Chapter 68

Back to School

Note from J.M. Jackson: So I'm putting two chapters up now as an apology for the delay, Mystic Dodo and I hope you enjoy the story.

It was a few days before she was due to return to Hogwarts, and as Lily sat in Lana's front room, she nodded as she listened to what Lana was saying.

"The fact that you're feeling this way tells me that right now, the medication isn't working as well as I'd like it to. I know there's a lot on your mind, and that's bound to be doing something, but Madam Pomfrey and I agree that the dosage needs to be improved," Lana said. Madam Pomfrey was sitting there as well, the two of them having become good friends since talking about Lily and her medication.

"Indeed, Miss Potter. However, we've been working together, and I believe that together, Lana and I have come up with a new potion that will work better than the medications you have been on," Madam Pomfrey said. Lily was still surprised to see the matron outside of school.

"Now, we do need to warn you that it is experimental, and new, so Poppy will want to see you once a week when you return to school," Lana added, referring to Madam Pomfrey with her first name. "And I want you to continue writing to me about how you're feeling. Poppy will continue to get the letters to me without that Umbridge woman seeing them," she added.

"I will," Lily promised. "Thank you, Lana, for all of this."

"Not at all. It's a genuine pleasure to be able to help," Lana replied. "Lily, from what you've told me, you've been dealing with a lot, especially with this war you're facing. You need to take the time to be yourself, to just be a teenage girl, and to let yourself be who you want to be."

"But I don't know who that is," Lily said meekly. "I keep thinking about this, and I've been trying to decide who I am, and who I want to be."

"Even adults struggle with that Lily. It took me a long time to be myself as well. I still struggle some days, but I'm lucky to have friends and family who care, and who help. You've got your friends and family, and we're all here for you. Just remember, this is going to be a long journey for you," Lana told her. Lily nodded, thankful to both women for helping her. "How is your transition going?"

"It… well, ever since I started the potions, I've been feeling a lot better about my own body, although I… well, I still… when I shower or bathe…" Lily began. Lana took her hand.

"Believe me, I know that all too well," Lana said kindly. "That's a feeling I've had to deal with so often, and it hurt me deeply. I would look in the mirror and want to just end things. But I got the help I needed, and I felt better about myself. You will too, and Poppy and I are trying to come up with the final part of the transition, although it is coming along slowly. We will get there though," Lana promised.

Lily smiled as she hugged Lana gratefully, resting her head on her doctor – and now friend's – shoulder.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Anytime Lily," Lana replied, embracing her in the hug.


The biggest shock of the holidays came the day before the holidays ended. Sirius called Lily and Ginny down to the kitchen, where Sirius was sitting with Professor Snape!

"Potter, Weasley, thank you for coming," Snape said, and Lily was shocked to hear a small modicum of respect in his voice.

"You wanted to see me, Professor?" Lily asked, looking at Sirius, who was keeping his gaze on Snape.

"I have been speaking to Professor Dumbledore, and he has asked me to instruct the both of you in Occlumency. I understand you have been practicing, more so after I told you to," Snape said.

"Yes, sir," Ginny confirmed. "We knew it was important."

"More so now than ever, after you overheard what was said in St. Mungo's," Snape said, keeping his gaze on them. "Potter, you have been doing better with your potions, so I know you are capable of following instructions. I will admit that your potions skill has improved since taking the extra lessons. However, Occlumency lessons are going to be a lot harder."

"I understand, Professor," Lily said calmly.

"Should anyone ask, the two of you will say that you are taking remedial potions. However, it will be better if you do not tell anyone what you are doing, save for your close friends, since it appears… impossible for you to keep anything from them," Snape said, with a glare.

"Why are you teaching us, sir, if it's okay to ask?" Ginny asked. Snape looked at her.

"He has asked me because I am an exceptionally skilled Legilimen's and will be the best person to teach you. Whilst you have been taught some skills from… Black here, you will find my teachings to be more instructive, as I will not hold back when it comes to testing your defences."

"Just make sure you don't give them a hard time, Snape," Sirius said bluntly.

"Ah, the protective uncle routine," Snape said. "You must know that Potter takes criticism like her father, so it simply bounces off her."

"Right, and if you dare try and give her a hard time, you'll see how much stuff will bounce off you, Snivellus," Sirius practically snarled.

"WILL YOU BOTH GIVE IT A REST!" Lily snapped loudly. "I know you don't like each other, but this is ridiculous!"

"Lily," Sirius started, but Lily glared at him.

"No, stow it! I am tired of seeing you two hating one another. You told me once, Uncle Sirius, that you thought that if you'd been nicer to Professor Snape, maybe things would have been different. Well, now's your chance!" Lily snapped.

"She's right, Sirius," Remus said from the door. Remus walked over to the two of them. "Severus," Remus greeted the man kindly, with a genuine smile.

"L… Remus," Snape said, clearly struggling, and yet… somehow Lily's words had clearly affected him.

"Lily, I think your uncle is surprised because right then, you sounded exactly like your mother," Remus commented.

"Potter, I'll see you and Weasley on Monday at Six pm," Snape said, before leaving. Before anyone could speak, Arthur Weasley came in, having been cured at last, his wound now fully sealed, with Molly chiding him for trying muggle medicines.

Dinner was a jolly event, with Lavender, Padma, and Parvati joining them for dinner. Everyone was happy to see Arthur back to his old self, of course, and Molly had cooked for everyone, making a lot of favourite dishes.

It was after the meal had finished that Sirius and Lily were standing alone in a room where a family tree had been inscribed onto one of the walls, studying it.

"The biggest problem between some of the stuck-up families is that they had the belief that they were better than others, just because of their bloodlines being 'pure' wizarding blood," Sirius said. He pointed to one name on the list. "Some were just twisted evil by their raising," he said, indicating Bellatrix Lestrange.

"And she enjoys being evil?" Lily asked. Sirius nodded.

"She's currently in Azkaban, where she belongs," Sirius replied. "You know why, of course, and I've always wished I could have been there to help Alice and Frank."

"You know them?" Lily asked. Sirius nodded.

"We were in the Order together, in the first war. They were so much in love, like you and Ginny, and they were among the best of us. From what little was found out, they were tortured for days before anyone realised they were missing. When they were found, Bellatrix was immediately arrested and taken to Azkaban, as was her husband, Rudolphus," Sirius explained.

"With Crouch junior going later when Karkaroff told on him in court to be given parole," Lily remembered.

"Exactly," Sirius confirmed. "I often remember when I was your age, thinking of all the fun times. There was a war on then, but when we were at school, everything seemed to be so simple. Of course, I wasn't the most well-behaved child, but I did what I could. You saw me at my worst though when Sni… Severus arrived."

"I'm sorry I got angry, Uncle Sirius," Lily said softly. Sirius laughed as he hugged Lily.

"You were exactly like your mother was. When she got angry, she had a temper, and could make any of us back down, especially when we picked on Severus. After they had their fight, she still didn't want us to pick on him, but she wouldn't be seen with him again," Sirius explained. "I guess some old grudges never die, even though they should."

"Hate is an ugly emotion, Uncle Sirius. You taught me that," Lily pointed out.

"Well, who am I to argue with such wise advice," Sirius teased, chuckling. He knelt down and met Lily's gaze. "Lily Potter, you are one of the wisest, sweetest, and kindest young women I have ever known. It's been my privilege to help raise you, and you remind me of the good in the world. I'm sorry I asked such a tough question before, and I know it's been troubling you, but I also know that this is a question you need to answer. I believe in you, Lily, and I always will."

"Thank you, Uncle Sirius," Lily replied, with a smile, grateful to have him in her life. She didn't know how she'd find the answer she was looking for, but she knew that she would find it, somehow.


Sitting with the others on the Knight Bus, with Tonks next to them (who had agreed to help Lily with learning whether she was a metamorphmagus, giving her some exercises to try), Lily looked out of the window, seeing the countryside passing by quickly.

"You okay?" Hermione asked softly, looking at her.

"Been better," Lily replied. "You?"

"Hated saying bye to Fleur, but she's going to be writing to me all the time," Hermione replied.

"You thought about what Uncle Sirius said?" Lily asked.

"I've thought of nothing else," Hermione admitted. "I just… it's not a question I'd thought of before."

"None of us have, and that's the problem," Lily told her. "We've been doing this because we thought we had to, and now… now we need to know why we're doing any of this."

"I know the others are asking themselves the same questions. Fred and George are still working on their joke shop, but they're also questioning a lot. I heard them talking about whether they even wanted to come back to Hogwarts," Hermione whispered.

"I can't say I blame them. I wasn't sure either, but I know Uncle Sirius would be upset if I left," Lily replied. "I still haven't told him about how Umbridge punishes everyone, but I don't want him in trouble."

"Hey, so far, there is one good thing; Umbridge will be gone by the end of the year," Hermione said. "No one's lasted longer than a year."

"I'd rather she be gone sooner," Lily said, with a small chuckle. "Still, with the DA still going strong, I've got some ideas about what to do next. I was thinking we should look at teaching them duelling techniques, with situational awareness."

"That makes sense," Hermione smiled as she voiced her approval. "You said that was one of the most important things in a duel."

"And our martial arts training is coming along. At least I can spin and kick without falling over," Lily said, chuckling. Since the start of term, the small group of friends had been learning together, although they were learning slowly since they had no instructor.

"What about setting up miniature obstacle courses in the room of requirement? Some exercise is always good, and it'll help because it'll have us used to running and dodging, and I can't see death eaters knowing anything like that," Hermione suggested.

"Alright, we'll do that as part of situational awareness," Lily agreed. "I think we've come a long way from where we began."

"I agree. I can even do a Patronus now, and that's not something I thought I'd manage," Hermione said. "I know what you're about to say, but I do struggle. I'm not perfect."

"No one is, Hermione," Lily pointed out. "But that's why we have each other; to help strengthen the group. We all work as one."

"You're not wrong," Hermione agreed, with a small smile. Her smile quickly faded. "I'm not looking forward to being back. The day after you all left, Umbridge was furious about the fact that Dumbledore had allowed you to go."

"Good, anything that annoys her is a bonus," Lily said, smirking. Hermione chuckled softly.

"Just remember, don't give that witch a chance to punish you," Hermione said, her smile fading. "I don't want you in trouble."

"Oh, I already am; we know she doesn't like me," Lily said. "Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid. I just want to get through this year without any problems."

"We'll all help," Hermione promised. Lily nodded, grateful to her. She knew this year was going to get worse before it got better. The only question was; how bad could it get?