Chapter 45) A Changed Reflection
Selected Listening: The End of All Things- Panic! At the Disco
Shadowed banners drifted over the Great Hall when the students walked in for the end-of-term feast: a somber tone for their fallen classmate. Anastasia sat and ate quietly with her friends. When Albus stood to give his address, he did his best to convince his students that Cedric had been murdered and Voldemort had returned. He never struggled for words, but that day he struggled to make his students believe him.
Anastasia's heart felt as empty and bleak as the hall.
The Ministry wouldn't support the headmaster's message. Fudge had a dementor suck out Barty Crouch Jr.'s soul before he could testify. Albus telling students the truth, when they were likely to exaggerate the story or ignore it entirely, didn't seem wise. Still, Anastasia remembered what Albus had told her about doing the right thing, even if one suffered for it in the meantime.
She tried to be thankful that when the dementor took the death eater's soul, her secrets of the animagus and the lifeline, left with it.
Anastasia stood in the dormitory staring at her packed trunk, which awaited Winky and Dobby to bring it to the headmaster's suite. Hermione sat on her luggage, attempting to force down all the books she had checked out for the summer. The other Gryffindor girls had already gone down to the carriages.
Anastasia debated whether she wanted to take the train to London and back that day. The return trip would probably be the last time she would be allowed to ride alone.
She pushed the thought out of her mind and her gaze fluttered back to the jar on the windowsill.
"When do you plan on letting her out?" Anastasia asked Hermione. Looking at the jar made her sick to her stomach. She thought of Moody sitting alone in a trunk for the whole year. Even if Rita was cruel, she didn't deserve that.
And she couldn't let her best friend become a criminal.
Hermione looked up from where she sat on her trunk, attempting to force all the books she checked out for the summer into her luggage.
"I plan to let her out in London," Hermione said. "I'm not bringing her to my house."
Anastasia let out a breath of relief.
"What?" Hermione asked. "You didn't think I would?"
"You were so thrilled to have caught her…I was a little worried," she admitted.
Hermione glanced at the glasses-marked beetle, and then back to her friend.
"I'm sorry I said all those awful things to you…and that I left you alone on the day of the task. I didn't realize you were trying to avoid the curse."
Anastasia walked over to Hermione and sat on the trunk with her. They forced it shut and latched it.
"It probably wouldn't have mattered…" Anastasia said, "the saboteur curse would have taken effect anyway, but it's over now. And I'm sorry I was so caught up with boys this year that I couldn't focus on helping you with Rita or SPEW."
Hermione looked at her friend and hugged her tight around the shoulders.
"I'm glad you're alive."
Anastasia returned the embrace, wondering how long it would be until death came to meet her again.
Later that hour, the Gryffindor students stood on the hillside watching the Beauxbatons students board their flying carriage and the Durmstrang students embark on their viking-esque ship. Fleur and her sister hurried to tell them goodbye, and the elder passed a courteous nod to Anastasia as she departed. Viktor walked over as well. He kissed Hermione's hand, shook Harry's, and bowed slightly to Anastasia.
"How will you sail back without Karkaroff?" Harry asked. Their headmaster had disappeared the night of Voldemort's return.
"What you mean?" Krum asked with a grin. "Headmasters, you know? They make students do all the work. We sail. No instructions. They say wise thing later."
Anastasia laughed.
The Gryffindor group boarded the train and found a compartment for themselves. Hermione delightedly told the boys about their ventures in capturing Rita Skeeter, and Anastasia explained how she and Moody had attempted to expedite their rescue with the lifeline.
"So, what's with Draco and Fred now?" Hermione asked. "Why aren't you with either of them?"
Anastasia shrugged.
"Fred realized I'm going to have to figure out how to get rid of the lifeline before we could try a real relationship. And I can't be with Draco because—"
"He's horrible?" Ron asked.
"His father's Voldemort's favorite death eater?" chimed Harry sarcastically. Anastasia rolled her eyes.
"Because I'm not sure if I love him or if I'm being forced to by magic," she said bluntly and looked out the window at the countryside.
"Oh…" they said, disappointedly. No matter what happened, she couldn't hate Draco for the same reasons they did.
The trolley witch came by, and the students exited their compartment, forking over coins for pumpkin pasties and fizzing whizzbees. Anastasia was slow getting hers and when she looked up, realized the twins were also there. Fred made eye contact.
"I'm sorry." She couldn't think of what else to say. He'd been sulking around Gryffindor tower all week. On top of their breakup, Bagman had absconded in the same way as Karkaroff, and the twins had no way to retrieve their life savings.
"Anastasia, it's fine. You can't control it," Fred reassured, and vanished with George back into the elder Gryffindors' compartment.
Anastasia stared emotionlessly at the door as the cart moved down the hall. She wondered if all her friends saw the lifeline as an illness she couldn't shake. When she snapped out of her daze, she saw Draco and Pansy emerge with Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise, to take their own spoils. Pansy looked up at Anastasia, gave her a nasty grin, and grabbed Draco by the collar to snog him mercilessly.
Caught off guard, Draco broke off the kiss and spotted the reason for Pansy's rather public display. He cleared his throat and pulled away from her to buy his sugar quills.
Anastasia found an open compartment where she could stow herself away. The tears gathered in her eyes as a blur of landscape rushed past.
Moments later, the door slid open, and Draco stepped in.
"What? Are you finally done snogging?" Anastasia asked, angry tears still in her eyes. It was stupid to be upset. She'd turned him down herself.
Draco took the seat next to her without asking. He didn't speak.
"What did you say to Fred?" she asked.
"Nothing you didn't confess to me," he said self-assuredly.
"Should I tell Pansy the same?" she asked in a bitter tone.
"Parkinson doesn't care if I love her, as long as I'm with her," Draco stated simply. "For Weasley, it's the opposite."
Draco turned to her with a cinnamon sugar quill in hand. She took the candy disgruntledly in her fist without opening it. She wouldn't admit it, but for once, he had shown more compassion than her, even if it had been in a cruel way. How long would it have taken her to politely fess up to Fred after what happened that afternoon?
"It's going to be safer at school during the summer," Draco suggested, staring at her profile as she stared away. "Without Potter there, you'll be fine. Who knows what he was blabbering on about—"
Anastasia glared.
"He was blabbering about Voldemort being back. Harry didn't kill Cedric. Or did you misunderstand that Crouch was a death eater who set him up?"
Draco glared sharply back.
"Obviously, Crouch was a weirdo, but who knows what the officials put in that maze? Potter probably went crazy trying to get out with the body—"
"No. Voldemort is back. My father's been talking about it for years. I didn't believe him either at first, but last year, Peter Pettigrew threatened me that he was going to find a way and he did. The only reason Barty Crouch Jr. wanted us dead, wanted you dead was because—"
She wasn't sure she should say it out loud, but she had already started her sentence.
"Why?" he frowned. "Because he hated us?"
Anastasia took a deep breath, staring at the candy in her hand.
"Because your father is Voldemort's first pick for second in command. And if he was grieving your death, he certainly wouldn't be able to do his job with any competency."
"That's absolute bullocks," Draco snapped. She flinched. His tone softened slightly. "Maybe fifteen years ago that was the case, but now? Father ratted out the other death eaters. He's retired."
"He didn't seem so retired at the world cup," Anastasia muttered. What did she care if she made him angry now? Draco had to know the truth.
"I told you. I was being sarcastic. My father's not going back to that any time soon. One, it would put my whole family in danger, and two, Voldemort isn't back. Potter went mad."
"Your father was at the graveyard," she shot.
"Bullshit. There was no graveyard. Potter's lying. Your father's a fool to believe him."
Anastasia felt a small rage light inside her.
"Have you seen the room under your staircase?" she asked tauntingly. "The one filled with all your dad's old, dark artifacts? It's like Borgin's chundered in there."
Draco growled through gritted teeth.
"I came to check if you were okay. Seems you're fine." Draco stormed off, slamming the door firmly behind him.
Anastasia hadn't realized she had fallen asleep, not until the train station rolled into view and the sudden halt of the gears caused her to peel her face off the cold wall of the compartment. Masses of parents waiting on their children to disembark became a blur. It would be a long ride back home.
She spotted her reflection in the window. Slight shadows appeared under her eyes. Her hair fell in frizzy waves to her collar bone, where the old scar on the right side of her neck was barely visible, and under the collar of her shirt lay the pendant from her mother, shining brightly in the setting sun.
That year, Anastasia Dumbledore had not transformed into a perfect, pureblood aristocrat, nor a faultless, blood-traitor rebel. Compared to how she felt in August, she found her almost-ness fit her well. She decided her identity would no longer be determined by her looks or her blood, but her actions. And no matter what people thought of her, or who talked about her, or who loved her, she would fight until the very end.
A/N: And so we come to the end once more. This book took me longer than expected, and I'm looking forward to getting to the thick of things after Voldemort's return. I'll be on a break for the next few weeks, but be on the lookout! I'll return with THD 5: The Vixen soon. Make sure to add me to your favorite author list so you receive the alerts. Wishing you a happy September and start of spooky season. If you have the time and heart to leave a review, I'd love it. Thank you all for coming with Anastasia on her journey. Sending all the good vibes.
Sincerely,
Silverquill
