Chapter 91
Expecting the Unexpected
Note from J.M. Jackson: So, this is going to show something unexpected, but I hope not unwelcome. I also want to thank DodoDum (Formerly MysticDodo) for all her help with the story, without whom the story wouldn't have come so far, or even exist at all.
With the school term having started somewhat peacefully, one of the first lessons was Defence against the Dark Arts with Professor Snape. The class had students from all houses, though it was smaller than any usual Defence Against the Dark Arts class had been in the past. As Snape swept into the classroom with his robes billowing, everyone was ready with their books out.
"Put your books away," Snape demanded, sweeping past everyone and going to the front of the class. "We will not have need of them. Now, those of you who are here are those who achieved Exceeded Expectations in their O.W.L's, and those who did get an E, you are to consider yourselves fortunate to be here. Were I still teaching Potions, you would not be here, but Professor Dumbledore requested that I… lower my expectations."
Lily caught a look of shame cross Hermione's face, and immediately knew why; she had gotten an E in her DADA OWL.
"The lessons this year are going to push you past every limit you believe you have. I fully expect some of you to drop out of the class, and I am not going to hold your hands. If you are unable to keep up with the lessons, then I suggest you leave, now," he said, and Lily noticed that his eyes had briefly stopped on Crabbe and Goyle, who were sitting with Blaise Zabini.
"Now, one of the most important parts of this year's syllabus will be dealing with Non-Verbal spells. Which of you can tell me what the purpose is of a Non-Verbal spell?" Snape asked. "Other than Miss Granger," he added, as Hermione's hand was about to shoot up. Snape looked around, so Lily raised her hand. "Potter?"
"When you use a non-verbal spell, your opponent has no idea what you're about to do, which, in theory, gives you an advantage. Well, unless you're dealing with a Legilimen's," Lily explained. She had spent the summer studying hard, as had Ron, Hermione, Parvati, Padma, and the others, all wanting to support Lily with her efforts.
"Correct," Snape said, and Lily could swear she almost saw a smile. "Every teacher will be expecting you to learn Non-Verbal spells this year. In fact, they are an important part of the curriculum. They will require the utmost concentration and focus, and if you are even a little bit distracted, then you will fail. I will pair you up, and I expect one of the pairs to attempt a disarming charm, whilst the other will use a Shield spell. All of this will be non-verbal, understood?"
Lily wondered how Crabbe and Goyle were still in the class; she would have thought neither of them had done well in their O.W.L's, but of course, there was every chance that Snape was taking pity on them, since they were a part of his house.
As the class began to pair up, Lily felt a wave of curiosity when Draco Malfoy came over to her, his wand out but lowered at his side.
"Can we pair up?" He asked. It didn't feel haughty, or like a demand disguised as a question. In fact, Malfoy almost looked anxious, if the subtle way his wand was tapping against his leg said anything.
Lily froze for a moment; was this actually happening, or had she fallen asleep, and was about to be rudely awakened by Snape? She quickly caught herself and nodded.
"Do you want to cast the shield or the stunning spell?" she asked.
"I'll start with the Shield spell, if that's okay?" Malfoy requested with a visible tension melting from his shoulders. The two of them were far enough apart that no one else could hear them as they conversed but at the same time, Crabbe and Goyle were looking at Malfoy with disgust – although that could have been because Goyle might have eaten too much at breakfast or let out a particularly stinking fart.
"That works for me," Lily said. "Just nod when you're ready."
"I will, Pot…Lily," For a moment, Lily was really stunned; that was the first time Malfoy had used her first name, and even more surprising, there wasn't any trace of hatred, snark, or disgust in it, just respect.
Lily stepped back and took a breath. She looked at Draco, and focused, watching as he nodded. She pointed her wand at him and tried to cast the stunning spell non-verbally. She wanted to see her wand light up, at least, but it didn't. Neither did Malfoy's, though she could see the concentration on his face. All around them there were grunts and the swish of wands. Then, a thud. A quick look around the room saw Ron on the floor, with Hermione, naturally, having managed to stun him. A few students with their wands almost lighting up, but none of them were having much success. Lily did struggle to hold back a laugh as she saw the expression on Goyle's face, who looked like he was straining to go to the loo.
"You ready, Lily?" Draco brought her attention back to him.
Preparing herself, Lily aimed her wand, and pointed it at Draco, mentally casting a stunning spell. She watched as the end of her wand lit up, and a small blue dot shot out of it, although it hit the floor after a second.
"Is this the best you can do?" Snape's voice echoed through the room. If it was directed at her or the students in general, she wasn't sure.
Lily aimed and tried again, shouting the incantation in her head. This time, the stunning spell shot from her wand, just as Draco managed to cast a shield spell, which deflected the stun. Lily couldn't help her giggle as the spell sped towards Crabbe, sending him flying backwards into a wall. Other students joined in, though the Slytherins looked at Draco with outright hatred.
"Nice shot, Lily," Draco complimented, clearing ignoring the glares from his fellow House.
"Brilliant deflect, Draco," Lily returned the compliment, as Snape knelt down next to Crabbe.
"Goyle, Zabini, help Mr. Crabbe to the hospital wing," Snape commanded, as he revived Crabbe. He looked like he was going to be sick. As Goyle and Zabini left with Crabbe, Snape went to the front of the room.
"This is appalling work, I expected better from most of you," Snape snapped. "Return to your partners and continue the lesson."
As the lesson ended, Lily left with Ron, Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Padma, and Cormac. Walking away from the classroom, Lily paused, seeing Draco and Pansy standing by themselves in an alcove, almost like they were trying to hide. She cleared her throat loudly, to see Draco pop his head around the corner, considerably less composed than he was in lesson.
Lily made eye contact with him; an eyebrow raised in a silent question. Draco seemed to listen to something Pansy hissed for he then made a motion, as if asking Lily to join them.
"Hold up," Lily said to her friends, making them pause. They followed Lily's gaze to see the two Slytherins. "Draco wants to talk to me."
"You sure, mate?" Ron asked.
"Well, I have to talk to him too."
"Not alone," Hermione insisted. "If anyone else looks, they'll see just us. We'll make sure you're hidden."
"Alright," Lily agreed, leading the way. Approaching Draco, Lily felt a little apprehensive, although she had to wonder if this was a chance to help change Draco. After all, if someone like Crouch Junior could change sides, maybe Draco Malfoy could as well. Plus, she knew how it felt to lose parents to someone close to the family.
"Draco," Lily nodded her head by way of greeting. "Pansy."
Pansy nudged Draco's side. He cleared his throat. "This… I know this isn't… well… easy."
It was clear what he meant. "For either of us," Lily agreed. "For five years, we've been enemies. Now, you've seen what others have seen."
"And more," Draco concurred, with a dark look crossing his face. "I just… I want to ask you something." When Lily kept quiet, Draco took a breath. "How… how do you keep yourself… how do you…" He waved a hand, before sending Pansy a pleading look. She crossed her arms over her chest, an expression that Lily read as you can do it, you moron clear as day on her pale face. Draco huffed before he tightened his jaw. "How do you... oh, Merlin's balls. Why the hell can't I just say it?!"
"How do I stay on the path?" Lily asked sympathetically. Draco nodded, which caused Lily to sigh softly. "It's not easy. There have been a lot of times I wanted to give up, but I had my friends with me. For the first two years here, Ron, Hermione, and I never really spoke to the others, but when I came out as Transgender... well, it was like I felt more open to making friends with others. Before I knew it, I had a whole bunch of friends that came forward helping, supporting, and encouraging me."
Draco was frowning as he listened. "I thought I had friends," he told Lily as Pansy took his hand. "I thought I had more friends than you, especially when we all began to make fun of you and went around like we owned the place. Then Professor Umbridge came in, and I was… well, treated like a leader. Like I mattered. Like I was... important."
"Then you saw the truth, and found out it was a lie," Lily said calmly. It wasn't a mocking statement, but Lily could see a flash of pain cross Draco's face.
"It seems like everything was a lie. My Aunt had been in Azkaban since I was a baby but when she broke out, she came to stay with my family. Part of me was excited, in awe. She was The Dark Lord's right hand. I doubt I have to explain the Malfoy's association with the Dark Arts." There was a slight tremor to Draco's voice. "I went home for a visit, and she was... strangely kind, telling me she was proud of me standing up against you, and your friends. She encouraged it. She told me that the Malfoy name needed to inspire fear in others. We needed to show that we hadn't given up our views on how muggleborns and half-bloods were inferior to purebloods. As prominent members of The Sacred 28, the Malfoy's needed to show dominance," Draco scowled. "But then my aunt, t-that woman, she..."
Lily's mind was whirling. She could harbour a guess at what Draco was trying to explain and it looked like he was regretting every word that he had said. She leant against the wall, tilting her head as she observed his internal struggle. "When I first met Voldemort, he was sharing Professor Quirrell's body. He said he wanted me to join him, and in return, I could be a Queen, and be myself. Somehow, he knew I was transgender. I knew I didn't feel... authentic, presenting as male, but I had no words to describe what I was thinking or feeling. I hadn't told a soul. But yet, Voldemort knew. And... I believe I understand why he knew before even I did."
"How?" Draco asked, his eyes the grey before a particularly violent thunderstorm. Pansy pressed herself against his side, a solid yet silent wall of support. He gave her a quick smile before his attention fully settled back onto Lily.
Draco had shown some vulnerability to Lily; his nemesis for the past 5 years. She was someone he was indoctrinated to hate and oppose yet he had come to her first. He had offered a small piece of his vulnerability to her. She swallowed back some of her rising anxiety. "When he tried to kill me all those years ago, he left this scar. It formed a connection between us. Sometimes, his plans come through. It was how he tricked me to the Department of Mysteries last year. It was probably how he figured out that I am Transgender." Her hand came to the familiar bulge of her scar. "Thanks to some training, I can more effectively keep him out of my mind, and he's keeping me out so I can't see his plans in return."
Both Pansy and Draco looked horrified. But they didn't look scared, and that forced Lily to continue.
"It's not something I go around telling people; except those I trust. I figure I'm taking a risk by telling you, but maybe… maybe it's the start of a new beginning for us," she finished.
Draco visibly swallowed, the lump of his Adam's apple bobbing. "I spent the summer pretty much alone, other than being with Pansy, and Dobby," he admitted. "And I spent a lot of time thinking. I thought I knew what friendship was, with Crabbe and Goyle always following me around."
"And now?" Lily prompted.
"Now," Pansy finally began speaking up. "Now we both know friendship is what you have. You've never asked anyone to fight for you, but people will always be there for you, and they… they die willingly to protect you."
"I never want anyone to die for me. I lost my parents because of it. But I also can't force people to do what I think is right, or better, for them. That's their choice. At the same time, I understand where they're coming from because I know I would die to protect my loved ones too."
Pansy pined her with a hard look. "You and your friends, you fight to protect people; muggleborns, the Transgender community, probably even the giant squid. Why?"
Lily resisted the urge to snort at the giant squid comment. "The squid could probably take us all one with just one of its tentacles. But I fight to protect because it's the right thing to do,"
"The way you say that, with such conviction and confidence," Draco was staring at her like some sort of veil had lifted. A look of awe and longing crossed his face. "I guess I never believed as strongly as you do. Not in something positive, at any rate."
"Maybe not. If I had been raised the way you had been, I'd likely have believed the way you used to. Uncle Sirius has always told me that how we're raised has everything to do with what we believe. Your parents weren't born bad, and even at the end, your dad was going to let us go." Lily paused for a moment. "Have you ever heard of a generational curse? It's not a literal curse, more of a figure of speech." When Draco and Pansy shook their heads, Lily placed a hand on her chin, trying to find the best way to describe it. "I'm probably going to butcher this, but a generational curse can be seen like... if your parents believe in something, good or bad, they pass those beliefs onto their children. Then, when that child had kids, it passes onto them. It takes self-awareness to acknowledge that the things we're taught to believe may not necessarily be the most loving or helpful or selfless. I think your father may have started to second guess his choices in life, because even with this curse, his own beliefs and upbringings, he loved you. There was good somewhere deep inside him because of this. Same with your Mum. The fact you're talking about wanting to change shows me that you have that good inside you too. You want to break the generational curse."
Draco's eyes were bright. "I wish I could talk to them, once last time."
"I know. I always wished the same thing growing up without my parents," Lily's heart hurt for them both. "I even saw them once, sort of, when Voldemort returned. They told me they were proud of me, and that gave me strength to keep going."
"Do you really think… there's good in me?" Draco whispered, sounding so vulnerable yet hopeful that Lily couldn't help but smile.
"There's no doubt. We're basically family, Draco," Lily told him kindly. "Sirius has always been a father to me, which kinda makes us Second Cousins. Sirius broke his generational curse. I have no doubt he'll be willing to assist you in any way he can, and that means I'm willing to support you as well."
"Thank you, Lily," Draco said softly. "I know I don't deserve any of this."
"Change rarely happens overnight, nor is it smooth sailing. I believe in your ability, though." Lily gave him a sharp look. "You have to take responsibility for your growth. Look inside yourself, think about why you believe in the things you do... or even did, and why. Think if these things benefit you or others around you and if you find it's the former, challenge yourself to try and make it better for those around you instead. Does that make sense?"
Draco nodded, looking a little overwhelmed. Pansy, noticing this, answered for him.
"You make it sound so easy, but we'll listen to your advice. Thanks for taking the time out to talk to us. We should go but we'll do doubt talk to you soon. Thanks, Po... Lily."
Lily watched as Draco and Pansy walked off together, heads close as they talked, before feeling a hand on her shoulder.
"That was very noble of you, Lily," Hermione said softly. "It's just another example of how awesome you are."
"I understand how he feels. His parents were killed by his aunt, and Pettigrew was like a brother to my dad, so in that sense, my parents were killed by an uncle," Lily replied. She then shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself. Her throat felt tight. "I feel… a little strange, and my hormones are killing me now."
"That's bound to happen, Lily," Ron said. "I had a long talk with Lavender last year, and she explained… well…stuff, as best she could."
"Those assigned male at birth also have hormones, you know," Hermione pointed out with a sly smile. "It's why most of the males around our age spend so long in the bathroom in the mornings, trying to control their libido."
Ron and Cormac flushed as Lily and Padma giggled. He cleared his throat as he stared off at the retreating figures of the Slytherins. "You really think he can change?"
"I hope so," Lily replied honestly. "We've seen a lot of strange things over the last few years, so this… this would actually be kinda normal comparatively speaking."
"She's not wrong," Parvati agreed. "Still, to see Malfoy as a good guy, and not an evil bastard? That's going to take some time to get used to."
"Hey, I was able to change my view on Lily. I thought she was a freak and a pervert at one point," Cormac pointed out. "And I used to be bloody arrogant about it. Now… now I'm glad I'm friends with Lily Potter."
"Thanks Cormac, I appreciate that," Lily smiled at him. "Do you think you'll try out for the Quidditch team again?"
"I was thinking about it. I'm good as Keeper, but after last year, Ron showed he's much better, when he has confidence," Cormac replied. "And confidence is a lot more effective than arrogance."
"There are other positions, you know," Padma told him. "Maybe you could try being a beater?"
Before he could reply, Cormac's stomach rumbled. "We should head to lunch, before we miss it."
"Isn't that my line?" Ron teased, causing the group to laugh as they headed towards the great hall.
"I'm proud of you, Draco," Pansy said then they were alone in the corridor. "That couldn't have been easy."
"It wasn't," Draco agreed. "Part of me wanted to insult her purely for her being a noble, courageous Gryffindor. Instinct is a difficult thing to fight."
"No kidding," Pansy bit her lower lip for a moment. "Draco, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Lily Potter is Voldemort's greatest enemy, and he and my aunt are the reason my parents are dead. She seems to be open to a friendship with me, and if it gives me a chance for revenge then that's so much the better," Draco explained. "Potter would no doubt say that my revenge is beneficial for me more so than anyone else, but I disagree. I want the Dark Lord to pay for what he has done to my family. Any advantage, even if that means befriending Potter and her crew, will be worth it."
"Please tell me you'll be careful. Don't get blinded by your hatred for him." Pansy stopped and took his hand in hers. "Don't do anything reckless. I can't lose you."
"You won't," Draco promised. "You've been there for me all summer, and you've been keeping me going. The Minister allowed you to be emancipated from your parents and allowed me to be recognised as an emancipated youth as well, so we're kinda adults now. We're responsible for ourselves." He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I want to make sure we do things properly. I won't go in blindly. I'll make plans and prepare properly."
"Professor Snape agreed to teach us some new spells, powerful ones at that, so we'll be able to fight side by side," Pansy pointed out. "Just please… be careful. You-Know-Who is no joke. Your aunt can't be underestimated either."
"You watch my back, and I'll watch yours," Draco told her. "We'll look out for each other and make sure we're both careful." As they began walking again, Draco ruminated over the conversation with Potter. In his first year, an offer of friendship was rejected. Now, however, there seemed the strong possibility of one forming. Revenge and advantage aside, Draco could admit that he had always wanted a positive association with The Girl Who Lived. The fact that she wanted to build bridges with him despite their years of animosity...
He snorted softly. Bloody noble Gryffindor.
