Let's see what the Hunter has in stock for them. Oh, and I have been playing Bloodborne as of lately. Y'know, to help with the creativity for this story.
A Hunter's Guide for Running a Hotel
XII
Business or Pleasure?
We start our next scene in a great, empty field of grass. It's akin to the plains of the great Savannah topside, with occasional scraggly trees and a burnt-out car every couple hundred meters. The pentagram's blood-red light as it swept across the land gave a strange if slightly ghostly, air. Hell's fields could be beautiful if there wasn't a great fire sweeping it or a pack of terrified Imps and a Hellhound being chased by a madman. Unfortunately, it was the latter.
"Mox, do you have a clear shot!?" The lead Imp, Blitzø, was frantically screaming to his subordinate as something tore up the ground behind them.
"How am I supposed to get it while we're being chased wearing weights, Sir?!" The Imp beside him, Moxxie, was correct in his panicked reply. Most of the I.M.P. were carrying nearly twice their body weight on their backs, in the form of rocks or large chunks of concrete. At the same time, due to her strength, Millie had one of the aforementioned cars hitched to her waist, and she had to drag the entire body, which was easily half a ton, while also running for her life.
"Because you're the Sniper, fatty!"
"I'm not fat!"
"Just take the shot, Mox!"
These were the frantic, panicked exchanges from each member of I.M.P. to one another. As they were in an empty field far from Imp City, the Hunter explained that he was training them in three different areas within a single session before moving on in just a week. This exercise, he said, was simple. Endurance, strength, and marksmanship. He would chase them around this field, and all they had to do was hit him with one of the (antique but incredibly well-made) pistols he provided: the Evelyn Pistol from the Vilebloods. They could hide and run, but they had to stick together. Anyone who strayed from the pack was hunted down ruthlessly. While it didn't seem much in theory, he added a considerable amount of difficulty by tying a lot of heavy rocks to their backs and Millie's car. Already, Loona didn't like where it was heading. Without any warning, the Hunter initiated his training. While they weren't ready for him to change his attire into a blood-stained orange robe with a rotten mask, they weren't prepared for what he did next.
A good two hours passed, and none had even tried to fire a single round at him. Several things were the cause of this. First, it was his sheer speed that caught them off guard. Though they had attempted to ambush him for the past three years, they had never gotten the drop on him. He dodged every bullet, knife, axe, body, car, building, well-placed piano, and bomb they threw at him. Right now, if they took a shot, he'd just dodge it, and they'd be back to square one.
The second and most troublesome is his weapon. What he wielded was not his modified Angelic-Steel Saw Cleaver. Instead, it was a-well calling it a weapon would be like calling a mansion a house. It technically was, but it was also something else entirely. Put simply, it was a saw. Put less simply, it was a gigantic, solid, something-metal wheel on a 3-meter-long pole. The wheel spun. Fast. Fast enough to tear through the ground as he chased them, fast enough to rip off parts of Millie's car when she lagged behind once, showing them all their fate if they slowed down.
Thirdly, there was the noise. At first, they thought that the sound coming from behind them was just whatever motor that powered the imminent death behind them, screaming its rage to the world. As the chase progressed, they realized the Hunter was screaming at the top of his lungs like a madman, somehow never needing to draw breath. It was, quite ironically, inhumane. It also quickly cemented the idea in their minds that they had to run away from the thing chasing them. It was easy to panic whenever you were being chased by a crazed man in crazed clothing, wielding a crazed weapon that could tear metal like it was paper.
They managed to (for the time being) lose him in one of the taller parts of the grass in the field. But he'd come back around, and the chase would begin again. For now, they just had to get ready for it. All four members of I.M.P. were out of breath. Despite somehow outrunning the lethal attacks, this was too much for them. "Isn't this overkill!?" Loona can't help but complain about this "training". She thought it was gonna be stuff like actually doing their paperwork and advanced workout stuff, none of this psycho chasing them with a gigantic fucking saw bullshit!
Millie wasn't having too much fun, either. While she had pounced at the chance to enhance her weapon, she felt a small (large) amount of regret. ' After all', she thought, looking at the missing trunk and back bumper of the car she was dragging, ' I don't think this is what we were expecting.'
"Sir, why did we hire this psycho?!" Moxxie was gonna die. He, his wife, his boss, and Loona were all gonna die here because he wanted to be a better shot! Oh Lucifer, why didn't they listen to…to… huh. Now that he thought about it, no one had outright said they shouldn't do it, but they all just thought it really loudly.
"I thought he was training us to be professionals!" Blitzø cried, feeling like this was the worst deal he had ever taken. Whatever his specific complaint was didn't matter because he heard the buzzing (and screaming) go from a distant threat to DANGER DANGER DANGER and had to hit the ground to avoid that saw taking his head off before rolling to the side to prevent the downward swing that turned the rock he was sitting on into gravel. "SHIT RUN!" Who yelled it didn't matter because the break was over, and the hunt was on.
The Hunter had done it.
Somehow, in all of time in Hell, he hadn't found anything fun to do. Everything he had liked as a fresh-faced adult before his disease and subsequent visit to Yharnam was out of date. Hoop play was non-existent, cards were boring when everyone cheated, and no one had even heard of Draughts. And all this new-fangled stuff wasn't fun either. When the Pornstar tried to get him a… "Sinstagram" account, he had simply told the man he didn't even know what a phone was. After a lengthy discussion and some more confusion at several parties, he told them what he had done for fun in his day. Even Alastor looked to have had a heart attack. What the Hell was a radio?
But he had finally done it. He finally found something fun. Maybe a bit too much fun. Then again, Charlie was all about alternative methods of finding peace. Perhaps she was referring to things like not being a drug addict or not shagging everything that moved, but this was neither, so it counted.
That's what he's going to say anyway. He's not going to kill them. Just give them a few bruises and marks. Better than what Yharnam put him through and certainly better than what Eileen would have put him through had she survived the Night. Closing in on the pack, he (lazily) swung the Whirligig Saw towards Loona, who barely ducked under it. Unfortunately, the tips of her hair were roughly shaved off, which (in her eyes) ruined it. This pissed her off, but she still kept running. "ARGH! You're going to pay for that!"
Instead of responding with words, he continued howling in the maddened tone he had taken to increase their fear response. The best way to keep the body moving, he had learned, was to remind it that death was closing in. He swiped at Loona, who dodged to the side this time, before focusing on Millie, who was trailing behind again. While his stamina was honed into long-term endurance from his (days? months?) time in Yharnam, hers seemed to be geared around quick fights, sneak attacks, and one-on-one combat with a humanoid opponent. And that was it. Ideal for her line of work, but more is needed for the Hunter. In every skirmish, when the sneak attack failed, she'd run at him to quickly brain him. When that failed, he would merely outpace her. She merely could never keep up. Hopefully, this would change that.
As he went over this in his mind, he got close enough to Millie that the Whirligig started sparking against the frame again, causing her to panic accordingly and pull further ahead. He decided now was a good time for them to rest, so he fell behind the group ways and pretended to miss them, diving into a tall patch of grass to hide. But not before running right past them, screaming all the while. Best let them remember that they are never safe. Fear was a good teacher when it came to giving people survival capabilities. And he knew its lessons front to back. And this lesson was no different.
You'd have to fight like a Hunter to defeat a Hunter. Or, in this case, shoot him with one of the pistols they were provided to stun him. It was similar to times in Yharnam when he hunted a particularly vicious Beast alongside other Hunters. If one of them managed to shoot the Beast while it was charging at them, then it'd be staggered long enough for the rest of them to hack it to bloody bits or at least make it bleed a little. This exercise was similar in the case that all they had to do was shoot him while he was charging to end the engagement.
As part of the exercise, he wouldn't dodge, even though he knew just how annoying quicksilver bullets were. Hopefully, they wouldn't give him the Maneating Boar treatment, but they'd probably (he hoped) be too exhausted and worn down to repay their wrath on him. And if they did manage to find enough strength? Then, it was simply a lesson in what to do when your target is off guard. He'd heal from it, but they probably wouldn't be able to inflict too much damage. After all, they didn't have their weapons, having left them behind.
He was getting off track. He had training to teach.
Revving up the Whirligig Saw again after letting them have another minute to breathe, he began the chase anew.
– Scene change –
After another lengthy hour passed somehow avoiding the Hunter, the four members of I.M.P finally got a well-deserved break…somewhere in a cave where they barely fit due to their weights on their backs (For Millie, the tow rope around her waist). They were all completely out of breath, and each was feeling their lungs burning. Loona had the urge to throw up, but barely held it in.
Despite barely being able to breathe, Blitzø knew it was the perfect time to come up with a plan. "So, Mr Aggressive Fashionless Fuck is, huff, still chasing us with that chainsaw, huff, thing or whatever the, huff, fuck he's holding. Not to mention these, huff, goddamn weights holding us back! Does anyone, huff, at least, huff, have an idea for a plan?!" Completely spent, he flipped backwards like a turtle, craning his neck to hear whatever plan someone magically came up with while they were running for their life.
He heard none from his colleagues. They had spent too long running and were so out of it none of them could think straight. Well. Most of them at least. Loona, while not as active as others (But still NOT FAT MOXXIE), was still a Hellhound and that meant better stamina than most. The others couldn't come up with anything, so she had to try now. Getting back at that bitch for chopping her hair was mandatory. She looked around at her surroundings, before looking down at the heavy rocks she had to carry. Then up at the rough walls and ceiling of the cave they were hiding in. An idea came to her as she looked at Millie, idly tugging at the rope around her waist. The dark rope that wrapped around the front bumper of the car, leaving a few feet of slack, "How long do you think that rope is?"
The female imp, still dazed from the chase, gave it a bleary look. "About...five….ten...twenty-ish feet." Millie answered but was confused by her question. With this new information, Loona looked back to the entrance to the cave. The way the entrance faced, you would be facing the sun as you entered, making it hard to see anything. Then, she looked to Moxxie, who had tried to hide behind a tree, and still had some of the branches on him.
"Millie, could you take one of these?" she held up a stick she quickly cut down to a stake. "And stick it into the cave walls?" Now even Blitzø was paying attention, seeing as someone had a plan.
"Yeah, I can. Why are you askin'?" Millie, gaining back some of the composure she had lost, was now interested in what Loona was talking about.
As Loona told them the plan, their faces went from exhausted terror to wicked joy. Then Blitzø starts joining in the conversation.
A couple of minutes later
The Hunter decided their break was over and was able to find the entrance of the cave I.M.P had hidden in, while dragging the Whirligig Saw like a madman. Knowing I.M.P were there and had nowhere else to hide, he thought he would end this training Exercise here. If it went on any longer, they might collapse of exhaustion, or fail to dodge one of the incredibly telegraphed swings he threw, just to keep them aware. Not once did they try to shoot him, nor trap him, nor did they even try to distract him so another could take the shot. This was a disappointment, but not unexpected. In truth, he'd be surprised if they managed to pull themselves together long enough to even formulate a plan, let alone execute one. But enough was enough. It Was Time to End the Hunt.
Clearing his throat, he got ready to charge into the darkness, using his saw as a light. Seeing a slight movement ahead, he began his attack.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The sound of fast, stomping boots echoed as he charged fearlessly forward, ready to end this chase. The saw's deafening buzz seemed only to enhance his maddened cries.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
But he could not see them yet. The cave ahead was beginning to narrow, but looked as if it got larger further in. They must have attempted to hide again. Pity, it was time to find them.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
There! The sparks from the saw glinted off of something ahead in the dark. It looked like they were all hiding behind Millie's car, hoping he'd pass it by. He wouldn't of course, but it would be a good shock when he appeared behind them.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Enough. End this.
AAAAAA
*SNAP*
-auk!?
BANG
Four things happened in quick succession.
Firstly, the Hunter, focused on the car with I.M.P hiding behind it, didn't see the rope strung across the way, at neck height. At his current speed, this would have crushed a man's throat, but since he was no normal man, the rope caught around his neck instead of breaking it.
Secondly, his saw kept its momentum as it leapt from its hand, striking the car to the side to reveal… nothing? I.M.P was not hiding behind the car, but instead was in various positions around the cave entrance, where two were holding the ends of the rope that now wrapped around his throat, while two more were occupied elsewhere.
Thirdly, Millie and Blitzø dropped their ends of the rope, causing the weights they had tied in a complicated knot to fall to the floor, yanking the Hunter up and essentially hanging him. Being launched upwards didn't damage him as much as it would have, but he was certainly stunned from the events that took place in the last second. He didn't have time to recover in a way that mattered, however.
Fourthly, Moxxie, upside down while clinging to Loona's back (who was gripping the stakes Millie had kicked into the ceiling), put a Quicksilver bullet into his skull from 15 meters away.
The deed was done. Blitzø and Millie went to the Hunter's side, and Loona lost her grip, dropping from the ceiling and accidently crushing Moxxie beneath her. "Great job, Mox!" His leader praised him before looking at his daughter. "What a fine plan you set up, Loonie!"
Millie ran to her husband to hug him. It seemed to be a bit too tight. "You did it, Moxxie! I can't believe you!" Her husband, while exhausted, crushed once, then crushed again, still was able to hug her back.
"Now we just have to wait for him to heal from that headache." Loona said, as they turned to the Hunter, still hanging limply from the impromptu noose/garrote. As they all waited for him to heal, and whatever brain damage he was given to fade away, the Sniper, finally able to take a look at what he was given, realized something. It looked like the Hunter hadn't swapped out the bullets he normally used for this gun. And the bullets themselves looked like… uh oh.
"Hey boss?" Moxxie said, while inspecting the gun he was given, along with the ammunition.
"Yeah?"
"These bullets look like Angelic-Steel."
"Yeah."
"I think I killed the guy training us."
"Yeah."
"Soo… Now what?"
"...yeah…"
I.M.P realized their conundrum. They finally managed to whack the guy, but only the one time they didn't want to. So now what do they do? They can't exactly get taught by a dead guy (Sinners excluded), but they kinda needed it. Oops?
"I think we're gonna have to hide his body, he was important after all."
"Damn. Hey boss, can I have his hat?"
"You may not have my hat."
"Dang it. Wait whu-"
I.M.P screamed as one. The corpse-that-was-not-a-corpse had looked up at them; with a bullet wound still leaking blood, and still swinging from the rope.
"Congratulations are in order I suppose, even though it took you far longer than it should have. This exercise was supposed to have been completed 3 hours ago, yet it took you until afternoon to execute your plan." The Hunter began while he was still hanging. Even though this was disturbing, Loona had some choice words for the asshole that ruined her hair!
"It would have been quicker if you didn't chase us like a psychopath! What the Hell is wrong with you?! Where did you get a fucking saw?! What the fuck are you wearing?! And more importantly, why wouldn't you STOP FUCKING SCREAMING!?" Loona 'answered', feeling her fear drain away, and was relieved that this "training" session was finally over.
The Hunter didn't react in a hostile manner, seeing as how he was both hanging six feet off the ground, and had a lecture prepared. "That was intentional." He twisted to where the saw had landed, causing him to swing even more, creeping out I.M.P further. "The weapon was chosen specifically to incite fear, as was the clothing and the yelling. These three things cause terror to sprout in the inexperienced, which gives one the means to run beyond their normal limits. The weight was to give you more of a "workout" and enhance your stamina further. But in truth, there was a large possibility that you would have simply failed to adapt to any of these, however." With this, he gestured to both the hole in his head and the rope around his neck. "Nonetheless, you were able to land a single strike on me, and one that would have been devastating on a normal opponent. I am certainly impressed." His tone turned serious. "However, there is something more to be done."
Everyone tensed at his statement. Whatever was next they weren't ready for, they had been pushed too hard and would collapse if pushed further.
Instead of another 'workout' the Hunter simply said, "Could you get me down from here? I believe this rope is too thick to snap with my bare hands."
Instead of helping him, all of I.M.P passed out from relief, leaving the Hunter, still strung up like a pig, hanging.
"I suppose I will simply have to wait." The Hunter nodded at this, then crossed his arms and continued to slowly swing like a pendulum, slowly bleeding onto the floor. I.M.P could use the time after waking to do a report on what they learned. After all, who wouldn't re-evaluate their skills right after that insane (According to Loona) training!?
-Scene Change-
All members of I.M.P and the Hunter, who was out of that…unique… attire and back in his regular clothing and had somehow removed the bullet in his head, sat under a tree in the grassy field while eating. Well, the pack of Imps and Hellhound were indulging in a lot of unhealthy, greasy food that Blitzø was able to order on his phone thanks to the 'BEE EATS' app. They deserved it after the shit they just went through.
The Hunter, instead, opted for a large bottle of water, to rinse away the Sedatives he drank. Ghastly taste, but useful tool. He no longer had that wound thanks to the Blood Vial he took that healed him while he was hanging. Seeing as though he hadn't truly finished with the lesson, he turned to see what they were eating.
First and foremost is Blitzø. He was stuffing his mouth with a lot of corn dogs, cheese skewers, and loaded fries with a large bottle of coke to drain it all away. 'Greasy, heavy, unhealthy. If his heart functions past his fortieth year, then I will be shocked.'
Then he looked at the couple, who were eating two large chicken platter combos and two boxes of donuts along with water as their drink. 'Same story as their boss, but with water instead of sodas. Still not healthy, but better.'
Then he looked at the Hellhound, who herself, was indulged in a hefty amount of burgers, pizzas, chicken and beef kebabs, ribs, wings, and fried chicken and had five whiskey bottles for her drink. 'I understand what I put them through, but good lord how are any of them still alive?'
They seemed to be scarfing it all down as if they hadn't eaten for a whole day. 'Which they haven't, I suppose. But you won't always be fortunate enough to be able to run on a full stomach.'
As much as the Hunter was interested in eating, he wasn't inclined in the slightest. Being human no longer, he isn't required to eat like he used to. But, at times, he indulges to get that sense of normalcy. If only they still served food like they did in his time, he misses salted beef.
After finishing their meals, he decided to use this time to evaluate their skills. He cleared this throat, which grabbed their attention. "So, what were you going to say?" Millie asked.
The Hunter leaned his back against the tree and thought about it. There was so much he could think of for them to improve on. He looked at the female Imp. "Firstly, you have the strength to be capable of carrying much heavier weights than your colleagues. But you lack speed and decision making during this training. That could be improved on, along with you handling your makeshift weapon." Millie took that compliment to heart.
He looked at Moxxie. "You are good at your aim. Yet, you could have fired at any point, despite the situation I put all of you through. I could help you make you a better shooter."
"O-okay, I got that." Moxxie took that compliment to heart.
Next, he looked at the Hellhound, who was deathly snarling at him due to her hair being ruined. "Miss Loona…"
"What is it?!" She responded rather aggressively, slightly growling.
He let out a breath, knowing how difficult it would be since he did "ruin" her hair. Still, he has no qualms in arguing with her. "You have the speed to outrun everyone, including me. However, you tend to argue with your co-workers and not work in a team. They are essential for becoming professionals and I want you to develop them." This made the Hellhound scoff at his words. But that masked her acknowledgement of this flaw.
It was finally Blitzø's turn to receive his compliment. "You have some qualities of a capable leader. Yet too often you belittle your employees, making them feel lesser. I think we can work on that."
"I think that would be fine." The other male imp spoke rather dismissively before his phone suddenly rang. Pulling out his phone and looking at the caller, he let out an irritated groan. "Well, I better pick up this call." With that he stood back up and walked a bit to not let everyone hear what was about to happen.
-Scene Change-
A good few meters away from the rest of I.M.P plus the Hunter, Blitzo pressed the button and started to converse with the caller. "Heeey, Stolas!" He greeted the caller in a tone that downplayed his nervousness.
" Hello, my big dicked Blitzy!" Stolas greeted him as he usually did. "Are you aware of what today is?"
The Imp pinched the bridge of his nostrils upon the hit of realization. Today is the full moon and he is meant to fulfill the deal with some sweet, sweet bedtime. Normally he would never turn this down, but…"Ugh. Well, I'll be there. But I won't be there in time since I'm…busy." He gazed back at his group, who was still conversing with the Hunter.
"Oh, you don't have time for me, Blitzy?"The Goetia spoke with mock sadness.
Blitzø knew that this rich asshole was trying to guilt trip him into coming to his place at this time. He looked at this group, completely unaware that the Hunter could hear the whole conversation, before looking away. Without a second to think, he groaned to respond. "I do, Stolas. Just give me some time."
The Goetia chuckled. "Oh, Blitz! I knew you are willing to come. I cannot wait to feel your sticky [BLEEP] inside of my [BLEEP] while we [BLEEEEEEEEP] off while in bed! All the while we [BLEEP] each other's [BLEEPS] off! Blitzy, I cannot wait for you to do all of that while you [BLEEP] Squeal LIKE A–"
The leader of I.M.P hung the call. A few seconds later he snapped his phone in half and threw it onto the ground. Footsteps were heard and he turned to see the Hunter walking up to him and stopped once he was a foot distance away. "Stolas called, didn't he?" He wanted to unhear that conversation.
"Yeah" Blitzø admitted while slumping his shoulders. "He wants me to go to his place and…" He shouldn't have told him what he was going to do with him. "We are, eh, 'exchanging a deal' so I can have his grimoire."
"I understand," The Hunter commented, glad the Imp didn't give details. He knew what he meant of course, and had heard the Prince's graphic description, but didn't need any more information than was necessary. "You should go. Night is almost here, and we will all be waiting here for you to come back. Just…make sure he doesn't know what you're up to."
"Okay!" The imp nodded before he went off to get the essentials before heading to Goetia's place.
Seeing him walking off to the distance, the Hunter could only shake his head. "Guess I will stop training them?" Turning around, he saw the rest of I.M.P inspecting his Whirligig Saw with amusement. An idea popped in his head. "Perhaps I should give them replicas of my weapons once training is over?"
Well, looks like Blitz is going over to Stolas's place to "exchange" some sort of deal. All the while the Hunter will keep the rest of I.M.P company.
Crimson Soldat: When writing this, I didn't expect the Hunter to be that insane. Sheesh, perhaps the Night of the Hunt took a toll on him. And I can see Charlie not happy with what he has done to her people.
HalfWitHillbilly: Hey, he's gotta find fun somewhere. Charlie did say violence was bad, but not the threat of violence.
CS: Speaking of fun, the Hunter is going to put them more in hard training. Don't worry, after all of this it will eventually be paid off. We have a chapter dedicated to paying all of that training off.
HH: Hunter's not getting involved in that btw, it's not his job to do theirs. He might stand off to the side and make approving noises every now and then but that's about it.
This story is getting more popular than Dark Souls: Embers of Remnant. I may have planned something for that in the future.
Comment down below what you want to see in future chapters? Honestly, we got something in stock for both I.M.P and the Hazbin Hotel. What is it? You'll have to find out
With that said, we'll see you in the next update!
