A/N: holy moly we're still going! I think I have the skeleton for this story all lined out (after a literal decade wtf). For those (old and new) that are still reading, thank you!
Also, apologies for any grammatical or formatting errors; I need to stop using the copy/paste upload feature because it's destroying my formatting ;~;
Satoshi liked the feeling of being rocked. It was easy to focus on. It was rhythmic and precise, leaving no surprises. It was loving. His body seemed to be recalling a familiarity with the sensation. As if clawing through thick mud to unearth something long coated in the ages, with each swing, he could catch glimpses of somebody smiling at him. Actually, as he focused harder, he realized there were two people. His hands were outstretched between them, and they were swinging him. They raised him higher and higher with each swing, and the excited anticipation tickled his senses as he flew. They were smiling at him, and he was smiling back. He closed his eyes, relishing the feeling. When he opened them, he was no longer being rocked. Before him was a set of swings, and seated was someone much smaller than him. She had a mop of golden hair, much like his, but he couldn't make out much else. She was facing away from him, but he could tell she was speaking. He shook his head, trying to will his ears to work, but none of the words made sense. It might as well have been a different language. As the girl's tone grew more agitated, he reached his hands out and gave a tentative push. Happy squeals erupted, small legs kicking, and Satoshi figured he made the right choice. She was swinging, back and forth, and he kept in time with the pushes. He knew she was feeling that same weightless euphoria he had just experienced, and he was eager to keep up the momentum for her. He reached out once more, and she erupted around him, fragmenting into pieces. His breath caught in his throat, and he was falling forward. The dirt had opened up into some great pit, no bottom in sight, and the weightlessness from earlier was replaced with primal distress. He plunged forward with arms waving, searching for any friction to slow the fall.
He jolted forward, sure his body was about to hit the bottom.
"Ah, shit! Satoshi?"
A voice broke through, and he realized he wasn't falling; he was being rocked. He blinked as his senses returned to him. He was still weightless, but it was different. Gravity was more forgiving here. He felt supported. There were strong arms wrapped underneath his legs and back, and-
"Hey, are you awake? Are you okay? Satoshi?"
Satoshi blinked again and looked up. He was suddenly very aware of the situation he was in. He felt a heat return to his cheeks as he gazed up at Keiichi, who was carrying him close to his chest bridal style, swaying him gently with each step.
"K-Keiichi…" Satoshi murmured. He felt Keiichi's body relax as he spoke, and Satoshi struggled with what to say next. His head was pounding, coupled with the unpleasant throbs the muscles in his arms and legs were experiencing. Why were they here? Why was Keiichi carrying him?
"Thank god. I almost dropped you just now." He laughed sheepishly. "Here, we're almost back. You were passed out for the last twenty minutes." Keiichi murmured, and Satoshi could feel the boy's grip tighten around his body. He swallowed, fighting against that sinking feeling in his chest that threatened to pull him down.
"I-"
But Keiichi shushed him before he could speak.
"Let's talk when we're back. Rest now. You're safe."
Satoshi relented, resting his head against Keiichi's chest. The night air was cool, but Keiichi's chest was warm. He shut his eyes, and for some reason, fought back tears. Their origins were foreign to him, and he knew his body was remembering something that his mind once again refused.
They approached Keiichi's house with caution. Keiichi made sure to cling to the shadows as they approached, eyes peeled and ears alert for any signs of danger. They stayed like that for minutes, and Satoshi felt like everything was moving in slow motion. He was exhausted, his head was pounding, and that sick feeling in his gut was permeating his entire being, each individual cell screaming that something was wrong. He let out a sigh of relief when Keiichi finally spoke, " I think we're in clear. Do you think you can walk?"
Satoshi swallowed the building bile in his throat and curtly nodded. He could do this; he couldn't keep being a burden. Keiichi kneeled and gently set the other on the ground. He shook his arms out, clearly strained from carrying the other before helping Satoshi back up to his feet. The boy was shaky, but he was able to stand on his own.
"Okay, I'm going in to make sure everyone is asleep… I'll wave you over if the coast is clear. Just stay put for now." Keiichi whispered in his ear, his breath warm on Satoshi's neck. Every hair stood on end at the sensation. He watched Keiichi step away, quietly unlock the front door and slide inside. The house was dark with no indication of life. Satoshi tried to control his breathing as his body reminded him he was alone once more, surrounded by darkness. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the quiet hum of insects around him. His breath caught in his throat. A footstep? Behind him?
He took a quiet step forward, thinking he heard it again. His neck was stiff and he couldn't bring himself to look behind him. There it was once more; a single footstep.
He gulped back a whimper as he pinched the skin on his hand. He felt eyes on him; was it one set, was it thousands? His entire skin felt pinpricked, but he kept his eyes on the house, wishing he could see any sign of Keiichi. He steeled his feet to stay, rubbing his arms as if the gesture would be enough to coax him into staying calm.
"There is nothing there… it's in my head…" He tried repeating this mantra in his head. He felt cornered, like the darkness was lapping at his heels; it threatened to pull at his ankles, wipe him out, and send him reeling. Something was moving in, closer. He couldn't fight it as he started to look back.
A sudden motion caught his periphery. Keiichi stood in the doorway, beckoning him forward. He exhaled hard, running for the second time that night on shaking legs.
Keiichi rubbed the other's back as he doubled over, once more catching his breath. A small smile escaped his lips at Satoshi's obvious lack of stamina. If they could find a way out of this mess, he'd have to start taking Satoshi out for walks more. Keiichi wrinkled his nose at the strange thought that had popped in his head but shook it away as Satoshi raised his head. They were in the entryway of the house, greeted only by the sounds of their own breathing. Keiichi held a finger to his lips as he used his other hand to slide his shoes off. Satoshi crouched down, removing the shoes Keiichi had let him borrow. Keiichi grabbed them, intent on returning the extra pair to his closet. He deftly held the shoes with one hand and outstretched the other to Satoshi. He pulled the boy to a stand, and they quietly ascended the stairs.
As Keiichi closed his bedroom door silently behind him, he willed himself to look at the clock near his bedside. He nearly shrieked when he saw it blink an unforgiving 3:12 am. He let out a soft groan. Tomorrow (today?) was going to be rough. In the dimly lit room, he looked over to see Satoshi taking a pillow and placing it on the floor at the opposite end of the room to Keiichi's futon. Satoshi continued working, seemingly in his own head as he built a nest of blankets on the floor. Keiichi tiptoed to his closet, depositing the shoes before turning back to Satoshi. He kneeled down next to Satoshi as he seemed to be tucking himself in for the night.
"What are you doing?" He asked teasingly, cocking his head to the side. Satoshi averted his eyes, hands wringing the blankets nervously.
"...Going to sleep."
"All the way over here?" Keiichi lilted with a sweeping hand gesture that linked Satoshi's nest to his futon. "Why?"
Satoshi didn't answer for a few minutes. Keiichi felt the tugs of sleep, but he willed it away. He knew that they needed to talk, to clear the heaviness in the air. There was so much he wanted to say, but he held it in. Finally, a soft voice spoke.
"...I get the feeling I could have hurt you earlier…I shouldn't…I can't…" he whispered, voice so heavy and dripping with shame that Keiichi found himself wanting to wrap the boy up in blankets and shield him from himself. Keiichi dropped his head with a sigh.
"Satoshi…" Keiichi murmured, resting a heavy hand on the top of the boy's head. "I know you wouldn't." Deep down, he wasn't sure he fully trusted the words. Whatever had possessed Satoshi earlier was dark and encompassing. Those empty eyes, staring out wild and glassy, like something caged begging to be let free…Keiichi shook his head. Whatever that was, it wasn't who was in front of him now. Satoshi fidgeted. He didn't seem convinced.
"Come to bed with me, like normal."
Satoshi knit his brows, and Keiichi could see his internal dilemma working out on the boy's face as his expression changed ever so slightly. From hopeful to sorrowful. It was getting too damn late, and Keiichi's patience was wearing too damn thin. Wordlessly, he stood, and for the second time that night, he picked Satoshi up. The other started to utter words of protest, but Keiichi was hearing none of it. Slung over his shoulder like a large duffel bag, he walked over to the futon and deposited Satoshi in his rightful spot. Keiichi sat next to him, ignoring his fumbled protests and bright red cheeks. He lifted a finger and placed it gently on Satoshi's lips, effectively silencing him. "Go to sleep, Satoshi. You're okay. We're okay. We can talk tomorrow, I promise."
The boy huffed, and Keiichi couldn't help but smile. "He can be cute…"
Keiichi's whole body stiffened at his roaming thoughts once more. The sleep deprivation must have been settling in. He laid back on the futon, closing his eyes as he did. He winked one open to keep an eye on Satoshi until the other boy finally relented, leaning back as well. Satisfied, he closed his eyes again. Part of him wondered if it was even worth it to try and sleep, but he could feel the exhaustion wracking through his entire body. He let out a deep breath, mind slowing down after racing for the past hours. He had so much to talk to Rika about…so much to talk to Satoshi about. His heart wrenched at how complicated this situation had become. He wanted to help, but he needed answers, he needed-
A soft touch ghosted his hand as delicate fingers intertwined with his. Satoshi's hand settled into his own, and the heaviness of earlier melted through him. Without thinking, he gave the hand a gentle squeeze. His mind quieted as he drifted into sleep.
The morning light came on strong, like a bulldozer entering a sleeping forest ready to rear destruction. Satoshi was still softly asleep beside him as Keiichi blinked away, willing the sleep to leave his heavy eyes. He felt like shit and surely looked like shit as he brought himself forward to a sitting position. He felt a familiar weight still in his hand and saw Satoshi's slender fingers still laced with his own. He smiled softly as he gently untangled them. His head was pounding from the lack of sleep and he found an unfamiliar soreness in his muscles as he stretched: both grim reminders of last night. He shook off the sleep and softly left the futon to pad over to his closet. He began to dress for the day, ever grateful that today was Friday. He pulled on a shirt and massaged the bags under his eyes before silently slipping out of his bedroom. He glanced back at the sleeping boy before shutting the door, feeling a lightness in his heart that he didn't have the wherewithal to explain.
Keiichi trudged down the stairs, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn. He rubbed his eyes again, and the familiar smell of his dad's coffee was alluring. He stopped in the kitchen for a brief moment, long enough for his mother to fuss over his face and ask if he was well enough to attend school. Keiichi silently wished he could take them up on their offer to stay home, but he felt an intrinsic need to attend today. He needed to see Rika.
"I'm fine, Mom, really." He implored, laughing off his mom's concerns. He stole a sip of coffee from his dad's mug while he was nose deep into some paper, and hoped it would be enough of a placebo to keep him functioning. "I'll be leaving now. I'll see you guys soon!" He waved. His mother returned to her dishes, concern still visible on her face. As he shut the door, he heard her call out to him again.
"Oh, Keiichi! Your father got another work opportunity in the city. We're sorry, but will you be alright here again by yourself?" She had run over to the door, dishrag still in her hands. She wrung it nervously like she was afraid of disappointing him. If anything, Keiichi tried to shield her from the relief he felt, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.
"That's great! Have a nice time. I'm glad things seem to be picking up." He leaned back into the threshold and saw his dad hold a thumbs up from his seat in the kitchen. His mother breathed a sigh of relief.
"You can always tell me if you're not okay with it. I can stay back and-"
"No!" He cut her off, maybe too quickly. She looked startled as he tried to laugh it off again. "I'm fine Mom, seriously. Please, have a nice time. I could use a quiet weekend to relax." He reassured her. Seemingly satisfied, she flashed him a small smile and ruffled his hair with her spare hand.
"Rest up. We might be gone by the time you're home. I'll leave some leftovers in the fridge."
Keiichi gave his thanks and departed for school. He exhaled the negativity that had been plaguing him and found his steps to be a little lighter as he turned away from his house. This weekend, they could relax. But before that, he needed to talk to Rika.
The school day trudged on. Keiichi noticed immediately that the air around Rika was entirely different than it had been last night. It was like she had been possessed by something otherworldly, a stark contrast to her bubbly self. He found himself wondering who the true Rika was - did she have her own set of secrets, like Satoshi did?
"Keiichi-kun, did you not get a lot of sleep last night?" Rena was leaning in front of him, a concerned look etched across her face. Keiichi snapped out of his thoughts at the interaction. If Rika could put on a show, he resolved to do the same.
"Ah, I got so caught up in this movie I was watching, I lost track of time." He lied, a little too easily, and ended it with a laugh. Rena's eyes softened, and he wondered briefly if she could see right through him.
"Keiichi should take better care of himself. Otherwise, how can he care for others?" Rika's voice cut through, high-pitched and song-like. Satoko laughed boisterously at her comment.
"As if this brute could take care of anyone. That would require a brain!" She teased, sticking her tongue out at him from across the classroom. Keiichi grimaced. "If you only knew…"
He turned away, not bothering with a response, and yet, he could feel Rika's eyes boring into him. He gulped back his rising anxiety, steeling himself until after school. Then, they could finally talk.
Satoshi swung. The satisfying crack sent shivers down his spine as the bat made contact with the ball and flew high overhead. It was lost in the bright, white light of his surroundings. It was blinding, but he had a good feeling about the arc. As he strained his eyes against the light, he heard the familiar sound of another wind up. He immediately returned to his batting stance, staring out into the light, watching. Waiting.
Another gust of air hit him as the ball hurtled his way. He took a step forward, swinging hard. He knew it was another home run by feeling alone. This time, he didn't bother looking for it. His body kicked into autopilot, readying itself for the next pitch. A pause, and then the object hurtled his way once more. He reared back, putting all the power he could as he rotated his hips with his swing, the familiar feeling twisting him full of his own power. The crack resounded, echoed, and it sounded markedly different from before. Like the crack and twist of bone, it splintered, and the sound scratched at his ears as it bounced around, like it was stuck in a chamber. He started to feel uneasy as his body resumed its position, waiting for the next pitch. It came quickly this time, not giving him time to prepare. He reacted on instinct, and that same sickening crack met his ears, sending goosebumps across his entire body. He choked upon seeing the red stains blooming on his own body. He was at the epicenter of red; it was viscous and spreading, like a wine stain settling into cream-colored fabric. His body straightened into attention as another pitch hurtled this way. He swung again, cringing at the contact as crimson streaks exploded around him, coating his hands and making the bat slick between his fingers. He struggled to tighten his grip, but his body moved once again. He felt like a prisoner in his own skin, only able to follow the guidance of his own body's whims. An object hurtled toward him once more, and he nearly cried out as he saw. His body swung, splintering it into pieces as new red joined muddied brown all around him. His uniform, once freshly pressed and bleached, was now the sick color of rust. He blinked, and his eyes followed all the shards of bone at his feet. If he leaned down to collect them, how many skulls could he reconstruct? Another whoosh of air, and he was snapped back once more. His eyes caught the familiar writing on the bat as he swung, as if in slow motion.
Satoshi leaned forward, heaving for air. His entire chest pounded and he was gripping at the hoodie hanging off his body. His body was slick, and a part of him was terrified to look down, fully expecting to see himself coated in crimson. His breath came out ragged as he willed himself to look down, examining himself and his surroundings. He felt dizzy with relief as he grounded himself. This was Keiichi's room. There was no blood, only sweat. He was safe.
He collapsed back onto the futon, willing his beating heart to still. He laid a hand across his heart, feeling that familiar thumping against his palm. It was an indication that he was alive, and his body was fighting to keep it that way. He blinked slowly and wondered how long he had been asleep. He was glad that Keiichi had managed to make it to school but felt a tinge of sadness that he wasn't here when he woke. His body was coming down from the fear, and he was becoming increasingly aware of his claminess. He desperately wished for a bath and hoped Keiichi could help facilitate one for him once he was home. Finally, he rolled onto his side like he was trying to dodge the horrible dream from before.
"Satoshi…" He thought of his own name. Flashes of last night had been playing in his head on repeat. He felt so close to remembering…remembering what?
"Satoshi…" He flexed his hands in front of him, imagining the bat was there in its place.
"Satoshi…" That had been written on the bat right? He cringed as he suddenly remembered Keiichi straddled on top of him. They were fighting over the same object…the one that had his name on it. Satoshi felt a sudden heaviness as if Keiichi's form had never left him. What had prompted him to fight Keiichi like that?
He swallowed against the building lump in his throat. His heartbeat was steady in his ears, but he refused to back down. He willed himself to remember something, anything. He flexed his hands once more.
"You should play baseball with the team Satoshi…"
Satoshi raised his head. He felt so, so tired. How could he even suggest that? It felt almost cruel. But, he relented the thought, knowing Coach had no way of knowing the gravity of his situation.
"I know it might not feel like it now…but I think it could be fun for you! I've seen you on the field, and you're a natural."
Satoshi fiddled with his fingers under his desk as he worked up an excuse.
"I appreciate it, Coach, but I-"
He felt a heavy hand ruffle the hair on his head. He was tutted silent, "I won't take no for an answer until you at least give it a try."
He fidgeted again. Now it felt like an obligation. He couldn't let him down, right? That would just burden everyone around him even more. With a resigned sigh, he shrugged the hand away from his head.
"Okay, but only one practice."
Coach smiled down at him. "I look forward to working with you, Satoshi."
Satoshi heaved, feeling a rush of sick threatening to overtake him, drown him. He shot out of the futon and ran toward Keiichi's desk. Kneeling before it, he emptied the contents of his stomach into the small trash can kept underneath. He sputtered as every neuron in his body vibrated, threatening to explode. He heaved again, and the bile burned him, eating him alive. "I look forward to working with you, Satoshi." Images flashed between the school and the Clinic. He had uttered those words then, too, hadn't he? The sick came once again, leaving him dry heaving against the can, and he so desperately wished he could inform his body that there was nothing left. He was empty, spent, and he trembled helplessly against the feeling. He gasped for air against the edge of the trash can like a helpless fish that jumped into a boat to its own demise. Finally, his body, seemingly satisfied, relented as the nausea left him as quickly as it had come on. He leaned back, hands shaking, and wiped absently at his mouth. He felt sticky with sweat and other unsavory bodily fluids as he cursed under his breath. He splayed back, the cold floor causing him to shiver, and his nose wrinkled in displeasure at the new smell of the room. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his finger. He had to clean this up before Keiichi made it home. His cheeks felt hot with shame, contrasted with the sense that he accomplished something. The face from his memories was hazy, but he recognized that they were one in the same.
"I want to talk this out with Keiichi…"
He sat up, torn between wanting Keiichi to be home now and for him to stay away until he could clean up his mess. He tied the bag shut and closed his eyes. The house was quiet.
