Chapter 73

When the glow had subsided, she found herself on her knees with her eyes still tightly clenched. For a split second, Emma hesitated, worried about what she would see, then she nervously cracked open one eye and saw her hands pressed to the ground - her completely fur-free hands. She let out a shout of happiness and jumped to her feet. Standing next to her, a young elven woman clapped her hands and squealed with delight, then, seeing Emma, she pulled her into a hug. "Thank you! You saved my life! Because of you, I will get to see my husband again." Emma was about to reply when she found herself surrounded by her friends. Returning their hugs, she smiled at the welcoming words, but her eyes searched for Aedan.

He watched the ex-werewolves scurry from the room then turned to look for Emma, and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She was laughing and smiling, her green eyes sparkling with joy - she looked breathtaking! He knew he'd fucked up big time and for the life of him, he couldn't think of how to get over that hurdle. The familiar fear rose up inside him once more; what if he said the wrong thing and ruined any chance he had with Emma? Or what if he'd already screwed up so much that she wouldn't take him back? He should say something, do something… but his mind had gone blank and his feet felt as though they'd been glued to the ground.

As the crowd dispersed from around Emma, she finally managed to catch sight of him watching her, and her heart fluttered with hope, but as the seconds passed and he failed to make a move or say a word, the brief flicker of optimism died. She pasted a smile on her face and moved towards the exit. "I guess we should get back to the Dalish and let them know what's happened." Aedan still stood there and Emma wished he would just leave; there was obviously nothing more to be said and she didn't want to have to walk past him. It would be too painful to be near to him, and she'd probably do something stupid like cry, or, God forbid, hug him. She gave a slight shake of her head; no. she wouldn't do that. She had her pride, after all.

In order to give him some time to leave, Emma bent down and rummaged through her pack, which Leliana had returned to her. A moment later, Danyla knelt at her side. "He's gone, now." Emma shrugged, feigning indifference, but her throat clogged with tears and she blinked rapidly to keep them inside. Danyla laid a hand on Emma's trembling arm. "It's clear to me that the blue-eyed human still has feelings for you."
Emma nodded and swallowed a couple of times before answering, "That's never really been the issue."
"Then why are the two of you no longer together. Is it that you stopped loving him?"
Emma gave a watery chuckle. "That would be much easier for me certainly, but no, I still love him. He ended it because… he's scared of losing me, I guess."
The elf pulled a face. "Hah! Men are fools in every race it seems. So, what did you say to him about his decision?"
Emma's brow wrinkled as she thought back to that day. "Well… I just grabbed my bag and walked out of the room." Danyla slapped Emma on the shoulder. "So you agreed with him?"
"What?! No! Definitely not!"
"Then tell him that, my friend. Fight for him, if you must. It is only the strength of his love for you that scares him so much." Emma stood up and slung her bag on her shoulder as she pondered Danyla's words. "You may be right."

They returned to the Dalish camp, and Emma watched the reunion between Athras and Danyla with mixed feelings; she was, of course, happy for the two elves, but she couldn't deny the flicker of envy that darkened her heart. They talked with Lanaya and received her support in fighting the Blight; the rest of the side quests were completed and then they were off to their own camp. During the journey, Emma turned over in her head what Danyla had said; the elf's words merged with Aedan's actions until she wasn't sure what to think. He said he still loved her, he'd held her hand, but as soon as she was human again he'd gone back to ignoring her.

She thought back to that moment in the chamber; he hadn't said anything, but he'd been watching her. She focused on the memory, or more specifically, the look on his face, and she saw it then - the fear and uncertainty. Damn it. She was as much a fool as he was! If she hadn't been so wrapped up in her own self-pity, she would have seen the signs and approached him there and then. Danyla had been right; she was going to have to fight for him. But first, she needed a bath.

She dumped her bag in her tent, grabbed her toiletries, a change of clothes, and then went to clean herself up. After vigorously scrubbing her body – she wanted to make sure those damn fleas were definitely gone – she dressed in a dark green, short skirt and an off-the-shoulder top of the same shade, which she'd been told brought out the colour of her eyes. She slipped on a pair of pretty court shoes, ran a comb through her wet hair, which she left loose over her shoulders, and then, after quickly checking her appearance, she made her way back to camp. Zevran let out a whistle as she passed him, and she felt her confidence soar. Emma gave him a grateful smile and he responded with a wink. "He walked off in that direction." She chuckled and thanked him, then turned towards the copse of trees he'd pointed to, intent on getting her man back.

She found Aedan sitting on a rock with his back to her, his head in his hands and his fingers clenching and tugging at his black hair in obvious agitation. It said something about his state of mind that she made him jump with her greeting. He shot up from his seat and spun around at the sound of her voice, stumbling at the sudden movement. "Emma! I didn't expect… what are you doing here?"
All right, that wasn't the greeting she'd expected, but she'd surprised him, so she let it go. "I'm here because we need to have a talk." She took a deep steadying breath and began her partly prepared speech. "I'm not willing to walk away from this relationship. I love you and I want to…"
"Okay, I'm here, let's get started." A familiar sing-song voice sounded from nearby, announcing the arrival of Leliana. Emma's eyes widened with shock and her vision wavered as the red-headed bard cheerfully walked into the clearing. Upon seeing Emma, she stopped and glanced over to Aedan, guilt written plainly across her features. Aedan groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. "This isn't…"

Emma straightened her spine and her hands clenched into fists. "No, it never is," she said coldly, even as her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. She turned back the way she'd just come, with every intention of calmly walking away and keeping her dignity intact, but tears stung her eyes and she started to run. "Wait, Emma…"
She heard the sound of footsteps and turned back as her first tears fell, which just pissed her off even more because she didn't want them to see that. Burning with anger and betrayal, she cast Mass Paralysis, trapping both Aedan and Leliana. "Just fuck off, and leave me alone!" she sobbed. Then she was running; she didn't know where to, and right then, she didn't care.