With a sigh, I let myself slide into a tub of hot water. Oh God, that was good. Whatever Thranduil intended to do tonight, at least I would be able to face it clean. Legolas had stayed with him at his father's request, while Gimli and I had been taken to our rooms by three elves. They were right next to each other and that was something that gave me extra security. Where Legolas stayed I did not know, but most likely not in the guest wing. It was a strange thought to spend the night alone, as I had become more than a little accustomed to the presence of both dwarf and elf. We had become a fellowship and it felt wrong to tear us apart now. Even if it was just for one night.
After washing, drying, and dressing, I stretched and went to the window. It overlooked part of the cavernous halls, and in the distance I could make out a waterfall. It still didn't quite sink into my head that I was really standing here now, and it would probably take a while. It would be a good two hours before the feast began, and no one had told me I was confined to the room, so I decided to explore the Woodland Realm on my own.
Heart pounding, because I was excited, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself, I opened the door and slipped out. My destination was the waterfall - perhaps I would discover other things that intrigued me along the way, or perhaps I would simply turn around, back to the safety of my room.
The dress I was wearing felt silky but alien, almost like Thranduil's voice still echoing in my head. I wasn't too worried about my role as a wine connoisseur, because I had drunk wine from time to time in my world and had a co-worker who went away every other weekend to attend wine tastings at estates. Afterwards, he had brought us back a lot of samples - so my knowledge of a wide variety of wines was more than developed. That was Legolas' and my good fortune, because Thranduil would surely have noticed immediately if I knew nothing about the fine grapes. What worried me was the fact that I would have to drink. I couldn't take a lot, and tipsy I tended to reveal too much of myself. Fatal, considering the Silmaril shards I had with me. Perhaps I could stretch the wine with water. Or dispose of it when Thranduil wasn't looking. In any case, there was nothing I could do about the situation, so I had no choice but to wait for things to happen.
I had just left one of the many staircases behind me when my gaze was almost magically drawn to a door that stood half open. Behind it, I could see rows upon rows of shelves of books. Was this the library of Eryn Lasgalen? I quickly glanced over my shoulder before stepping through the door.
Inside it was dim, the light of the autumn sun painting only occasional spots on the mahogany-colored wood of the shelves. No one was here, I was completely alone.
Forgotten was the waterfall - perhaps I would have a chance to visit it later - but now I wanted to take a look at the books. I had always felt at home among them, one of the reasons I had lasted so long in the library of Minas Tirith. Quietly, so as not to disturb the silence of the room, I walked along the rows of shelves until I reached the end of them. The library was perhaps twenty meters long and quite a bit wider. The ceiling was so high up that I had to crane my neck to spot it. It was not made of wood, as the room was, as I had expected, but of branches and rocks woven together.
Just as quietly as I had entered, I dipped down in between one of the shelves and ran my finger over the scrolls and spines of the books. Most of them were in Sindarin, some in even older Elvish languages. I didn't see a single one written in Westron, and scolded myself for not having asked Legolas to teach me Sindarin. I should make up for that at the next opportunity. Still, the books were so uniquely designed that I couldn't help but pull out one of them and open it. Yes, they were handwritten, printing had not yet been invented. I carefully turned the pages and admired the drawings that had been included in this particular book. The illustrator had put all his skill into them, so detailed were the landscapes depicted.
At the moment I was about to close the book, I heard footsteps, then a door slam. It was not coming from the entrance from which I had entered the library, so there had to be a second exit. Something inside me told me to be quiet and not move. While I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything forbidden, I also didn't want to be caught doing something that was simply unwanted.
"I thought I made myself clear." That was Thranduil's voice. I froze, inside and out. "Your mission was to find out why the creatures of darkness are prowling the forest again - that is the only reason I allowed you to linger longer in Minas Tirith."
"Did you not receive my letter?" asked Legolas, and I wished to vanish into thin air. Now it was already too late to get out, they would know that I had overheard them, even if only briefly. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was trapped between the shelves.
"I received it and dismissed the idea," his father countered. "Ithilien doesn't need a Woodland Elf colony. We need all our strength here, in Eryn Lasgalen. Even more so now that the shadows are rising again. I thought you would understand that." I heard one of them slam a book shut.
"I disagree." Legolas sounded pressed, as if this was not the first time he was having this discussion with his father. "Ithilien is an exceptional land, the forests, they sing even at night. But after the war... I will found this colony, father."
Thranduil remained silent for a moment, I could almost see his probing gaze before me. "Does this have something to do with that young human woman?"
The book I was still holding almost fell out of my hand. "Aspen?" retorted Legolas. "Why do you think that?"
Footsteps again, this time coming dangerously close to my hiding place. I pressed myself against the wall, hoping none of them would think to look down the aisle. Fortunately, the shelves had a drawn-in wall at the back, so they wouldn't notice me through them. Still: they were too close. Way too close.
"I noticed the way you're looking at her."
"How am I looking at her?" Legolas' voice sounded thoughtful, almost as if he really wanted to hear his father's answer to that. Why didn't the ground open up and swallow me whole? This conversation had gotten way too personal way too fast. I didn't want to hear it. But now I was even less able to come out of hiding than I had been a few minutes ago.
"She is a leaf in the wind, Legolas, as are all mortals. Their lives burn hot and bright, but are gone just as quickly. You are drawn to them because they put so much meaning into their actions, because they are willing to risk everything - just to prove a point. But they are also nothing more. They can never understand who we are. What we are."
"Unlike us, at least they try."
"Is that what she said?" Thranduil's voice sounded sharp.
"She didn't have to." Pause. "Don't worry father, my desire to found the colony in Ithilien has nothing at all to do with Aspen. We met much later... and I have no intention of deepening our encounter beyond our journey together."
It felt like someone had rammed a fucking branding iron into my chest and I hated myself for feeling that way. It felt like I was burning alive. Even though there was a minimal chance that Legolas had only said that because he wanted to stick with the story we had told his father, I didn't believe it. No. He meant what he said.
Involuntarily I had to think of the sentence he had dropped not so long ago. Love between elves and men is an impossibility that demands much of both. And it clearly demanded too much of him.
"I will allow you to take some of your closest associates with you to Ithilien if you complete the task I sent you out to do."
"I'm working on that. Esgaroth is not only a destination for Aspen, but for me as well." I heard a rustle. "You remember the scroll I told you about?" Thranduil didn't answer, but I assumed he nodded. "It was more revealing than I had assumed."
Even though his words hurt me, I admired him for how skillfully he avoided the pitfalls. He said enough to satisfy his father, but revealed nothing about all that had happened later. Still, I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to sit on the bed in my room, close my eyes, and wish that this was all over, finally.
Fortunately for me, Legolas and Thranduil left the library shortly after. As I stood in front of the window again, watching the waterfall in the distance, I sighed. This was going to be a fun evening.
