December 2010

"Please don't tell me you're standing me up again." Sara answered the phone upon seeing Grissom's name on the caller ID.

He was supposed to arrive an hour ago but she hadn't heard from him. As promised, he was coming in for two weeks to make up for missing out on the scholarship event last month. His flight was scheduled to land at 6pm, enough time to come home before going out to dinner with Sara and his mother. Betty was in town again for an event at Gilbert College honoring Dr. Lambert.

"No, I'm on my way, but my connecting flight was delayed. We finally just boarded so... I'll have to meet you at the restaurant."

She could hear the flight attendants over the speaker in the background. "Okay, I'll see you there."

"See you soon. Bye, dear." Grissom hung up the phone and settled into his seat. It had been three months, the longest amount of time they'd been away from each other since he reunited with her in Costa Rica.

He closed his eyes and pictured her face. It warmed him as his anticipation of seeing her grew. It is one thing to study war and another to live the warrior's life. He thought of a fifth century B.C. mercenary's words and drew parallel. For he had spent his whole life reading the classics but never had he understood what those feelings felt like. He merely thought he understood because he consumed the stories cover to cover. But it wasn't until Sara that he really knew what it was like. To love and to be heartbroken; to yearn for and miss; to be in awe of, constantly. For he was merely studying love before.


Sara made her way to the restaurant. While she was glad that she and Betty were starting to be on better terms, she was still anxious around her. To avoid thinking about it, she instead focused on reuniting with Grissom.

She walked down the street toward the restaurant and when she was almost at the door, she spotted him in the distance. She froze for a moment as a calm washed over her.

He walked toward her, smiling that boyish grin she loved so much. His eyes sparkled.

"Hi." He spoke softly.

"Hi." She responded just as delicately.

He lifted his hand and touched her face gently, running his thumb over her jawline, then he guided her chin toward him and gently kissed her lips before pulling her into a tender embrace. His right hand rested on the back of her head, fingers intertwining within her hair as his left hand pulled her into him tighter, resting on her back.

"God I have missed you, Sara." He held onto her and breathed her in. After a long moment he finally let go. She brought her hands up to his face, intimately stroking his beard, his cheeks, before kissing him again.

"You look good." She spoke as she took in his appearance. "The beard is back."

He smiled easily, "Well you know, it's easier to keep it and I wasn't worried about giving anyone beard burn."

She smiled easily as he took her hands in his, "Shall we?"

"Yes. We don't want to keep your mother waiting."

From inside the restaurant Betty could see the reunion unfolding from the table she was sat at. She watched the way her son greeted his wife. The softness in his demeanor toward her. How tenderly he touched her. She could see it all in his way he looked at her after a lengthy absence. For the fist time she really saw the love he had for her. She stood as she watched them enter.

"Gil!" She signed enthusiastically and embraced her son before taking Sara's hands in her's warmly to greet her.

The three sat down.

"It is so good to see you, Gilbert." Betty gushed. "You look well."

"Thanks, mom. It's nice to be back." His fingers played with Sara's below the table when he was done signing. He yearned for her touch. And the electricity between the two wasn't lost on his tuned in mother.

"You two have a lot of catching up to do, I'm sure." She smiled knowingly, throwing a glance between the pair. "How long are you in town for this time?"

"Two weeks." Grissom spoke through a smile, excited to have the extended time. Each time previously he would jet off within days of arriving.

"How did you swing that?"

He shrugged, "We'll be moving into the lab phase of the project. I believe the excavations are done now. And…" He looked at Sara now, not having had a chance to mention this to her yet, "I'm exiting the project after February."

"You are?" Sara's shock was not lost on Betty.

He nodded, "I just let them know before I left. I'm going to be writing an entomology textbook for Pearsons so…"

Sara's eyes lit up, "You're moving back?"

He nodded.

"Oh that's fantastic!" Betty was enthusiastic.

"I could sense you've been enjoying your time back in the lab. This doesn't seem that temporary for you anymore."

"This is what you want?"

He nodded, "I'm looking forward to being back." He turned his attention back to his mother, "See mom, you didn't need to give Sara such grief for our long distance." He smiled. "And hopefully, when the grant approval comes in, we can start our next adventure."

He winked at Sara with the eye furthest from his mother so she wouldn't see. They had agreed to table trying for a child until they were living in California and he was letting her know that he hadn't forgotten. She pursed back the smile of someone in on a secret.

After dinner was finished Sara and Grissom made their way back to their condo. She kept glancing over at him as she drove.

"I'll write in the evenings." He spoke out of the blue and continued when he was met with her confusion, "To keep to your graveyard schedule."

"You really want this?"

"I've missed you." Was all he said in return.

When they entered the condo they wasted not a moment of time. Their hands were all over each other. He kissed her neck, her jawline and hastily pulled at her shirt. She'd never seen him act with such exacting hurriedness but she didn't mind it, she felt it too.

Once they made their way into the bedroom they clung to each other with the desperation of having been separated for so long. Her warm breath kissed his ear as they moved together.

"Gil." She whispered into his ear. He leaned back, his face mere inches from hers as he looked lovingly into her eyes.

"I love you, Sara." He softly, the back of his hand caressing her cheek.


2011 proved to start off incredibly for the Grissoms. They lived in the same city and worked on the same schedule. Sara was able to enjoy being back in the field without the guilt that it was keeping her from him. And Grissom dove into academia with such enthusiasm as he worked on the entomology textbook for Pearsons.

For the first time in their lives, they had what others might construe as a conventional relationship. They weren't shrouded with secrecy like they had been in the beginning, nor were they galavanting around the globe with short stints here and there.

But eventually, this would come to an end.

The grant was denied, again. So when Grissom was presented with an opportunity to set sail with an organization dedicated to marine conservation, he felt compelled to take it. He had completed his portion of the textbook and craved another taste of the adventurous spirit he'd grown to enjoy ever since meeting up with Sara in Costa Rica.

"Come with me." He spoke again as he packed. "It'll be an adventure. We can be like Melville."

She simply shrugged, "I like being in the field again. I worry about abandoning the team a second time."

"What about us?"

"I'm not abandoning us…" She defended. It sounded like his mother, not him.

"I just don't know what else there is for me here in Vegas anymore."

"What about us?" She threw back at him with a small smirk to show she was speaking in jest. Then she added, "I'll work on a new grant proposal while you're gone."

"That would still take you away from the lab." He spoke confused.

"True. But, it feels different to leave for steady ground in California versus out to sea for who knows how long."

"Alright…" He wasn't terribly convinced.

She walked to him and placed her hands on his chest like she'd done a hundred times before. It always calmed him, her warmth radiating through him like bathwater. Melting him.

"I'll miss you."

He nodded, "You can always change your mind."

"When have I been known to do that?" She joked, alluding to her stubborn nature. He simply smiled sadly in return.


July 2012

Sara stood in the layout room re-filling her field kit. For a change, it was a slow night and the team was finding ways to fill their time usefully. She refilled her powders, cleaned her brush and restocked her swabs and gloves. As she placed the gloves on the left side of her kit, it reminded her of Grissom. Of how he always stocked his on the right. She took out her phone.

"You've reached Gil Grissom. Please leave a message."

"Hey Gil, just wanted to hear your voice. It's surprisingly slow tonight and well, it's been a little bit… so, uh, just give me a call if you get a chance."

Sara sighed through a pang in her heart. Their visits had become more sparse since he went out to sea. At first they were seeing each other ever other month or so, but it had been six months now since their last visit. More so, they didn't speak with the same regularity they did when they were long distance from France or Peru. Out in the middle of the ocean, it was nearly impossible for him to get a signal. So old habits began to creep in from out of the shadows. After a while their default loner personalities were peaking out and finding familiar hold.

It had been two weeks since they last spoke now. Otherwise it was a series of missed voicemails and short "Sorry I missed you, will call soon." Texts.

He wasn't even sending her letters anymore. Initially he would pen these beautiful heartfelt letters to her, adorned with poetry and musings from his time at sea. But it had been over six months since receiving one of those too.

She missed him deeply. But their lives were at a stalemate. She'd originally promised him that she would only be in Vegas until they could find a replacement. But that turned out to be a lie that she hadn't intended.

Morgan Brody had joined the team quite some time ago now. But Sara justified that Morgan was filling in for Ray. Of course, Finn had joined even before Morgan and so had D.B. But then Catherine had left… there was always an excuse.

"What will it take for you to leave Vegas?" Grissom had asked months ago in a very uncharacteristically blunt fashion.

"Gil.." Was all she knew to respond with, and it was met with a sad sigh on the other end of the phone.

She contemplated what was holding her back. What was keeping her from him? He left the lab for her, to join her in Costa Rica. Despite never wanting to leave. He left for her. Why couldn't she do the same for him?

If she were brutally honest with herself—something she wasn't willing to do—she'd reveal that it was the fear of his desire to have a child with her. The initial trying had been so depleting. And while he said he was fine putting that journey to rest, she couldn't seem to shake the thoughts. She could tell there was a part of him that yearned for a different outcome. A side of him she never really expected. And running away from it was just so much easier. It's what she'd always done. So she sunk herself into her work and avoided the deep feelings of inadequacy.

A page brought her out of her thoughts, "10-19 the break room." Came in from D.B. the latest grave shift supervisor. She closed up her kit and made her way to the break room.

"Sara Sidle." A low, deep voice staccato'd her name. She looked up.

"Doug?" She blinked to ensure her eyes weren't deceiving her. "Doug what are you doing here?" A smile slid across her face at the sight of an old friend.

"You're about to find out." He spoke through a sly, crooked smile and walked into the break room with her.

There, the rest of the team had assembled as D.B. played a clip obtained from a tourist that showed the a plane nosediving just off the strip.

"This is NTSB investigator, Doug Wilson. He's going to be leading the crash investigation. You two guys worked together before right?" D.B. pointed between Doug and Sara, both quickly replaying "yeah." —a little too quickly. Something Finn caught onto immediately.

"Yeah, on an NTSB crime scene when I worked in the San Fransisco Crime Lab." Sara stated. She gave Doug a look, almost warningly so. Silently telling him to keep the rest of their history to himself.

He smiled, catching her drift, "Right now we have very little information." He continued to brief the room, his eyes continuing to land on Sara.

"What about the black box?"

"Haven't found it yet. I'm going back to the site to take a look around." He paused briefly and looked at Sara again, "Could use some help." There it was again, the flirtatious smile she kept silently warning him against. Even after all these years, she could still read him so well.

"That's a good idea." D.B. spoke, forcing Sara out of her thoughts. "You've worked together before, you probably have your own short hand. Go ahead Sara."

Sara gave him a knowing look as she exited and headed for the locker room. He followed her.

She opened her locker. A photo of her and Grissom hung on the door. They had taken it in Costa Rica just after getting married. The photo was three years old now.

She threw on her vest and holstered her gun.

"Ready to roll?" Doug appeared in the threshold of the locker room.

"Just about." Sara answered somewhat mindlessly, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket. She checked the ID—Grissom. She signed internally, knowing she didn't have time to answer his call now so she let go to voicemail.

"Just like old times." He smirked, taking in her appearance.

"Very old times." She countered.

"I heard you married your boss. What's his name? Dr. Bugs?"

"Gil."

"Right, Grissom." He smiled again easily as he teased her, "I guess being a stimulating lecturer was not on your prerequisite list for husband material."

"And Candy? You two still married?"

"Oh no, we crashed and burned years ago."

"Hu, didn't see that coming." Her voice was laced with unsubtle sarcasm, accompanied by a Sidle-famous smirk.

"Yeah you did."

She brushed past him, "Just like old times." Was she flirting back? She realized as she walked down the hall to the front of the building. Waiting for him to catch up so they could head out to the scene. It came so naturally to her, their easy banter, shared smiles, knowing looks. Flirting over a case… she rubbed at the wedding band on her finger mindlessly.


Grissom stepped off the boat. His feet touching land for the first time in months, in San Diego.

"Hey Sara, looks like I missed your call. I'm back on land so I'll try you again in a few hours."

"Gil." He turned back around, "Do you want to grab dinner?" Carly spoke as she joined him on the dock. Carly was one of the several crew members he'd been traveling with for the last several months and they'd grown to be good friends.

"No, I'm going to make my way to Vegas."

"See the wife?" She smiled.

"Yeah."

"You sure you have time? We set sail again in 36 hours."

"I'll make the time."


After spending the day together at the crash site, Sara and Doug sat side-by-side I in the A/V lab. He turned to her as he processed some wires.

"Hey, did you hear the Rusty Nickel closed?"

She let out an easy laugh, "Well that's about time. That bar gave dives a bad name."

"What are you talking about? You loved that place."

"You're right I did love it… right until the moment they kicked me out for life." She cleared her throat, sitting up a bit.

"They did do that."

"Yep." She knew they were sharing an unspoken memory. One of her and Doug at that bar drinking away the grime of the day. When they had been dating for a few months at that point.

"You were pretty wild in those days." He mused aloud, she caught the gleam in his eyes, that flirtatious look.

"Cut it out." She scolded but it came out more playfully then she'd intended.

"The last time we slept together was the night you were banned for life."

"Alright…" Sara said, urging him to stop.

"That next morning, Dr. Bugs called and summoned you to Vegas, and you never looked back."

She shot him a confused look.

"You know, Sara, I was really into you. I thought we were kind of a thing."

She softened a touch, "I thought we were just having fun."

"We were." He spoke softly, "But I don't know, I thought we were something more too. And then, Grissom called and I didn't hear from you again."

"Doug... I'm sorry. I really—I didn't realize."

A little later on they pair stood in the garage, in a mock-plane Doug built, reenacting the actions they thought may have taken place.

"I try to overpower you." Doug moves in close and grabs Sara's extended wrist as she mock pointed a gun.

"Then we struggle for the gun." He moved in a mimicked struggle. Her wrist being pulled upward within Doug's grasp.

Suddenly, she flashed back to when she asked Grissom to pin her down in a layout room all those years ago. Her stomach dropped in a pit. She could feel the warmth of Doug's body against hers. His soft touch on her shoulders as he gripped her in a pretend struggle. She Hadn't felt this close to another person in so long. Hadn't felt this touched, admired, or seen. A lump caught in her throat as he moved his hands up to pin both her wrists now.

She remembered that thick air of sexual tension that lived between her and Grissom. It was so heavy between them. So intense and palatable. His bearded face, soft blue eyes, his scent. The feeling of warmth rising within her body at their proximity. When she'd asked him to pin her down, in that moment, it had been the closest their bodies had ever been at that point. She remembered the burning desire she read in his eyes even though he was still in fierce denial. His lips her so close to hers that only centimeters had separated them, close enough to kiss—but forbidden.

She quickly took her wrists back and pushed Doug away as if they were still acting out the scene. But really she needed to create distance.

"Listen, Sara. I was wondering if I could take you and Gil out to dinner tonight. You pick the place, NTSB picks up the tab. I'm a hell of a third wheel."

"Actually, Gil is out of town."

"Okay, just the two of us then?"

"Don't." She warned.

"Don't what?"

"Don't...do this."

"Okay." He spoke in a resigned voice but only let a moment pass before refocusing, "But if everything is good between you two, and I know you Sara, so I'm getting the feeling that maybe it isn't. And I understand—"

"Everything's great." She cut him off, but he could sense that she was trying to convince herself of that fact more then him.

"Okay. It's just… seeing you again. It brought back some really good memories, Sara." They exchanged a somewhat sad smile, "And honestly, it's kind of annoying how great you look."

She laughed bashfully at this, "Thanks."

"I'm glad things worked out for ya. You deserve it, Sara."

She could see a flicker of regret and sadness fill his eyes despite his efforts to fight it back, "Give my regards to the By." She responded softly.

"Will do." They embraced. His long arms wrapping around her, pulling her in close. She could feel his heart beating against her and she realized how long it had been since anyone had hugged her like this.

"Bye, Sara." He turned around and walked down the hall and out of sight. Sara made her way back to the locker room to grab her things so she could head out.


"Dr. Bugs! I thought you were out of town."

Grissom looked up to see a tall, slender man approaching him. He couldn't quite place him though, as hard as he tried to rack his mind.

"It's, Wilson. Doug Wilson. NTSB" He extended his hand, "I just wrapped up a case with our girl."

"Our girl?" Grissom wondered if the sea had caused some level of brain fog, he couldn't follow a word this man was saying.

Doug laughed as he cocked his head to the side, "Your wife… Sara."

"Oh." He looked at him again through squinted eyes, "Have we worked together?" Grissom asked, still trying to place him.

"Not exactly. Sara and I used to date back in San Fransisco." He paused briefly, "And I attended your lecture in 1999, where you and Sara met."

Recognition overtook his features now, "You were sitting together in the lecture hall."

Doug nodded, "That's right. I'm the one who told her you were a dull speaker." He paused a moment, "You travel a lot?"

"Are you asking for NTSB?" Grissom asked through raised brows causing Doug to laugh again.

"No, I just, I got the sense from Sara that you two were… that things weren't…" Grissom waited with baited breath to hear what this man thought of his marriage, what insights Doug thought he gleamed from Sara, "She seems...sad." He quickly added, "Look I know this isn't my business—"

"No." Grissom agreed.

"But uh, Sara's something very special, you know. I just want her to be happy…" Doug looked left, absently into the distance before adding, "I'm sure she'll be glad to see you though. Seems like she wasn't expecting you."

"No, she doesn't know I'm here."

"Well, she's just wrapping up so I'm sure she'll be out soon. Listen, Dr. Bugs, I got to get to the airport but it was nice running into you. Take good care of our girl, please. She deserves it."

Doug disappeared out of sight, leaving Grissom to feel the weight of his words.