A Contentious Padawanship
I didn't want another padawan.
Five simple words played through Qui Gon's mind as he looked own at the warm head of red hair pressed against his shoulder. He had lasted years without taking on another padawan. He did not want or need this troublesome waif and should have gone years more without the presence of a young, helpless child dogging his footsteps. He especially didn't need someone so hot-headed and emotional as this boy. In the end, Kenobi had proved he was capable of putting others before himself, and that was no small thing. It was enough to give Qui Gon a sliver of hope that this apprenticeship would not end in failure. The boy's physical affection, like the way he was currently using his teacher as his pillow, almost made him want to despair. But then Qui Gon looked down at the pale, thin face, seeing bruises on his face and burns from a slave collar on his neck and silently admitted that this fell under extenuating circumstances. Kenobi would learn not to give into such childish desires soon enough.
I will allow this for now, he swore silently, already planning on how he would tackle this particular issue. With Xanatos, the Jedi Master recognized in retrospect that he had given his padawan too much—too much praise, too much affection, too much leniency—in short, he spoiled a boy that did not need spoiled. Kenobi would not suffer that same mistake.
The Master of Ataru stared down at the greasy head of hair, thinking back to how it had been a bright, coppery hue in the Temple. Now it was dull and almost a shade of brunette. He recalled from a comment from Master Che about the boy's species, made when he'd caught sight of the strange toddler with metallic hair that had been brought in, that Stewjoni were an odd species.
"Unhappy Stewjoni young display various shades of the same hair color. We recognize them as redheads, but it is more complicated than that. When they are scared or stressed, the hair of the children darkens, and dulls so it looks more baseline. In the most extreme cases of this, it will even turn brown," she had told him. "The younger the child, the less time it takes to change. As they age, this becomes an indicator of long term environmental factories or even malnutrition. Supposedly some adults can even change it at will, but this is unconfirmed. The Temple holds the most information of every species known to the Republic, but even we know very little about this child's biology. Wherever he was before, he was loved."
Qui Gon looked at that hair now, and noted that despite the events of Bandomeer having passed nearly a day ago, he could already see a tiny bit of shimmer returning to the strands. He wasn't sure how long it had taken for the metallic quality to fade in those mines, but at this rate, it would be back in full swing within a ten day of their return to the Temple. This was physical proof that the boy felt content, protected, and most of all, safe. It made Qui Gon's heart swell.
Don't get attached,he reminded himself, quashing the rise of emotion that urged him to bond with defenseless is an apprenticeship, a partnership.
Qui Gon had loved Xanatos too deeply, too quickly. He would not make that mistake again, not with this padawan. He would not ruin this innocent child.
Qui Gon could tell that Kenobi was exuberant at the prospect of them moving in together. He practically shown in the Force with his eagerness and happiness. Outwardly, he displayed none of this eagerness. He spoke calmly and with words carefully measured into a neutral cadence. Qui Gon accepted the fact he was in charge of a twelve-year-old boy who needed work on his emotions, and even approved of the way he kept a professional exterior. It was a good skill to have as Consular Jedi. He did not approve of the nerves or fear that wafted from the boy every now and then. Fear leads to the Darkside after all. Perhaps it was only a matter of time…
"Oh," Kenobi said in a small, surprised voice as he joined Qui Gon in the main room for tea. He had just finished making his bed and putting away his clothes as Qui Gon instructed and now was time to partake in their first Sharing of Tea. "I just realized—my birthday passed. On Bandomeer. I'm thirteen now."
Qui Gon had neither the words nor the patience to deal with this. A part of him warred whether working with a thirteen-year-old was any different than a twelve-year-old. What was better for teaching the Way of the Jedi? The younger more impressionable, the older more reasonable. In the end, it did not matter. A birthday was not ostentatiously observed by the Jedi, but even they had obligations and traditions. A Master was supposed to acknowledge the date, offer a gift, and offer a social liberty. The date had already past, so he supposed the only thing he really needed to do was offer a gift and belated congratulations.
He struggles with his anxiety during meditation, Qui Gon considered, mind going through the items he had available to easily give away to an , I do have a useful thing for him.
Qui Gon briefly rose from the table, tea not forgotten but postponed, and went to his room to fetch Kenobi's gift. He returned to a baffled, slightly hurt child that he refrained from scolding for the unwarranted emotions. There, a social liberty had been provided for as well.
"Congratulations on your birthday, padawan, late thought it may be. Here is your gift."
Kenobi accepted the slightly Force-sensitive rock with wonder and awe. He seemed to hold it as if it were a treasure, and not some little anomaly Qui Gon picked up from a river h passed by just because he found it interesting. Qui Gon's first instinct was to again chastised the boy against any covetous behavior, reminding him that Jedi do not have possessions that they value or cherish. Again, he stayed his tongue. A part of him was also a little confused by the reaction of the boy. It was no trinket, could hardly count as a souvenir. Xanatos would have wrinkled his nose at it, but Kenobi held it like it was something more valuable than the kyber in the heart of a lightsaber.
"Come, let us drink our tea."
Kenobi carried the rock everywhere. If it hadn't been such a useful tool for the boy, Qui Gone would have given him a very long lecture about Jedi and possessions, and removed the accursed thing. Kenobi used it like a worry stone, the rock a crutch to his anxiety, and the emotions he spilled whenever he had visions. Sometimes Qui Gon wasn't sure why the boy had it—he would bring it out even when he wasn't upset, and look at it with a warm smile, always holding it firmly but gently.
One day, Qui Gon could not hold back his curiosity.
"Why do you constantly keep that with you, padawan?" he asked. Kenobi's smile was far too bright for what the man had hoped to be a reasonable answer.
"It's a symbol of our apprenticeship, Master," he replied simply. Qui Gon found that he could not disagree with that simple explanation, though it explained how a quirky, but mostly worthless rock, could hold so much sentiment. And that was indeed what it was: sentimental.
"Be mindful that your apprenticeship does not become an attachment," Qui Gon warned him. Kenobi's brow furrowed a little in confusion.
"Can you be attached to an apprenticeship? I thought attachment was to physical things, like objects and people," he said.
"An attachment can occur with anything. Are you attached to the physical person, or to the intangible soul?" Qui Gon quandered. "Regardless, are you attached to the apprenticeship, or to the bond it represents between us?"
"I don't know," Kenobi confessed. His eyebrows furrowed further. "I-I can meditate on it?"
"Please do," Qui Gon urged. Kenobi was silent for the rest of the day, and even when he had meditated, he had no answers to give. The Master found solace in that the boy no longer brought out the rock within his view.
It took Qui Gon almost an entire month to stop referring to the boy as "Kenobi" in his own mind. Having an apprentice felt strange, and as he came to know the boy's troubles, he began to understand why Master Yoda had wanted to pair them together. Obi Wan was always emotional, always prone to attachment of even the simplest of items and actions. It was commonly seen in those aligned with the Cosmic Force, and while Obi Wan was no Master Sifo-Dyas, he was still plagued with visions. Qui-Gon was the perfect one to ground him in the present, and to help him control his emotions. Within a mere month, the visions slowed to a trickle, and then ceased all together. As Obi Wan trained himself into being a better padawan, Qui Gon's fears began to melt away. His own cool regard of the boy thawed, ever so slightly.
Their interactions could never fully be called "warm".
