Next, we headed to Jourdan apartment to help Hanna get her stuff. We talked the entire time from his apartment to the car, and the entire drive home.
Hanna 1st asked me " okay I have to know the weight gain is that
why your styles changed so much. I understood when you changed after you got released from jail you were sad confused and deoresses, but now your grown woman and all you wear are cover ups like jackets and sweaters. Although you still have some really cute dresses and skirt but why."
Hanna I was in denial about my weight and i didn't care to shop for any appropriate styles to match my new size. Dresses and skirts were just easy because I liked how my new figure filled them out, but pants, shirts, etc just made me feel fat, uncomfortable and
self-conscious. So I bought cloths that would hide it. Hence the sweater and jackets.
"I don't know how to tell Emily Hanna"
Hanna replies "Ali everything going to be fine we got a diagnosis, and we know how to treat it it'll be fine. And besides I'm not into girls, but I was kind of pissed that when you got fat and you just looked cuter."
I laughed and cried at the same time for a while.
I started talking about a moment when my weight got in the way of Emily and I. It was just after my confession. We were all over each other acting like horny teenagers Emily tried to lift me up, but she couldn't, Em sidestepped and did something else immediately.
We didn't dwell on it, but I couldn't stop thinking about the next morning. which was another reason why I started my appointments so fast. Hanna took my hand and changed the topic. She started telling me stories of her time here and her life with
Jourdan. It was really beautiful straight out of a rom com. On the way to the car, I asked her if she'd ever return to New York.
She said yes for work, but not to live. I asked where then. She said maybe a little outside New York or Brooklyn. I asked if she would ever consider staying in Rosewood.
She replied, "hell no! you?" I said I would stay for a while, but once this was all sorted out and my health was under control. I would apply for my master's somewhere far away from Rosewood. Maybe live their for a while. Then when I'm done, I'd want me and Emily to move to Paris forever.
Hanna said "To Paris, wow that's you and Em's dream place right" I said "yeah, it is"
"You know it took me a long time to be able to give out love and stop collecting it from other people, but I'm still bad at accepting it. Thats what was holding me back from Emily in the beginning. When I 1st found out about my pregnancy." "But now we're going
to sit down and really talk about everything when I get back. I really want us to work" Hanna says "I hope you guys do. I'm rooting for you and hey if it doesn't work out, I'll take you out on the town to drown your sorrows. Spence will take Emily." I laugh and say, "I
don't think that's a good way to deal with heartbreak Han" She replies, "Hey that's what I did after Caleb". I give her a look she explains "which is probably why Jourdan, and I didn't work. dammit I hate when am wrong" I look hurt and say, "hey Your supposed
to say when am right" She says " No that doesn't sound right" I laugh again
