A/N: Some fun for this rainy evening sitting outside a dance studio for the 3rd time tonight yelling "can you please hurry up! I wanna go hoooooome!" My eldest gets her license next week (fingers crossed) and oh man am I excited to not have to do this multiple times a night!
It was a typical Saturday afternoon at the garage, and Walter was sat at the kitchen table, his face twisted in deep concentration. He was staring at a pile of DVDs, books, and magazines, determined to conquer his next great challenge: understanding pop culture. He had, for so long, relied on Paige to decode the human experience for him, and now that they were back together, he was determined to do more, be more, and improve himself, so she could simply enjoy them being together, rather than always having to be his tour guide to normal.
Paige walked into the room with a smile, Ralph trailing close behind her, returning from the grocery store, and by the looks on both of their faces at the sight of Walter, they were already aware of the inevitable chaos that was about to unfold.
"Walter… what is all this?" Paige asked, eyeing the clutter of movies, comic books, and stacks of 90s music CDs.
"Research." Walter replied, simply, cocking his head slightly as he looked over the stacks, quirking an eyebrow, in that serious, nerdy way that Paige secretly adored. "I've been noticing that my references to quantum mechanics aren't quite… resonating with people at social gatherings, and I don't want you to have to keep translating for me. I want for you to be able to socialize yourself, to enjoy yourself. So, I've devised a plan. I will immerse myself in popular culture and become… normal."
Ralph raised an eyebrow himself, picking up a case of DVDs and a CD. "You're going to binge-watch Friends and listen to the Backstreet Boys…?"
"Precisely." Walter said, without a trace of sarcasm. He had a flowchart and everything. "Step one: Become fluent in sitcom humor. Step two: Learn pop music preferences. Step three: Engage in meaningless small talk."
Paige, ever the supportive girlfriend, tried to suppress her laughter but failed miserably.
"Walter, sweetie, you don't have to do all this to fit in. People love you for who you are. And I don't mind translating for you. Sometimes it's actually fun."
Walter blinked.
"I appreciate your sentiment, Paige, but empirical data suggests that my failure to engage in light-hearted banter about something called a 'Ross and Rachel' has resulted in awkward silences at multiple gatherings. I must improve."
Ralph smirked.
"Oh, this is going to be good."
And so, Walter began his intense pop culture immersion, starting with Friends. It went… poorly.
"Walter, I don't think you're supposed to analyze Friends like a physics problem." Ralph said, watching in amazement as Walter scribbled notes furiously while watching the show.
Walter shook his head.
"It's a complex situation! Ross's emotional inconsistency is entirely illogical. In one episode, he seems to care deeply for Rachel, but then dates other people. It's… inefficient. Why doesn't he just write a pros-and-cons list?"
Paige giggled from the doorway.
"That's not how relationships work, Walter. It's all about feelings. But uh, in one episode he does make a pros and cons list. That doesn't go very well for him either."
Walter looked utterly baffled.
"Feelings? But there's no measurable data. How can you make decisions without data?"
"Welcome to the human condition, buddy," Ralph said, snickering.
"And, for the record, you were in love with me for three years before we got together. Talk about inefficient."
"Semantics. Besides, I made a pros and cons list."
"Retreat, retreat." Ralph advised, a look of worry on his face Paige openly gawked at Walter. "Here's a pop culture reference for you: Danger Will Robinson, Danger!"
"Uh, I mean, my sweet, my love, my dearest Paige… I made a list which always came down to my being in love with you and being unsure of how to express that to you because you are so beautiful and wonderful and I was intimidated by the thought that you'd ever want to be with me?"
"Smooth." Ralph whispered through a pitied tap on Walter's shoulder.
"Nice try, Cavanova." Paige chided, shaking her head.
Next came music. Walter tried to analyze the Backstreet Boys' discography, his brain straining to process the repetitive chorus of 'I Want It That Way.'
"I don't understand." He muttered. "What way do they want it? The lyrics are deliberately ambiguous."
Paige came over, patting his back.
"It's not about understanding, Walter. It's about feeling the music."
Walter looked genuinely concerned.
"Feeling? There's nothing here to calculate. It's just… noise. At least, with your friend Amy, granted, with some assistance, I could understand the meaning behind her lyrics. But this is just… I don't even have a strong enough word to describe it."
Paige just laughed, enjoying his experiment of his, thoroughly.
"Exactly!" Ralph said, grabbing his earbuds. "Now listen to this. It's called dubstep. It'll blow your mind."
Walter put the earbuds in, and his eyes widened in horror.
"This… this is just a series of random frequencies and vibrations! It's an auditory attack! Absolutely atrocious. I can actually feel my brain cells dying."
Paige couldn't stop laughing now.
"Walter, you don't have to force yourself to like these things."
"I know that." He said, rubbing his temples. "But if I want to improve socially, if I want you to be able to be my girlfriend and not my keeper, I must learn to participate in small talk about this… stuff. My simulation of casual human conversation won't work otherwise."
Ralph, enjoying himself immensely, decided to take it up a notch.
"How about memes? Memes are a huge part of pop culture. Let's see you try and understand this."
He handed Walter his phone, displaying a meme with a picture of a confused cat sitting at a dinner table and the caption 'When you realize you're out of pizza rolls.'
Walter stared at the meme for a long, uncomfortable moment, as Paige looked on with a hopeful, but weary smile watching the gears turn in his head. Then he finally spoke.
"Why is the cat at the table? That's not sanitary. Also, I could be wrong, but cats, to my knowledge, don't consume pizza rolls. And why are pizza rolls significant? Is this a coded message?"
Paige snorted.
"It's just a joke, Walter. A simple, silly joke."
Walter frowned.
"But there's no logic to it. How do people find this humorous?"
"It's not about logic, honey." Paige explained, still laughing. "It's about randomness and absurdity."
Walter groaned, leaning back in his chair.
"Absurdity I can handle. I work with Happy and Toby, after all. But this… this is a whole new level. I don't know how I can be successful at this, when at its foundation, I can't even understand the basic concepts."
By the end of the weekend, Walter had made some progress, though not in the way he expected. He didn't suddenly grasp the nuances of pop culture, nor did he suddenly fall in love with the Backstreet Boys or Friends. Though, he did find it oddly fascinating to watch Paige while they played each episode. She clearly had seen this show and alarming amount of times, having nearly every conversation memorized, but yet, they excitement with which she watched was as though she were seeing it for the first time. Similar to when she'd watch that horror film with the swamp monster. It was puzzling, and endearing, and so, so peculiar.
So, his progress was not the progress he'd hoped for, but it was… something.
But as Paige and Ralph sat with him, laughing at his overly scientific critiques of 90's boy bands and sitcom plots, Walter realized something more important. Maybe fitting in wasn't about memorizing pop culture references or understanding every meme. Maybe it was about being with people who accepted his quirks, people like Paige and Ralph. He was so desperate to fit in, so that Paige wouldn't find him so odd, afraid he'd lose her again, but he forgot the most important thing. She loved his weirdness. She embraced it, even when she was annoyed that he couldn't carry a conversation in public without her assistance.
"Okay, Walter." Paige said, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye, turning the television off. "Let's call this experiment a success."
Walter smiled — a rare, genuine smile.
"Success? But I didn't grasp the deeper meaning of the 'we were on a break' argument."
Ralph shook his head.
"There is no deeper meaning, Walter." Ralph quipped.
Paige kissed Walter on the cheek.
"The only thing you need to understand is that we love you just the way you are. Besides, I don't want you to change who you are. You're uniquely you, and that's what makes you so special."
Walter blinked, his brain processing that information for a moment.
"So, you're saying… I don't have to like memes or pop music?"
"Nope." Ralph said with a grin. "Just keep being Walter."
And for the first time, Walter felt like maybe, just maybe, he didn't need a flowchart to understand that.
"But, were they on a break?!"
