Risk: Chapter Twenty-Nine

The next day began as usual. Rose awoke early, and Levi was long gone, as to be expected of a Captain with so many people depending on him. She didn't expect a goodbye, but maybe waking her up to simply say it would have sufficed enough for her. Maybe that was too much to ask.

Her escort arrived right on time, and she headed to the infirmary as expected to relieve Kara and Polly of their shift. She barely beat Samantha there, who looked just as tired as Rose felt. But they had to push that aside, she knew, for the sake of Hange and Lily.

Entering the clinic, her eyes fell first on Lily, who was sound asleep with Polly hovering over her leg, gently cleaning it, while Kara tended to Hange.

"Before I go," Kara began, voice obviously tired, "I need you to go into the market and get some bandages and ointment."

"I can do that," Rose reassured her. She knew she was supposed to have an escort at all times, but getting lost within the throng of shoppers down the street wouldn't necessarily cause any trouble. It didn't the last time she shopped on her own.

Once it was time for the market to open, Rose hurried along, not wanting to waste any time. Just as she'd passed the first block it happened.

That pull.

She almost wanted to scream at its inconvenience. However, she knew that the need for her here was probably long up, and it was time to return to her own home.

Although she had told Levi this was her home, she had some things she wanted to take care of back in her other timeline as well. She still wanted to finish school, for one. She wanted to visit Bunni's parents and check on them. She wanted to see Jake off on his journey to Atlanta.

With that resolve, she ducked into the alleyway where she felt that familiar gravitational pull, and instantly found the portal, bright and white, at the other end. Upon reaching it, she heard someone call out to her – not by name, but simply by, "Hey, you!", but she didn't dare turn around. Just jumped through.

She landed in the driver's side seat of her car. Reaching for her purse in the passenger's seat, she checked her phone; it had been two hours. Jake and her just had dinner a couple of hours ago, and he just finished basketball practice. She wanted to call him, to tell him about the last two months of her life – but she also had other business to attend to, it seemed.

She was just thinking of Bunni's parents, funny enough; Bunni's mom's number flashed in the missed calls section of her screen, having called her an hour ago. If she had come back the first time, she would have taken it, she realized. But she couldn't bet on what if's right now. Instead, living in the present – as best as a time traveler could – she dialed the number back, it ringing only once before someone picked up.

"Rose," said the woman on the other line.

"Hi, Mrs. Gonzalez," Rose said back, a small smile on her face. It was nice to hear her voice, but at the same time it filled her with a bit of sadness; it made her miss Bunni all over again. "How… how are you?" What a loaded question.

"I'm better, dear, thank you. Actually, I have something for you."

That surprised Rose a little bit, making her a little more alert. "Oh? What is it?"

"It's a letter. From Bunni."

Rose nodded to herself, expression revealing nothing. Though she was eager to know what Bunni's last words to her happen to be – she also didn't know if she could handle reading something like that.

"I'm on my way," she finally said, igniting her engine and putting her car in drive at the same time.

The drive to Bunni's parents' house seemed like a long one, and her thoughts raced as she headed there. What was it that Bunni had to say to her? Had her parents read it? If so, what did they think? If they hadn't, what did they believe was in the contents of that letter?

Once she'd arrived, she parked behind Bunni's old car in the driveway, Rose's eyes lingering on the beat up Lincoln her best friend was so proud of. Then she made her up the stoop and to the front door, ringing the doorbell.

"She's here!" she heard Mrs. Gonzelez yell, probably to her husband. The older woman opened the door, appearing rather disheveled – and rightfully so. She did just lose her only daughter, in every sense of the word that mattered. She was probably too heartbroken to care about how she looked. "Hello, Rose."

"Hi, Mrs. Gonzalez." Rose gave a tight smile, knowing it didn't reach her eyes. She couldn't help but notice that, if Bunni had lived, she would have undoubtedly looked like her mom – maybe with some colored streaks in her hair, but like her mom nonetheless. "You said you had a letter for me?"

"Right, right, let me get it." She shut the door again, and Rose could hear the sound of the boys playing and crashing around within, no doubt driving their parents crazy – but she could also imagine it was nice noise to have amidst the sadness that probably carried on that house as well. As she thought that, Mrs. Gonzalez returned, a sealed envelope in hand. "Here you go, dear. Hey – do you want to stay for dinner and a movie? The boys picked Nightmare Before Christmas."

Bunni's favorite.

"I… have work soon," she lied, shrugging her shoulders a bit. "I'm sorry. Maybe next time."

"Yes, maybe next time." Without warning, Mrs. Gonzalez reached out and gave Rose a tight hug. Rose gently returned it, patting the woman on the back. "She really loved you, you know."

"I know," Rose said through the knot forming in her throat. "I love her too."

With that, she made her exit, getting back in her car and driving out of the cul-de-sac, tears running down her face, despite herself.


Three days.

She didn't open that letter for three days.

Rose had put it on her desk at home and made herself forget about it, not because she didn't want to read it, but because she didn't think she could handle in any way what was within. Whatever Bunni wrote, it had to be desperate and from her heart, as it was the last words she'd ever said – probably to anyone – and something about that broke Rose's heart all over again.

She went to school and work as if it didn't exist, like it wasn't looming in the back of her head. It wasn't until she finally told Jake about it that she relented to opening it, if only because he believed she should.

"The longer you go without knowing what she said, the longer you'll have regrets about her being gone." And she knew he was right, with lowkey pissed her off.

Speaking of Jake, he did take that position in Atlanta – and he actually seemed happy to tell her. Rose was beyond ecstatic for him, and relieved. She never told him about her crush from another timeline; that wasn't any of his business, anyway. But she wondered if he could sense that she didn't… feel the same way about him that he did about her? Returning his jacket may have been a big clue, she knew.

Finally, after getting back from work, she went straight to her room and, changing into her nightgown, she breathed one last, heavy breath before picking up the envelope and slowly tearing it open, as if she would rip the contents inside if she wasn't careful. Pulling out the letter, she unfolded it once, reading the top line quickly:

'I want to be by your side before you read this –'

She stopped reading and folded the letter back up, knowing exactly what that meant. She grabbed a thin jacket from her closet and bounded to her car, driving levelly – despite herself – to the graveyard that Bunni was buried at.

In the dark, it was difficult to find her grave, with the help of her phone flashlight, she finally found the gravestone: 'Here lies Annabelle "Bunni" Maria Gonzalez –'; Rose couldn't bring herself to read the rest, it hurt too much. She sat beside the gravestone, leaning her back against it, and opened the letter again, using her phone light again to illuminate the page.

'I want to be by your side before you read this, Rosie. I want to be by your side to tell you that I'm sorry, that I didn't mean to hurt you. I want to know if you're mad at me – and if you did get mad at me, are you mad at me still? Do you hate me? Will you always hate me? I would hate you, I know that. But I think I would find it in my heart to forgive you, to understand.

'But that's not what I wanted to write you about. I wanted to tell you that I love you. Not in the way that a friend loves a friend, or a sister loves a sister. I really love you. I've been in love with you since the first day I met you, back when we were kids and I was still confused on who I was. Because despite who I was back then, or who I am now, you loved me and cared for me and defended me for me, which most people wouldn't do. And quite frankly, didn't do.

'To me, Rosie, you are the sun, and I am the moon, in your eclipse always but glad to shine when it is my time, allowing you to burn bright always. You've always been a true blooming flower, living up to your name "Rose": something too precious to pluck, something worth looking at and admiring. I always thought my love was me wanting to be you, until it occurred to me that it was something more than that: I wanted to be yours. And amidst that, I just threw myself at boys instead because it was easier to do that than to ever admit to you that I was head over heals in love with you. And part of me regrets that.

'Maybe I could have told you, and we could have spent our lives together? Then I wouldn't be in this situation right now. But here we are, and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Rosie. I'm sorry to leave you alone. I'm sorry to hurt you. But know that I really do love you and I hope for the best for you.

With lots of love, Bunni.'

At some point, Rose had started sobbing. Now she was clutching the letter to her chest, crying and screaming out loud, the grief she thought she'd gotten over now pooling back into her heart all over again.

Then it appeared: the portal.

Without even thinking, she stood up and went straight for it; she didn't want to be here anymore, where sadness and heartache lie. Walking through, she tumbled through as she normally did, and crashed onto someone's bed. She couldn't tell who's at first. But as she pushed herself up, still actively crying, someone had joined her, reaching out and pressing their hands on either of her shoulders.

"What's wrong?" That was Levi's voice.

Rose just shook her head, realizing she was still tightly holding the letter in one hand and her phone in the other, like she couldn't bring herself to let either thing go.

"Rosemary," he said in that firm voice of his, but there was a tinge of softness in it, like he was just trying to get her attention.

Instead of answering, she just leaned forward and pressed her forehead on his chest, body shaking from all the sobs. She couldn't bring herself to say anything, all she could do right now was cry.