Risk: Chapter Forty-Four

Rose dreamed that night. Of a nondescript man and woman following after Levi in a decrepit, forlorn city. Of them laughing together, living together, working together, enjoying each other's company despite their terribly sad situation of living in the Underground. She dreamed of them being captured alongside Levi – knowing Levi would have preferred and probably bargained to be arrested alone – and being taken prisoner before being forced into the Scouts, wearing the famous jackets. She dreamed of those people finding freedom beyond the walls for the first time, but that freedom coming to a swift end as they are torn apart by a titan –

Her eyes shot open, breath ragged, and she was shaking underneath her blanket, though she was also coated in sweat. She threw the blanket off her, sitting up and holding herself, trying her best to stop from shaking so violently. When it ceased, she focused next on her breathing and controlling it – and once that was honed in did she stand up on wobbly legs to go to the kitchen and start on breakfast, like she always did.

She didn't want to appear suspicious and lose routine, worrying Hange in the process.

Hange came out shortly after she did, dressed in a button down and brown pants, chipper as ever. "Good morning, Sunshine."

"Why do you always give me a new nickname everyday?" Rose asked, but she smiled at the Commander nonetheless. "I made you eggs and toast, I hope that's okay."

"That's fine with me!" Hange sat in a chair and, with one of their journals in hand, began working while Rose made them a plate of food. Once it was prepared and they started eating, they asked, "What was with all that moving around?"

"Huh?" Rose was clearly confused by that question, and she stopped flipping her own eggs to look at Hange. "What do you mean?"

"I heard you practically kicking the bed." Hange appeared serious now, one good watching Rose carefully.

Rose couldn't help but blush under that singular gaze, and she looked away to focus on her meal once more. "I just… had a nightmare, is all."

"I see." Hange didn't pry any further for a little while, writing avidly, then they said, "What was it about?"

"Er… " Rose's embarrassment amplified as she remembered just what the dream she had was about, and just who it was about. "Just… about titans. I think, deep down, they still freak me out more than I care to admit."

"That's funny, because when we're on expeditions, you seem so collected."

Rose knew they had her there. "That's because I'm with Jake. So I just feel very safe and like nothing bad will happen to me." She shrugged, joining Hange now at the table, but keeping her eyes on her plate. "I'm sorry if I kept you up."

"That's not the problem," Hange said, voice soft. "At any rate, you shouldn't let your guard down when we're over the walls. Even with Jake, and your abilities, anything could happen. Remember that."

"I know." Rose was glad for the change of subject; she didn't want to talk about her dreams anymore, didn't want to discuss what they entailed – and who. It would mean admitting she'd gone to bed with thoughts consumed by Levi, and that would be beyond embarrassing to say aloud. "I'll keep that in mind."

Today, Rose and Jake were to train in the forest, as per usual, while Eren trained in another area. The three of them would be perfecting their abilities, while also maintaining control and the titan shifters being able to transform at a faster rate.

By the end of the day, Rose was exhausted – and by the flutter in her head, Lily could sense it. Rose sometimes was glad for her sister's sixth sense, but also sometimes she wished that she had some privacy in her own mind. Rose leaned against a tree atop the cliff everyone else was standing about on, and Lily joined her, concern written all over her face.

"I think you pushed yourself too hard today," Lily commented, extending a flask of water to her sister.

Rose took it gratefully, taking a couple of large gulps before returning it. "I'm fine. It's necessary."

"I get that, but your heart – "

"Lily, it's okay," Rose reassured her, giving her a small smile. "Please don't worry about me."

Rose had to admit to herself – she could fall asleep right then and there. However, she wanted to at least make it back to Hange's house before completely collapsing. She hated the idea of doing it in front of everyone else.

Levi came over to her then, as if he'd been listening in. "Are you alright, Rosemary?"

"Yes, I'm fine. No one needs to worry about me." She put her hands up, waving them innocently. "Just a little tired, if I'm honest with you."

Upon his insistence at her admission, Rose rode back with Levi on his horse, her own guided by Lily back to headquarters. Rose held on tight to his waist, her cheek against his back, and she swore that over the galloping of the horse, she could hear his heartbeat. And it sounded so rapid.

What for?

Back at headquarters, Rose went over to Lacy, taking the reigns from Lily, thanking her for taking good care of her the ride there. She led the horse to her stable, and stayed a little while after everyone else put their horses away and left. The only one that seemed to linger along with her was Levi, who was watching her in the corner of his eye.

"I'm fine," she reassured him again. "Actually, I should probably get home – to my home." She began walking away from the horse, and she stumbled, falling to her knees.

"See, you're not fine, Rosemary," Levi grumbled, bending down to help her back to her feet. "Let me come with you."

Rose's gaze fixed on him then, a faint warmth crawling onto her cheeks. "What? Why?"

"I asked you a long time ago, who was taking care of you? You're always taking care of everyone else – allow someone to give a damn about you for once."

She didn't know what to really say to that, except, "Okay… thank you."

Rose stepped around him and summoned a portal near the entrance of the stables. She held her hand out to him, and he, without hesitation, took it. They stepped through and straight into her sitting room, though one could hardly tell with how dark it was. It had been night time when she'd traveled to Paradi last.

Checking the grandfather clock she'd recently thrifted, it read 11:57 PM. Nearly midnight.

"Oh, wow, it's late already." She turned to him, realizing only then that they were still holding hands – and she released his hold as if his hand was on fire, chuckling nervously. "I should probably… get ready for bed."

"Probably." He didn't seem to notice what she'd just done – or if he did, she couldn't tell by his stoic expression – and he moved to sit on the loveseat.

"I'll be right back."

Rose ran upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door behind her. She was afraid that he might hear the sound of her heart trying to thump through her chest. Calming herself down, she pushed herself from the door she was leaning on and went to her dresser, pulling out a shorts and cropped tank top pajama set. He undoubtedly would have something to say about such an outfit, but she kept her house quite warm in such cold Midwest months, so she wanted to be comfortable. Changing quickly, she then started to put her hair into a high ponytail – then remembered something Hange had told her, instantly pulling the ponytail from her hair and setting it atop her dresser. She went to her master bathroom and looked herself in the mirror – her face was so flushed, but how could it not be?

Levi was in her house, for goodness sake.

Leaving her room, she went to the hallway closet and, upon opening it, pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt she'd kept of her uncle's clothes. She was glad she'd kept some of these; she knew they would come in handy. She proceeded to head back downstairs, only to see that Levi had found the light switch, but was back on the loveseat, though his gaze lifted to her as soon as she entered the room, something about it almost seeming – something. There was something different about it, like a glint behind his eyes.

"Here," she said, extending the clothes to him. "I'll… show you where the spare bathroom and bedroom are."

"You could just leave the room for a minute," he told her, taking the clothes, his eyes still not leaving her.

She felt so shy under his gaze, and she wondered just what was he searching for? Was he judging her outfit? Trying to think of something witty to say about it?

"Right, sorry." She scurried out of the sitting room and into the kitchen-slash-dining room, leaning on the countertop, as if she needed it to stabilize her for a moment.

She heard him come into the kitchen, and upon looking at him, hands in his pockets, she couldn't help but think how unbelievably attractive he looked in such casual clothes. Of course, she thought he looked handsome in his Captain's garb as well, but dressed down like this, he looked… amazing. Normal.

"Do I have something on my face?" he asked, wiping then at his cheek.

"N-no, not at all. Sorry." She removed herself from the counter and went over to him, then around him. "Well, I'll be heading to bed. The living room is across from the sitting room you were in, and that's where the TV is. Uh… the spare bedroom is just by the stairs, so if you happen to get tired, you're welcome to use it." She added that last part, knowing full well he wouldn't utilize the bedroom at all.

Nodding at him, Rose made her exit, bounding up the stairs and to her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She turned off the overhead light and crawled under her blankets, closing her eyes – and sleep never once came.

She was consumed with the fact that Levi was downstairs – or even as close as down the hall – ready to take care of her at any moment. And the only thing she could think of was literally being taken care of – by his hands, by his mouth, on the bed.

She groaned into the pillow, her whole body hot at the thought, and she shook her head rapidly. She couldn't believe that she was being such a rabid dog just because Levi was in her home, when he was extending his hand to take care of her because she appeared – and acted – so helpless awhile ago. But… but she wanted to take the risk, dammit.

This wouldn't be her first time. Actually, she'd only ever been intimate with one other person, when she was eighteen. Her last boyfriend, actually, right before she started college. It was like their way of saying goodbye, considering that he was moving to a college on the other end of the country and she was staying in the city. So, she took the plunge.

It wasn't what she'd imagined. It was clumsy, silly, cute, they laughed half the time. She didn't know if it was supposed to be that way every single time? Was Levi experienced at all? How would he treat her?

Just the thought made her hot all over again, and she covered her face with her hands as she finally, finally, made the decision to go back out and be with him.

Yes, she would take the risk – she would jump into the deep end and risk drowning, but she hoped that it would be worth it.

Getting out of bed, she slowly opened the door, and, peeking out – as if he would be there – she made her exit, walking quietly down the hall and then downstairs to the sitting room. He was still there, sat upon the larger couch now, staring at the wall opposite him – actually, on that one was a painting she'd thrifted, but she couldn't imagine it was all that fascinating. He looked over at her in slight surprise, however, when she came in, silently joining him on the couch.

"Can't sleep, Rosemary?" he asked in a low, soft voice.

She shook her head, eyes completely on his, unable to look anywhere else. Because if she did, she knew she would chicken out, and for her that was not an option right now.

"What is it?" His brows knit together, and she could tell in that moment he was worried about her.

She wanted to reassure him he had nothing to worry about, that she felt completely fine – just terrified that she was about to scare him, that was all. But instead, she reached with one hand for his and squeezed, then she said, "I want… you to take care of me." Saying it aloud made her feel foolish, like a child almost, but she didn't know how else to express it.

She didn't know if her message got through at first, as he was staring at her quizzically, however, the next moment, his eyebrows raised on his forehead.

Ah, yes, he got it.

He took his hand away from hers, and initially, she believed he was rejecting her. But the next second, he placed his hand on the other side of her thigh, leaning over her now, his face but a breath away from hers. She reached up with her hands and cupped his face, pushing herself away from the couch and toward him slowly, closing her eyes, and finally – after all this time, after longing for him and her heart aching for him – brushing her lips against his in a tender kiss. He returned the kiss with more fervor, pressing his lips a little harder against hers. He pulled away then, eyes searching hers when she finally opened them up to look at him.

"Are you certain you want me to do this?"

She nodded slowly, giving him a small, sweet smile. "I've been wanting to have you all to myself for months, Levi. I know that's selfish…" She averted her gaze, chagrin overtaking her.

"Look at me."

Without hesitation – as always when he asked her to do anything – she lifted her gaze back to him. That look was in his eyes again – the one from earlier. And she could definitely identify it now: it was hunger.

"Don't you think I've been wanting to be selfish with you as well? I see you with Jake, with Hange, with Lily, and I just think about the fact you're not spending time with me."

Rose couldn't help herself – her eyes teared up at his confession. So this whole time, he felt the same way about her as she did about him?

"Levi – please kiss me again."

And without another moment to waste, he did just so, his lips finding hers as if they were meant to be together. He used a free arm to wrap around her waist and pull her into his lap, causing her to yelp in surprise. But that didn't stop them continuing their rhythm, their song and dance of holding onto each other tight, their lips locked, desire and, at least for Rose, love behind every single kiss.