Author's Note: Hello one and all to the thirty-fourth installment of Drifters! Sorry again for the shorter chapter this week, but I promise things are definitely picking up as the end of the first book comes into sight!

That being said, onto reviews!

Hugofeer65: Thanks man! Glad the alleyway chase was a fun chapter to read!

Gamer of Action 44D: Can never have too much Blitzø! I just wish I could write him half as well as you to be honest. Because I swear every conversation he has with Jack leaves me laughing my butt off!

(BTW, to any reader who hasn't checked out Gamer's Samurai Jack and Hazbin crossover 'A Samurai in Hell' I highly recommend it!)

Stewie is the story's, pseudo, third main OC in many ways. He doesn't get as much screen time as Amp and Nester, but this bit of development definitely plays into his larger narrative. And while it's not in this book, Stewie and Roadie's dynamic and history is something I'm super excited to reveal later down the line!

Guest DoctorBot: Lol thanks for the review man! You're skits are a really fun read… and aptly sums up the Nester Emily dynamic XD

Awesome reviews as always guys!

But now, without further adieu, besides my traditional apology revolving around any grammatical mistakes that may pop up along the way, I welcome you back too….

Drifters:

A Hazbin Hotel Fanfiction

Chapter 34:

Rack'em Up

"Is somebody!"

CRACK!

"Paying you!"

CRACK!

"To be!"

CRACK!

"This fucking stupid?!"

Whichever foot Velvette didn't implant into the ground, was shot a spine breaking kick into Nester's back. Spurring the bird forward as the group skidded onto the main street… a mob of grenades, bullets, and rockets quickly bringing up their rear.

In all honesty, rage was the last emotion the pinkette thought she'd feel tonight. And if somebody had told her an hour early, that all her frustration would be aimed at the soul she had screwed on realm wide TV, she might even be ashamed of herself.

And when enough ticks off the clock passed, she was sure the guilt of revealing Nester's true name would re-emerge.

Of course right now, as she carried a short circuit Seraph above her head, followed a rat's dead sprint towards the hotel a second time, and was being chased by every unaligned Sinner in Hell, guilt was the last thing on her mind.

"S-sorry!" Nester's lungs hissed out. And given his current fuck up went far beyond the realm of social nerves, even his self pity seemed to understand it had no place in his current apology.

"Sorry ain't fucking good enough!" Angel screamed over the hail of bullets he had to Charleston around.

"Either be right fucking later! Or be right quieter!" Husk dropped smoke from above. His logic, and the shrapnel holes in his wings, demanded their lecture be postponed.

"Don't think I can't do both." the influencer spat upwards.

Although she had to admit, the moment she clenched her teeth was the same moment the brass being fired though the pink cloud started missing her by feet instead of inches.

"Seriously man," Stewie's voice lowered as he slowed his sprint to a jog. Both actions caused by the rodent's desire to be in the smokescreen rather than outpacing it, "what the actual Hell were you thinking?"

"I-I don't know! Too many things!-" the avian snapped back. Only for his volume to be dialed downed by the flock of buckshot that turned his left hand into Swiss cheese, "It's obvious I wasn't the twin built for a crisis-"

Nester's rasp of pain was stitched shut by one of Angel's intact arms.

"Nope." and the actor was quick to cut off the Doorman's relapse into self pity with a voice of reason, "No past life shit for you. Not. Allowed."

The Actor strangled Nester's mouth shut, then coiled him up like a rugby ball.

"Pretty sure his blood's already attracted the sharks." as instinctive as her deadpan response was, Velvette knew she'd feel the whiplashed hypocrisy later.

"Which is why we don't want the fuckers to pick up any slips on sonar-" The cat hissed as he dived/crashed into his own cover.

Ironically proving his metaphorical point with a literal one. As the twenty-twenty hearing of their pursuers, through a horde of gunfire no less, was quite impressive.

"And it's why you're," Husk's mangled wings took a mandatory break. As he heaved himself into a sprint alongside Angel and, more importantly, Nester's ears, "gonna listen to me this time, and not mentioning a fucking thing about your name, or even think about running off like some five year old."

The gambler's dilated pupils narrowed into the bird's widened ones. Fortunately, the rain of lead and steel peppering the ground around the group didn't give the avian much time to do anything but nod.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." the cat snarled, "Now kid, do us all a favor and have him open the door."

For a moment, Angel's eyes reflected the same confusion Vel's, Nester's, and Stewie's had.

Only, as he raised the bird's perplexed face a backwards arc over his head, the actor seemed to pick up what the cat was saying.

As did the Vee. When she saw his hand pull back a javelin.

"Whelp, here's to hoping I throw," the actor heaved, "as good as I blow!"

"Wait-" Nester was cut off by the grunt of Angel's attempt, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"

And then by the success of the actor's sling-like release. One that sent the bird forward a high pitched stone. Whose whistle was made all the more ear splitting by the bullets that followed after the clay pigeons.

"P-please…" Although Emily's default whisper caught Vel's attention, "don't use spiritual leaders' names in vain."

Before it was drowned out by the crater that caused it.

XxxxxxX

As her girlfriend's bones still cracked into place, her dad's entrance still cracked plywood into the lobby, and her unwanted guest's face still cracked the tile floor, Charlie's sense of hearing still crackled at the audio overload.

But in the orchestra of sudden and thunderous breaking points, the heiress could swear a constant ring was nibbling itself louder in her ears.

A distinct parting of atmosphere, that could just as likely be a mental illusion produced by stress, as it could be the physical manifestation of all the incorporeal problems that had struck the hotel today.

Although, with a five foot Angel currently sitting atop a Guardian one, it wasn't like a very real nuke hadn't already gone off.

"Hey," still, as the tendinitis got worse, Charlie felt the need to voice it, "do any of you hear that?"

"YOU FILTH UPON ALL THAT IS GOOD! IF MY BLADE DOES NOT SHRED YOUR UNHOLY SOUL INTO OBLIVION, THEN ADAM'S SHALL PEEL IT APART ATOM BY ATOM!"

"I'm trying not to." Vaggie looked away from the broken record pinned to the floor.

"Meh," head cupped in his hand, the ArchAngel treating it like a seat sighed, "I've heard worse puns."

'You mean you've made worse puns-' Charlie shot him a deadpanned gaze.

"No… I don't mean- It's like a high pitched doorbell." Only shaking it off when the strange noise streaked closer, "Can you seriously not hear it?"

"… um… is this some kind of hearing loss prank?" the smaller blonde, once again missing the contexts he barged into, awkwardly scratched his cheek, "Because I'll have you know I'm still thirteen billion years young."

This time, the heiress' emotionless state couldn't be helped.

"… alright, thirteen billion and seven million." her dad rubbed his arms. Still not getting why she pinched her nose's bridge.

"Just forget it-"

CRASH!

The universe certainly wouldn't let her do that.

"CHRIISSSSTT!" as the fulcrum of today's anxiety barreled through the door a beige feathered plane crash.

One that swung the wood open instead of splintering it. But still skidded to the floor inside an audio crater, that left the occupants momentary speechless.

"Um…"

Unfortunately for Charlie, as her dad looked between the Angel he pinned and the downed Doorman, he was the first one to overcome his dumbfound-ness.

"Based on her language, I doubt it."

"Oh my God!" And luckily, or more so unlucky in Nester's case, Charlie had a new found problem to worry about, "Are you okay?!"

The avian's neck joint snapped into place, just in time to turn a 'do you really need to ask?' expression at the blonde.

"… sorry."

"I-it's fine." The bird's dislocated bones splintered him to his feet, "… well… actually it's not. Like, it's really not."

"Because of what happened in Heaven?"

Charlie offered a sympathetic frown.

"More so the horde of Demons coming up the hill… not that the two aren't related"

"… what?" whelp, at least Vaggie's funk was momentarily vanished as her eyes shattered with everybody else's.

If any of them had opened their mouths to confirm the absurdity of what they just heard, Nester's frantic slam of the door was a preemptive answer.

"Oh my God, it's the dinosaurs all over again." The security guard used one hand to pinch her eyes shut, while the other unsheathed her spear.

"THAT METAL IS THE PROPERTY OF-"

Her head blanketed by a top hat, Amp's screams were muffled when a snake tied the apparel into a sack around her neck.

"Alright, now I hear the ringing." With Charlie's dad presenting himself as the gift wrapper, as he took a pinkie finger to his ear canal.

"Vaggie… are you sure you're up for a fight?"

"More sure than the last two I was in." The gray hued woman rolled her shoulder. Glad to hear there was no longer an audible 'pop' coming from it, "Besides, Alastor and the others aren't here this time, so we can't be picky on who gets to brawl."

"I mean…" Charlie's clasped teeth awkwardly looked from her partner to her father. And why the sight of the elder blonde sitting atop a flailing fish as he inspected his own ear wax was far from an intimidating sight… it was a testament to his position as the King of Hell, "I'm pretty sure we can be in this case."

Vaggie sucked in his lips. Not exactly thrilled with having to be forcefully benched after finally recovering from her string of injuries.

"Yeah," Nester rapidly nodded, as he leaned back into the door an organic wedge, "I've got no clue where Alastor is, but the others are right behind me."

"Then why are you barricading the entrance?" Vaggie's monotone question ushered in a pregnant silence.

"… crap."

In the span of a blink, realization hit the staff worker like a truck.

"IF THAT DOOR'S NOT OPEN IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS, I'M WRINGING YOUR FUCKING NECK!"

"NOT BEFORE HE TELLS US HIS LAST NAME YOU WON'T-"

Charlie didn't have time to find out which guttural tone screeched the second demand… because an explosion had gotten to it first. Practically at the same speed Nester had turned around to frantically start undoing the locks.

"You uh… you aren't very good at your job, are you kid?"

"Dad?!" Charlie frantically snapped.

"… I mean, you can be mad at him for a lot of things Hon," Vaggie's spear drove itself a lever into the entrance, "but not for the truth."

And with a mighty heave, she broke all the deadlocks the brunette had been struggling to slide off.

"Ah, thank you Venessa!" The elder Morningstar shot forth a pearly smile, while Charlie's forehead cringed a frown, "Somebodies definitely gonna be added to the will at this rate!"

"It's Vaggie…" the guard twirled her spear, but turned to reflect the gesture with her own small grin, "but thank you sir-"

Before Charlie could feel like she was being ganged up on, reality crashed through the door.

In the form of a black, pink, and blue rocket. That, albeit unintentionally, had honed in on Vaggie's bad luck. And rammed into the guard.

"Did you seriously think we threw you to safety just so you could lock the door on us?!"

Although, as Vaggie was sent flying through the lobby, sofa, and bar, Velvette's true target had been the bird she currently held up by the neck.

An impressive feat, considering her other arm was deadlifting a Seraph.

"…" Nester raised his index's finger. Less so in his own defense, and more so to point out that he couldn't give an answer while his windpipe was being constricted by five boas.

Normally, the sight of such violence committed against her partner and her guest would trigger a panic response from Charlie.

But the appalled and nervous expression on the dumbbell in the Vee's hand seemed to have that reaction covered.

"That was kind of a dick move man."

"And not the fun kind!"

"Somebody stop complaining about the door, and fucking help me with it!"

And with a winded rat, an angry spider, and an irate cat all barreling through the entrance next, Charlie figured she'd leave her mouth agape. To make sure the feelings of 'shock' and 'confusion' were accounted for in this chaotic moment.

"Oh please, if Pentious can get through that thing, any Sinner can." Velvette scoffed as the bartender struggled to swing the stripped hinges back in place.

"T-then why are you so mad at Nester?!" the blue hued Angel choked down.

"Because making a stupid decision doesn't mean it can't be a shitty one too!" the influencer dropped the bird and the actual Angel alongside her point.

"That's… fair…"

Where Emily helped the Doorman's rasped words up.

"Sorry… again. It sort of happened on instinct."

"Given your job history, I find that hard to believe-" Angel's scoff was cut off by the mortar shells that checked into the Hotel.

"Bloodthirsty psychos!" Husk grunted in vain, alongside his hands attempting to provide a hollow barricade, "Still coming! Need a solution!"

"Well, I don't want to toot my own horn."

Charlie's eyes were brought back into the flickering film, when her dad's hand brushed itself against his suit. And his words came out an ego inflating trumpet.

"But this sounds like the perfect time for your heavy hitter to step up to the plate."

"That would be great!" Angel's smile oozed sarcasm, "Except nobody knows where the fuck Alastor is?!"

And immediately Charlie saw the smaller blonde's narcissism morph into a frown.

"… okay, ouch." the elder Morningstar took in a deep breath just to blow it at his hair, "Next time you can just say 'no thanks'-"

"Dad!" Charlie's voice caught up to the conversation that ran her over, "Just take care of it!"

Unfortunately, the urgency of her voice was blocked by her father's crossed arms.

"You sure? After all, I'm just the ruler of Hell, not your all-power 'Deer Jesus'-" her father's bruised ego quoted itself… before the action paused on a jaw dropped Seraph, "Shit… was that culturally insensitive?"

"Y-you're the- The first fallen-" the poor celestial being's mind had finally had enough. And just as Emily had managed to get Nester to his feet, hers gave out. And in a reverse of roles, the Doorman frantically had to catch the woman's arm.

"You know…" Stewie perked up just enough for the heiress to remember he had run in. The rodent's head swiveled between the fainted Angel, and the all but eye level devil, "if she wasn't freaking out, I would be."

"Mmmmmphhhhhh!" The muffled Amp thrashed around harder.

"Well at least you and her have the manners to be star struck." the short haired blonde stood up after his jazz hands.

And just before Charlie's face could shatter at the sight of a free exorcist… her father took his first step towards the door, when his heel kicked Amp's body into the wall next to Vaggie.

"But apparently the rest of today's youth only offers gratitude after the kind deed." he mumbled.

"… is that not how gratitude fucking works?!-" Angel mouthed his question. Only for it to be trapped in his throat when a literal cannonball barreled into his chest.

Horror washed over Charlie's face when another one of her guests was turned into wallpaper.

"Dad?-" the younger blonde… Well, at this point she didn't know whether she should tell him to calm down, or get angry faster.

"No, no," not that he'd let her voice either suggestion. As he raised his hands in mock surrender, "I get it. You lot are in your teenage 'stick it to the man' phase."

When the elder Morningstar reached the entrance, Husk turned a vexed eye twitch onto the man.

"How young do you think we are?-"

One her dad merely sidestepped… as a literal firework streaked into the cat.

Although, in a change of pace, the feline wasn't imprinted into the wall a new portrait.

No this time, with Amp's head wrenching itself from her wooden prison just in time to snap up at the fur-ball coming her way, the bartender shattered the skeleton of a hostile statue.

"I'm not cool enough for your approval." the first fallen Angel rolled his eyes across the frame of the door he stood in. The rotation of his retina orbited the storm of bullets, arrows, and stones away from his center of mass.

Causing the thunder that threw them to pitter out, as he turned to the crowd of Sinner's. Whose target practice had been so rudely interrupted.

Although the smaller blonde had deflated her vision, Charlie could just make out the red furred yeti Demon that had been leading the charge.

"What the-" whose perplexed expression now stood the confused tip of an obtuse spear, "Who the fuck are you?"

"According to my daughter, I'm just the old senile geezer telling kids to get off my lawn." The elder Morningstar's pout turned to address her rather than the primate.

"…"

His reasoning produced a loud pause.

But before Charlie's eye twitch could yell at her dad that he was making up all the things he was taking personally, the crimson haired Sinner's anger snapped first.

"So?!"

The hollered outburst was enough to reset her dad's confusion onto the actual problem… which is an accomplishment she couldn't boast.

"So…" the hatless Angel looked back and forth as if it was obvious, "get off my lawn before you get hurt?"

He questioned… more so at the Sinner's obliviousness to the danger, then his own willingness to go through with the threat.

"Are-" not that the yeti heard the lightly spoken words as a command, "Okay, maybe you are fucking senile!"

The primate's head reared back to bellow a chuckle. One that rattled around like the chains in his hands.

"Alright boys!"

Of course, the boomer's frown that stared back raised a finger towards the larger beast's forehead.

"Let's fuck him-"

And with a simple flick, instantly shut the man up alongside all the other members of the improvised troop.

For like a high speed particle, the short blonde's nail struck the Sinner's skull as a big bang.

And within a flash of heat, the yeti was turned into a cosmic bowling ball. One that shot backwards a quasar. Impacting the stacked organic pins off the glassed hilltop at light speed.

Their eviscerated bodies outpaced the sound that had been disconnected from their throats. And had a massive head start on the sonic boom produced by the blast, as well as the silent shock that hung trapped in the bystanders lungs.

"…"

Whatever anger Charlie had about her dad throwing a hissy fit, was instantly quenched by its results.

If anything, as the man took in a deep breath, then turned back towards the group with a straight face, her only complaint would be his lack of restraint.

"Whose second fiddle to that bozo bovine now?"

That… and his immature grin.

"Hmmm~ Off the top of my head~"

Although, as a harmonized voice came down from above, Charlie couldn't exactly claim her dad was the only one behaving like a child.

"I'd say the tactless short lit fuse~" Alastor twiddled out his gloved hands before spinning his cane. Drinking in all the dumbfounded stares shocked by his presence atop the lobby, "Who thinks grenades and canvases are the same thing~"

"I… I thought you said you would be busy with work?" Charlie stuttered her disbelief up towards the producer.

Whose fang smile closed itself. If only to match his calmly shuttered eyes that happily hummed down the stairs.

"That I did. But surely you all must realize that tower atop our lovely hotel isn't for show." Charlie bit her lips. Cheeks dusted a slight pink, as her despair earlier in the day may have misinterpreted Alastor's justification of being too busy, as a business trip excuse.

"So…" Charlie gulped her misguided confusion down… alongside her dad's sneer, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Hmm, I believed the first thing I heard when I trundled my way down was, and please excuse my French," the Wendigo coughed into his hand as if it was his mic, "'You shit eating turncoat.'"

"Turncoat?-" Charlie raised an eyebrow. But before she could wonder how she missed such a remark among all the other crazy ones, she was interrupted with the answer.

"Oh, fuck you Al!" Vaggie hissed from the broken wall. Her form rendering itself free one snapped limb at a time. Fueled by the desire to break the Radio Demon's, "She was about to kill me!"

"What can I say, my work required I didn't interfere~" Alastor rolled his eyes, "But if it makes you feel better, I was rooting for you the entire time~"

The pin stopped flashed his fanged smirk, just as Charlie's fist wrangled her lips into a frown.

"Please tell me you weren't actually standing around doing nothing while Vaggie was under attack." The heiress' voice lacked any of the usual benefits it gave the Wendigo.

"Did none of you just hear the words 'work'?" Alastor rattled his tongue into the roof of his mouth.

"And what type of 'work'," out of all people, Charlie turned to see dad's serious expression beat itself into the radio before her, "were you doing?"

Most of the room's eyes furrowed, at least all those that weren't unconscious or blinded by fabric. And as the Wendigo's smile grew with each unanswered step he took down into the lobby, Charlie's lips traveled further south.

Except, his wordless grin only had eyes for Velvette's angered ones.

As the taps of his shoes built up their crescendo towards the Exorcist imprinted into the wall.

"The same work I'm doing right now." the radio's hand swept the area below the soldier, "Saving Hell."

Then brought up the silver treasure, as if it was made to be stolen.

"With Odette's help of course~"

XxxxxxX

Thank you to everybody who has tuned into the thirty-fourth installment of Drifters!

I will try my best to upload a chapter every Friday. But until next week, please feel free to leave a comment! Criticism is always welcomed, so long as there's an attempt for it to be constructive.