A.N.: This is a commission paid for by Anonymous.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Twelve Brides and a Strawberry
After the events of Can't Fear Your Own World...
Urahara Shop; Living Room
"Ahhh, finally. Some R&R at long last," sighed the new Head-Captain of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, Shunsui Kyoraku. He sat at one end of the round table inside the living room of Urahara Shop, a small cup of sake in hand. "It's been so long since I've been able to kick back and chill."
"Heavy is the head that weighs the crown, eh?" said Kisuke Urahara, sitting on another end of the table. "We certainly got through that mess alright."
"Sorry I missed the party. Sounds like you guys had your hands full with that sociopath."
Setting down his cup, Kyoraku looked over at the third person sitting at the table drinking with them. "Don't worry. We'll save the next crisis for you, Isshin."
Pouring himself another drink, Isshin Kurosaki took a sip before sitting back in his cushion. "Save it for Ichigo. He was beyond livid when he found out we were all duped. Still, I can't believe all that happened while we were away. I always heard about how Tokinada was twisted but this guy makes Aizen look sane."
The crisis that Isshin was speaking of occurred while he and his children were away. Yuzu and Karin were on a trip in Western Japan when Isshin and Ichigo sensed they were in trouble. Ichigo grabbed his friends and they traveled to go help his sisters but by the time they arrived, they knew that something was wrong; Yuzu and Karin had been perfectly fine, enjoying their trip when their family and friends suddenly showed up prepared for a fight.
The distress that the Kurosakis had felt had been a ruse orchestrated by Tokinada Tsunayashiro, the man who'd been responsible for killing his wife, Tosen's beloved friend, and had been an old classmate of Kyoraku and Ukitake's back when they were at Yamamoto's academy. He'd lured Ichigo and his friends and family away from Karakura Town to ensure his plans could go forward without having the Soul Society's savior come to their rescue.
Tokinada had made his play to install a new Soul King in place of the one Ichigo had killed, though this one would have complete loyalty and obedience to him. Using the organs of the Soul King harvested from Fullbringers, the true source of their powers, he'd created a hybrid being similar to Ichigo, one that was Soul Reaper, Quincy and Hollow and gave this hybrid named Hikone a zanpakuto stolen from Oh-Etsu in the aftermath of the Vandenreich's rampage through the Soul King's Palace.
After putting a barrier around Karakura Town, Tokinada planned to swap it with his own version of the Soul King's palace. His ultimate goal was to reveal the truth of the afterlife upon humanity and have Hikone rule over both the Soul Society and the World of the Living, with him being the one pulling the strings on his puppet. Things went from bad to chaotic when he had Kisuke kidnapped by a Fullbringer named Aura in order to force the man to create a new Hogyoku for Hikone.
Discovering what his former friend had been conspiring, Kyoraku lead the charge to stop the insane Soul Reaper once and for all. They were victorious thanks in no small part to Lieutenant Shuhei Hisagi, but in order to ensure the victory, Kyoraku had to get creative...
"I'm just glad you seem to be doing well, Captain Shiba. We haven't really had the chance to catch up since you showed up during the fight with Aizen. I wish you'd reconsider my offer and come back to the Soul Society. We're in need of captains. And you know that Lieutenant Matsumoto and Captain Hitsugaya have been worried about you ever since you disappeared."
Sipping his alcohol, Isshin shook his head. "Sorry, Shunsui. My place is here looking after my children. I will, however, sit down with Toshiro and Rangiku to explain myself to them. I owe them that much. But is what Kisuke told me true? Did you really create an alliance between the Soul Society, the Arrancars, X-CUTION and the Sternritter?"
Kyoraku's expression soured and he tilted the cup in his hands back and forth, his voice tinged with unease. "Alliance is...a tricky word to use..."
As part of his plans, Tokinada had sent Hikone to Hueco Mundo in order to have the child conquer the Arrancars and install himself as their new leader. His arrival had interrupted a battle between the surviving female Sternritters, Liltotto, Giselle and a zombified Bambietta, and Halibel and her forces. Hikone was forced to retreat but due to the overwhelming threat he presented Halibel, Grimmjow and Neliel followed him to the Soul Society.
They in turn interrupted Mayuri's attempt to capture the fallen members of X-CUTION, the mad scientist using the reanimated Sternritters and Arrancars he had under his control. As Shinji showed up to join the fray with Hikone who'd followed him, things escalated out of control until Kyoraku was forced to step in. At Kukaku's house, he and the others compared notes and had proposed an alliance for everyone to join forces in order to stop Tokinada. As soon as the smoke had cleared and the madman's schemes had been ended, Kyoraku declared an end to all hostilities with the Arrancars and Quincies. Mayuri had even let several of his captured Sternritter go, letting Candice and Meninas join their friends who left for the World of the Living.
"We have a truce but it's hard to say how long it'll last. Peace treaties are always tenuous at best," lamented the new Head-Captain. "I envy Old Man Yama. He never had to deal with anything like this."
"Yeah, but his 'Kill First, Ask Questions Never' policy is what led us into this crisis in the first place," Kisuke pointed out, using his big brain to think of a solution to Kyoraku's problem. "You know, in the Human World, marriages are often arranged to solidify an alliance or a peace treaty," he noted, bringing out another bottle to pour the Head-Captain another cup.
"Yeah, but who would agree to a thing like that? There aren't that many bachelors in the Squads at the moment." Kyoraku sat back and sighed. "And I'm certainly not going to put a ring on my finger. I'm not that brave," he laughed. "Perhaps Byakuya might agree to that. He'd understand the importance of keeping the peace."
"Considering that the Sternritter almost killed him, he might not be so warm to the idea..." Isshin pointed out. "Good luck getting anyone to agree to an arranged marriage. Besides, after Aizen and Yhwach, no Soul Reaper is going to agree to get in bed with the enemy who just tried to destroy the Soul Society. Although..."
Isshin's two friends looked at him curiously. "What?" Kyoraku asked.
The burly man started to laugh. "You could always ask Ichigo! If he wasn't so boneheaded when it comes to love, I'd call him an alpha considering all the women he's met who wants to jump into his pants!" the buzzed father laughed.
Though Isshin had said that statement as a joke, Kyoraku and Kisuke looked at each other and realized that their friend actually made a valid point. "That...actually might work," Kisuke mused.
Isshin froze and raised an eyebrow. "You serious?"
Holding up a hand, Kisuke merely smiled. "Well, let's stop and think about this for a moment. Ichigo's a Human and he's shown time and again that he's been able to make friends out of his enemies. And over the course of his time as a Soul Reaper, he's met many women who've expressed interest in him. Obviously he's far too much of a prude to really give romance a thought but if asked, I'm sure several women would agree to marry him if it'd keep the peace."
Kyoraku rolled the idea around in his head before giving a nod. "It'd make a little sense. Your son does have a way of changing people, Ichigo. Plus, the Arrancars owe him a debt for stopping Yhwach and saving their queen."
"Yeah, that Arrancar with the green hair clearly has a thing for him. But what about the Quincies?" Isshin pointed out. "Ichigo killed their king."
"After their king tried to kill them," countered Kisuke. "From what I gathered from Uryu during his time with them, the Sternritter value strength above everything. And most importantly, if they're with Ichigo, it gives us a chance to keep an eye on them."
Taking another swig of alcohol, Isshin thought about it for a moment. While the idea had merit, he still had serious doubts that his son would ever agree to an arranged marriage. Sadly, he shook his head. "He'd never agree to it. There's no way he'd say yes to marrying a Quincy or an Arrancar. He's too emotional to let himself be locked into a soulless marriage."
"Then what about if he's married to several wives who do care about him?"
All eyes turned to see Yoruichi Shihoin, sitting in an unused corner of the table with a drink in her hand. "When'd you get here, Yoruichi?" asked Isshin.
"Oh, I've been here for several minutes. Gotta say, this is one interesting conversation I walked into," she said with a mischievous smirk. "The idea of Ichigo getting hitched is hysterical but I've an idea to top that: Instead of having Ichigo marry an Arrancar and a Quincy, why not have Ichigo have a ton of wives to help keep the peace."
The room went quiet as the three men processed what she was saying. "Damn, Yoruichi! Shooting for the stars, ain't ya?" Kisuke said with a smirk. "And I suppose that you'd be one of those wives?"
"I wouldn't mind. I've gone through a lot with Ichigo and I'd be lying if I didn't say he wouldn't make a handsome catch. The Soul Society does owe a huge debt to Ichigo and this would be one hell of a way to reward him. And besides, me being there would help keep things under control."
Kyoraku wished he'd had Nanao with him to help write all this down. He wasn't the best when it came to planning. "I'll have to send envoys to all parties. And I'll have to call the remaining members of the SWA to see if anyone else wants to join you. I'll consult Byakuya to make sure that no laws are being broken by this. Polygamy isn't unheard of in the Soul Society but this might take the cake."
"I assume Orihime is going to want to get in on this?" Isshin asked. "If you're looking for someone to give Ichigo the emotional love he needs, she's it."
"I know. I'll sit down and talk with her about this. I'm pretty sure she's gonna leap at the chance to marry Ichigo. If she turns it down, I'll shave my head."
"I don't know, I think you'd look good bald, Yorui-"
POW!
The blow was powerful as it was sudden. Yoruichi struck like a cobra, leaning over the table and punching Kisuke right in the eye. "You wanna repeat that, Kisuke?!"
Kyoraku whistled before laughing in amusement. "My goodness! If that's how feisty one bride is, I almost hesitate to offer more to Ichigo!" Getting up, the Head-Captain grabbed his two zanpakuto and stood up straight. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go inform Nanao and try to see if we can even make this happen in the first place. It's a moot point if everyone says no."
"It's Ichigo we're talking about," Kisuke reminded him. The shopkeeper waited until the squad's commanding officer and Yoruichi had left before turning to Isshin. "I'm surprised you weren't more opposed to Ichigo getting married to multiple women. Won't Ichigo be upset when he finds out you set this up behind his back?"
Ichigo's father merely shrugged. "Well, the thought of having multiple wives is still iffy to me, as Ichigo's father I find the idea hilarious."
"You do know he's gonna punch you for this, right?"
"Speaking of which, you want me to go get you an ice pack for your black eye?"
"Please and thank you."
Days later...
Soul Society; Head-Captain's Office
"Thank you all for coming. Sorry for the abruptness of this meeting but I figured I'd get you all up to speed on the idea me and Nanao had been putting together."
Head-Captain Kyoraku stood in front of the remaining Captains and Lieutenants of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. Every time he assembled them, Kyoraku couldn't help but feel a little sadness seeing how his best friend, Ukitake and his senior, Unohana, weren't there with him. The heaviness of his Haori always grew whenever he thought of his mentor, Yamamoto, having fallen in battle against Yhwach. Even Komamura was gone, having given up his humanity during his battle against the Sternritter.
Rukia, Isane and Iba stood in for their fallen captains. Thankfully Rose and Kensei had recovered from the de-zombification process and had returned to active duty.
Byakuya spoke first. "Head-Captain, what exactly is the reason of this meeting?" He and the other captains were busy still trying to repair and restore order to the Seireitei. If there had been an emergency, he knew Kyoraku wouldn't be so relaxed.
"Well, the thing is is this, Captain Kuchiki: after speaking with Kisuke Urahara and Isshin Shiba a little while ago, I came up with an idea of how to help solidify the truce we have with Hueco Mundo and the remaining forces of the Vandenreich."
Toshiro Hitsugaya furrowed his brow. He'd heard of the truce that'd happened and was as curious as the others about what his commander had in mind. He wasn't really in favor of a truce with the Quincies, especially after all he'd gone through. But he was man enough to know that after war must come peace, not more war. "What were you thinking, Head-Captain."
"Well..." Pulling his straw hat over his head, Kyoraku cleared his throat before continuing. "We decided that the best way to keep the peace would be an arranged marriage."
Silence filled the room as everyone in front of the kimono-wearing man processed what their leader just said. Everyone, including Byakuya, said the exact same thing.
"...HUH?!"
"Let me explain. I know you're all going to think I'm crazy but long shots are the best ones. I've been talking it over with Isshin and we both agreed that the lucky groom is to be Ichigo Kurosaki. We want him to marry both Arrancar and Quincy as a show of cooperation and friendship."
"...HUHHHHHHHH?!"
"...How'd I know that'd be yall's reaction?" Kyoraku murmured to himself, looking up to see everyone, especially Rukia and Renji, baffled beyond belief.
Toshiro blushed at the idea of Kyoraku playing matchmaker and was the first to raise an objection. "Head-Captain, while Ichigo is a Soul Reaper and acting as our Deputy in the World of the Living, he is still a Human and-"
"And we have no right to make him do anything he doesn't want?" Kyoraku finished. "Trust me, Captain Hitsugaya, I did not think of this lightly or act on a whim. Contrary to what some of you might think, I do put some thought into my plans. Let me explain more before you all start shouting at me at the same time."
"I know that Ichigo is a Human first and foremost. He'd tell you that himself. But he is also Soul Reaper, Hollow, and as we now know, Quincy. I believe that Ichigo can serve as the bridge of all races that could help keep peace within the three realms. We owe him a debt for what he's done for us and so this could be a way to help repay 's why it won't be just Quincies and Arrancars that he's marrying. Lady Yoruichi has also offered to be his bride to give him the emotional support he needs and to keep peace in what is no doubt going to be a big house."
To Kyoraku's non-surprise, Soi-Fon went from shocked to absolutely livid in the span of a heartbeat. "WHAT?!" Her scream was so loud it could be heard for miles. If looks could kill, Kyoraku would be a stain on the floor from how intense the short captain was looking at her. "LADY YORUICHI WOULD NEVER DEMEAN HERSELF TO MARRY A LOWLY BRAT LIKE-"
Bonk!
One blow to the back of the head later and Soi-Fon was out like a light, making everyone jump. "Sorry about that," said Yoruichi, having snuck up from behind her little bee while she was ranting, laying the unconscious woman on the floor. "I'll talk to her later and try to get her to calm down a little."
"Ah. Lady Yoruichi. Just who I was waiting to see. Tell me, did Miss Inoue agree to be one of Ichigo's brides?"
Rukia gasped and blushed at the mention of her friend. "Orihime? She agreed to this?" She of all people knew the orangette loved Ichigo but couldn't imagine the teen sharing him with anyone.
"Well..." Yoruichi merely gave a cryptic smile and scratched the back of her head. "Let's just say that Ichigo is in for an even bigger surprise than we expected. But before I tell you what happened, did you get any replies?"
"That I did." Walking around his desk, Kyoraku sat down in his chair and pulled out several letters from a drawer. "I sent out messages to Queen Halibel in Hueco Mundo and those female Sternritter who assisted us during the incident with Tokinada. After all, the whole point of this is moot if both sides say no to the idea."
Shinji spoke next. "So did any of them agree? Because I've got to hear this," he said with his Cheshire Cat smirk. "Ichigo with multiple wives? This is gonna be the gift that keeps on giving."
"Well, Captain Hirako, that's the thing. I received replies from both parties and the responses were...interesting..." He held up the letter he got from Hueco Mundo. "The Arrancar's message was-"
Days earlier...
Hueco Mundo; Las Noches Throne Room
"A marriage proposal?!"
Standing in the throne room were Tier Halibel, Neliel tu Odelschwank and Halibel's subordinates, the Tres Bestia. Nel and the Fraccion gathered around their leader as she read from the letter sent to her by Head-Captain Kyoraku. Nearby standing guard were the Exequias, Rudbornn and his two "enlisted" helpers, Loly and Menoly. Sitting on a ledge nearby listening was Grimmjow, who was just as baffled as the others.
"They want one of us to marry Ichigo?" Nel's face turned red at the idea of her and Ichigo standing at the altar.
"Apparently it's not just us. The Quincy are also being asked. I guess the Soul Society has a thing for polygamous marriage," Halibel noted, her face a mystery as she reread the letter silently.
Apacci stomped her foot. "So what, one of us has to share a house with a Quincy? No thank you! After what those bastards did to us, the music they're going to hear isn't wedding bells, it's gonna be a funeral march..." she said seething, cracking her knuckles.
"Hmm..." Halibel's expression was unreadable while she pondered the proposal. After a moment, she turned her friend, Nel. "Actually, a union between Soul Reaper and Arrancar might be fruitful. If we ally ourselves with Ichigo Kurosaki, it would give the Thirteen Court Guard Squads pause if they ever decided to invade Hueco Mundo again."
The Tres Bestia looked at their leader like she'd grown a second head. "Master Halibel, you can't be seriously considering this!" objected Apacci.
"Why not? This is clearly just a political move to try and keep the peace." Halibel glanced over at Nel with a knowing smile behind her mask fragment. "I assume you'll want to be the lucky bride?"
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Nel slowly nodded. "Yes. I care for Ichigo. And while I know Orihime cares deeply for him too, I know she's got enough love in her heart to share him with me."
"I see. Well, I have no objection to you marrying him since you were always so fond of the Substitute. But I've decided too..."
"Decided what?"
"That I will also marry Ichigo Kurosaki."
A sharp gasp left everyone in the room, save for Grimmjow who merely raised an eyebrow at Halibel's proclamation. Mila Rose was the most perturbed out of her sisters. "Lady Halibel, you can't be serious! Nel is one thing but you and that boy-"
"Why not? Were it not for Ichigo Kurosaki, I'd still be in Yhwach's dungeon. I owe him a debt. Marriage would be my way of gratitude towards him."
Grimmjow merely tsked. "You fucking slut! You just jump at any guy's offer to get in their pants?"
The Tres Bestia all looked at the former Sexta Espada with venom in their eyes. "The fuck you just say?" shouted both Apacci and Mila Rose.
Before things could escalate, Rudbornn spoke up. "Lord Grimmjow, perhaps you should try to see the positive. For someone like you, who wishes to battle ever stronger opponents, this could be fortuitous. A child born from the union of Lady Halibel and Ichigo Kurosaki would be quite formidable."
The blue-haired Arrancar went silent for a moment before he looked back at Halibel. "Fuck it, I'll fight your brat if I can't fight Ichigo anymore."
"Crude as always." Sung-Sun stepped forward. "Lady Halibel, if we're talking about debts, then the three of us also owe Ichigo for saving our lives from that Quincy."
"Sung-Sun, have you lost it? The three of us can't be that guy's wives!" Apacci objected.
"Of course not. You two," she pointed her sleeve at her companions, "wouldn't know one thing about being housewives. That is why I will volunteer to become a bride in order to repay our debt for all three of us."
Halibel gave Sung-Sun a curious look. "Are you certain, Sung-Sun, you want to wed this man?"
"If you are going to marry him, Lady Halibel, then so shall I. Besides, I can be more of a lover to him than these two."
"WHAT?!"
Halibel silenced the two arguing girls and made her decision. "Then it's settled. I'll send our reply. Nel, Sung-Sun and I will marry Ichigo Kurosaki and be his Hollow brides."
Back to the present...
"HUUUUUUUH?!" Everyone looked at Kyoraku in disbelief. "Head-Captain, are you serious? Three Arrancars are going to marry Ichigo?" Renji asked, not knowing what to think.
Shinji merely kept smiling. "Oh man. This is going to be interesting."
Setting down Halibel's letter, Kyoraku picked up the response he got from the Quincies. "If you think that's shocking, just wait until you here this." Opening it up, he started to read the letter he got from them...
Several Days ago...
World of the Living
Inside a small house that served as a place of refuge for the Vandenreich in case of emergencies, four women gathered around a table, all of them dressed in white. The smallest of the pair, a petite blonde named Liltotto, finished reading the letter aloud and set it down on the table for her fellow Quincy to inspect it. "A marriage proposal? Is he fucking serious?"
At the opposite end of the table, a dark-haired girl looked at the letter with a curious expression. "They want one of us to marry Ichigo Kurosaki? I think that's a great idea!" When her friends gave her bewildered expressions, Giselle explained herself. "If I can turn Ichigo into a zombie, my hubbie would be strong enough to crush the Soul Society!"
Liltotto held up two fingers. "First, the whole point of this is to avoid a fight against the Soul Reapers. We lost. Get over it. Second, I think Ichigo would be rather put off on your honeymoon when he feels up your skirt and finds a surprise waiting for him."
A third voice spoke up. "And we're not even sure your powers will work on him since he's a hybrid. Hmmm..." The speaker's hand reached out and grabbed the letter, giving it a read. After a moment, the lime-greenette named Candice spoke. "Fuck it. I hate Ichigo Kurosaki for what he did to me but I'll do it."
The last of the girl's to speak, the buxom pinkette named Meninas, gave her friend a puzzled look. "Oh? Did you fall for Ichigo during our battle with him? He was quite the fetching young man."
Candice slammed the letter down onto the table before pointing a finger at her face. "Fuck no! I don't give a flying fuck about Ichigo Kurosaki in the slightest! But if I'm with him, that means I'll have access to Orihime Inoue's powers and she can fix what that sick bastard did to us. For fuck's sake, we look like we came out of a car crash, Meninas!"
The scantily-clad Candice was referring to the litany of scars that covered her body before gesturing to the ones on Meninas's own face. Liltotto, ever the grounded one of the four, couldn't help but put in her two cents. "She's got a point. You two look like you've been Frankensteined together from spare parts."
"Exactly! And there's no telling what that stupid scientist put in us when he made us part of that damned Corpse Squad of his!"
After being felled in battle by Byakuya, Candice had lost much of her powers as a result of Yhwach's Auswahlen. The same fate awaited Meninas after she'd been brainwashed by Pepe and Liltotto was forced to subdue her. While the two women didn't die like Robert Accutrone, they were recovered by Squad Twelve and forced to become Mayuri Kurotsuchi's experiments.
While the pair weren't technically dead, Mayuri had later confessed that he'd dissected the both of them and "rebooted" them, effectively making the pair a couple of walking corpses. As part of the peace agreement with Kyoraku, Liltotto and Gigi were able to take their friends back to the World of the Living with them yet the damage was done to the duo.
Meninas sighed, knowing what Candice was feeling; she felt it every morning when she woke up and looked in the mirror. "I suppose that'd be a plus. I believe I should also offer my hand in marriage."
Gigi gasped. "You too, Mini?"
"The letter said this was supposed to be a polygamous marriage to promote peace between us. His Majesty tried to murder us all and destroy the world. He lied to us about his goals. And it was Ichigo Kurosaki who stopped him. We're still here because of Ichigo so we owe him a debt. Plus, I could move out of this dingy house we've been staying at and stay somewhere a little nicer. So I'll marry him to keep Candice from trying to fry him during the honeymoon. "
"Don't give me any ideas..." seethed the lime-greenette.
Sitting back in her chair, Liltotto cocked a thumb over to the corner of the room. "If we're going to give him someone, let's give him Bambi. She's starting to smell no matter how much blood Gigi gives her. Better to let her be Ichigo's problem than ours."
Sitting in the corner was a zombified Bambietta. The once beautiful Sternritter was now in tattered clothes and had clay-red skin, drool spilling from her mouth while she groaned. She'd been murdered by her friends upon her defeat at the hands of Captain Komamura and turned into a zombie by Gigi. The Z Sternritter had been keeping her alive by using her blood but the prolonged use was making Bambi's mind start to rot.
Candice scoffed at the idea. "Are you dumb? Ichigo isn't gonna want to marry a corpse!"
"No, but Kisuke Urahara or Orihime Inoue might have a means to revive her. Gigi's blood is only going to work for so long and I'm sick of smelling her stench and listening to her groan like that."
"Nooo!" Gigi flew across the room with Hirenkyaku and hugged Bambietta possessively. "I don't wanna! I made Bambi my zombie so we wouldn't lose her! I don't wanna give her up!"
"Gigi, you've already killed her. Twice," pointed out Liltotto. "So then, you two will marry Ichigo Kurosaki so that Orihime can heal Candi, Mini can repay our debt to him and we can finally get rid of Bambi?"
"Noooo!" wailed Gigi.
"Too bad, Gigi, you've been outvoted!" Candice said.
"Candi, you need to promise you won't kill Ichigo the moment you're alone with him. We aren't enemies anymore," Meninas reminded.
"Hmph! Fine! But if he's tiny during our wedding night, I'll fry his balls off!"
Liltotto took out a piece of paper to give Kyoraku their response as well as to send a letter to Kisuke about reviving Bambietta. Candice merely returned to her room to apply more hairspray while Meninas pulled out a wedding catalog to start looking at dresses. All the while Giselle cried while hugging Bambietta, not wanting to let their friend go...
Back to the present...
"HUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"
The shocks only kept coming. Had skin not been wrapped around their mouths, Rukia and Renji's jaws would have popped off. Rose and Kensei thought Shinji's grin couldn't get much wider. "Three Quincy wives?" gaped Toshiro.
Isane started counting on her fingers. "So in addition to the three Arrancars and Lady Yoruichi, that makes seven wives for Ichigo." Her blush matched the redness of Renji's hair at such an implication.
"This day just keeps on getting better," laughed Shinji before he turned to Yoruichi. "But I think you mean eight wives, Isane. Yoruichi, what was Orihime's response? You said before that Ichigo was in for a surprise. I take it Orihime said yes?"
Yoruichi's grin matched Shinji's. "Oh, it's even better than you think. You see, while I went over to Orihime's to tell her about the proposal, she had company staying with her..."
Rukia could automatically see where this was going. "You can't be serious!"
"Oh but I am..."
Several Days ago...
World of the Living; Orihime's Apartment
Yoruichi politely rang the doorbell and waited quietly, her sharp ears picking up the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door. When the door opened, she smiled at the young orangette who answered it. "Hey, Orihime. It's been a while!"
"Yoruichi!" The happy teen, dressed in a pink shirt and black skirt, quickly hugged her old teacher and friend. "It's been so long! How have you been?"
"I'm okay." Yoruichi hugged her back, though she had a worried feeling about the reason that'd brought her to the girl's doorstep. "But I'm actually here about you."
"Me? I'-"
"Orihime, who's that?" said a voice from inside the apartment.
The girl led the werecat into her home. Inside Orihime's living room sitting on the couch was Orihime and Ichigo's longtime friend, Tatsuki Arisawa. On a chair nearby sewing some buttons onto a teddy bear was the Fullbringer Riruka Dokugamine. The magenta-haired teen had been living with Orihime for a while after the Quincy war, getting a job at a toy shop making cute stuffed animals.
'Hmm...this might be tricky. If her friends are here, they might talk her out of it. Then again, since it's Ichigo maybe they'll be more agreeable...' she thought to herself; it wasn't the first time that she'd questioned whether Kisuke, Shunsui and Isshin had thought their little scheme through more before they decided to act on their plans.
As Orihime sat down on the couch next to Tatsuki, Yoruichi took a seat in a chair adjacent from them. "So, I need to talk to you about something very important, Orihime. You two should hear this too. It's best you hear it from me. You heard about the recent peace treaty between the Soul Society, Hueco Mundo and the remnants of the Vandenreich?"
Orihime and Riruka nodded while Tatsuki quietly listened, the human having no idea about the Tokinada incident.
"Well, a few days ago, Head-Captain Kyoraku showed up to talk and..."
By the time Yoruichi finished talking, all three girls looked like their jaws were about to hit the floor. Orihime's face turned cherry red from all the blood rushing to her face as she processed what the Head-Captain was planning for Ichigo. "Ichigo's getting married?!" she said, not knowing how to feel about this.
Shaking off the shock, Tatsuki scowled at the werecat. "No. We can't just let you do what you want with Ichigo." She remembered when Kyoraku had given her, Keigo and Mizuro Soul Tickets, implying that they were going to keep Ichigo from coming home. "You guys can't just make Ichigo do this, marrying multiple women just to keep the peace."
Yoruichi expected her out of the three to be the most against the idea. "I understand. But this marriage will be simply political to keep the peace. We aren't asking Ichigo to love the enemies he'd fought against. That was why it was decided to have wives from all four tribes to marry him as a show of unity. He can marry a Quincy and Arrancar for symbolic purposes and a Soul Reaper and a Human can marry him to give him the love he deserves. I have offered to be the Soul Reaper bride."
"What?" Riruka narrowed her eyes, the jealousy clear on her face.
"And that's why I want to ask Orihime to be the Human bride," Yoruichi concluded. "We can work out the details later on how to make this work but I wanted to explain the situation personally to Orihime and ask if she would give her hand in marriage to Ichigo."
"I...I..." Orihime stammered, unable to think. She loved Ichigo; of that there was absolutely no doubt. And her fervent wish was to one day become his wife and have a happy life with him. However, this was asking a lot. "I don't know. I...I'm not sure if this is a good idea..."
A sigh came from the right of her. "Fine then. If it means so much to you guys to keep the peace, then I'll join Orihime as Ichigo's bride."
The werecat and the two Human girls on the couch turned to look at the Fullbringer with incredulous eyes. "You?!" Tatsuki said, unable to temper the heat in her voice. She liked Riruka after meeting her but for her to offer to marry Ichigo when she barely knew him...
The Fullbringer shrugged. "What? She said it was mostly a political stunt. Besides, Yukio told me about what happened with Kyoraku and Ginjo during their little alliance. If it means keeping the peace then a Fullbringer should be involved as well."
Raising an eyebrow at the girl, Yoruichi sat back and tilted her head to the side. She got the feeling that Riruka was hiding her true intentions from them so she decided to push a little. If she was really serious about marrying Ichigo, then she needed to be more honest. "Is that really the only reason you want to marry Ichigo?"
Knowing that the werecat saw right through her, Riruka sighed. "I...I owe Ichigo a lot. For what he did for Ginjo. For what we did to him." Her stomach twisted at the memory of her group's betrayal. "Ginjo was the one who saved me. And Ichigo was the one who saved Ginjo in the end. I...I still owe him for a whole lot more. Being his wife and being there for him might not wipe away my debt to him, but it's a start."
"Riruka..." Orihime saw the look in her friends eyes and knew she was being serious.
"So what do you say, Orihime? Wanna be sisters?"
The thought of Ichigo having multiple wives still weirded her out but Orihime felt the tension leave her knowing that Yoruichi and Riruka would be there. 'Since he's marrying an Arrancar, it'll probably be Nel. Or maybe Miss Halibel. She seems nice.'
Her thoughts were interrupted when Tatsuki spoke up. "Fine. If it means so much to you guys, I'll marry Ichigo too."
Now it was Tatsuki's turn to be the center of attention. The blood rushed back into Orihime's face upon hearing her best friend's words. "Tatsuki, you too?"
"What? She said that the Soul Society wanted to have Ichigo marry multiple women, right? She never said how many Human wives he could have. I...er..." She hesitated to use the L word in front of Orihime so she chose her next words carefully, her pinks tinged with pink. "Ichigo is my best friend and if you jerks are going to put him through this craziness, then he's gonna need me to help him get through it along with these two."
"But...but Tatsuki! What about your parents!" Orihime had been orphaned since her brother Sora passed and Riruka had been a runaway until Ginjo had brought her into X-CUTION. Tatsuki, on the other hand, was the only one of the three with parents. "They aren't going to be happy if you marry Ichigo out of the blue and they'll be even less happy when they find out you won't be his only wife."
Yoruichi interjected, finding this all to be so very amusing. 'This is turning out even better than I'd hoped.' Snapping her fingers to get everyone's attention, the werecat gave the three a reassuring smile. "I'm certain we can work something out. Like I said, this is mostly a political stunt to help keep the peace. We might be able to do this without the need to tell your parents."
"So then. Orihime. Riruka. Tatsuki. Are you three serious? Do you want to marry Ichigo?"
The teenage trio looked at each other for a long couple of minutes, each girl trying to gauge the other's true feelings before they all turned back to Yoruichi and nodded.
"Well, I certainly didn't expect this when I came over but I'll inform the Head-Captain and we'll try to set all this up so that everyone can be happy. In the meantime..." Reaching into her orange jacket, she pulled out a magazine and handed it to Orihime. "I suggest you three comb over this."
"What is it?"
"A wedding dress catalog. I came prepared in case Orihime said yes."
Back to the present...
"HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"
"Okay, everyone? If you keep doing that, you're all going to pass out," Kyoraku warned.
Isane started to count again. "But Head-Captain...that means Ichigo is going to have ten wives!"
Rose looked to the side and frowned. "Shinji, your face is going to be permanently stuck like that if you keep grinning."
"Totally worth it." Shinji felt tears sting the edge of his eyes from smiling so hard. It was taking all he can not to bust a gut laughing. "If you'd told me when I got up in the morning that Ichigo was going to have ten wives, I'd have called you a liar."
"Oh boy..." Kyoraku shook his head while he processed Yoruichi's report. "Isshin wasn't kidding when he said his son was an alpha. I wasn't expecting so many women to put forth their hand in marriage to him."
Byakuya, having stayed silent throughout most of the meaning, thought about the dilemma this caused. The Soul Society was the one who'd offered the deal yet the other parties involved were offering three brides each. Yet Kyoraku was only offering one Soul Reaper bride: Yoruichi. "Head-Captain..."
"I know exactly what you're thinking, Captain Kuchiki, and I know. With everyone offering more than one bride, it would look shameless if the Soul Society gave away only one. Since Hueco Mundo, the Sternritter and Ichigo's friends are offering three women to be with him, we have to bump it up to three as well."
All of the women in the room felt a wave of unease as Kyoraku's eyes scanned them one by one. Rukia could feel Byakuya and Renji's eyes on her and she couldn't help but show the conflict on her face. 'Should I offer myself to be a bride? But...what would Byakuya think? Or Renji? I...I don't feel for Ichigo like I do for Renji though...but what if the Head-Captain orders me? I don't know what to-'
"Before any of you start to get worried," Kyoraku said as if he could read Rukia's mind, giving the lieutenant a knowing look. "I will not order anyone to marry Ichigo Kurosaki. I want this to be your choice," he looked at the rest of the women and gave them a smile. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."
"I'll do it."
Toshiro turned around, unable to keep the shock on his face from showing when he heard his lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto, offer herself. "Rangiku? Um...are you sure?"
Kyoraku also looked at her skeptically. "Are you certain, Lieutenant? This marriage will mostly be symbolic so you don't have to worry about it interfering with your duties."
The strawberry blonde gave her captain a reassuring smile. "It's alright, Captain. I didn't just decide because I think getting married is going to be fun. All the other girls are talking about repaying a debt to Ichigo. I...I too owe Ichigo a debt. Plus, Orihime is gonna have her hands full and she's going to need me to help keep the house from blowing up."
"Very well then. That makes two," Kyoraku said with an approving nod.
Isane fidgeted while she tried to calm her own emotions. 'Should I volunteer? If Captain Unohana were here, she'd offer herself to Ichigo. She even admitted she found him a fetching young man. But I...I don't know if I'm ready to be married yet. We've barely even spoken to each other. Should I?'
Nanao knew better to offer herself; she didn't want Ichigo to die as a result of the Ise Clan's curse like it'd claimed Kyoraku's brother. Mayuri, meanwhile, cursed the fact that Nemu was still in the reconstruction phase after Nemuri Nanago was ripped to pieces. If she were still alive, he'd offer his daughter to Ichigo to see what kind of offspring they'd make.
Shinji chuckled. "A shame Hiyori isn't here with us. I'd die laughing if she had to be Ichigo's wife."
Kensei rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we'd have his wedding right after your funeral."
"I'll do it! I'll marry Ichi-Berry!"
The taciturn captain and his other lieutenant, Shuhei, turned with wide eyes to see Mashiro Kuna raising her head. "Mashiro?!" the two men gaped.
"What? I like Ichi-Berry and we owe him a debt too. Right, Kensei? Shinji?"
Running a hand through his long, blond hair, Rose shrugged. "She does have a point. Mashiro could not only represent the Soul Society but the Vizards."
"A shame Lisa ain't here. She'd get a kick out of this. But better Mashiro than Hiyori," Shinji added.
Clapping his hands to bring the focus back on him, Kyoraku smiled. "Well, this certainly turned out to be a bigger deal than I'd anticipated. I'll go and let Ichigo's father know of everything so he can tell the boy about his upcoming nuptials."
Byakuya frowned. "Wait, you're saying you set all of this up...without telling Ichigo?!"
"Yes. Why?"
The stoic captain scowled. "Head-Captain, give the order for war-time measures to be granted and for all seated officers and captains to be armed."
"May I ask what for?"
"Because once Ichigo is finished with his father and Kisuke, he's going to come for you."
Hours later...
Karakura Town; Kurosaki House
Isshin climbed the stairs up to his son's room, having just gotten off the phone with Kyoraku. "Oh boy...this is going to be a tense conversation."
Knocking on his son's room, he opened it to find his teenage son to be in an argument with his Mod Soul, Kon. "Kon, how many times do I have to tell you: don't spend my money on porn magazines!"
"Oh come on! I just want to see hot girls! You can enjoy them too! What are you, gay?"
Ichigo punched the plushy in the face and sent him flying. "Rgh! Oh, hey Dad. What's up?"
Closing the door behind him, Isshin took a deep breath. "Well, Ichigo, the thing is..
Meanwhile...
Downstairs, Ichigo's sisters were busy playing a game. Several minutes after their father got off the phone and headed upstairs, they heard the loudest scream of their lives.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
Yuzu covered her ears. "What are they doing up there?"
Karin looked at the ceiling and frowned. "I don't know but it sounds like Ichigo is about to trigger an earthquake..."
To be continued
Omake
The Scream Heard Across Space
In the Soul Society...
Sitting at his desk, Kyoraku was speaking to Nanao. "So I guess we should have multiple ceremonies. Byakuya assured me that no laws were being broken since Ichigo is Hu-"
-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
The pair looked out over the open section of the office when they heard a scream that seemingly came from nowhere. "Uh, Head-Captain? Do you hear that?"
"I feel that, Nanao."
Muken
Inside the lowest level of the underground prison, Sosuke Aizen remained bound to the seals that kept him restricted. As he continued his ruminations, the area shuddered and through the pitch blackness of the prison, Aizen picked up a loud noise that penetrated even this sealed off space.
-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
"Well now," the villain chuckled. "Sounds like Ichigo is having a worse day than I am..."
In a completely different afterlife
Sitting at a very nice mahogany desk, a huge red giant with horns was busy processing the long line of souls. "Purgatory...Hell...Purgatory...Pur-"
"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
Sitting up, the judge of the afterlife looked around as he heard that scream. "Denise? Denise, do you hear that? Oh god, is that my ex-wife? LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screamed back. "You already took the kids, what more do you want?!"
END
