Summary:
"He takes a deep breath. 'You got hurt again,' he mumbles. 'Except, this time…'
'This time what?'
Jonas squeezes his eyes shut. 'This time I think you died.'"
OR
Present-Day AU. A malfunctioning time travel device and a harrowing mission force Sam and Jonas to finally confront what happened in Florida. But they're running out of time to clear the air before Jonas' latest vision comes true - a vision of Sam's impending death. Sequel to "band-aids don't fix bullet holes."
A/N:Hello again! I don't have much of a preamble for this chapter other than to apologize for once again putting Jonas through more totally undeserved emotional turmoil. I love him dearly, but my favorites always get the most torture 😆 Anyway, just another reminder that since we're in the wonderful world of AU, Dr. Lam is playing the part of psychologist here as opposed to CMO, in case anyone forgot that from the first chapter. Other than that, I'll leave you to read. As always, thanks for being here, and I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 2: the hardest thing and the right thing
"You okay, bud?"
It's Thursday afternoon, two days after his vision, and Jonas is fidgeting. He's always fidgety to begin with, but this is more nervous energy than a restless attempt to focus. "I'm fine," he lies, knowing full-well that Colonel Mitchell won't believe him.
Sam is on a video call with Daniel about their latest theory on the device, and Teal'c is in the training room. Jonas is sitting in his office, studying his notes and waiting for his session with Dr. Lam. Mitchell was kind enough to keep him company after lunch, but he still can't seem to calm down.
"Look," the colonel says, "you know Carolyn. She's not going to bite."
Jonas sighs. "I know, I know," he mutters, twirling his pen between his fingers. "I've just never done this before."
"What? Counseling?"
"Yeah."
Mitchell leans back in his chair. "Just tell her what's been happening. How you feel about it. She'll most likely give you some strategies to deal with it."
Jonas glances at him. "Do they work? The strategies, I mean."
Mitchell shrugs. "They can. It depends."
Jonas nods and looks away again.
He hears the colonel shift in his seat. "Jonas, you'll be fine. Sam's right. It'll help to talk to somebody."
Jonas swallows and eyes his notes. There are clusters of doodles scribbled in the margins, byproducts of his mounting anxiety. "I just wish I could control them," he mumbles. "The visions, I mean. If I could turn this ability on and off like a switch, then maybe it wouldn't be as much of a problem."
Mitchell cocks his head. "Maybe," he says. "But would you be able to decide what you would or wouldn't see?"
Jonas bites back a groan. "I guess not," he sighs.
Mitchell leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk. "Look, I can't even begin to imagine what this is like for you. But I want you to know that I've got your back. No matter what happens."
Jonas looks up and smiles, if only barely. "Thanks, colonel," he says softly. "I appreciate it."
"Cameron," the colonel amends. "We're friends now, remember?"
Jonas' smile widens a fraction. "Right. I keep forgetting."
"About my name or about the fact that we're friends?" Cam laughs.
Jonas chuckles. "Well, you are still kind of the new guy."
Cam snorts. "I'm not really new anymore."
"Eh, still newer than me. I may be an alien, but I have been here longer than you."
Cam laughs again. "True," he says. He pauses a moment, his expression softening. "Look, Jonas, I've always appreciated that you were so welcoming to me when I first took command of the team. I just want to return the favor however I can. Even if I'm totally clueless about this psychic stuff."
Jonas smiles once more. "Thanks, Cam," he murmurs. "That means a lot."
Dr. Lam's office is much neater than his, with carefully-arranged bookshelves, matching armchairs, and a photo of a rainbow hanging on the wall. Jonas is grateful that it feels cozy rather than clinical, but even then the atmosphere isn't enough to soothe his nerves.
"Relax," Dr. Lam says, lowering herself into the chair opposite him. "This is your time. You're free to use it however you want to."
Jonas picks at a stray thread on his seat cushion. "Okay," he says. "I'm not really sure where to start."
Dr. Lam cocks her head. "Do you want something to fiddle with first?"
Jonas frowns. "What?"
She nods at his fingers, which are now drumming nervously against the armrest. "Something to keep your hands busy while we talk."
He blushes but agrees. "Yeah. Yeah I think that might be good."
Dr. Lam smiles and leans towards one of the bookshelves. She pulls out a cubby and grabs an item from inside. "How about a slinky?"
Jonas nods. "That works."
She reaches forward and hands it to him before sitting back in her seat. "So, what do you want to talk about?"
Jonas holds back a grimace. He doesn't really want to talk about anything, even though he knows he should. "I dunno," he mutters. "I guess I've just been really stressed out lately."
Dr. Lam hums in assent. "Right. Because of the visions."
He winces as his latest premonition flashes through his mind. "Yeah," he says quietly. "The thing is, I know I can't stop them or predict when they'll happen, so I'm kind of just…always on edge."
The doctor scribbles something in her notebook before speaking. "Do you think you're on edge because you're anticipating the visions or because you're anticipating that they'll be bad?"
He hadn't ever considered that before. "I'm not sure," he admits. "Maybe the latter? I mean, most of my visions are about bad things happening, so I guess I always assume that all of them will be that way."
Dr. Lam nods again. "That's understandable. It's kind of like a trauma response, in a way. All it takes is one bad thing to convince your brain that there's some kind of pattern."
Jonas frowns. "But what if there is a pattern?" he asks. "What if I'm not just imagining some kind of correlation?"
The doctor glances at her notebook, her brow creased in thought. "Your circumstances are pretty unprecedented," she agrees. "We've only scratched the surface when it comes to understanding your abilities. I suppose it's possible that these visions aren't just random."
He sighs. "So how am I supposed to deal with them, then?"
Dr. Lam taps her pen on her knee. "Well," she muses, "maybe we can pinpoint what the connecting thread is. It might not be the root cause of the premonitions, but it could be a major factor in determining why you keep having them."
Jonas stretches the slinky between his hands. "Okay," he says. "How do we do that?"
The doctor shifts in her seat. "Well, to start off with, all of your visions have been centered around your team or your missions in some way."
He mentally flips through his log of memories. "I guess that's true," he agrees.
Dr. Lam continues on. "And when it comes to your team, most of these visions seem to be about one person in particular."
Jonas freezes, feeling heat crawl up the back of his neck. "You mean Colonel Carter."
Dr. Lam meets his eyes. "Maybe that's the connecting thread?"
Jonas swallows. "How so?"
The doctor smiles. "The two of you are very close," she says gently. "And you clearly care about each other a lot."
He looks down, choosing to focus instead on the slinky. "Why would that impact my visions?" he mumbles.
He hears the chair squeak as Dr. Lam adjusts her position again. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious," she replies. "The more you care about someone, the more you worry about them."
Jonas has to admit that she does have a point. "So you think that the more I care about someone," he says, "the more likely it is that the visions will be about them."
He glances up in time to see the doctor nod. "It's as good a theory as any right now."
Jonas' eyes roam around the room and land on the photo of the rainbow. It reminds him of that day in Florida when he and Sam got caught in the thunderstorm. He can still see her standing before him, drenched and breathless, her eyes sparkling as they laughed about running through the rain. An empty space inside him starts to ache, and he tears his gaze away.
"Jonas?" Dr. Lam cuts in. "What are you thinking right now?"
He returns his attention to the slinky. "Nothing," he lies. "It makes sense. Your theory, I mean."
He feels Dr. Lam scrutinizing him in the ensuing silence. "Jonas," she says at last, "you know whatever you say in here is confidential. As long as it's not a security threat, it won't leave this room."
Jonas finally looks up. He notices that she's closed her notebook and set it on the shelf beside her.
"Sam's my friend," he says quietly. "Of course I worry about her."
The doctor leans forward. "Is that all it is?"
His eyes dart towards the notebook.
"Off the record," she says. "I promise."
Jonas takes a deep breath. "No," he admits. "No, it's not."
Dr. Lam folds her hands in front of her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
To his surprise, he realizes that he actually does. Maybe denying his feelings has taken more of a toll on him than he expected. "You know we've been friends since I first moved here," he starts, squeezing the slinky in his fist. "She was nice to me when she didn't have to be."
"That must've meant a lot to you," the doctor says.
Jonas nods. "Yeah," he affirms, "it did. After that we just hit it off and I guess the rest is history."
Dr. Lam leans back in her chair again. "Is there a moment you remember when it started to feel different?"
He uncurls his fist and begins tossing the slinky back and forth between his hands. "I dunno," he murmurs. "I don't think there was one specific moment. Just that I started spending more and more time with her outside of work. And that, well…" He blushes and rubs his temple before continuing. "I was sort of annoyed when she was going out with that Shanahan guy. You know, that civilian who was around here a couple of years ago? I didn't think much of it at the time. I just thought it was because I didn't like him."
The doctor makes a face. "From my understanding you weren't the only one."
"Well, yeah," Jonas agrees, holding back a grimace. "Thankfully it didn't last."
Dr. Lam nods. "So they kind of snuck up on you. The feelings, I mean."
"Yeah," he says, his voice softening. "I guess they did."
The doctor takes a breath. "Have you mentioned this at all to Colonel Carter?"
Jonas rubs the back of his neck. "That's kind of a complicated question."
"How so?"
His hand drops to his lap. "We've um, never really talked about anything," he says. "But something sort of…happened."
Dr. Lam frowns. "What kind of something?"
Jonas looks down at his hands. "You know that mission we had? The one where we went to Florida?"
He senses understanding dawning on her. "The one where you were undercover," she states. "As a couple."
He nods, suddenly unable to speak.
Dr. Lam exhales. "I'm guessing that might've stirred some things up."
"It did more than that," he mutters. "We got too comfortable with each other and it pretty much blew up in both of our faces."
The doctor purses her lips, processing the information. "So it's mutual?" she asks. "Whatever you're feeling?"
Jonas shrugs. "Maybe." He sighs. "We've kind of come to an unspoken agreement not to bring it up again. Y'know, so it doesn't make things awkward? But…"
"But?"
He shakes his head. "I dunno. I thought I was okay with it, but maybe I'm not."
Dr. Lam takes another breath, letting his words sink in. "So," she says, "am I correct in assuming you haven't expressed this to her?"
Jonas glances up at her. "No," he mutters. "Things are finally back to normal now and I just don't want to - how do you guys say it? Rock the boat."
The doctor nods. "That's understandable." She pauses. "But, at the same time, you might inadvertently be making things worse."
He frowns. "What do you mean?"
Dr. Lam sighs. "You're already under a lot of stress, having to deal with these visions. Especially since there seems to be a connection between them and the people you care about. The additional stress of keeping these particular feelings bottled up might be exacerbating things somehow."
Jonas' lips twist. "You really think that's possible?"
She shrugs. "It could be."
He runs a hand over his face. "So what am I supposed to do?"
The doctor leans forward again. "Maybe you need to be honest with her."
Jonas shakes his head again. "I can't, Doc," he says, his voice taking on an edge of desperation. "The Florida thing almost wrecked our friendship and I just can't risk it."
"How do you know she doesn't feel the same way?"
Jonas eyes her quizzically.
Dr. Lam presses on. "Look, Jonas," she starts, "I know there's no guarantee of anything, but maybe she hasn't said anything because she's afraid of the same thing you are."
He inhales. "What if you're wrong?" he groans. "What if I decide to be honest and it ruins everything?"
"Knowing what I know about Colonel Carter," the doctor says quietly, "I doubt that's going to happen."
Jonas sits in silence for a few moments, wrestling with his thoughts. Deep down, he knows Dr. Lam is onto something. But is it worth potentially shattering the fragile peace between him and Sam, especially when there's a chance it can't be rebuilt again?
"I dunno," he says at last. "I guess I need time to think about it."
The doctor nods in understanding. "That's fine," she murmurs. "You've got a lot on your plate right now and it's perfectly fine to give yourself some grace."
Jonas swallows. "Yeah," he mumbles. "Yeah, I know."
A beeping sound interrupts their conversation. "Ah, that's our time," Dr. Lam says, glancing at her watch. She looks back at him. "You did really well today, Jonas."
He shrugs, feeling a sudden wave of exhaustion.
"I mean it," the doctor continues. "I know these past few weeks have been tough on you, but I'm glad you decided to come in."
He nods, his mouth going dry. "Thanks," he says softly.
She rises to her feet, grabbing her notebook off the bookshelf as she does so. "Look, I'm always around if you want to make this a regular thing. But it's up to you, of course."
Jonas stands and meets her eyes. "I might just take you up on that," he murmurs. "Thanks, Doc."
"Anytime," she says, offering him a smile. "Oh, and by the way, you can keep that." She gestures to the slinky.
Jonas glances down. "Thanks," he says again, thumbing the toy in his palm. "I think I'm gonna need it."
A/N: The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "All At Once" by The Fray.
The opening scene was originally going to be another Sam/Jonas conversation, but I decided to touch on the Cam/Jonas dynamic instead since they never got to meet in canon. I feel like Jonas would've tried his best to welcome Cam as the new team leader, having already known what it was like to be the new guy, and that Cam would've eventually taken him under his wing like a little brother. Anyway, I really enjoyed writing the interaction between them, and I hope I can write more in the future 😊
I am 100% on Team Jonas Needs Fidget Toys, hence the inclusion of the slinky. Since he comes across as one of the more overtly neurodivergent characters on the show, I've been sneaking in hints to that, pulled from bits of my own personal experience. In addition to the fidgeting, the doodling, varied fixations/interests, and time blindness/forgetting to set timers are all things I've either done or dealt with that I've tried to incorporate into his characterization.
And finally, yes, I couldn't help but also sneak in the Pete reference lol. I'm kind of (okay, very) annoyed that Jonas left permanently right before Pete was introduced, since a) I never liked Pete even as a kid, and b) I think it was a huge missed opportunity not to explore how Jonas would've reacted to Sam dating him. As observant as he was, I personally feel like he would've detected red flags immediately, but we'll never know because he was prematurely taken from us :( For this AU I'm imagining that the relationship didn't last as long and ended long before it got to the engagement phase, but I wanted to explore the idea anyway since I thought it would be interesting to tackle it from the perspective of Jonas and Sam both working through relationship trauma (that was brought up in the previous fic). There will be more on it later.
