"So, as you all know, I am Sarutobi Nanako, and I'm to be your Jonin sensei should the three of you pass my test." Nanako spoke, hands on her hips as she observed the three of us. Her eyes were obscured by a set of Aviators that I know she got custom made for this.
"I like my family, quality tobacco, and efficiency. I dislike flakes, layabouts, and bargain bin tobacco. My dream for the future is to have a son that will drive this little asshole up the wall." She continues, jerking her thumb in my direction.
"Bitch you love me and you know it." I shot back, sticking my tongue out at my cousin. Only for something foul to get thrown onto it. "Gah! Ptew- sangre de Dios is that soap?!"
"Konoha field ration soap, fun fact: you're supposed to dilute it twice before using on anything living."
"Oh God it burns!" I learned my cousin was a sadist today judging by the smirk on her face. "Christ, Nanako, We're family!"
"You'll get no sympathy from me, Isshin. You, Nara. Introduce yourself in the same manner I just did." Nanako's voice was a whip, a far cry from the friendly, gentle cousin I knew at home.
Yara snapped to attention, quickly stammering out her response.
"I'm Nara Yara, I like archery, tea, and messing with my baby cousin Shika. I dislike my family's stereotype of laziness, pineapples, and poachers. My dream is to become a Jonin instructor."
"Then you're going to want to pay real close attention over the next few years. You, Uchiha, you're up."
Itachi was more subdued in his introduction.
"My name is Uchiha Itachi, I enjoy Dango, spending time with my little brother, and the Village. I dislike people that would threaten my brother, Isshin's dirty fighting, and bitter old fools. My dream…is private."
I spat out the last remnants of the soap as Nanako's gaze turned to me, still wearing that slightly sadistic smirk.
I'm starting to think I know what she got up to in ANBU.
"Now, Isshi-chan, you need more friends than just Itachi-kun, so please, introduce yourself to the nice girl."
I let out a huff before responding.
"Yes, Sensei. My name is Sekitangara Isshin, I like my family despite my cousin trying to make my life difficult at the moment, working with my hands, and helping 'Tachi wrangle Sasuke. I dislike politics, bureaucrats, and rice. My dream for the future? WORLD DOMINAT-chlk!" My declaration was cut short by a quick chop to my throat from Nanako that sent me into a coughing fit, and earned a giggle from Yara.
Okay, that one I may have deserved.
"You're definitely related." She quipped, causing Nanako to give a smirk and rested her hands on her hips.
"It was determined that I would be the best option to whip the three of you squirts into shinobi shape. First things first, however. You all need to prove to me that you're worth my time." Nanako speaks, eyes narrowing as she spits into the grass. "Now, you have all put in tremendous effort into graduating early, but the deal here is that if I don't give the go ahead, even my Dad won't keep you three from getting busted down back into the Academy."
I'll give my teammates credit, they kept a stone face even through the declaration. Itachi I somewhat expected it, but Yara must've been confident. She might've heard about it from her family, or just had the stones to deal with it. The lack of reaction finally seemed to crack Nanako's persona, with her pulling her aviators down her nose to glare at me with a much more familiar pout.
"Who snitched?" She demanded and I let a smug grin of my own grow on my face.
"I've got no idea what you're talking about." I declared confidently.
…
"Uh huh, Itachi, Yara, hold him down."
I fought down the immediate sense of impending doom and rolled to avoid Itachi's lunge. Only for Yara to tackle me from behind and pinned my right arm, Itachi quickly joining in and pinning my left.
"Traitors!" I growled out as Nanako kneeled down and gave a glare down her nose at my face, tilting her head like some kind of yakuza. That feeling of impending doom is back.
"Now why did you have to go and ruin half the fun of having a cute little genin team, Isshi?" she spoke, smile strained.
"Why do you immediately think I did that?!" I protested, earning a deadpan stare from my cousin,
"You're a little shit, that's why." She spoke whilst bringing out a tanto and a bar of soap that looked more like a brick. Oh dear. "So. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to start feeding pieces of this to you until I hear an apology."
Ah, that's what the sense of impending doom is for.
"This seems a bit personal, Nee-chan."
"I don't see the senbon set I gave you on you, do you?" Oh. Yeah that explains it.
"Yeesh, Isshin, how rude of you." Yara quipped in support, with Itachi also nodding in agreement. Jerks.
"Okay yeah that's my bad. Sorry Sensei." I gave what little bow I could, but all that did was get a glint in Nanako's eye as she cut a larger piece off of the soap.
"Apology not accepted, baby cousin. It's punishment time."
Oh dear.
Konohamaru if you ever read this, your mother's a sadist. Don't let her tell you otherwise.
"Sensei…to be fair, he didn't tell us anything about the exams." Itachi, my boy, spoke first. Nanako's gaze slowly turned to him, a dark eyebrow rising from behind her shades.
"You want what he's having?"
"Sensei, seriously, Isshin-kun hardly spoke a word to us before we met you. He's shy." Yara shot in, shy?!
Okay, maybe, but still, why you gotta call me out like that.
"What I'm hearing right now, is that all three of you want the Soapy Gyoza. Believe me, I'm happy to oblige." In an instant, there's three Nanakos each yanking the three of us backwards and holding Tanto to our throats, immediately I struggled until the clone holding me pressed the knife tighter against my neck. I felt my vision begin to blur and snarled, gritting my teeth. No. I will not be flashing back, not now.
"Or maybe I should stamp this sprouting of insubordination at the roots. You realize you're interfering in official Jonin affairs right now? Disobeying direct orders?" Nanako's voice is Ice, she removes her shades and her eyes are blank, no emotion, no hesitation.
ANBU Black Ops. Those trusted to do the Village's wet work. The epitome of what a Shinobi is supposed to be. Nanako is gone.
"In the field, hesitation is death. Disobedience is death." Crane speaks, staring us down. "Do you understand that, Genin? Do you understand what would happen to the three of you if I was an enemy Shinobi?"
The clone holding Itachi shifts its blade to point the tip at his eyes.
"I'd gouge your sharingan out whilst you're still breathing."
The clone holding Yara pulled on her ponytail roughly, bringing the blade of their knife up to her cheek.
"I'd take you hostage and bring you to my village, where you'd be used as breeding stock."
The clone holding me yanks me upward as Crane steps forward, soulless eyes staring into my own.
"And you. Scion of a traitor. Blood to the Hokage. You'd be tortured to death if you're lucky. Personally I'd keep you alive. Give you as a toy to the Earth Daimyo's wife. She likes them young." Crane speaks, turning to watch the three of us. My gaze hardens and a growl rips from my throat, which was answered by the clone pressing its blade closer to my neck.
"I've known that since the moment I entered the academy, Sensei." Yara declares, glaring resolutely at Crane.
"I am prepared for every eventuality, Sekitangara-sensei." Itachi speaks, his own face stern.
"That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me." I speak clearly, some of my previous life's drawl slipping into my speech. "You damn well know that I understand exactly what I'm getting into, and who I'm getting into it for."
Silence for a few moments as Crane places their shades back onto their face, concealing their eyes. Suddenly, the clones holding us dissolve into water, and a bright grin grows on Nanako's face.
"You all Pass!" She calls, smiling broadly and letting us get to our feet.
Three simultaneous sighs of release escape us as the three of us Genin all rub at our throats.
Crane is gone, and my cousin Nanako is back, eyes darting over us and checking for any nicks, but I doubted they were there.
Was that pants shittingly terrifying? Yes. Yes it was. Did I trust Nanako to be skilled enough to not murder us accidentally?
Maybe.
"Come on, I'm going to treat the three of you to lunch."
—
Yakiniku Q, Konoha's premiere barbecue restaurant, beef, ribs, chicken, and private booths where Jonin Sensei can have heart to hearts with their newly minted Genin in peace.
"Normally, the three of you would've had the night to prepare for the test, but needs must, so I threw you all in the deep end. Initially I was worried, when you both didn't hesitate to grab Isshin. Still. You moved to defend him, even disobeying orders to do it."
Nanako was laying down thin slices of meat on the table's grill as she spoke, before continuing.
"A team cannot be effective if they are not willing to undergo hardship for one another. The Hidden Leaf village operates in four man cells, not one, not two, four. Over the past three wars, this has proven to be effective in the completion of our objectives and the preservation of life."
Yara was the first to respond.
"A test of team cohesion on the first day seems…dumb, Sensei." She speaks, and Nanako lets out a laugh and a nod.
"You'd think so, right? But it has its purpose. There are only so many Jonin to go around, and graduates who will blindly follow orders are more suited for further instruction. Either through the Academy, or in the Genin Corps. Genin who show a propensity for looking past the obvious and creative thinking are given the privilege of having a Jonin sensei."
"In addition to it being a tradition that's been passed down since the founding of the village." Itachi quipped in, filling his plate with a modest amount of chicken.
"And as such it is actually a misdemeanor to tell recruits about it prior to the testing, mister military police." I cut in myself, smirking at the light dusting of red growing on Itachi's cheeks.
"Which makes me wonder who told you, baby cousin." Nanako's voice held a promise of retribution that I nipped in the bud.
"Nanako you've watched me raid the Sarutobi library for weeks. Your father is the Professor. I found one of his old journals from when he was training the Sannin."
"Bullshit you found that, Dad planted it where you'd find it, I guarantee it."
Yara let out an amused scoff around a mouthful of food.
"Good luck prosecuting the Hokage, Sensei."
"I dunno, his mugshot would look real nice next to yours, jailbird." Nanako shot back, leading to Yara letting out a groan and resting her forehead on the table.
"I punched one poacher!"
"Still earned a day in the clink, kiddo. Lesson one kids, when assaulting a Noble: don't get caught." Nanako gave a small smile before switching back to a more serious topic.
"So, we've got the makings of a wonderful search and destroy team here. It's going to be my job to nurture the three of you into proper Shinobi instead of two cute little Genin and one baby cousin."
"Bitch, I'm adorable."
"Another word and you get the Soapy Gyoza."
"Shutting up."
"Good boy. I want the three of you to report to training ground 19 at 0600 tomorrow. We're gonna get a good idea of what the three of you are capable of before we get started on the second Genin rite of passage: your first D-ranks. Enjoy your dinner, kids. I'll see you at home, Isshi-chan." And with that, our sensei got up and left, leaving the three of us in the restaurant with a decent amount of food to go, but I can't do more than nibble at it as I gather my thoughts.
'Search and destroy' my ass. Itachi tracks, Yara immobilizes, I shoot.
We're an assassination team. Hell, three clan kids, being trained by an ANBU? No, with Itachi here and how I know he ended up, I had a sinking suspicion.
We're being groomed.
And ANBU's the biggest set of predators in the Leaf.
