had surprised and touched her heart was the small bouquet of miniature pink roses he was holding in his hands. He was nervous, as his voice rose louder than normal when she came within earshot.

"Jessica—you look lovely as usual."

She looked down at herself. She was wearing a dark blue pantsuit. She did not look fancy, having chosen comfort over fashion for the train that day, but she knew her hair and makeup were up to her usual standards and she felt her face grow warm at his attention.

"Are those for me?" Pointing at the flowers, she watched him grow flustered.

"Oh yes, they are." He handed them to her, moving to kiss her on the cheek, but she surprised him by turning her face at the last second, causing his lips to find hers. She heard him gasp, as she smiled against his mouth, reaching her free hand to his neck to hold him in place for one long moment, letting him know that their kiss was no accident. She did not deepen the contact, but she kissed him until she felt him relax against her, kissing her firmly in reply. Before she pulled away, she nipped his bottom lip, to let him know her intentions for more.

When she met his eyes, she had to stifle a giggle as he was clearly discombobulated. After he seemed to recover, she lifted the flowers to smell, saying, "The roses are beautiful, Seth. Thank you."

"Glad you like them," he responded shyly.

She smiled at him, waiting to see what he would say next. She did not have to wait long.

"Jessica, would you do me the honor of having dinner with me tonight?"

"Yes, of course, but isn't it rather early?"

Turning her towards the exit and the parking lot beyond, he answered, "Ayuh, I suppose it would be if we ate here in Portland. But I have already taken groceries to your house and prepped everything, so by the time we arrive, it won't take two shakes to finish."

Jessica sighed in relief. She was tired and the realization that they were going home instead of lingering in Portland made her happier than she realized.

"That sounds amazing, Seth. I am a touch more tired than I thought I would be today."

"It's that big city for you. Never a moment of peace and quiet. All that noise and people and concrete and crime."

"Oh, Seth! I wish you didn't hate New York so much. It is such a vibrant city."

"If you say so, Jess. Give me Cabot Cove any day."

She squeezed his arm in reply. It was good to be home.

S/J

Two hours later, they arrived at Jessica's home on Candlewood Lane. Seth had ushered her inside, carrying her luggage upstairs, encouraging her to take her time unpacking and getting comfortable however she needed to, as he would be downstairs cooking.

She had taken her time, creating a pile of clothes to take down to the basement to wash. The few clothes she had not worn, she hung up, along with a bra and a pair of underwear that went back into the drawer of her dresser. Taking her toiletries into the bathroom, she made quick work of unpacking those items, before taking a few minutes to fix her hair and touch up her makeup. Going back into her bedroom, she stood in front of the closet.

Seth had made a real effort today with his new bow tie and the flowers. She did not know what he was cooking yet, but she sensed he had gone to a lot of trouble. She knew he had encouraged her to get comfortable and he would not be bothered if she returned downstairs in a sweatsuit or her pajamas and robe, but she would be. That would not be right. Even though she would love nothing more.

Going through several spring options in her closet, she settled on a long sleeve dress. It was light blue with a geometric design. The neckline was a boatneck and while the sleeves were long, the dress ended at her knees. The material was soft and the skirt flowed. Oh, how she wanted to take her bra off, but that would be going too far. However, she did decide not to wear nylons or heels. Instead, she found an old pair of beige ballet flats and slipping them on, she looked in the mirror on the closet door, determining that she looked presentable and at least on par with how Seth was dressed.

Entering the kitchen, Jessica was surprised to see Seth plating dinner already at the stove, but nothing else in sight. No silverware on the table, coffee mugs or water glasses, no dinner rolls, or salad waiting on the counter. She was not picky with what he cooked, but he always made rolls and salad to go with whatever dinner he prepared.

Seth must have sensed her even though she had not moved or spoken since entering the room a few moments before, because he turned then, a soft smile lighting his face as he took in her appearance.

"Jess, you look lovely."

"You said that earlier at the train station when I was wearing a rather plain pantsuit. How do I know you are telling the truth?"

He knew she was teasing, but he wiped his hands on the apron tied around his waist, before he walked over to her. "You always look lovely, Jessica. Because your loveliness is an inherent quality within you. It is who you are. Doesn't matter what you wear or how your hair or makeup are done. Those things enhance your loveliness and your beauty, but they don't make you lovely or beautiful. You alone do that."

"What a speech," she whispered. What had gotten into this man? He had never said anything so wonderful to her before. But she knew by the heat she saw in his eyes that he believed it.

"Ayuh, well, I meant every word."

"Seth."

"We will talk more later, my dear. Let's eat first before the food gets cold."

She nodded, but before he could move away, she leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his lips. It was quick. No passion or lust, but it was firm and intentional. Neither spoke when they pulled away, but he reached for her hand, and instead of guiding her to the kitchen table, he surprised her by turning her back around and leading her to the dining room.

What she saw when she entered surprised her more than anything else. The table was laid with her best china and tablecloth. There were lit candles on the table and the overhead lights were dimmed. He had placed her small bouquet of roses in a vase in the center of the table. Pulling out her chair, he motioned for her to sit, saying, "Madam."

Jessica's breathing had caught when she walked into the doorway, halting her progress. He was waiting for her to take the final three steps to her seat, but she was frozen in place.

"What—why? Are we celebrating something?"

Seth stood up straight, looking her in the eyes daring her to look away. "Jess, I think it's high time we get off our backsides and try to see what more our relationship can be."

"Oh?"

"Ayuh, I do." He kept eye contact, but he crossed the space between them to the doorway, reaching to hold both of her hands. "Jess, you kissed me goodbye the other day…and then told me you loved me. I—couldn't sleep that night."

"You told me you loved me first. I couldn't leave and let you think that I didn't feel the same way."

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you did. Especially after I had already told you I loved you. It was difficult…being separated the last few days. When I worried though, I tried to remind myself that you said you loved me and then, you kissed me. Just like you did a moment ago in the kitchen."

"I did."

Waving with one hand towards the table, he looked sheepish now, as he said, "Woman, this is my attempt to woo you."

Jessica laughed. Not at him. Never at him. But she laughed all the same with utter joy, pulling him to her in a tight embrace. "I see now," she whispered in his ear. "You are wonderful to me, darling. This looks wonderful."

He hummed in her ear, glad she was relaxing and enjoying his attention and attempt at seduction.

"Can we eat now?"

Laughing again, she pulled away, her blue eyes sparkling as she nodded at him, this time, letting him pull her to the chair.

When he returned to the dining room, carrying two plates, she made the appropriate noises of appreciation when he placed a beautiful surf and turf in front of both their places. There was a baked potato and broccoli on the sides of each plate as well. The table already had the rolls and salad, along with a bottle of red wine that had been allowed to breathe beside two wine glasses.

Seth joined her at the table, pouring the wine, before handing one of the glasses to her.

Raising his glass in a toast, he murmured, sounding a bit bashful, "To us, Jess."

She smiled, clinking her glass against his, before taking a long sip. It was bold, rich, and earthy. Like the man sitting across from her.

They ate at first in silence, content to enjoy the special meal that Seth had prepared.

After tasting everything though, Jessica spoke, "Everything is delicious. I can taste the teriyaki marinade you used on the steak and the lemon butter on the lobster is delectable." Looking over the table, seeing his face soften in the warm glow of the candles, she said, "Seth, you went to so much effort tonight. The candles, the wine, setting up everything here in the dining room. I feel so special." She waved her hands a bit helplessly, not sure how to convey all she felt towards him.

"You're worth it, Jess." He set his knife and fork down, wiping his mouth with his napkin. Reaching across the table for her hand, he grasped it tightly. "You are worth so much more. I fear—I'll never be able to show you how much you mean to me. No matter what I ever think to do for you. This is only dinner and I used your kitchen and dining room for that."

"Stop it, Seth. If we are going to do this, I don't want us starting out with you denigrating yourself. You are my best friend and I will not listen to you talk badly about the man I love."

He hung his head in shame, muttering, "But Jess, we aren't equals."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well…"

Her guard went up, suspecting what he was worried about, before she asked, "It's financial, isn't it?"

"Well, yes, that and the fact that I am older, a bit overweight, and not much to look at and I know you meet men in New York that have it all, money, good looks, and probably interesting jobs-"

"Seth Hazlitt. Hush." He looked at her startled, but he did stop speaking. Looking down at her hand that was wrapped inside his own, she spoke quietly, "Seth, my mother was a stunning woman. Raven hair, petite, slender, and pale clear skin. My brothers both have her coloring and handsome features. I took more after my father, who was a decent looking man, but he was not anything special, other than he was my father and I loved him very much. When I was young, I was painfully aware of the fact that I looked nothing like my mother and I heard family and friends comment on how ordinary I was compared to her and what a shame it was that I had missed out in the looks department. Especially as all the girls in my school swooned over both of my brothers. As a result, I focused more on my education. I thought it would be a way for me to become independent as I had become convinced that no man would find me attractive." She felt his grip on her hand tighten, but she squeezed back in an effort to tell him not to interrupt her. "When I met Frank, I had this terrible fear that when I brought him home to meet my family that he, too, would think it was a shame that I did not look like my mother. I worried that he would wonder how he got stuck with this freckled lanky strawberry blonde?"

He could not wait any longer. He had to speak to correct her mistaken beliefs. "I knew Frank Fletcher, woman. No way, no how, did he wish for you to be any different than you were."

Jessica looked up at his hazel eyes now and smiled softly. "No, you're right. He assured me that he loved me for me–and found me attractive." The blush that washed over her face warmed his heart even more.

Seth saw where this was going. But there was still a gap between them financially. Hell, there was a virtual abyss. But before he could figure out how to argue his point, she continued to speak, shifting the conversation to his main worry.

"Seth, Frank and I barely got by for many years. It took everything we had to buy this house and take care of it. We lived frugally. I…have money now. But I still live conservatively. I know what it is like to be middle class and barely making ends meet and although I can afford many things now, I have never rubbed it in your face, have I?"

"Well, no, of course not."

"So, don't you think I should be the judge of who I want to be with and who I want to love and spend my days and hopefully, my nights with?"

His breath caught. He had hoped and begged the heavens the last few days that he would not disappoint her and that their brief conversation and goodbye kiss at the train station had not been a product of his imagination. But he couldn't possibly measure up, could he?

Before he could think of a response, she gave the final blow. "Seth, if you were the one who were in my shoes, having a career that made you famous…and wealthy…would you think less of me?"

"Of course not, Jess! But I am a man and you are a woman." He felt her hand try to pull away, but he kept a firm grip, not letting her escape. "Jess, I know that is an old-fashioned view. But I am from that generation where that is how I was raised. Despite my own father doing a terrible job of providing for my mother. I suppose that makes it more important to me to be a provider. I know if I had moved to Boston or New York after graduating from Harvard or even after Ruth died, I could have done well over the years. Might have even been well-known in certain medical circles, like you are in your career. But I couldn't risk losing myself in a big city. I knew myself and I would have drunk too much and chased too many women. Besides, it was important to me to take care of normal, everyday people. You and I both know; Cabot Cove residents don't have a lot of money and I never want to deprive them of their needs by charging an arm and a leg." His voice trailed off sadly, staring at his plate now, not seeing a way forward, even as he desperately wanted to find one.

Jessica's hand was still wrapped in Seth's large one. She moved her thumb slightly, trying to create a soothing motion as she gathered her thoughts. "Seth, look at me please." He lifted his head and what she saw in his eyes, broke her heart. "Seth, darling, I understand. Frank was from our generation, too, and I have often wondered how he would have reacted to my publishing deals if he was still alive. I believe it would have been a real blow to his ego, despite how proud he would have been of me. But I can't do anything about that. It is my reality. However, loving you and wanting to be with you is also my reality. If I spoke about myself as a plain woman, as I grew up believing to be true, and said over and over again how I did not understand what you saw in me, what would you say?"

"I'd say you're wrong. You happen to be the most beautiful woman in the world to me."

"And why is that?"

Seth had lost her direction, overcome with what she was saying, trying to not blabber, as he wanted her to understand how he felt, "Because I love you, Jess! I am attracted to you, physically, yes. But your beauty inside is unparalleled. Your spirit and heart and energy for life is overwhelming in its beauty to me."

Jessica smiled widely at him, her eyes crinkling in the corners, as she gazed at him in the dim candlelit room. "It's exasperating, isn't it? To love someone so much and listen to them not understand how they could be loved in return?"

His face fell for one brief second, as he took in what she said, before his face transformed as he finally understood what she was trying to say.

"Jess, I don't know what to say."

"Well, I feel sure that if I ever did speak about myself in such a way, you would want me to stop. Am I right?"

He nodded.

Firmly, she said, "From now on, it's not allowed. I won't hear it, Seth. I want to be with you. Forget the money and the physical features, and rest in the knowledge that I love you and want to be with you. You can always tell me your fears and worries if you get triggered about them, but you can't question it anymore as though I don't know my own mind. Alright?"

"I'll do my best, Jess."

That's all she could ask for. Well, actually there was more. Standing, she took a few steps to his side of the table, motioning for him to push his chair back, where she proceeded to sit in his lap.

"What are you up to now, woman?"

Jessica began undoing his bow tie slowly while humming. She followed that with unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt. His arms had tightened around her back, and she answered, dropping her voice lower, "Now, I'm going to show you how attractive I find you…and how much I want you." She kissed him, moving her lips rather aggressively over his mouth, parting his lips with her tongue. Reaching behind her for one of his hands, she moved it to her chest, encouraging him to palm her breast, kneading it, as she sighed in contentment. She was no longer satisfied with taking their time and did not see any need in pretending otherwise. Kissing her way down his jawline and his neck, she inhaled his masculine scent of juniper and ocean salt.

When he began to squeeze her nipple, making it peak as he pulled it slightly, she couldn't be patient any longer, moaning in his ear.

"Will you come to my bed, darling?" Her voice had taken on a husky quality, as she vaguely realized she was aroused and more than ready to satisfy both of their needs, as she could feel his own arousal against her.

He had groaned at her words, but paused before answering her. When he did, she thought she heard fear in his voice, causing her to look up from where she was still nuzzling his neck working her way down his chest, in concern. "Are you sure, Jess?"

Lifting herself upright, she placed both hands on his face, "Absolutely, darling. In fact, if you don't come to my bed this instant, I fear I may need a doctor to attend to my needs."

Where had that come from? What was she playing at? It didn't matter–it didn't matter one bit. His eyes darkened at her words and before she knew it, the tables had turned and Jessica was the one being pulled up the stairs to her bedroom.

There they stayed locked in each other's embrace until well into the next day.

A/N: I'm going on vacation for just over a week today. I plan to post while I'm gone, but no promises. Thanks for reviewing.

Oh, and AL never considered herself a beauty, but thought her mother was. I thought Jessica could use that to relate and connect to Seth here.