Chapter 86
A long overdue conversation
As much as Lily hated travelling by Floo Powder, she almost preferred it to side along apparition. Dumbledore had arrived at the exact time he had stated and explained a little about Horace Slughorn.
"He was the Potions Master at Hogwarts from 1931 until Professor Snape came, in 1981," Dumbledore had explained.
"How… how old do people live in the wizarding world, sir?" Lily asked, shocked. She knew that Nicholas Flamel had been over six hundred years old, but he had been using the Philosopher's Stone to create elixir of life.
Dumbledore let out a soft laugh as he smiled. "It isn't uncommon to live to be over a hundred years old. I myself am about to celebrate my hundred and fifteenth birthday," Dumbledore explained. Lily's eyes had widened in shock.
"You… you don't look that old, sir," Lily said, after a few moments.
"Most kind of you, Lily. I often feel my age, now more than ever, with how life is going," Dumbledore said.
The two of them had arrived in what seemed like a peaceful village, serene and peaceful under the moonlight. There were lights on in several houses, and some people were walking through the streets. What had amazing Lily most about Dumbledore's arrival, however, wasn't his hand, or that they had apparated together, but more what Dumbledore was wearing.
Instead of his usual robes, Dumbledore had donned a smart suit with a shirt and waistcoat instead of a jacket, and a tie. He had explained that in case they ran across muggles, it would be important to blend in.
"Have you found your training time useful, Lily?" Dumbledore asked, as they walked through the village, side by side. To anyone else, Lily could have been Dumbledore's granddaughter; as they passed two muggles – a mother and her son – Lily heard one of them compliment a young woman spending time with her grandfather, telling her son she wished he did the same.
"I feel a little more confident, to be honest," Lily agreed. "I know I've got a lot more to learn, but I'm pushing myself as best I can."
"Indeed. From what I hear, you may soon be ready to take the qualifications to become an Auror," Dumbledore said, and Lily could detect a hint of pride in his voice.
"Thank you, sir. I just want to do the best I can," Lily said.
"And so you are," Dumbledore smiled, as they walked past several houses.
"I do have some other news for you, Lily, and something that you will be pleased to hear," Dumbledore said. "I have spoken to some very talented Witches and Wizards, and when you come of age next year, you will be pleased to know that we have made a discovery to ensure your transition will be complete."
"Wait, are you serious?" Lily asked, stopping and looking at him. Dumbledore allowed another of his charming smiles to cross his face.
"I try to be, as much as possible," Dumbledore replied. "But yes, we have completed work on a spell that will allow you to fully transition. It is a… complicated and difficult spell, and as such, we can't perform it just yet. First, we need to ensure that, much like the muggle surgeries, your body is creating the correct hormones, which I am sure Madam Pomfrey will be able to explain better. Second, you will be required to be of age. Do you know why we come of age at seventeen?" Dumbledore asked.
"I'll be honest sir, it never crossed my mind," Lily admitted, as the two of them sat down on a bench.
"I hope you are comfortable talking with me about this, and outside. I will confess, I have wanted to do something like this, just have a conversation with you, for some time Lily," Dumbledore said. "Of course, at Hogwarts, or at your uncle's house, there is not much opportunity to speak in a relaxed manner."
"Because everyone is listening in or keeping an eye on me, yes, I noticed," Lily agreed, sighing softly.
"I can only imagine how trapped you might feel in such an environment, Lily, despite it being for your protection," Dumbledore said.
"I love everyone for caring, but sometimes, it's nice to just sit outside and look at the stars," Lily agreed. She looked up at the stars, which looked a lot clearer then from the roof of Grimmauld Place.
"Things often seem clearer when we just take a moment to ourselves," Dumbledore said. "I have watched you from a distance as you grew up, Lily, and I am very proud of the young woman you've become. I never had children, but if I had been blessed with them, I'd like to hope they would have been like you."
Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes; she and Dumbledore had never really spoken much about anything other than school, or life, and certainly not on such a personal level. To hear him say something so powerfully sweet… it brought the tears and made her feel a huge swell of affection for the man.
"I think…" Lily began, before wiping her eyes, and chuckling softly. "Sorry, emotions can be all over the place, especially at certain times of each month."
"No need to apologise, Lily. I can't say I understand the influx of emotions women must deal with monthly, but I always appreciate how they can feel," Dumbledore said. Lily nodded and looked at him.
"I think that anyone would be lucky to have you as a father, sir," Lily said. "You've always looked out for all of us, and I think I can speak for Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Padma… all of us when I say that ever since you came into our lives, you've been a father to us all. You've risked your life to protect us, you've watched over us and guided us, and… and we are lucky to have you as a surrogate father."
Lily looked at Dumbledore and saw his eyes glistening with tears. She gently took his good hand and smiled at him. "I wouldn't be where I am without your guidance, and you've made my transition possible. I don't think anyone else could have done so much for it, or for me," Lily told him. She gently embraced him in a hug, which Dumbledore returned.
"You make this old man very proud, Lily. You do your family and friends great honour, and you are the perfect example of who a person should be," Dumbledore told her. "I will always be thankful to have known you, Lily, wherever I go."
"You're not planning on leaving just yet, are you?" Lily asked. Dumbledore chuckled.
"We all leave eventually, Lily, and when my time comes, I know I will be comforted by the fact that you are here to protect so many, and lead by the right example," Dumbledore said, pulling two handkerchiefs from one of his pockets, passing one to Lily, who accepted it and used it to wipe her eyes, thankful that her makeup was held on by magic.
"Well, I hope that you're around for a long time yet, Professor," Lily said. Dumbledore smiled as he met her gaze. His smile faded after a few moments.
"This year is going to be a difficult one, study wise, I fear. I understand Rufus wants you to be an Auror, Alastor feels the same way, and I think your Aunt Minerva and Uncle Sirius have the idea of you being a teacher, perhaps," Dumbledore said. "And so, you will find yourself given a lot of work to do this year, in addition to the lessons you and Ginny shall have with myself."
"What will we be learning, sir? Something to help us fight?" Lily asked.
"Something like that," Dumbledore replied. "One thing you should remember, Lily, is that in a war, or in any battle, there are more powerful weapons than magic."
"Hermione says that as well," Lily told him, chuckling softly. "Like wisdom, knowledge, and patience."
"Miss Granger is absolutely correct in that assessment," Dumbledore complimented. "It is a shame I am unable to give points when we are not at school, but she is a very smart, and capable, young woman. Your friendship with her and Mr. Weasley has helped you greatly. Miss Granger encourages your knowledge and wisdom, and Mr. Weasley encourages your courage and tendency to act. Tempered with the love that Miss Weasley gives you, all of that makes you a powerful young witch, one who is wise, caring, and powerful."
"I think you're going to make me blush, sir," Lily said, looking at the ground. "I just… I want to do the best I can, because I can. I've seen too much to not try."
"Indeed. For all my planning, for all my intentions, I am quite pleased that my plans did not go as intended. I do not know how life would be now for you, or for others, but this is the best life we can give to you. I have no doubt that Lord Voldemort will fall, and when he does, you will be free to enjoy your life as you wish to do," Dumbledore told her.
"Ginny wants to travel around the world," Lily said, smiling. "I think the idea appeals to her because she wants to see everything we've fought for, and what Cornelius and Mr. Weasley died for."
"An excellent suggestion. When I was younger, I too, wanted to travel with my friend, Elphias Doge. It was, at the time, considered a tradition to travel, to observe foreign witches and wizards. Unfortunately, we were… unable to do so," Dumbledore said.
"May I ask why, sir?" Lily asked.
"My mother passed away, and with my younger brother and sister needing to be cared for, I had to assume the role of head of the household," Dumbledore explained. Lily felt sorry for Professor Dumbledore, facing such loss and responsibility at such a young age.
"That must have been difficult for you," Lily said. Dumbledore nodded.
"Indeed it was. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my brother, but he and I always had our differences," Dumbledore said. "There is so much that has happened in my life, and so much that perhaps I should have shared with you. I chose not to because I felt that to do so would burden you, and yet, I feel as though you are, despite your young age, one of the few people who would truly understand."
"I'd like to try to understand, at least," Lily said. "We've got some time, I assume, which is why we're sitting here and not going to meet with Professor Slughorn?"
"Indeed. I would prefer to wait for the right moment; Horace is rather a paranoid man, but sometimes, it is wise to be paranoid," Dumbledore said.
"With Voldemort now in the open, it probably is," Lily agreed. Dumbledore smiled and pulled out his wand. With a wave, two bottles appeared. Dumbledore handed one to Lily, opening it with a flick of his wand. Lily saw it was fresh pineapple juice, her favourite. Dumbledore was drinking the same thing.
"Thank you, sir," Lily said, before taking a sip of the drink.
"I have always enjoyed Pineapple juice, it is the right amount of sweet and tart at the same time," Dumbledore said.
"Uncle Sirius prefers apple juice, but I love this for the same reason you do," Lily replied, with a smile.
"Indeed. It certainly is refreshing," Dumbledore said. "I realise you are learning a lot about me tonight. I felt that, given how much I know of you, it would only be fair for you to know me."
"I appreciate that sir. I mean, I remember you telling me how people always give you books, and not socks," Lily said.
"Yes, I must thank you for always buying me socks for Christmas, Lily, I have always appreciated your thoughtfulness," Dumbledore said, lifting his trouser leg slightly to show off a pair of socks that Lily had brought for him the previous Christmas.
"I'm glad you like them. I never know what kind to buy you, so I like buying a selection," Lily said, blushing slightly.
"Which shows how much you care, and listen," Dumbledore said, with a smile. He took a sip of his drink and looked up at the stars. "I must admit, I've never done this before, just sat outside, talking about life and just… taking the time to open up."
"Have you never been able to before, sir?" Lily asked.
"Alas, no. Being the headmaster does not really leave me with much free time, and with the war going on, I often need to fight and plan for battles. For instance, we were able to protect Madam Bones from an attack, thanks to your ability to bring the good out in people. Barty Crouch Junior, you see, has been able to assist us with stopping some of Lord Voldemort's schemes. I can imagine that he is furious at this moment, especially with Bellatrix Lestrange, who has cost him both Barty Crouch Junior and Lucius Malfoy," Dumbledore said.
"Would he kill her for that?" Lily asked, before taking a sip of her juice.
"I do not believe so; right now, Bellatrix is likely the most loyal death eater he has, and he relies on her far too much to kill her. He would most likely torture her though," Dumbledore replied.
"She's so twisted, she probably enjoys it," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes.
"Indeed. We have also gained some knowledge from Kreacher, who is currently still at Grimmauld Place, as you know, unable to leave the house at all, or even talk rudely, and so he remains in his small room. I think Sirius has taken pity on him, allowing Kreacher to remain there, where he feels some level of comfort," Dumbledore explained.
"And Barty Crouch Junior… he's really reformed?" Lily asked.
"I believe so, yes. He has much to do, of course, to atone for his sins, if, indeed, atonement is possible, but his desire for change and his honour is genuine. He has made a lot of mistakes, but we all do. I do not deny his mistakes were grievous, but he does want to make a difference now. Rufus and I had a long discussion about that, and I have accepted responsibility for him. He will remain at a safe location for now, and I know he wishes to speak to you at some point," Dumbledore revealed.
"I'm happy to speak to him," Lily felt a little surprised at that; why would he want to speak to her? "I know Uncle Sirius will want to be there with me."
"I shall be also. I am giving him a chance, but I won't allow him the chance to harm you, in case I am wrong about him," Dumbledore said. Lily nodded, thankful for the precautions.
"If I can ask, sir, you mentioned your brother, but not your sister?" Lily asked. Dumbledore looked at Lily, taking another sip of his drink.
"Sadly, she passed away a few years after my mother did. Her name was Ariana. I loved her completely, and her death drove a wedge between my brother and me. We made peace some time ago, although things have never been the same as when we were younger. It is the way of things, I suppose," Dumbledore said.
"I'm so sorry, Professor. That… losing your mother, and your sister, in such a short time? What… what about your father?" Lily asked.
"He died in Azkaban, I'm sorry to say. He…" Dumbledore paused.
"If you don't want to tell me sir, you don't have to," Lily piped up quickly, not wanting to spoil the evening or to upset Dumbledore.
"It is hardly a secret," Dumbledore said. "He attacked three muggles, causing them permanent damage, and so he was sent to Azkaban. Everyone believed him to be a muggle hater; back then, there were plenty of witches and wizards that were against muggles. My father did not hate muggles, but I do not feel ready to explain the full story, if you'll pardon me for saying so."
"You don't need to explain everything, sir. If you say there was a reason, then that's good enough for me," Lily said. "I appreciate you telling me all this. I know it's… different from our usual conversations."
"I had been given some thought to this, if I am to be honest. I have expected much from you, which you are now aware of, and the world expects much as well. To tell you only to do something, and not share my stories… it would be unfair, and unreasonable, I feel. You deserve to know all of this. Certainly, some people will attempt to paint me in an unreasonable light, given everything that has occurred," Dumbledore said.
"People can spread all the lies they want, I know the good man you are, sir," Lily replied firmly. "I know you care for everyone, and you see the good in everyone, sir. You've been through so much, but I'm glad to be here with you, right now, just able to talk like this."
"As am I, Lily," Dumbledore replied, smiling as he finished his drink. Lily finished hers, just as Dumbledore stood up.
"Are we going now, sir?" Lily asked.
"Yes, I believe it is quiet enough for our needs," Dumbledore confirmed. Lily stood up, putting her empty bottle in a nearby bin, just as Professor Dumbledore did the same. She didn't know how the meeting would go with Professor Slughorn, but she felt a lot closer to Professor Dumbledore now than she had ever done.
It felt a little unusual, having talked about so much personal history, but now she knew more about the man, she felt like she understood him better, and with that bond between them growing stronger, somehow, she knew they'd be able to face any adversary, and they'd stop Voldemort, together.
