Chapter Three
The first major snowfall occurred on the 30th of December. We have had several dustings since before Christmas but we are truly in winter now. I was working hard not to feel blue but it was difficult. I couldn't curl up in front of my fireplace with a good book and an afghan over my shoulders. Friends didn't drop by. No matter how welcome Seth made me feel, it was still his house and people didn't associate going to his office as a place to visit with me.
Seth works long hours during winter. The flu season is pretty strong then and there's always an uptick in pneumonia cases. I've taken over the cooking for the most part. He comes home tired and barely has time to eat and shower before heading off to bed. I tried to help as much as he allowed. I ironed his shirts and cleaned his shoes. He complained but I told him I was just earning my keep. I smiled when I said this because he balked about accepting payment from me for room and board even though he initially agreed. I had to threaten to leave and even then he only allowed me to give him a few hundred dollars each month. I ate more than that.
He was downstairs working and I was standing in his bedroom doorway. I had an idea and wanted to see if it would work. I had a queen size bed in my bedroom and I was certain Seth was missing it. He had a double bed in his room but if my measurements were correct, there was more than enough room for a larger bed plus two nightstands. There was a small mismatched dresser in the room also. I took out the measuring tape again and opened his top drawer.
"What are you doing, Jess?" There was no accusation in his voice, only curiosity.
"I'm taking measurements." I took a look around his room again. "I'm feeling guilty having your room and wondered if a larger bed would fit in here."
Seth looked at me incredulously. "So you were going to switch beds with me?"
"Well, no," I admitted. "That hadn't occurred to me."
A frown appeared now. "You are not buying me a new bed. I am not changing my mind on that."
"You're working so hard and you come home tired. I just thought you might like to have a larger bed," explained Jessica. "The other option is to give you back your room and I'll sleep in here."
They stared at each other. Jessica wondered if she could out stubborn Seth. He could be particularly mulish.
"Why is it so hard to allow me to do something for you without you trying to 'pay me back'?" asked Seth. "I get it. You're an independent woman, today's woman, who can do it all by herself."
I ducked my head. "Why can't I do something for you?" I asked, softly. "You've given me a home for now. I know you're looking out for me, even now when you're so busy with your own responsibilities."
"It's what friends do, Jess."
He was staring at my lips. Was he thinking about our kisses?
"Are we just friends?" I whispered. "I thought we were more."
Seth grabbed my shoulders and pulled me forward. His lips descended on mine. He feverishly kissed me and I let him. I pressed my chest to his and my self restraint flew out the window. I felt his hands drop to my hips. I pressed forward, wanting more. His lips left mine and moved to my neck. When he pulled back his smoldering eyes pierced mine.
"I'm only taking a half hour lunch. I'll have to unlock the doors soon." He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. "Twenty minutes isn't enough for what I need to do and I know I'm taking a risk leaving you here to your thoughts." He walked toward the kitchen. He almost seemed to regret kissing me so intensely.
I didn't comment. I could barely think. I heard him in the kitchen removing the sandwich I made earlier from the fridge. I sat down heavily on his bed. How did I never realize how passionate he could be? My lips felt swollen and my body was flushed with yearnings. I forgot I was in his room taking measurements and went into my room. I wanted to think about our kisses. I wanted to think about doing more.
By the time Seth's practice hours were over I was pretty nervous. Would we continue where we left off? Would we discuss things? Or worse, would we ignore our interlude and pretend it didn't happen? I wouldn't stand for the last one.
I was restless. I had turned on the lamps. It gets dark before five during winter and the heavy snowfall had the sky dark all day. I had puttered in the kitchen before settling in the den. A pot of corn chowder with chicken was on the stove. There were rolls on the counter and because soup is never enough for Seth I made three Cornish pasties for him. I felt more than heard him enter the room and I looked up.
He sat next to me. "Ready to talk, Jess?"
I nodded. "I suppose we ought." I clasped my hands together. "I'm hoping this isn't just an opportunistic moment because I'm staying here."
"I pray you aren't looking for a casual fling." Seth's face grew serious. "The world has changed since I lost Ruth. I know it's only been twenty years but things are more open now. Affairs have become common. Infidelity is rampant. But I haven't changed inside. Sure, in my youth I chased girls, but I didn't have casual dalliances. I don't want one now."
I was about to interject but he held up his hand. "I know you don't want to marry. I knew it when you didn't start dating after Frank died. We wouldn't have to marry but I'd want to be in a committed relationship. I already know I won't be able to walk away." He waited for my response.
"It's true. I don't think marriage is something I want to do, at least right now. I feel as though these past few years I've been influx. As you know, most of the changes have been overwhelming. Losing Frank, becoming an author, handling the fame, the fire, losing almost every material possession I own. I'm grieving again and I worry about making unwise decisions. I don't want to have regrets but I can't live in the past." I leaned over and kissed him. "This feels right. Is it right? I think only the future can tell us."
"I must confess I've thought about it for years."
I looked into his eyes. Was I that oblivious?
"No, I wasn't going to do anything about it unless I was certain it was what you wanted. If you didn't, you would have run for the hills to get away from me."
I couldn't help smiling. It was true.
Eventually we went into the kitchen to eat our dinner before lounging in the den. We were sitting close so it wasn't surprising that we started kissing. I love to kiss. I love kissing Seth. It didn't take long before I was tingling all over. I wanted to rip off our clothes but even as I thought it, Seth was putting on the brakes.
"Let's not move too fast," he cautioned.
I wasn't having any of that. We'd been friends for years and I wanted sexual relief. So instead of acquiescing to his suggestion I began kissing his neck. When I reached a spot behind his ear, he growled. He actually growled before I realized I was turning him on. I moved onto his lap, straddling him.
"Jess," he said weakly.
I took one of his hands and brought it to my breast. "If you'd rather not touch me, tell me now," I whispered in his ear.
His hand began caressing me and my hips began moving rhythmically. Why wasn't he taking off my clothes? Before I could remove my sweater on my own, his hands stopped mine.
"Like you said, you don't want to make an emotional decision and regret it later. Wait until you're sure it's me you want."
I nodded but I felt I already knew I wanted him, not just any man but him. Before I knew it I was being bustled off to bed. I lay in bed for an hour. My body had settled down but it wasn't what I wanted, no, I was not going to be distracted by talk of not knowing my own mind.
I rose from the bed and removed my nightwear. I do not have the same body I had on my wedding night, all those years ago, but I've matured well. My body is still relatively firm and I'm not ashamed of it. Leaving my robe in my room, I walked nude, down the hallway. I was feeling brave. There was no turning back. Seth's door was closed and I didn't see a light beneath the door. I cracked open the door and took a peek inside. His back was to the door so it was easy to slip inside. I could hear him breathing and saw the rise and fall of his chest. He was in the middle of the bed so there wasn't much room for me but if I turned on my side I could just fit.
I adjusted my breathing to match his. When I was sure he was in a deep sleep, I put my arm across his middle and pressed my body to his back. I let my hand rub his belly for a second before moving it lower. I heard him murmur my name before he jerked awake.
He allowed me to continue and his heavy breathing told me my skills hadn't deteriorated. His hand reached back and landed on my thigh. I don't think he expected to touch flesh. His hand moved over me quickly and he turned in bed, pulling me up against him.
It may have been a long while since I was so physically engaged but it all came back to me. I dare say I was rather aggressive. Twice Seth told me to slow down but I didn't. I just laughed and told him if he wanted to keep up with me, he would have to hang on tight. He accepted the challenge and oh my, it was a wild ride. We were trying to catch our breath when we started to giggle.
Seth reached over and turned on the lamp. I hastily pulled up the sheet but he halted my progress and took a good long perusal. "You would deprive me of looking at my leisure?" He rubbed my shoulder slowly. "I hope you'll allow me another chance to show you how well I could please you, perhaps a little slower?"
"My dear Seth, don't start the race if you can't sprint to the finish line." I smiled at him, thrilled I found my voice again.
"Jess, I don't want to run a fifty yard dash. I'm running a marathon."
I laughed delightedly then stopped. I suddenly felt unsure of myself. Do I return to my bed? He solved the problem for me by tucking me into his side. I snuggled deeper against him and fell asleep.
I woke up alone. I vaguely recalled Seth climbing out of bed during the night. He kissed me goodbye so I'm pretty certain he got called out and he didn't run away. The clock read five-thirty so I got up. I wasn't as brave as l was last night and grabbed Seth's robe and left the room. I was alone in the house but old habits are hard to break.
An hour later I was in the kitchen making cinnamon apple pancakes along with sausages. I heard Seth come in downstairs and dished up a plate of food for him. The coffee was piping hot and I turned to get the bacon from the broiler. He liked his bacon crisp. As soon as I closed the oven and sat the pan on top of the stove I felt his arms around my waist.
"Good morning, Jess." He kissed my cheek and continued to hug me from behind. "I hated having to leave you but Jep Daniels had a heart attack and Doc Abrams was already in surgery with another patient.
"Such is the life of a country doctor," I commented. "Sit. Eat while you can."
I didn't have to tell him twice. He polished off three pancakes before I even sat down. I looked at him in amazement.
"I burned a lot more energy than usual last night," he explained. He put a second pancake on my plate. "So did you."
I blushed but ate both pancakes and a couple slices of bacon. Seth stood when he finished eating and told me he wanted to shower before he began seeing patients. I told him I had a meeting with the architects and was going to take all the notes we'd made over the past week with me.
The architect, Sam Burstein, took in a lot of information. He had me look at several house plans to get an idea of what I like or didn't like. He insisted that I add a garage to the house although I don't drive but he said resale value was important and attached garages sell better. We discussed time frames and how long it would take to build. He promised to get to work and would have plans in a couple of weeks for me to look over. I reminded myself to ask Seth to look them over with me.
It was New Years Eve and stores were closing early so I took a cab over to the grocer's and picked up a few items along with a bottle of champagne. I couldn't recall seeing one at the house.
I arrived home balancing two bags of groceries and fumbled for the key. Who locked the door? Seth wasn't seeing patients so no one would stop by. Seth opened the door before I inserted the key and took the bags from my arms.
It was snowing outside and it really was a beautiful picture when you looked outside. Seth came up behind me and we watched the snow gently falling. He rested his hands on my shoulders for a moment then pulled me back against him.
The wind picked up outside and we moved away from the window. The last thing I needed was to catch a chill.
New Year's Eve has always been a special day for me. I love sweeping out the old year and ringing in the new. This year was different in many ways. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't think of my crystal punch bowl that I wouldn't fill with a champagne punch or my silver bowl filled with eggnog. I sniffed and surprised myself. I thought I was over feeling so emotional.
"Jess?"
I swear he has ears like a bat. "I'm okay."
He came over anyway and gathered me in his arms. "What is it?"
I sighed. I felt like I was moaning over the same things over and over. I shook my head.
"I know what will cheer you up," announced Seth.
"Maybe later, Seth." I tried to look positive.
"Not that. Although maybe later sounds good to me." He left the room and returned.
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, trying to sound cheerful. I didn't want to be in a somber mood.
"Yahtzee!" said Seth, holding up the box.
I couldn't help the laughter that erupted. "But you cheat!"
"I do not," said Seth, affronted. "I just count quicker than you do."
A few years back we played the game so much I got sick of it and didn't play it again for a time but I was eager to beat Seth tonight. I think I just wanted to be a winner. Or at least feel like one.
I went on to beat Seth at Yahtzee, Scrabble, Sorry, Checkers, and Hangman before he called quits.
"I don't know how you did it, Jess, but you cheated somehow."
I laughed hard. "No, I just had a lucky night." I had made a few appetizers tonight and we drank champagne while eating. I was definitely tipsy but not impaired. We snuggled on the sofa. It was only eleven.
"I hope you'll join me in bed tonight," said Seth, whispering in my ear.
"Maybe you should join me in mine," I suggested. I smiled at him and relished being held in his arms. By silent mutual agreement we moved to my bedroom. We undressed and got into bed without speaking.
I moved to turn off the light but Seth wanted it left on.
"I want to see how much I please you."
I admit to feeling a little unsure of myself. What if I didn't please him as much as our first time? I actually don't know what I was worried about. Not only did I please him but he exceeded my wildest dreams. When Seth said he wanted to slow down, I didn't think he meant he wanted to take me to heights over and over again. I was boneless. He was smug.
