Chapter 14 : Orange Juice

Busy as I am humming a jaunty tune while brushing my teeth in front of my bathroom's mirror, I don't quite register Ddraig's words when he asks me a question.

I lift a finger in the air in the rather universal 'one moment' gesture, before - slowly, on account of my shoulder plushie - bending over the sink to spit the toothpaste out and rinse my mouth.

"'Scuses.S'ryYou were saying?" I ask the Red Plushie Emperor while locking eyes with him through the mirror.

"I was wondering about what you intend to do, now that the Devils know about us." He asks, tail lazily swishing against my collarbone and the fabric of my PJs.

I hum in acknowledgement while putting away my toothbrush in favor of a hairbrush, starting to comb what my sleep has transformed into a leonine mane back into proper shape.

"Nothing much, I think?" I both answer him and ask myself aloud, "I mean, it's not like me getting introduced to them yesterday will become relevant immediately. Especially considering I made myself look as crazy as I could. They're going to be left wondering how to interact with me for a while, since I'm confident they'll chalk your existence up to myself for the time being. Until they see you kick someone else's ass so hard the 'misunderstanding' vanishes by itself, that is."

Draconic ego soothed - the world's deadliest plushie was starting to make one scary look - I carry on with my monologue while slowly working my hair into something more human-looking.

"So I think they're going to give us a wide berth, for a few days at least, until they have a working plan on how to interact with us. We should be free to do as we did before without issues." I conclude while fighting against a particularly stubborn knot, wincing a little as I pull against it.

"So we can still spar?" The Welsh Dragon squeak-asks, claws flexing 'idly' in very poorly hidden anticipation.

Ah, I was wondering what prompted this line of inquiry.

"Yes, we can still spar, you battle-maniac." I answer with an eye roll.

"I am not a battle-maniac." The Red Plushie Emperor sniffs imperiously, a claw lifted in the air, "If anything, I'm a battle connoisseur."

I pause, before giggling.

"My, Ddraig, was that a joke?" I jeers a little while looking at him through the mirror.

He mock-scowls in my direction.

"Your imbecility is contagious. You're corrupting me, girl." He squeak-growls.

I giggle once again, shaking my head in amusement, before putting away the hairbrush now that I'm done with my hair.

Silence falls for a beat in the bathroom while I take my hair bow in hand and carefully do my hair in its customary do, pulling them in a high hanging, half ponytail, complete with its cute dark bow, while leaving two bangs free to frame my face.

"I don't get it." The Red Plushie Emperor admits, before elaborating when he sees me giving him an interrogative look through the mirror, which prompts him to gesture a forelimb in my general direction, "Why do you do all this?"

"What exactly?" I ask back, quite puzzled.

"This." He reiterates, which isn't half the explanation he hoped it would be because I'm still a bit lost, "You could ask Senketsu to do it in your stead, but you keep doing this whole routine yourself every morning without fail for some reason. I know it's important for you mammals, but I don't get why you don't take the easy option."

"I was wondering about that too, Mistress. It would be no trouble." Said sentient uniform, currently masquerading as my PJs politely asks in his posh tone.

"... Because it's nice?" I answer after a beat, "I mean, I wouldn't hesitate to ask if I was pressed for time, but I enjoy doing it myself. Sure, it's a lot of work, but comparatively way less than other less fortunate in the look department, and I like seeing the end result and tell myself, 'Eh, this is all me!'."

I beam a smile at no one in particular as I end my explanation, a comforting warmth in my belly.

"... Alright." Ddraig answers after a while, "If you say so, I guess."

I give him a quick smile, our trio falling silent as I put the finishing touch to my care routine, and leaving the bathroom in a good mood, like every morning since I got sent into this world.

"So you're saying the third Hime is a Magical Girl, Buchou?" Issei asks, more than a bit puzzled after this last development.

Admittedly, his life being weird was starting to be pretty par for the course after those last couple of weeks. Getting killed by a Fallen Angel, coming back to life as a Devil, learning what it exactly entailed only three days after the fact for some reason, meeting and becoming quick friend with a cute Nun, who also happens to be a Holy Maiden, being told that, apparently, the Fallen Angel who killed had some more friends in town but that it had been handled, and now this?

All of this was really confusing for the recently reincarnated teenager, and a part of him dearly wished to be back to the days where his most pressing concern was to get the good kind of endings in his eroge!

Yes, his King and Queen were the two other Hime of the school, and the eye-candy almost made it worth it, but at least things made sense before all this!

"Not exactly." His King, the achingly beautiful Rias Gremory answers after a beat, legs crossed over one another and arms folded under her bountiful chest, "We think that Marie-Charlotte convinced herself that she is a Magical Girl due to the influence of her Sacred Gear. We have an idea of what it could potentially be, but for someone who has no other frame of reference than popular medias, the resemblance is so uncanny similar that the misunderstanding is, if anything, understandable."

"... I don't get it." The Pawn easily admits, even if he is quite relieved when he sees Yuuto's brow - damn handsome! - being as furrowed in confusion as his own.

"We think that Linlin-san is the wielder of the Sephiroth Graal, one of the thirteen Longinus." The Yamato Nadeshiko in the room elaborates, half-lidded piercing purple eyes looking back at him, hands demurely set on her lap and a thin smile on her face - a perfect lie of a mask if Issei ever saw one! - "The most powerful Sacred Gears of all, allegedly allowing their wielder to kill gods. The Sephiroth Graal is rumored to make his wielder able to manipulate souls… If they can deal with the backlash of the voices from beyond screaming in their ears when they do so, fufufu~."

Suitably ominous and creepy, as far as warning goes, Issei thinks to himself in discomfort.

"So, you're saying that it… Drives the poor guy who has it mad when they use it?" He hesitantly asks.

"Indeed." The redhead Devil answers with a nod, "Which would explain poor Marie-Charlotte's delusions."

The more he learns about this whole supernatural world, the more he can't help but think that all of it is seriously messed up. Why, even a hottie like Linlin-san and her very impressive assets seemingly cannot escape it!

"Have you and Sitri-san decided on how to interact with Linlin-san going forward, Buchou?" The blonde Knight cuts Issei's musings short as he asks a rather pertinent question.

"We will do nothing for now." Issei's King answers while uncrossing to better recross her legs the other way, almost giving him a show, "Since we have managed to convince her that we are not the…" The beautiful girl's lips twitch with barely repressed amusement, "'Villains of the week', we have no grievance with each other. Though you're free to interact with her normally, since she seems to keep her 'normal girl' persona in school. Until Sona and I come to an agreement as to how we deal with the situation going forward, do not antagonize her."

"Linlin-san has somehow found a way to boost herself to Ultimate Class." Akeno chimes in for everyone's benefit while pouring some tea for her King, "Needless to say nothing short of Kuoh's two peerages working together will bring her down if she turns hostile."

"But since she is a lovely girl, her delusions about the supernatural none withstanding, we shouldn't have any problems!" Rias peppily adds.

Silence falls amid the Occult Research Club's main room, and Issei's knee starts to bounce.

"Something you want to ask, Issei-kun?" A blinding smile is directed his way, and he awkwardly smiles back while scratching the back of his head.

"Not really, no? It's just that I promised to Asia-chan to come back before the end of the lunch break…" He trails off hesitantly.

Two knowing smirks are instantly directed his way, and it takes the teenager all he has not to squirm under the weight of the two Hime's attention.

"You may go back to your little friend, then." His King tells him amusedly.

"And do have fun, fufufu~." Her Queen adds with a little taunting wave of her hand.

Conscious of the heat of his cheeks, Issei doesn't wait for the teasing to continue as he makes his way out of the Occult Research Club after exchanging a curt nod with Yuuto and studiously ignoring Koneko-chan's deadpan stare, mentally contemplating a recent epiphany.

Yes, the eye-candy was nice, and yes, the distant possibility of having his harem dream fulfilled was even better, but meeting the cute little nun with her kind personality was what clinched it for him.

Maybe, just maybe, being a Devil wasn't so bad, after all.

OneTwoThreeFourFiveSixSevenEightNineTen!

With a rush of displaced air, I move, my surroundings trailing in the corner of my eyes like never before as one step somehow becomes so much more-

-and I come to an abrupt halt, very notably not faceplanting like an absolute dumbass this time.

A pause.

"I did it." I mumble aloud, eyes opened wide.

"I DID IT!" I throw my arms up in the air, a truly gigantic smile carved on my face, "WOOHOO! HELL-FUCKING-YES!"

"Once, you did it exactly once!" The Red Grumpy Emperor squeaks from his perch atop a nearby boulder as he suns himself.

"SORRY DDRAIG, I CAN'T QUITE HEAR YOU OVER-"

"The sound of how awesome you are, yes, yes, I know." The Welsh Dragon cutely growls, which does nothing to deter my megawatt smile, "Though it remains your first and only success, you still have dirt in your hair from the previous failure!"

"You're such a spoilsport." I huff while crossing my arms over my chest, my smile still firmly planted on my face, "I bet Joyeuse would be singing my praise if she was in your spot."

"... Partner, she 'sang your praise' this morning when you explained to her how orange juice was made." A pause, "Because she had somehow managed to convince herself that oranges and orange juice were completely different things, not at all related to each other. She may be a sword, but she certainly isn't the sharpest in the armory."

I purse my lips a little.

"... You're allowed to think what you want, but please never tell her out-loud." I warn him.

"As if I ever made it a habit of bullying whelps." He disdainfully snorts.

"Great!" I beam a smile his way, clapping my hands enthusiastically, "Let's get ready for a spar, then!"

"You aren't going to give your second nonsensical technique another go?" The Welsh Dragon squeak-asks, one eyeridge raised in askance.

"Nope!" I answer in the negative, popping the 'P' out, "I want to stop on a high note instead of inevitably chain face-planting. Who knows, maybe sleeping on it will make it easier tomorrow?"

His silence is, if anything, rather telling.

"... Yeah, I didn't really bought it myself either." I deflate a little, which wrenches a snicker out of him.

Ddraig snickers even louder, even as he shakes himself out of his lazy reclining and flaps his wings once to fly closer.

"Alright, let's do this then." The Dragon of Domination savagely grins my way, already flexing his claws.

"A moment." I preempt him, just as Senketsu wordlessly shifts into his battle-form, "I kinda have to tell Joyeuse what's going to happen."

"... Fine." The dragon 'do not' sulk, even as I fetch my sword's handle out of my left gauntlet.

My thumb quickly punch the switch as soon as Joyeuse's pommel sits comfortingly in my hand-

"Have at thee, mongrel!" She goofily bellows.

-and I instantly giggle, tuning out the two sets of groans echoing amid the clearing on the mountainside.

"SalutYo, Joyeuse." I enthusiastically greet my sword.

"Mistress! How radiant and blinding you are on this fine evening!" Two wide and very anime-like eyes swivel around to look at me.

"Girl's covered in dirt."/"The sun hasn't set yet." The two killjoys deadpan aloud.

"So, we're going to spar against Ddraig, Joyeuse." I very intentionally ignore the local dragon and my eldest, "Which means it's time to be serious, you understand?"

"I was born ready, Mistress!" The sentient-lightsaber emphatically answers, going as far as nodding her white and black luminous blade and setting her 'mouth' at her tip in a thin line, before doing a one-eighty and looking visibly confused, "At least I think I was?"

A pause.

I snicker while the two grumps groan.

"I can assure you, you are." I reassure my blade, a confident smile on my lips, "How about I show you something that only you can do? Would it help?"

"... I think so, Mistress." Joyeuse answers after visibly thinking about it for a solid second.

"Great." I nod back, "So, you were made with the soul of a Devil as the basis, you remember?"

"You told me yesterday, yes!" The sword answers, nodding her edge, "... Although I don't quite understand why this is important?"

"It is important because only Devils have access to Devil magic." I grin, "It's not important if you don't understand quite yet. Just follow my instructions, alright?"

"I am all ears!" The blade answers instantly, "Even if I don't have those!"

I repress the twitch of my lips with great effort, not acknowledging Ddraig's comment about how 'there's two of them now'.

My jokes aren't that bad!

"I want you to concentrate, and picture a flame in your mind. Can you do that for me, Joyeuse?" I ask gently.

"Certainly!" The blade answers with cheer, before closing her eyes shut and pinching her mouth in a '∧' shape.

I hold my breath in a mixture of anticipation and fretting both, as while I think she can pull it off, I'm nonetheless not certain of it-

-only for Joyeuse's cutlass edge to suddenly turn ablaze in front of my eyes.

"You did it!" I exclaim enthusiastically.

A pause.

"You can open your eyes now, Joyeuse." I elaborate.

"Right away, Mistress!" The sword's eyes pop open, swiveling to look around, "You said I was successful?"

"Yes, look at your edge!" I gesture with my free hand while smiling.

Her eyes swivel once more.

Another pause.

"AAAAAAHHHHH! MISTRESS!" My blade starts to squirm and bob around at great speed, "I'M ON FIRE MISTRESS! PLEASE HELP!"

I mentally sweatdrop while instantly trying to calm the panicked lightsaber.

… I have the feeling that this is going to take a while.

[AN: Oblivious egg is being oblivious, Issei is being himself, and Joyeuse is...

Special. :3

For those wondering, the 'orange juice' bit was inspired by Legend of Avantris.