Risk: Chapter Twenty-Eight
Two more days.
At this point, Rose was counting down the very minutes until the Scouting Legion had to leave over the walls, to reclaim Wall Maria, gaining a victory for humanity.
But undoubtedly, how many lives would they lose? Rose didn't want to think about it – but now, with it looming overhead, it was at the forefront of her mind. All the people she'd come to love, she could lose. Every last one of them.
"Rose?" Kara said gently, a hand placed on the younger woman's back to gain her attention.
Rose shook her head, like an etch-a-sketch trying to erase proof of a morbid drawing, and turned to face the older woman, giving her a forced smile. "Sorry, just a little distracted."
"We all are. But you need to find a way to focus right now. It's imperative that we do our jobs, and do them well."
"You're… right." Rose had to admit, when the woman was correct, she was indeed correct. She was preachy sometimes, but Rose could appreciate it sometimes, like times like this. "I'll get back to work."
"Atta girl."
Upon closing, and exiting the clinic, as expected, a member of the Garrison was waiting for her. At the insistence of Commander Erwin, of all people, she was given an escort to and from wherever she was going every single day. Even if it was somewhere as simple as the market down the street from Hange's home, she still needed someone to be with her. At first, she protested, stating that she would be fine on her own, and that the resources were being wasted. But she was aptly reminded that she was, in fact, a resource – alongside her sister – and after literally dying here recently, they couldn't afford to lose her again.
So she shut up and allowed it, trying her best not to grumble.
"Thank you," she said to the Garrison officer, a woman this time.
"Of course. Goodnight." And the officer turned sharply on her heels and left, but not before watching to make sure Rose got into Hange's house safe and sound.
"Welcome home," said Hange, startling Rose a bit as she'd had her back to them. "Oh! Didn't mean to scare you."
"I just didn't expect you back."
"We're starting our rest day a little early," they said with a shrug. "Although, we have some research to do on Eren's dad, so we may not be doing a lot of resting."
"I see." Rose had heard a little about that, and how they went to a commanding officer and a former commander of the Scouts for answers, though he provided more questions than answers, evidently. Maybe that cellar they kept talking about would reveal just what they were after.
If they got that far.
"Earth to Rose." Hange was waving a hand in front of Rose's face, to which the young woman blinked and stepped back, as if startled all over again.
"I'm sorry. Long day."
"I don't doubt that. Get some shut eye."
The following day went by rather quickly. Rose went to the clinic, as per usual, but mostly to do some stocking. She went between the clinic and market to ensure they had enough supplies in the infirmary for when – or if – the Scouts returned. Hange was right in the fact that they would be busy gathering more research about Eren and his memories with his father. It seemed that he remembered certain things in bits and pieces and they would follow that lead wherever it went within the city. But after a day, it seemed that they had more questions still.
Rose felt bad for them; that had to be frustrating, not turning up the answers you so desperately sought out.
She visited Hange in their office later that night. "Hange?" she called through the cracked door, opening it slowly.
The other person was deep in a journal, writing fervently, not looking up from their work. "Welcome in, Rose."
Rose did so, then, rocking a bit on her feet, hands pressed over the overall dress she wore, she said, "What is everyone else doing?"
"They're celebrating. Why don't we go join them, actually?" Hange seemed to almost reluctantly place their pen down before moving around their desk and leading the way to the front door. "I think it's best if I get out of this room anyway."
Dinner was kind of chaotic, to say the least. For one, they served meat, which made everyone rather excited. Rose also couldn't believe her eyes, but she tried not to act as excitable as everyone else. She sat with the older soldiers, one of them being Lily – who held a seat across from her – and who appeared as calm as ever. Maybe she was just as lost in thought as Rose was.
Or, unfortunately for her, had she been in Rose's dark, broken head?
As if to confirm as much, Lily's eyes met Rose's, and the older twin slumped a bit in her seat; guilt began to riddle her. Poor Lily, having to hear her negative thoughts all this time. What a terrible power to have; if only she could turn it off.
Eren and Jean had started fighting at some point, and it seemed nearly over when Levi entered, kicking them both in the gut and knocking them both down to their knees. "That's enough celebrating."
Well, that seemed to be end of that.
After dinner, Rose excused herself to go find a certain Captain, who had disappeared after punishing his Privates for their incessant "partying". Finally, she found him hiding in an alley, just sitting by his lonesome. She approached him slowly, pressing a hand to the cobblestone lining the alleyway, bending down a bit. "Are you wanting to be alone?"
Levi looked back at her, his gaze solemn and soft, as it always was with her. "I don't have to be." That didn't really answer her question, but alright.
"Will you walk with me?" she asked, standing up straight again and stepping back.
Without saying a word, he got to his feet, leaving his drink on the ground, and began slowly pacing down the street. She followed suit, hands behind her back, just happy to have his company. They didn't say anything for quite some time, just him looking forward and Rose staring at the uneven ground. Finally, Rose said, "I'll be here when you get back, you know."
"Is that so?" He still didn't look over at her, just straight ahead. "Still no plans to jump through portals home, huh?"
"Nope, not at all," she answered with a chuckle. "I think you forget: this was supposed to be my home anyway."
"Does it feel like home?"
At such a question, she stopped in her tracks, as if a wall had suddenly been built in front of her. He did the same, hands now in his pockets, icy eyes fixed on her for the first time since the alleyway.
"It does," she finally said, meeting his eyes. "But it's not because of the buildings. It's because of the people I've come to know." Despite herself, she felt tears prick the edges of her lids, but she tried to blink them away. "When I first came here, I there was nothing more that I wanted to do than to go back home to my uncle and Bunni and all that. But that's just because they were all I knew. Then I got to know you all and I… " Her hands fiddled together nervously. "You all just make me so happy, that's all. More than I could ever describe. So I know that after tomorrow, everything is unpredictable, but… right now, I just want to think about how happy you all make me and…" She trailed off, not sure what else to say.
Levi simply gazed at her, eyes soft, for a moment before stating, "You don't have to say it. We know."
Something about that made the tears that were threatening to flow now do so, sliding down her cheeks and onto her undershirt. She wanted to crash into him, to hold him, to be held by him in his strong arms – but she refrained herself, of course. Still, she looked at him, memorizing every aspect of his face, as if it would be the last time she saw it.
And maybe it would.
Come sunset the next day, the Scouts were being elevated up and over the walls. There seemed to be so many of them, and Rose couldn't help but think about all those lives, all those potential sacrifices…
Of course, she was looking for one specific Scout, a certain Captain, amidst all those crowds. She first saw Hange, then Erwin, then emerging from the crowd of one of the elevators was him. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him; up above, he looked like a superhero. And in this instance, he pretty much was.
The townspeople gave the Scouts a hell of a send-off – and the Scouts gave one back. It was beautiful to watch, really. Rose couldn't bring herself to join in the celebration, not with her heart so broken.
She felt a little feather brush against her mind, as if to reassure her that everything would be okay. Rose wanted to yell 'How do you know? How could you say that?' but the knot in her throat wouldn't allow her to say anything at all. The feather brushed upon her the recesses of her head again before disappearing.
After their send-off, they went to the other side of the walls, lowering themselves down bit by bit. Then they were gone.
She just had to wait. That was all.
It was almost two days before news of the Scouts return made it back to them.
"Are you ready?" Kara asked, smoothing down the cots. "This is it, you know? Be prepared to only care for just… just a couple of them, Rose."
"I know." Rose had cried all of her tears; she had none left. Now she felt determined to do her job, and do it well. For whoever she happened to see.
They approached the entrance point, noticing they were only lowering one elevator. Rose couldn't tell from this distance who was on it at all. She wanted to assume at least Eren was upon it; he had to be, as losing him, she knew, would be a loss for humanity.
Samantha and Polly were crying behind her and Kara; Kara stood strong, head held high, and Rose wanted to emulate that, at least to some degree. She wanted to remain strong for whoever she would be treating today.
Even if it wasn't any of her friends or her sister, she had to be strong regardless, she knew.
But then she felt it: that feather touching her brain like it had just a couple of days ago. Her sister had survived. She wanted to name people, to confirm who of the people she had loved had survived alongside her, but they didn't have time – and surely Lily didn't have the energy.
This would have to be enough for now.
"In here," Kara instructed as they carried Hange – Hange, thank goodness – into the infirmary. It appeared they had quite the injury to their face – maybe a loss of their eye? Oh, man.
Rose looked to who had brought them in: Jean and Connie. Thank God they also lived. Immediately after confirming as much, she went straight to work, cleaning Hange's face and assessing the damage. The eye was as good as gone, she feared.
"Does anyone else need treatment?"
"Lily Simpson," Connie hesitantly answered, glancing over at Rose when he did so.
Rose sucked in a breath, nodding. "Hurry, get her here."
"Right," both of them said, leaving to retrieve her.
Lily had sustained quite the large gash on her leg. She would need stitches. Rose assisted in taking off Lily's boots and pants before insisting on doing this particular job.
"Are you sure?" Kara questioned, seeming unsure.
"I'm more than certain. Let me do this."
"Alright – be careful."
Rose got right to work, wearing gloves so as to not have direct skin-to-skin contact with her sister. But when it seemed that Lily couldn't take the pain anymore, no matter how quickly Rose was going, Rose had an idea.
"Put your hand on my shoulder. I'll take it from here," Rose insisted in a hushed tone. Lily didn't even argue, just did as she was told and placed her hand against Rose's shoulder, the bond between forming, and soon Rose was in Lily's head just enough that she felt she could alleviate some of the pain of this needle.
She continued to work quickly, despite the sharp, stabbing pain that struck through her now. She had to do this, for Lily. After what seemed like hours, but couldn't have been more than a couple of minutes, she was done, and she moved away to separate their minds, finally.
"Thank you," Lily whispered, tears falling from her eyes.
"Anytime. You would do it for me." Rose gave her sister a small, wavering smile. The shadow of the pain from before still lingered, but she could imagine it was worse for Lily by leaps and bounds.
Hange and Lily had to stay overnight for observation, to ensure they didn't get an infection, but otherwise it appeared they would be fine. Kara and Polly offered to stay, meaning Samantha and Rose were the ones dismissed.
Rose didn't bother waiting for her escort tonight; she couldn't. She first went to Squad Levi headquarters, where the younger Scouts were gathered. A little battered, clearly traumatized, but fine.
"Where's Levi?" she asked, after being fully put into the loop on everything that happened. Erwin didn't make it. Armin was turned into a titan. There were clearly other intelligent titans amidst them – but they already knew that, their mother had warned them that was a thing, and that the 'Heart of Titan' had something to do with that. They found the cellar and several books that Eren's father had about titans.
"He went for a walk. We tried to stop him, but he ignored us," Armin answered with a small shrug.
"Of course." She had a feeling she knew where he was, and she stood up to go find him. "Thank you. For telling me everything."
Leaving, she practically ran to Hange's house, throwing open the already unlocked door. She rushed through the house and to her borrowed room, the bedroom door already open, revealing him sitting on the bed, his elbows on his knees, his eyes glued to the ground.
"Oh…" She couldn't bring herself to say much more. The grief, sadness, sense of loss, heartache, it all came rushing through her – alongside this great breath of relief.
Rose crossed the room and threw her arms around his neck, full-on sobbing now. She couldn't help it. Though she would have been terribly sad if she had lost any of the others, the thought of losing Levi left her heart in shambles, feeling absolutely devastated beyond repair.
Levi – reluctantly, she could tell – pushed her away, though he allowed her arms to stay around his neck. He seemed to just want to look at her, and she wished to do the same, as if to ensure that he was, in fact real. Finally, realizing how ridiculous she was being, she let go, standing up straight and wiping her face.
"I'm s-sorry," she hiccupped, proceeding to take a seat beside him. "About… about everything."
"Don't be," he told her, though now his gaze was on the wooden floor, elbows on his knees, appearing forlorn. "It had to be done."
Did it? Did all those people really have to die? So many lives lost…
But what did Rose know? She wasn't a soldier. She was just… there.
