Once the door shut I turned to look back at my brothers. Pony was still buried in Soda and I could see him trembling. Soda was unconsciously rubbing Pony's back as tears fell down his face. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure how to help. How do you comfort two boys who just lost their parents? I mean there was no one here to comfort me either and I was suffering the same loss.
Just then Pony pulled himself away from Soda. He turned and looked at me. "Is this all real or just a dream in my head?" I gave him a sad look. The kid did have a wild imagination and I don't blame him for not knowing what was actually real. I reached out and cupped his face in my hand. "I'm really sorry baby but yeah. This is all real."
With that a fresh new wave of tears started pouring down his face. His breathing was getting faster and in that labored why he gets before he loses it. Soda and I shared a knowing glance over his head and I picked up Ponyboy and ran with him to the bathroom. We made it just in time as he threw up once again into the toilet. I'm glad we made it because the last thing I wanted for tonight was to clean that out of the carpet. I'm not even sure how you would clean that up. I sunk to the edge of the tub and gripped Pony's shoulders as he continued to heave. Soda came in behind us and slid down to sit behind Ponyboy and started up with his back rubs again.
Ponyboy was known to have his head in the toilet. He had a weak stomach but it was always Mom who was here to help out and calm him down. Soda and I always stood away to give him space. We had no idea what to do. Soda the ever so natural comforter just kept rubbing his back and shushing him in a soft way. I slid down to the ground with my back pressed up against the tub now just trying to process all that was happening.
Finally Pony seemed done for the moment again. Although I didn't think there could possibly be anything left in him, but I guess you can always dry heave when empty. Soda finally sat back against the wall and Ponyboy still had tears streaming down his face. "Come here kiddo" I opened my arms and Ponyboy crawled across the floor and slid into them laying his head down on my chest. I knew he had to be exhausted after the toll of all this on his body. If I could just get him to fall back asleep then I could start figuring out what I was going to do. I took a page from Sodas book and started rubbing Pony's back. Soda drew his legs into him and rested his head on his knees watching us.
We all stayed quiet as we thought about our lives shattering. And to think just a few hours ago I had asked Ponyboy to pray for us that we would get home before Mom and Dad so they wouldn't know we snuck out. I would give anything for us to have gotten caught. No punishment was worse than this.
Slowly I felt Ponyboy start to get heavy and his breathing light. I knew he was almost back asleep. Soda must have been able to tell because he opened his mouth to say something. But I shot him a cutting glance and shook my head. I didn't want Ponyboy to wake up again and start this process all over. Soda closed his mouth and stayed quiet. We sat like that for maybe 15 more minutes and then I was sure Pony was asleep and wouldn't wake up again.
Soda decided to open his mouth and try again "Darry. What are we going to do? What's going to happen to us?" he asked with a hoarse breath from crying so hard earlier. I just shook my head "I don't know Soda"
"But what about that social worker? Are they going to take us away?" He continued on. "Soda I don't know. The cop just said they were going to give us the options" I tried to reply kindly. "But what does that mean? I don't want to lose everything here too! Can't we all just stay here together?" He was starting to cry again.
"Soda I really don't know. I know as much as you do. I can't answer these questions. We have to see what everyone says" I was getting a little ticked off by all these questions. I know I'm the oldest, but how come that means I have all the answers? How was I supposed to know what happens when your parents die? I mean I was basically still a kid too. Just three days ago I was still a teenager! How had so much changed so fast? Soda could tell that I wasn't in the mood and I felt bad for getting upset at him. I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at the world.
"Look Soda I'm really sorry, but I don't know what's going to happen. I promise I'll do my very best to get all the information and let you be part of any decision that needs to be made. But right now I don't know anything more than you. I'm really sorry little buddy" Soda nodded at that and understood. "Here help me get up. I can't sit like this anymore and I want to put Pony back in bed." Soda stood up and then helped me to stand all while holding Ponyboy in my arms.
I walked to Ponyboys room and gently laid him down. I tucked the covers around him and pushed the hair out of his face. What on earth was I going to do? He was so young and wouldn't make it without us taking care of him. What if they took him away and he had no one? I couldn't let that happen. I needed answers and I hated that I had to wait for them.
I then walked out and shut the door behind me. Hopefully he would sleep for the next few hours. He had to be drained. I was drained and I hadn't been crying and throwing up like he had. I then walked to mine and Sodas room to see what was happening there. Soda was curled up on the bed. His eyes were open, but he seemed to just be staring off into space and didn't notice me. I sat down next to him on the bed and put a hand on his arm. "Come on Soda. Let's go to bed. Try and sleep for awhile." He just looked at me with glassy eyes but then nodded. He shifted in the bed and then was under the covers. I stood up and turned off the lights and got into my own bed. I heard some sobs from Soda and then the light breathing of him sleeping.
Now that both my brothers were asleep I finally let myself go. I let the tears fall down freely and hugged my pillow to my chest. I couldn't do this. How was I ever going to do this? But for my brothers sake I would try. I let myself go and cry tonight but starting in the morning I was going to take charge. I would figure this out. I had to.
