Chapter 80

Guilt and Blame

Note From J.M. Jackson: Sorry for the delay, had some personal issues to deal with, something difficult, but I'm doing the best I can. I hope this chapter is a good one for all of you.

As she landed on the grounds of Hogwarts, Lily immediately heard the cries of pain from both Ron and Ginny, who ran to Bill and Charlie. Lily turned away from them; she couldn't bear to face any of them, not after what she had done.

Without saying a word, Lily attempted to remove herself from the area, the sound of Ron and Ginny crying almost deafening her, not for the volume of their cries, but from the guilt that was eating her.

What if she had listened to Sirius and not gone? What if she had remained at the school? Would Arthur still be alive? Would Voldemort have not been able to get the prophecy? The fact that the prophecy had been destroyed didn't matter to Lily, not at the cost it had come at.

Sirius, however, refused to let go of Lily, and simply looked down at her. She couldn't meet his eyes, however, and looked at the ground.

"Don't you dare think like that," Sirius said softly, yet firmly, as he held onto Lily. "I know what you're thinking, and don't you dare."

"It is my fault," Lily said softly, tears flowing freely now. "I… I shouldn't be here. I caused this."

"No, Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange did this, not you," Sirius replied firmly, as Ginny came over, tears flowing down her face freely. She looked at Lily, who couldn't meet her eyes. Ginny narrowed her eyes before slapping Lily, hard.

"Don't you fucking dare blame yourself," Ginny snapped angrily. "Don't you dare!"

"Ginny… I…" Lily stammered, the shock of the slap forcing her to look up, tears streaming down her face.

"Dad knew what he was doing," Ginny insisted, anger in her eyes, but not at Lily. She could see love in Ginny's eyes. "He would have done it for any of us. You're one of our family."

Lily wrapped her arms around Ginny, who began to cry again, resting her head on Lily's shoulder. Looking up, Lily saw Ron, Bill, and Charlie looking at her and Ginny.

"She's right, Lily," Bill said. "Dad… dad chose this. We chose this, all of us. We… we knew this could happen."

"Doesn't… doesn't make it right," Lily sobbed softly.

"It never does," Remus told her softly. "Lily, we heard your speech, and we are so proud of you for making that speech. You believed it, and we did as well. We all chose to fight with you."

"They'll all pay for this, Lily, but right now, we need to focus on each other," Sirius said, his hand on Lily's shoulder.

"The Ministry is going to be in chaos," Moody told them. "Now they know about White being a Death Eater, there's going to be a lot we need to do."

"What do you think will happen?" Fleur asked, as she held onto Hermione.

"Right now? There'll be a new Minister for Magic, who'll alert everyone about You-Know-Who being back, so the war will be in the open. Auror's will start to hunt Death Eaters, although if Crouch really wants to help, he'll be able to tell us some of the plans in the making," Moody explained.

"You'll be needing a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, with Umbridge gone," Tonks added.

"In the meantime, lass," Moody said, looking at Lily. "I'll be training you, during the summer, every day. All of you can join," Moody told them.

"I'll work with you to help you with your abilities, Lily," Tonks added.

"Thank you, all of you," Lily said, looking at them.

"We need to… we need to speak to Mum," Bill said softly. "I… I'll go."

"I'll go with you," Charlie offered. "Sophie's there, isn't she?"

"She is," Bill confirmed. "Let's… let's go. She'll need us," Bill added. He and Charlie looked at the others, before going to Dumbledore's fireplace, grabbing a small pot of powder from it. Lily recognised it as Floo Powder. She watched as Bill and Charlie, despite the pain they felt, wiped away their tears before heading off to the burrow.

"I…" Lily wanted to say something but didn't know what she could say. She felt so… angry, mostly with herself more than anyone else, other than Bellatrix. She had wanted to kill her, to torture her, for taking Arthur from them. Why had she been unable to do so? And why was there so much anger now? Was this the part of Voldemort within her coming out?

She saw Ron being comforted by Lavender, and Remus speaking to Moody. What was going to happen now? Would Molly say the same to her as Ginny and the others? A small voice within her was whispering that she'd never be forgiven, that she had gotten Arthur killed.

Arthur had died the same way Fudge had died, protecting her, and taking a killing curse meant for her. She had watched both men die, without hesitating, to protect her. And yet the prophecy… she didn't even know what was on it.

"Lily, you need to rest," Sirius said, guiding Lily to the sofa in the office, just as Moody used the fireplace to leave the office.

"No… I need to… I need to…" Lily tried to think of anything.

"Rest, now," Ginny told her firmly, her voice weak as Madam Pomfrey came into the office, starting to check on the others.

"Ginny… please, I have to do something… I can't…" Lily pleaded, but Ginny pulled her onto the sofa.

"Lily Jasmine Potter, you will do what I tell you or I will slap you again," Ginny commanded, her voice gentle as she did. Lily began to sob softly as she felt Ginny pull her into a hug.

"I know, Lily," Ginny sobbed softly. "Now rest."


It hadn't taken Lily long to cry herself to sleep in Ginny's arms, and Ginny had fallen asleep shortly after. Sirius looked at Percy, who was helping Madam Pomfrey with the others, most of whom were sleeping on the floor on conjured sleeping bags.

"Percy, you should rest too," Sirius said kindly.

"No, there's too much to be done," Percy countered. "I need to watch my sister, Lily, and my brother," he added, nodding to Ron, who had fallen asleep in Lavender's arms.

"Your father would be damned proud of you, Percy. You risked everything this year for all of us," Sirius said. Percy flashed Sirius a small, but weak, smile.

"I did what I had to do," Percy replied. "Everyone was doing their part, and this was mine."

"I'm sorry for everything, Percy. Part of me thinks that if I had told Lily no more firmly, none of us would have been there tonight," Sirius said.

"Sirius, you know Lily, she'd have gone, one way or the other. At least she's alive, and we stopped You-Know-Who from taking over the Ministry. I doubt he'll ever be able to put a Death Eater in charge ever again," Percy said. "There's going to be far too many protections in place, and a lot of people won't be at the Ministry anymore after this."

"Probably not," Sirius agreed. "For what it's worth, I can tell you how much Arthur loved you, and was proud of you. Whenever we spoke, he always told me how strong you were, and how impressed he was that you'd come so far."

"I had a great teacher," Percy chuckled sadly. "Everything good I am, I learnt from mum and dad. Mum taught me about being a good child. Dad taught me how to be a good man."

"He knew you'd always be here for your family," Sirius complimented, as the two sat on Dumbledore's desk. "I remember when I first met your parents. It was when I first joined the Order, and the two of them were so in love. You were nearly two years old, and so cute as a baby. Your father held you and said to me 'One day, Percy is going to be someone important. He's going to change the world for the better' he told me, and he said so proudly."

Percy let out a small laugh. "Yeah, that sounds like dad," Percy surmised. "Even growing up, he wanted me to be the best at whatever I wanted to be. I had Bill and Charlie, but they were more interested in Quidditch, and training with magic, instead of studies. I mean, they were always so brilliant, and they were both Head Boys at Hogwarts, but I think Dad knew they wouldn't want to be at the Ministry."

"He could always tell what you were destined for, somehow," Sirius concurred. "He knew Ron would do something special, and he has, and he knew Ginny would be a great leader. All of you do him proud."

"Ginny… I was so scared for her after her first year, but she and Lily fell in love and just grew stronger together," Percy said, looking at the finally peaceful faces of Lily and Ginny. "I've been praying for the best for those two. They deserve to be happy, and yet here we are, in the middle of a war, with kids fighting it."

"There's always hope, Percy. Barty Crouch Jr… if he's being serious about helping…" Sirius began.

"It's Lily, it's because of Lily. Remember what Dumbledore said, about her aura bringing out the best in people. Barty Crouch Jr believed he was doing the right thing, and that he was fighting for honour. He spent a year near Lily, and he finally saw the truth of who You-Know-Who is. Maybe Lily has helped him," Percy said. "I know Dad would want to believe the best in people…"

"Your father would definitely want to give him a chance. No idea what the ministry will do, but knowing Dumbledore, Junior will likely be under his watchful eye," Sirius joked.

"Right now, I just want to do whatever I can to help in this war. I don't care what Crouch did before, he helped save Lily's life," Percy commented.

"And for that, I'll give him a chance. I might not trust him, but I'll give him a chance," Sirius commented. He smiled, and looked at Remus, who was talking gently with Tonks. "I love Remus so much, but I was so angry with him over nothing. I thought… I thought he had betrayed James and Lily, but I never understood how that could have been. But I was wrong, and yet, Remus has never held that against me, not even once," Sirius said, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I often question whether or not I deserve to be with that man, but every day, Remus reminds me why I fell in love with him, and he makes me feel thankful to be with him."

"That's what love is, though. I hadn't told anyone, but I… I'm engaged to Penelope Clearwater. We were dating when we were here at Hogwarts, and after we both left, we kept seeing one another. She was helping me at my new house, although we've been preparing to move quickly, as we both knew that this would end with us having to leave the house we were living in," Percy explained.

"Did you warn her about tonight?" Sirius asked.

"As soon as I got the message to come here, I told Penny to get everything packed and moved to our second home, one we were given by her parents," Percy replied. "She should be there now."

"You should go home and hold her," Sirius said. "Just…hold her and stay with her. If tonight has done anything, it's made me appreciate Remus so much. I can't begin to imagine what your mother is going through."

"I'll be going to see mother shortly, first," Percy replied. "It's been almost a year since we saw one another, and she needs me with her."

"Good idea," Sirius said. He embraced Percy in a hug. "Go, be with your mum. I'll keep an eye on everyone here."

"Sirius, I…" Percy started, but Sirius cut him off.

"I got everything here. Go," Sirius said softly. Percy nodded, and went to the fireplace, going to his family home.

"Do you think Molly will be okay?" Remus asked, joining Sirius.

"She's strong, but this is going to take a lot to move forward from," Sirius said. He looked at Remus and then at Tonks. "Remus, I love you with all of my heart, and every day with you has always been so special to me. Too often, I feel like I don't deserve you. I spent years hating you when you were innocent, and I still hate myself for that."

"Padfoot, you need to stop blaming yourself. Yes, we lost years together, but now we can make every year count. Hell, we can make every day count," Remus told him. "Padfoot, I want you to marry me."

"You… wait, what?" Sirius asked, tears welling up rapidly in his eyes. "You want me to…"

"Marry me, yes. I love you, Sirius Orion Black, and I always have. Every night in Azkaban, the thought of you kept me going, and whenever I closed my eyes, all I saw was your smiling face. Being with you has always helped me to feel better, and I want to be by your side every day," Remus said. "I don't have a ring or anything…"

"Who cares about a ring?" Sirius asked, smiling before kissing Remus passionately. "Yes, Moony, I will marry you."

"Congratulations," Tonks grinned. "You two make such a cute couple."

"Thank you, Tonks," Remus smiled back at her. "At least from tonight, we have some happiness."

"Which is sorely needed," another voice said. All three turned and saw Dumbledore standing there. "Congratulations to the both of you. It is long overdue, and I am happy for you both."

"Thank you, Albus," Remus said.

"What happened?" Sirius asked.

"For now, Rufus Scrimgeour has been named Minister for Magic. Elpenor White was taken to Azkaban, with new guards there alongside the Dementors. Those that were caught at the Ministry were also taken to Azkaban, and the bodies of the dead have been removed," Albus explained.

"What will happen to Draco Malfoy?" Remus asked. "I know he has been causing some grief to Lily, but to learn both of his parents were murdered by his own aunt…"

"Yes, that was rather a surprise to me as well," Dumbledore admitted.

"If he needs somewhere to stay, I have several properties, he can have one of them, and I'll help keep an eye on him. As much as I hated her, Narcissa was my cousin," Sirius said softly.

"I appreciate that, Sirius. In the morning, I shall speak to Mr. Malfoy, and inform him of his options. This has been a dark day indeed," Dumbledore said softly.

"And Crouch?" Remus asked.

"Will be remanded to Alastor's care, for the moment. Alastor has agreed to watch over him, whilst he is being questioned. Rufus asked for my opinion on the matter, and I agree that his actions were genuine at the Ministry, possibly saving Lily, and others, lives," Dumbledore said, looking over at the sleeping forms of Lily and Ginny.

"Was Lily the reason he switched sides? Like what you said happened with Rita Skeeter?" Remus asked, looking at Dumbledore.

"I believe that is the likely reason, yes," Dumbledore confirmed, nodding. "Lily's ability is an... ancient magic, and coupled with the connection Lily has with Ginny, it does allow her to use it without knowing it. It's not something she controls, per se, but it will always be a part of her."

"Does that help Lily at all? And does it make any difference right now?" Sirius asked.

"In the short term, it has already brought Barty Crouch Junior to our side, who has already given information on several planned assassinations, including an attack on Madam Bones, who is now in protective custody," Dumbledore explained.

"Were you able to speak to Molly?" Remus asked.

"I made a quick visit there before returning here. I felt reasonably certain that you would have everything in hand here," Dumbledore confirmed. "She is, understandably, distraught and inconsolable. The presence of her oldest children will be of some help, but this will have damaged her emotionally in a way no physical attack ever could. I will be asking for volunteers to remain nearby, to assist her."

"We'll help as best we can," Sirius and Remus both said at the same time, before smiling at one another.

"I had every confidence that you would agree to do so," Dumbledore smiled at them. His smile then faded. "Arthur Weasley was an exceptional man. His death is something I will regret for the rest of my days. There is always going to be a sense of failure, and for so many of us, questions of what if, such as what if we had done something different, or what if Lily had not gone to the ministry."

"Lily already tried to blame herself. Ginny slapped her for trying to do so," Remus said softly. "Seeing all of them together, united as they are… I'm so proud of all of them."

"As am I," Dumbledore agreed. He looked at the couples still in the office, Fleur and Hermione, Ron and Lavender, and Lily and Ginny. The other students had been taken to the hospital ward, but there wasn't any more room there, so the six of them had remained in the office.

"I see all of these children, and I feel pain and sorrow, knowing that they have not been able to have a normal childhood, something that Voldemort has denied so many for so long. It is a dark feeling, knowing we are on the precipice of darkness, and yet unable to do anything to change it," Dumbledore told them.

"I wanted Lily to have as normal a childhood as possible. To be honest, a part of me considered not letting her come to Hogwarts, but then, she wouldn't have been prepared for this, and in all likelihood, Voldemort would have returned in Lily's first year," Sirius said. "I never had kids of my own, but I just want to keep Lily safe."

"We all do, Sirius. Lily is as much your daughter as she is James and Lily's daughter. They would be proud of you, for doing all that you have to keep her safe," Dumbledore assured him. "There is much Lily must be told, but that can wait for a few days. She needs to rest, and to spend time with the woman she loves, if only to give her a moment's peace. For all we know, it may be the last chance of peace she has."