Chapter 14: Partners, Part 2 (5.09) 11/12/95
After drinks with Michael, Rita followed Chris back to his place. It was an unspoken, mutual request. She was done running, over the momentary anxiety and fear that sent her reeling for days. She wanted him, and from the way he hungrily looked at her back at the shop hours earlier, she knew he wanted her too. Their need for each other was mesmerizing.
When they arrived, Chris opened her car door for her, reached for her hand, and pulled her from the driver's seat. She grabbed his hand affectionately, giving it a small kiss as they made their way to his front door. She felt electrified and wanted all of him, quickly, before anything else could interfere. Once safely inside the loft, she attacked. She spun him around, pinned him to the door, and kissed him ravenously. She couldn't breathe and didn't want to; she was afraid to come up for air, afraid that the second they broke apart, she'd come apart and reality would come crashing down again. She didn't want to think about repercussions: about work, their friendship surviving, or what their future held. She wanted to live in the moment, for once in her life, and revel in this newfound excitement. With Chris. Dear God, finally with Chris.
Chris, however, had other plans. He reluctantly broke off their kiss and pressed his forehead to hers. "Rita," he whispered in their lustful haze, "we gotta talk."
Rita barely listened through the fog, her libido registering his hardened length and pinning her hips to his in response. "Mmmm, talk later. Make love to me, Chris."
"I want to. God, I want to. I need to." He crushed his lips against hers to solidify his declaration. After another solid minute of breathless necking, he tore his lips from hers again. "Rita, we gotta stop for a second. This is important."
Rita reluctantly paused and stared at his swollen lips, tinged pink from her lipstick and the voracity of their aggressive display. "Something tells me you're not usually this chatty before sex," she teased.
"It's never been this meaningful before." He smiled tentatively before continuing, touching her hair before kissing her forehead. He didn't want to hurt her, but he needed her to know how much she hurt him. "Rita," he exhaled hesitantly, worried that his next statement might ruin what they started before it began. "I need your promise that what happened before isn't going to happen again."
Rita's eyes flew up to meet his confusing gaze. She investigated his features, searching for answers. She memorized all of his expressions over their almost decade-long friendship, but this one was brand new and shattered her into thousands of pieces. He tried to hide it, but the hurtful scrutiny was a faint plaster lobbed in her direction. It was dark, hardened, and unpolished; the face of a rejected lover, childlike innocence blanketed behind sheer, enigmatic pain. At that moment, she didn't deserve him. She knew she had hurt him more than any other woman ever had. He was her Sam; he gave her his faith, trust, and love, and she abandoned him.
"Rita, I told you that I love you, that I'm in love with you. And you dismissed it. You told me it was a mistake."
"Chris,"
He held her at arm's length before breaking away from her, desperate for space to air his grievances. "No. You don't get to reason it away. That's not fair. I don't deserve that, Rita."
"You're right."
"What?"
She draped her arms around herself, suddenly chilled by his distance and crisp words. She deserved this and owed him an explanation. "You're right, and I'm sorry. Chris, that night was amazing. And I'm not just talking about the sex, which was… incredible." She took a cautious step forward and grabbed his hand, relaxing when he accepted it willingly. "I mean all of it. Everything you said, everything you gave of yourself. It was the first time in my life that I felt… complete. It was perfect because it was you. I only hope that you felt it too, that I lived up to your expectations."
"Sam…" He saw her worry and desperation for reassurance. He kissed her hand and brushed his thumb along her cheek and jawline. "Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? How much that night meant to me?" He searched her eyes, looking for signs that she was retreating, expecting her to take flight. Instead, he saw steadiness, a calm that grounded him and urged him to continue. "I had no expectations. I was a nervous wreck- it was beyond my wildest dreams that you would even reciprocate my feelings. I knew I had to be honest with you, but I was so scared that I was essentially ending 'us'. Does that make sense?"
"Christopher…"
"I always knew that if we ever came to our senses and crossed the line, that it was going to be intense and all-consuming. Rita, it was the best night of my life."
She grinned at his honest take on their evening. "That was the first time ever that I gave up complete control. With you, it's a level of safety and intimacy I could never have with anyone else."
"So, uh, what happened, then?" He gave her his trademark grin. "Want to help me connect the dots?"
"I freaked. It started innocently enough: I woke up in your arms, and I watched you sleep. I've watched you before, countless times as your friend: during stakeouts, in your hospital room, on my couch, hell, even in my bed. But this time, you were my... lover." Rita let out a small laugh as she said it, the word still sounding foreign and fantastical. "At that moment, I wanted everything, probably more than I could ever rightfully expect. I looked at you and saw my future, our future, and I thought, this is too perfect. And then my mind raced. I thought about our nine-year friendship and what we just put on the line. You're my best friend first, Sam, and I panicked that I just lost that. I thought about our five-year partnership and how I just threw that away. All of a sudden, everything else became so much more important when all I wanted to do was shut out the world and stay in your arms."
"Rita,"
"You want honesty? Chris, I've been in love with you for months. No. Years. I guess I always hid behind our friendship- too scared to think about it being more. I admitted it to myself in the ambulance when I begged you to stay alive. I knew it then, and I vowed that if I got the chance to tell you, I would."
"Sam,"
"And then you woke up, and I kissed your forehead and mouthed the words, and the second I did, I panicked and felt that it wasn't fair to blindside you. So, I ran from it."
"Rita, shhhhh…" He placed his hand over her heart, feeling her nervous palpitations. He silenced her with a quick kiss, his assurance that he was internalizing her honest confession and falling in love with her all over again. He smiled tenderly. "Wait, you told me then? Where was I?"
She giggled. "It was barely a whisper. And then Jillian walked in and that was that."
"Rita, I've been petrified. When I saw you in that chair, I knew I was in love with you. But I didn't know how to approach it. I didn't know what to say. And there was so much to unpack with Deborah and the shooting, and the reasons why she did what she did. It was easier to run from it than face my feelings head-on. She accused me of being in love with you, and I didn't deny it. I feel like you need to know that. But it also scared me that your life was endangered, because of my feelings."
"She saw what I ignored."
"When I refused to go with Jillian to Boston, she said almost the exact same thing that Deborah said. It was deja vu, and it scared the shit out of me. I couldn't deny it with Jillian either, and even though I tiptoed around it back then, I meant what I said. We are closer than family. Rita, you became my whole world."
"You were brave enough to acknowledge it, to tell me. And I was all in until I let fear get the best of me." She shook her head in remorse.
"I understand the fear. I do. But I don't think I can handle you walking away from this again. Walking away from us." If he couldn't have all of her, then this couldn't work. He knew he was asking for the world, but it had to be all or nothing. They didn't come this far to fall.
Rita had been trying to explain through her words and actions that she wasn't going anywhere. That she was all in. That she had been devoted to him for the past nine years, and she was his, forever. She cradled her hands around his head. "Sam… I love you." This time, there was no question; Those three words solidified her place in his world. Forever.
Chris snapped. Half laughing, half crying, he grabbed her and pulled her down on the couch with him, kissing her wildly. She said it back- finally voiced what she whispered long ago. He knew it sealed their destiny.
She straddled his lap and grabbed his hands, pinning them behind him in a playful, aggressive maneuver.
Chris groaned. He couldn't believe the desire she provoked. "I can't believe you've been holding out on me all these years, Sergeant."
"Mmmm- is this an interrogation?"
"Yes, ma'am. You've been lying to your partner."
"How so?" She asked innocently, as she nipped at his left earlobe.
"Fuck," Chris whispered, "you're killing me, Sam."
"Speaking of Sam, a guy broke up with me years ago because I said your name in bed."
"What?!"
"Yep, remember Mark Dennison? I let our nickname slip out and that was that. Even back then, I wanted all of you." She grabbed at his shirt and pulled it over his head, exposing taut nipples and tight abs. She ran her fingers carefully over his chest, inching towards his hips, and felt him respond as she started slowly removing his belt.
Chris pulled her neck to his lips, tasting the places he explored a few nights earlier. "Melissa stopped seeing me because of you. She wasn't jealous, she just knew she couldn't compete. Told me that subconsciously I was in love with you."
"She's a smart woman. She told me the same thing when we talked about the fight you got into with Jack Feldman. I wanted to tell her she was crazy- hard to say that to a psychiatrist." She succeeded in unbuckling his belt and was undoing the button and zipper of his pants.
"Ah, so we're confessing. I've got one for ya." He yanked off her jacket and kissed her collarbone.
"Mmm, do tell."
"Our Soul Kiss- I was so hard for you that day."
"I know." He looked at her in surprise as she explained. "At one point, things got a little hot and heavy, and I brushed against you." She accentuated this statement with a thrust against his groin, proud of the sounds she was conjuring from her partner. "Difficult to be pure while tonguing your partner for an hour. You're forgiven." She winked at him and smoothed her lips against his cheek. "My turn- want to hear another?"
"God, yes." He hiked up her dress, running his hands along lace panties that he knew she wore just for him.
"Our undercover gig at Pike's- my orgasm wasn't fake."
He stopped his exploration in shock. "What?!"
"Your kissing and groping and grinding sent me right over the edge. I was in awe. That had never happened to me before. I had to totally act like I faked it."
Chris grinned proudly. "I snuck up on your blind side, Sammy."
"Dammit. You won." She playfully bit his shoulder in mock defiance, knowing it would drive him crazy.
"Mmmm, that's okay, you're winning now." He slowly ran his hands under the front of her dress, cupping her delicate breasts with a firm but tender touch. "I've got another one for you. The night I stayed with you in your bed after your nightmare about Jasmine. You were holding me so tight and it just felt like-"
"Home." She stopped her foreplay to look into his eyes, seeing the passion mirrored in his gaze.
"Yeah… I really wanted to make you feel better that night."
"I'll bet." She gave a small, flirty smile. "Any other confessions, Sergeant?"
"Too many. How about we go upstairs and absolve our sins?"
She responded by standing up and pulling him along with her. They incoherently stumbled up the loft steps, alternating between demanding kisses and insatiable grasps, reeling each other in. They would have a lifetime to divulge their secrets.
Author's Notes: Thanks for joining me on this adventure. Let me know which chapter was your favorite! Here are some additional thoughts on each:
Chapter 1 ("In the Name of Love"): As episode 4 of the series, I loved how the last two scenes further developed their characters as not only devoted partners, but best friends. The hospital scene was so sweet.
Chapter 2 ("Goodtime Charlie"): I've always imagined hidden dialogue like this in my head, and wondered how much got cut from shows to get it down to 44-ish minutes of airtime. I also love exploring their innermost thoughts as their partnership developed over the years.
Chapter 3 ("In Too Deep"): The song. I've never had a song completely inspire a fanfic before. Even my Joshua Radin obsession for my other stories didn't prompt an entire story- I just borrowed some lyrics and titles to match the plot lines already swirling in my head. I heard this oldie again for the first time in years (on TikTok of all places!) and for some reason it immediately made me think of the Sams. I had to create something where they danced to this song- a bar, a jukebox, some alcohol, perhaps a breakup or death (or both), and our Sams front and center. I hope you like what I came up with- another "piece" to a Silk episode, where they "love each other, but aren't in love" just yet. ?
THEN, after I wrote the first draft of this chapter, I remembered why I loved this song so much- it was the song playing during the lovemaking scene in Dirty Dancing. Ahhhhhhh! I had to go back in and rewrite sections of this chapter, since the blockbuster came out a few years before this episode, and you know they would have seen it. I had already written "Dance with me" before I rewatched that scene in DD- I must have had it on the brain subconsciously.
Chapter 4 ("Jasmine"): Jasmine is one of my all-time favorites. Mitzi's acting was superb. I've always wished there was a scene in the doctor's office where she talked about Chris. Hope you liked it!
Chapter 5 ("Night Games"): This wasn't even in my original chapter list- I stumbled upon it when I was double-checking canon for another idea I had. Once I watched it again I was instantly inspired- I had to explore Rita's heart and soul!
Chapter 6 ("Ladies Night Out"): I had to go there… a little visit down memory lane. In my mind, this would have been a fun flashback episode as they enlightened Harry on their past assignments. And I have ALWAYS wondered about that delightful bedroom scene- you know they were both incredibly turned on. I blushed my way through that conversation just like they did in my story. Tee-hee!
Chapter 7 ("Judas Kiss"): Ugh, the LOVE, the ANGST… this episode was insane. After Rita and Chris said that they loved each other in "Soul Kiss", it bothered me that we never heard them ever acknowledge it again on screen until they crossed the line in Season 5. I mean, don't best friends tell each other all the time? Why would this be different? I started with their letters in Chapter 5: even though that episode was before "Soul Kiss", I wanted there to be a naturalness to it. How else would best friends sign letters to each other? Not that they had to acknowledge it in every conversation they had, but when times were tough or exceedingly emotional, they could simply remind each other (or others, like Diana in Chapter 10) that their love as friends surpassed anything else in their lives.
Chapter 8 ("Love Bandit"): I know this episode aired right after "Judas Kiss", but the fitness test inspired me to write something fun! I wanted something drama-free, just the Sams being Sams. Special thanks to Tracie T. for her advice on this one! I seriously wrote this two ways, a choose-your-own-adventure because I couldn't decide who should win at the end. I was honestly going to give this one to Chris; I feel like most of my writing is very Rita-centric, and thought he deserved some bragging rights. However, Tracie talked me out of it, and I agree- after Brent and Kim, she needed a win!
Chapter 9 ("The Scarlet Shadow"): This episode was so intense- I felt so much love between the two of them. It was all very subtle- the storyline definitely took top billing here- but I couldn't shake this thought about their passion simmering underneath this challenging time. Fun fact- I originally titled this one-shot "WANT", and I wanted to make sure their want for each other was equal; each side if this is the exact same word count. Yeah, I'm a little crazy with the writing challenges! I spent so much time editing!
Chapter 10 ("Natural Selection, Part 2"): I honestly wasn't going to touch Natural Selection with a ten-foot pole. My rule is that I'm not touching anything that other authors on this site have conquered so eloquently. I adore The Three Faces of Fate (READ IT if you haven't yet!) and I had nothing else to add to that piece of perfection. However, NS2 intrigued me… what went through Rita's head during those two weeks apart, as she approached him as he slept on the porch. The camera placement on her feet as she walked up to him in that scene literally inspired this entire chapter. How long had she been standing there? What was she thinking during that pause?
Chapter 11 ("Pas de Deux"/"Mrs. Carlisle"): This was the most difficult chapter for me to write. Season 4 was rough. As much as I wanted to ignore the drama, it nagged at my soul and I had to flesh out these pages. I have always felt like Rita spiraled out of control after Chris was shot, and that vulnerability fueled her Season 4 personality, emotions, and decisions. At least, I hope that's where the writers were going with it! I want to give a special shout-out to Eagle32nd for giving me a new perspective on Rita's relationship with Eric- I used that nugget of wisdom to develop the conversation between Rita and Diana. Many thanks!
Chapter 12: ("New Blood"): I really wanted a George-centric story, and this one spoke to me. ;)
Chapter 13 ("Family Affairs"): That hug at the end inspired this chapter. It was so gentle and emotional… I had to keep the momentum going. I also needed to explore my idea that Chris had been confused about Rita for quite a while, and she was just as perplexed. That's the only way I can justify their conflicts in episodes 2-4 of Season 5.
Chapter 14 ("Partners, Part 2): Okay, I went here lol. This one was more of a replacement ending scene, a fanfiX if you will (D- I love that word!). I didn't mind the actual ending of this episode, but I kind of hated the fact that there were even hinting at 'ending it' (even teasingly). Don't play with my emotions, people! AND, we needed to see much more than what we got when it came to heat. I needed SPICY!
Thanks for following this journey! There might be more- stay tuned!
