Chapter 15:
POV: Mara
Date: November 1, 2025
"Hold on." Doctor Lochlan held up a hand. "Go back. What happened before the running?"
I paused in my retelling of how we had defeated the Pythia. "What do you mean? There hasn't been any running."
"Well, maybe not physically," she admitted, "but right before this, you'd just disclosed to your family that addressing your problems in therapy had made you feel powerless, and then you jumped directly into stopping a war." She waved a hand away from herself. "You could see why I'm having a little trouble keeping up. Go back a bit."
My brow furrowed as I shifted in my seat. "Back where?"
"Back to that disclosure," Doctor Lochlan answered. "That was a big risk for you—someone who is so protective of her hearts. How did that feel to release that to your family?"
I rolled my eyes. "Did you really just ask the "and how did that make you feel" question?"
She laughed. "Come on now, Mara, you've been a counselor. You understand the merit of the question. Your pattern is to gloss over feelings and jump right into whatever needs doing. It's the same in your stories—you protect yourself by being vague about how things affect you, and instead jump right into the action of the tale. So, I ask you, how did that feel to stop, slow down, and admit to those closest to you what you've been feeling?"
I fidgeted and started to stand up. "Maybe coming back here wasn't a good idea."
"Mara," Doctor Lochlan's tone was firm. "You know as well as I do that you're free to leave anytime, but you're also the one who chose to come back. You knew I would be asking these questions. So, I guess I'm wondering now why you decided to come back, if you were just going to leave again when I pushed you to look at things that are uncomfortable?"
I squirmed a little under her question and forced myself to take a deep breath to calm my hearts. Above our heads the good doctor's clock was ticking loudly. I used its rhythm to slow my breath before I spoke. She simply sat and waited for me to collect myself.
"It was terrifying at first," I admitted. "They'd all poured so much into our rehabilitation. Not just in their own, but in helping me. I was afraid that, if I admitted how much I had been struggling, they would feel…"
"Betrayed?"
I swallowed thickly and nodded. "Exactly."
"And what did they feel, when you told them? How did they react?"
Doctor Lochlan waited patiently while I thought back to that night in the TARDIS. "Jenny was heartbroken for me, Dad and Faeter were worried. Before I'd said anything they had all felt helpless. They wanted to help me, but they didn't know how. Still don't, I think."
My therapist nodded. "And what did their helplessness make you feel?"
"Guilt," I said softly. "I don't want them to worry."
"And why is that?"
I clasped and unclasped my hands in my lap as I looked down. "Because what we do is dangerous," I admitted. "Our life—it's filled with fun and adventure, but it's also dark and has terrible consequences. We lost Mum because of it. Multiple times. We've lost so many friends because of it. They've already almost lost me more than once. Had to save me more than once. I need them to know I can take care of myself so they can keep themselves safe."
"Ah, you worry that you're their weakness. That they could be hurt because of something that was done to you." Doctor Lochlan's tone was soft as she summarized what I was trying to say.
I let out a slow breath. "It's happened before." I thought back centuries to when Jenny had been forced to separate from our parents and hide me on Earth from the Angels.
"Of course, but wasn't putting themselves in danger to help you their choice?"
I stiffened against Doctor Lochlan's logic. It wasn't the first time I'd heard it. "Of course it is. Doesn't make it hurt any less when they get hurt, though."
My therapist nodded. "Of course it doesn't, but I want you to consider more closely—in each scenario you've told me about; the Angles, being kidnapped by Ohila—what is within your control, and what is outside of it. You do not have control over those who would try to harm you, nor do you have control over those who love you. You only have power over your own actions."
"So, what?" I spat. "I should accept that I'm powerless to stop people from hurting me and my family?"
Doctor Lochlan shook her head. "No, of course not. I'm saying you should consider what power you do have to protect yourself and the ones you love from harm, and that this power lies within you."
I paused to consider what she had said. Above our heads the clock kept ticking, and in my chest, I felt my hearts begin to finally slow. My shoulders dropped as they relaxed, and I leaned back into my chair. "Alright," I said finally. "So where do I go from here?"
Doctor Lochlan smiled at me. "From here, we keep going on with the story, but as you tell it I want you to think about what power you had."
I nodded. "Alright, well, we landed on the planet the Sisterhood was hiding on. It was pretty remote—it had to be if they didn't want the Cybermasters to find them." I reached over for my glass of water and took a long sip. "We caught Claire up on everything that had happened. She was horrified by what the Pythia had done to me."
"Did that add to the guilt you felt?"
"Oh, absolutely," I said, "but I've become a pro at ignoring those feelings when we have a task ahead of us, and this was a big one. If we weren't able to convince the Pythia's soldiers that what they were planning wouldn't turn out the way they'd been saying it would…I didn't know what we'd do."
Doctor Lochlan crossed her legs over the knee. "That seems like an awful lot of responsibility for one family to take on."
I shrugged. "I suppose. I've never thought of it that way."
"Well, you wouldn't," she pointed out. "You were born into it."
I tipped my head to the side. "I suppose that's true."
She nodded. "So, what happened next?"
I let out a slow, shaky breath. "Well…" I was quiet for a long time as I ordered my thoughts. "As I said before, I'd thought the plan was terrible. I didn't like it at all. Of course, I never really like any of the plans our family manages to come up with, but that's more of a genetic issue than anything else." I waved a hand to get myself back on track. "Anyway, what happened next was all chaos broke loose."
Doctor Lochlan raised an eyebrow. "And then what?"
"Then…" I pulled in a deep breath that went all the way down to my toes. I'd been dreading telling her this story. "Then we had to deal with the consequences."
POV: Jenny
Date: October 23, 2025
Again, I found myself pacing across Faeter's console room while we waited for Ruby to report back to us. While Neeklet and Claire were spreading the word about the Pythia's lies, Ruby was working on getting us proof of them. To do that, she'd needed to sneak into the Pythia's inner chambers without being seen to plant listening devices that could catch them in the act of planning their real visions for taking over Gallifrey.
I turned and marched back for another round of pacing. I was too old for this; my hearts couldn't take it. I didn't know who I was more afraid for—my granddaughter, my friend, or my…Neeklet.
"Stop that—you're making me anxious." Mara's voice rang loud and clear in my mind.
"It's not as though I can help it!" I shot back. "Tell me you're not as scared for them as I am."
I could feel what I could only describe as an internal sigh come from her. "Fine, but at least I'm not wearing a track into the console room floor."
"Girls, please," Faeter said with exasperation even in his mental tone. "Let's all just take a deep breath. They're fine. Your dad and I are watching them through the spy cameras we put on them. You know that. Jen, if you're that nervous just come over here and look—Ruby's just sneaking into the chambers now."
I huffed and walked over to his side. He was right, Ruby was just making her way into the chambers through the back way that our spy had mapped out. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried for all of them. Especially Claire—she's not like Ruby and Neeklet, she's never done something like this before."
"I know, but she evaded the Time Lords for months before they caught her, and she's proven she can handle herself both with us and with UNIT," Faeter countered, and reached over to squeeze my hand briefly. "They'll be fine, Jen."
I nodded. "I know, I know. Claire's also with Neeklet, and she can handle herself, it's just…" I shook myself. "No, they'll be fine. They will. They have to be." I watched on the screen as Ruby paused to evade several guards before continuing her trek to the chambers.
Faeter shot a strong wave of calm in my direction. It helped enough to get my hands to stop shaking. "Is this because Neeklet was hurt the last time she went in there? They won't be able to get through that perception filter. You know your dad and I tested it before we gave it to you."
I swallowed thickly. "It's—it's—it's nothing. Neeklet and I just had a…difficult conversation before she left. I don't want to leave things there."
"Everything okay?"
I shifted nervously. It was an innocent enough question but brought uncomfortable feelings to the surface. "She was just asking me about bonding. I guess Mara had told her that I'd never bonded with anyone. She was asking about your and Mum's bond and why I'd never had something like that."
Faeter raised his eyebrows. "And what did you tell her?"
"The truth," I said. "More of it than I thought I would, honestly."
"I see." His tone gave none of his thoughts away. Even his emotions were muted in our link. "And what is that truth?"
I swallowed. "That bonding is a level of intimacy I'd never been ready for. That I needed time."
He nodded and turned back to watch Ruby's efforts. She was nearly in the Sisterhood's chambers. "I see."
I raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You're disappointed?"
He shrugged. "Like I've told you, I want more for you than the fear of loss. I see how you look at Neeklet, and I can feel how strong your emotions are where she is concerned. We all do. I think we'd all just expected that it was just a matter of time before the pair of you took that step."
My eyebrows somehow rose higher. "Who is we?"
Faeter glanced at me. "Me, your dad, Mara…even Ruby."
"Oh, even the companion is in on this little conversation?" I couldn't help the heat that rose in my cheeks with my embarrassment.
"Jenny—"
"Ah!"
We both whipped our heads around to watch as Ruby was grabbed by a guard. She had made it to the Pythia's chambers while we had been talking and had just been about to finish planting our listening devices when she'd been caught.
"Ruby!" we both shouted and turned toward the TARDIS doors to run.
