"Winner!" the booth operator called out as the final milk bottle fell to the hard rice-filled sack Matthew had sent hurtling into the tent. "And the first winner of the day! Seems the future Earl of Grantham has a strong arm and a sharp eye!"

"Just luck," Matthew said, pointing to a small stuffed rabbit that was barely bigger than his hand.

"That was a peculiar way to throw," Mary said as booth operator went to grab Mathew's prize. She was staring down her own set of bottles, the first of her 3 rice balls having failed to even come close to the milk bottle tower. He could tell she was slightly annoyed, wanting to win the game with as much ease as he had, she may have come to no longer see him as a rival but that didn't mean she didn't want to beat him. "I thought for a moment that you'd send the bag flying well past them but it landed perfectly down. And the height you managed was certainly not what I expected. Where ever did you learn that?"

Matthew smiled. "Just something I picked up, I suppose." He wasn't about to tell her that was how one properly lobbed a grenade into a fox hole. Send it high enough so it got over the barbed wire, but not so high that the Germans could see it coming and have time to react. There was, as sad as it was to say, an art to dealing death and he'd found his skill was in lobbing explosives. It was an ability he'd learned quickly, as he'd seen what could happen when one misjudged the distance. The men under him had complained when he'd had the practice with holey socks stuffed with dirt and rocks during the rare times they weren't in the trenches but after they'd seen the first man send his explosive too short and blow off half his face they had taken to the exercises. Matthew had held it as a matter of pride before that final fateful charge that had ended the war for him that not a single man in the regiment he commanded had died because of a grenade tossed by a British hand.

Later, when he'd come to Downton and needed a way to put the ghosts of war behind him it had been, of all people, Carson who had suggested the outlet he'd been searching for.

"If I might be so bold, sir?" Carson said, drawing Mathew from his thoughts. Robert and him had been sharing a glass of scotch, enjoying a quiet moment before once more joining the ladies who were all a flutter about Mary and his wedding, when talk had come of war and how Robert had expressed his small pleasure that at long last there was someone in the house that understood what it was like. The ladies could never hear of such things and Robert didn't feel right swapping war stories with Bates, what with his bad leg. "In poor taste to share tales of daring with him like that" Robert had told him.

Matthew had smiled at that, the corners of his mouth pinched as he struggled not to glower. There might have been grand adventures in the Boer War but the Great War had only been a living nightmare. It enraged him at times to see and hear so many think that the war had been some noble adventure. Once, while walking with Mary, she had pointed out two village women who had attended a concert at Downton and handed feathers out to the men who hadn't volunteered, shaming them and calling them cowards. When Matthew had asked if William had been one of the ones to be embarrassed so Mary had admitted that he had and there had been no stopping him at that point. He could still see their wide eyes and pale faces as he stormed at them, calling them murderers right in the middle of the street. They'd stammered and protested but Matthew told them of William, of how he died because of that 'oh so noble' war while women like them had done nothing but sit in their warm homes with full bellies and safe beds yet felt that God had graced them with the right to judge. Mary had taken his arm to try and drag him away and it had only been her fearful face that had caused him to calm… and then whisper, in the most fierce of quiet voices, that the moment Robert passed and he was earl he would see their families driven from Downton.

They'd never spoken of that moment. And Mary never asked him of the war. In fact, when others had tried to engage him she had been kind enough to deflect away.

But Mary wasn't with him at the moment.

Thomas had said it best one night, when he'd gotten so drunk that he'd admitted to Matthew that it wasn't women that interested him. "The vicars might say it is a sin but I don't bloody well care," he had admitted in the dark of the night, the two of them sitting at the great table despite how scandalizing that was. "Sin is nothing. There isn't anything Hell could throw at either of us that would be worse than those trenches."

He'd hidden his annoyance though and allowed Robert to tell a story of riding through Africa one day without his socks, smiling in all the right places. Finally, when he'd had his fill Robert had moved to join the ladies but Matthew had begged off, playing up the injury in his back to be allowed a few moments more to sit. Robert had believed him and left and Matthew had let his smile collapse... only to belatedly remember that Carson was there.

"Of course, Carson," Matthew said.

"I can't say I quite understand what you went through... I have had the privilege of never being on a war front so I fear it may be crass of me to give advice. But it would seem to me that you need to find some way to take parts of what occurred and... turn them into things that have use in times of peace and not just times of war."

Mathew so badly wanted to make some glib comment, to ask Carson if he meant that Matthew should do drill marches through the halls or practice digging trenches on the lawn but he bit his tongue. The butler was trying to help and didn't deserve any of Matthew's bitterness.

So instead he asked, "And how would you suggest I do that, Carson?"

"I believe you must find pastimes that use what you have learned on the battlefield but allow you to explore them in more... peaceful ways. Controlled ways." Carson pursed his lips. "Hunting would be my first suggestion but I do not know sir if that is such a good idea-"

Matthew though held up a hand. "Actually, that might be a rather capital idea. I do admit that I am a much better shot than I was when I first came here. Would be nice to actually bag something for one."

"Perhaps not a pheasant though," Carson added. When Matthew raised an eyebrow at that the butler shrugged. "You may have noticed Mr. Bates doesn't assist during the hunts and it isn't because of his leg... many guns going off bring about bad memories, he said, and I found it quite cruel to punish him so, especially when Thomas and Will- when we have the footmen."

"Yes, quite," Matthew quickly admitted seeing the logic in that. "Stalking though might be better then. Just myself, in the peaceful quite, able to enjoy nature but also hunt something that can't shoot back at me..."

"There are other pastimes too," Carson said. "Lawn sports and such you might enjoy..."

It had been that conversation that had led Matthew to try out a wide range of sports and games, with Mister Heyliger de Windt's "Parlor Quoits" becoming a fast favorite of his and something he'd even managed to get Robert to enjoy in the first timeline. They of course never called it by the rather vulgar American name 'Cornhole' (such a filthy, barbaric name for a game of skill and subtly… but that was Americans for you) but the two of them had had a smashing time of it and even Tom had taken part, discovering that unlike Cricket he was actually able to play the tossing game. During the fall, as Mary had grown more tired with the coming of their son, it was common for her and Cora to sit on the lawn and watch the three of them compete, Mary at times cracking jokes at their expense when one failed. He hadn't had time to purchase the supplies needed to play in this timeline but he did look forward to it, as it would be a fun game to play with Robert again.

"Drat," Mary complained as her second toss failed to knock down any of the bottles save one. "I do so hate games like this. There were many things I demanded Papa let me try my hand at but Cricket was never one of them... I seem to have the tossing skills of an orangutan."

"Perhaps my way might work for you," Matthew offered.

"Oh, I couldn't! I would send the bag hurtling skyward or cause it to rocket backwards and crash into some poor soul's face."

"Not at all." Matthew moved behind her and he felt her stiffen as he brought one arm around her so he could gently grasp her wrist while he rested his chin on her shoulder. He could feel her body stuttered slightly at how intimately he was touching her but she very quickly relaxed and allowed him to guide her. "It is all about the swing of your arm." He rocked her arm back and for several times, stopping right when she'd need to let go. After several practice attempts he stepped back and Mary, without any sign of doubt, let the bag fly and was rewarded with the sound of all the bottles clattering and falling from their perch.

"Winner!" the booth attendant declared, Mary beaming with the sweet taste of victory on her lips as she pointed to a small stuffed bear, the same size as the rabbit that was now tucked in Matthew's pocket.

"I do say you are a rather good teacher," she said as they began to walk towards the Grantham Arms; Mary having decided early on that she wanted an adventure and would dine in inn's dining area.

"I am glad," Matthew said with a smile.

"Are you?" Mary asked. "Truly glad? And happy? I hope you are." She shook her head and scoffed. "Listen to me, babbling like Edith."

"I find it rather cute," Matthew said, the two of them stopping to watch as a glassblower showed off to a small crowd how he made some of his pieces. "And to answer your question... yes, I am glad. And I am happy."

"I truly hope so. It took a while for me to realize just how much your life has changed... it took Sybil drilling it into my head for me to understand... but now that I do know I do so hope you are happy."

"I am, Mary, that you don't not need to worry about." The two of them began to walk with Mary looking about the faire with a smile and Matthew fighting the urge to kiss her senseless. While he was enjoying this time with her, as the two of them had never truly been out together like this during his first living of his life (as their own pigheadedness had ensured that what should have been time spent getting to know each other and enjoying life was spent with bitterness and awkwardness) another part of him hated that he could hold her in his arms. 'Sometimes I think the French are right and we British are too repressed. If we were in Paris I could pull Mary behind a building and kiss her till all the blood rushed to her cheeks and no one would say a word. Here we probably caused a scandal with me showing her how to throw that rice bag.' Matthew mentally chuckled before speaking out loud, "So, this will be quite a first for you... I imagine you haven't dined in many pubs or hotels."

"You would think that, Matthew, but you would be quite wrong."

"Oh? Do you sneak out at all hours for a wee drink? Maybe you and Anna secretly have a night once a month where you share a pint?"

Mary laughed at that. "If I were to do that Anna would be so scandalized and embarrassed she'd still be blushing by the time Christmas came. No, nothing of that sort. I will admit it has been years since I've been there but I have, in fact, dined at the Grantham Arms."

Matthew offered his arm to her. "This is a story I wish to hear."

Taking the offered forearm Mary continued. "First, you must promise never to tell Mama or Granny, as I imagine that the two of them wouldn't be happy at all to find out. Now then, it was a first months after Sybil was born and Edith had come down with a terrible cold that left her confined to her bed. Mama had made an appointment for me to get a new dress for Sybil's christening but didn't want to leave Edith with just our governess and Granny was unable to come so Papa volunteered to take me, which was quite a surprise to all but I suspected he was up to something before we even left. Once we got the dress he told me, "Mary, my dear, I think you and I should go on an adventure!" I was of course excited and agreed at once and he told me that first we needed to get something to eat but we couldn't go back to the House, for that would alert everyone else. So he took me to the Grantham Arms. Oh, we were so sneaky about it..."

Matthew smiled. He'd never heard this story and it made his heart soar that in this life he could learn things about the woman he loved and their relationship wouldn't just be filled with him pretending forever and ever that everything she told him was new. Thus with a grin on his face Matthew led Mary into the small village inn, the tale of her and her father sneaking about Downton and sampling treats swirling about him like a pleasant mist.

~A~O~O~O~F~

December 1913

"Well, this is certainly going to be a rather interesting affair, considering the unusual guest list," Mrs. Hughes stated as she entered Mr. Carson's office. They had just gotten done with their breakfast and soon would begin with the chaos that would come about when the family began to wake up. Already Ms. O'Brien had been rung for but the lady's maid had been expecting and turned in early the night before and awoke an hour before anyone else that morning. Her Ladyship had been fretting and fussing about the upcoming evening's party for weeks and when Lady Grantham was worried about a party she tended to get little sleep. This was something even the upstairs knew about as Mr. Bates had prepared Lord Grantham's spare bed at his Lordship's request. The Earl knew his wife and Mrs. Hughes had little doubt he'd slipped away the moment her Ladyship had drifted into a fitful sleep; if he didn't she was bound to keep him awake at best and smack him in the face at worse.

Mrs. Hughes fought back a chuckle as she remembered how, 5 years back, his Lordship had been forced to lie to his guests and claim he had hit a branch while riding to explain the black eye Lady Grantham had given him during a rather fitful rest.

"Normally I would not take kindly to gossiping about whom his Lordship wishes to invite to a holiday party but I admit that the choices made have left me scratching my head, at least in some cases." Mr. Carson made a note in one of his ledgers before setting it aside and selecting another.

"You really should begin teaching some of staff how to care for those books," Mrs. Hughes stated.

The butler frowned at that even as he gestured for her to take a seat. They had about 20 minutes or so before Carson would need to go upstairs to wait for his lordship to arrive down for breakfast; Mr. Bates had begun to ring the bell once his Lordship was done and that allowed Carson to have more time downstairs prepping things rather than having to stand at attention for minutes on end in an empty dining room. "Are you saying that I can not handle my duties?"

"No but we are all human, despite what you may think of yourself, and a day may come where you need your rest." Mr. Carson opened his mouth but Mrs. Hughes smiled slightly and cut him off. "Such as being Lady Mary's hero and needing rest afterwards from defending her honor?"

"Yes... well..." Mr. Carson blushed at that and Mrs. Hughes smiled all the more. While the old boobie didn't like to brag it was clear that it was a matter of pride that he'd been able to step in and defend Lady Mary's honor against that Turkish monster. Even after he'd been allowed out of bed he'd worn his wounds like they were medals presented by the king himself, standing tall and proud and doing nothing to hide them. He'd waved off offers to help and continued on with his normal duties but there was a sparkle in his eye that would have been better found in Thomas' eye than his own. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt for Mr. Bates to know a bit. He did well stepping in for me after all that and while I doubt he'll ever seek a position of butler none would look down on him understanding what I do. And he has a good mind for it… yes. Yes, I do believe you are right."

"It also might be wise to show William and Thomas." Mr. Carson glowered at that and Mrs. Hughes held up a hand. "William may very well one day replace you as the butler here at Downton and it would do him well to learn from you now. You've seen that he wants to learn and better for him to study under you now than to try and find his way on his own years down the road. As for Thomas he too will need to learn if he hopes to continue on, if not here then at another estate, and you must admit that he has gotten better in recent months."

"Well... yes." No one could pinpoint what had caused the snarking footman to change. Perhaps it had been seeing William hurt by Mr. Pamuk or Lady Sybil and Anna defending him from Mr. Pamuk's vile threats (Mrs. Hughes had known for years that Thomas was a silly flirt... and that his eyes lingered more on a pretty man than a woman... and if Lady Sybil hadn't stepped in to deflate Mr. Pamuk's blackmail Mrs. Hughes would have done so; though she may have resorted to beating the man with a candle stick till his jaw was broken… no one hurt Mrs. Hughes' boys and girls). But whatever the case Thomas had grown up a bit. Oh, he still had a snide remark at times and he and O'Brien liked to gossip far too much for Mrs. Hughes' tastes but he was far better than he'd been a year ago. Even his battles with Mr. Bates had settled down to verbal jabs; the two of them could at least sit at a table and one time she'd even caught the two of them with Mr. Branson teaching young William how to play cards. They'd never be friends but gone where the days where she worried that Thomas would do something foolish to try and get rid of the valet. "Still, I'd prefer to wait a bit more with both of them... let them mature and show they are ready to learn before I let them see how it is done." He let out a 'hur-umpf'. "And I will NOT allow Thomas free reign of our inventory ledgers."

"Fair enough."

There was a loud bellow that caused them both to job.

"What in the world?" Mr. Carson exclaimed as the roars grew louder. Mrs. Hughes stood up and opened the door just in time to see Daisy rush past, the girl's face pale but, thankfully, not streaked with tears. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes."

Both she and Carson flinched when Mrs. Patmore let out a string of yells that, while not filled with curse words, were colorful and creative enough that it had even the two old hands of service wincing. ""Daisy, I doubt everything is well if Mrs. Patmore is roaring like a demon from the fiery depths of hell."

Daisy rung her hands nervously, glancing back towards the kitchen. "She's just upset because she knocked the flour over. She says Virginia put it in the wrong place but she didn't. Accidents happen even to the best of us, I tried to tell her that but she said that she doesn't make mistakes like that and I shouldn't cover for stupid girls that don't know how to put things away. I'm going now to get more so we can continue on."

Mrs. Hughes sighed. "I'll talk her-"

"DAISY!" Mrs. Patmore called out in anger. "Would you hurry it up you daft girl? You aren't running a bloody hedge maze you stupid-"

"She's with me, Mrs. Patmore," Mrs. hughes called out, knowing that the cook wouldn't talk back to her especially when she put a bit of steel in her voice. But just in case she added, "She'll be there in a moment." She nodded to Daisy who smiled even as she bunched her shoulders up and hurried along. Mrs. Hughes closed the door and Mr. Carson shook his head in annoyance. "I will talk with her and remind her this is a great house and not some London soup kitchen."

"Do so, please. I let her run the kitchen as she sees fit but we can't afford to have all the girls quitting on us; she's already driven two away and forced us to hire more in. I do not want to step in, Mrs. Hughes, but I will if I need to." He let out a weary sight. "Cooks bellowing like drill sergeants. And it's only getting worse. It seems since the summer she's only gotten angrier. I'm surprised Daisy has managed to not become a trembling mess with the way she yells at her." The butler sighed. "We just got Thomas to stop bullying William; we seem to get one issue fixed and another pops up."

"Such is service," Mrs. Hughes said, retaking her seat. "And besides, tonight is going to be stressful on all of us so I'm willing to cut her a small amount of slack." At Mr. Carson's dark look she said, "Only a small amount."

"The very smallest of amounts," Carson grumbled, casting an eye towards his door before returning to look at her. "As you said, a very odd guest list. There are the usual suspects, as the Americans would say... the Dowager-"

"Which will surely mean the meal will be filled with some rather interesting comments," Mrs. Hughes said with a smile and Carson finally blessed her with a smile of his own. "Mr. Crawley and his mother too but that is to be expected."

"On more than one count," Mr. Carson said.

Mrs. Hughes nodded. It had been shortly around the time that Mr. Bates and Anna had come to her and Mr. Carson and, while fumbling and stammering and blushing like children, admitted that they were courting one another that it had been made clear that Mr. Crawley and Lady Mary were doing the same. In fact Anna had confided in Mrs. Hughes that Lady Mary had been the one to insist that she and Mr. Bates get the time they had to go to the fair and Lady Mary had even walked with Anna down to meet their gentlemen, treating the whole thing like two friends having a day together. While Anna and Mr. Bates had been formal in their addressing of the situation (wishing that there would be no trouble as in some households the staff seeing each other could see them fired; thankfully the Crawleys had never been like that and accepted that at times maids and footmen would fall for each other and were happy for it so long as it didn't affect their duties) Lady Mary and Mr. Crawley had made no grand announcement... it just became clear that the two were now together. Where before their placement at the table hadn't matter they now would always sit across and next two each other at dinners. It was common to find the two of them chatting away in the parlor, at times ignoring everyone as they laughed and traded tales. For Mr. Crawley not to come to this winter's meal would have been a sign that something was terribly wrong.

The other count though was Mr. Crawley's taking of a more active part in the running of Downton. The party was not just an early celebration of the Christmas season but also to commemorate Mr. Crawley leaving his practice so he might fully work with Robert. While Mrs. Hughes wasn't in every meeting (as there were plenty of things she didn't need to know about, especially with the running of the estate) she'd learned that Mr. Crawley had begun working with some of the villagers and tenants to help secure Donwton's fortunes. Business, to once more borrow from the Americans, was 'booming'. Mrs. Patmore herself would only buy Downton Honey, made by the local bee farm, and it was growing common for certain jams and cheeses from the village to be requested at meals by guests. She found it all rather odd and different but so long as it supported the house and ensured that all that worked there continued to have positions she would be happy.

Another part of Mr. Crawley's expanding involvment in Downton was helping with the planning of this holiday party. He had suggested, what with the holidays always being a rather busy time in London and it being seen as rather crass to invite non-family to dinners that were within a week of Christmas, that it might be a wise idea to hold a party in the first month of December. He had convinced his Lordship and her Ladyship to hold not a Christmas party but a Winter Party, to welcome in the season; both winter and holiday. Lady Grantham always did enjoy having a reason to gather together a wide range of people and showing off the elegance of Downton and had quickly gone along with the idea with his Lordship following shortly after. In turn Mr. Crawley had gotten all the Crawley girls involved and soon the entire family had been working together to plan the event.

'It is good for them all,' Mrs. Hughes thought. 'They will need to know how to do such things when they are running homes of their own.' Lady Sybil had been working with Mrs. Patmore on the food, suggesting a long list of familiar dishes that would be pleasing to all and chase away the cold December chill. It had been rather surprising that the young woman knew so much about the kitchen as Mrs. Hughes couldn't remember the last time ANY of the Crawleys had come downstairs. The only time Lady Grantham had interfered with Lady Sybil's selections was to suggest a particular dessert one of their guests, Sir Anthony Stranton, loved but Mrs. Patmore had claimed it was too late to prepare such a meal, leaving her Ladyship disappointed and Mrs. Patmore in an even darker mood than she had been. Lady Edith had been placed in charge of the décor and Mrs. Hughes had to admit that she had truly made Downton shine. As for Lady Mary she had worked with Mr. Crawley on the guest list (with final approval by Lady Granthan of course) and they had chosen faces new and old to attend.

"Then there is Lady Rosamund, which will be rather nice as it is so rare for her to come for Christmas nowadays," Mr. Carson said.

"I think it is her Christmas gift to herself, to not have to spend the holiday with the Dowager," Mrs. Hughes teased and Mr. Carson smirked at that.

"Again, normally I would not allow such talk… but I can not deny what is probably true." His smile fell though as he continued. "Then there are the Greys…"

"To be fair it will only be Lord Merton and his son Timothy. Larry will not be returning."

"I would hope not. We lost our best wine bucket thanks to him. Still, I do not understand why they were invited."

Mrs. Hughes shrugged. "Perhaps Mr. Crawley knows how important Lord Merton is to Lady Mary and wishes to ensure there is no hard feelings between the families. She is his goddaughter, after all."

"Mmm… perhaps. But what of these guests that Lord Merton is bring?"

"Gen. Lothrop and his wife? Apparently the colonel is an old friend of Lord Merton. They went to school together, from what I hear and they are very close. When Mr. Crawley heard he would be visiting during the time of the party he invited him as well. Very kind of him, I might say."

"I don't know how I feel about this man I have never even heard of dining at Downton, even if he is a good friend of someone like Lord Merton. I don't even know if he is in any of the Peerage!"

Mrs. Hughes rolled her eyes. Christ himself could descend from Heaven to dine at Downton and Mr. Carson would throw a fit that he wasn't wearing white tie. "Gen. Lothrop is a member of his majesty's army, I'll remind you, and a high ranking on at that. Considering that his Lordship was a part of that very army and Gen. Lothrop outranks him I don't see a problem with him dining here. And while the only title he has to his name maybe be one he earned himself he is one of Lord Merton's closest friends and I feel that speaks rather highly of him."

Mr. Carson had the decency to blush as he held up his hands. "Peace, peace. I admit defeat on this measure."

Smiling at that she added one more jab. "And besides, one never knows when a man might be knighted or give a title… it wouldn't it be nice for Downton to be able to say we knew him before he achieved his standing?"

"Perhaps," Carson said. "But what of these others that Lady Painswick is bringing with her? Businessmen and newspaper owners…"

"The businessman is the son of a duke and will inherit the title after his older brother died and the newspaper owner is knighted so there isn't much to complain about there. Besides, I imagine his Lord and Ladyship wished to inject a bit of life into this party… one can only dine with the same people so many times, after all."

"I don't know, I dine with all of you every night and I am quite content."

Mrs. Hughes smiled at that, reaching over and patting his hand. "Well, I appreciate that at the very least." She rose and brushed her hands over her dress. "And now I must make sure the maids are getting all the guest rooms ready and that Thomas and William are actually getting in a brief rest today… tonight will be a long one."

Mr. Carson muttered to himself in agreement as she left.

~A~O~O~O~F~

Author's Notes: We get a taste of Matthew's thoughts on the war, because of course he is thinking more and more about it. He knows it is coming, like, as the poem goes, And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" And yes, I know that is about post war, so sue me.

We also get a rather BOLD Matthew touching Lady Mary in a rather intimate way in public no less. No kisses or such, as he isn't that bold, but still… Matthew is daring in this second life and it seems Mary doesn't mind!

After that we get some Carson and Mrs. Hughes moments and discussing the guest list. We know from an earlier chapter that Gen. Allen Lothrop is Matthew's key to getting himself, Thomas, and William off the front and now we move on to that scheme. And in canon-related events Mrs. Patmore's eyesight continues to worsen and Sir Anthony's favorite desert causes issues but a bit earlier this time. And for once I didn't treat Daisy like crap! I know… I'm surprised to. Here, have an omake of how Daisy ended up at Downton with her job:

Daisy looked around, confused. This had been a rather odd family trip, with her parents bundling her up and driving in their horse cart to the forest before they'd shoved her out. Her brow furrowed as she remember her mother calling "You're free girl! Go! Shoo!" and then driving off as fast as they could.

"I say girl, what are you doing here?" a heavy set woman in a cook's outfit called out, spotting Daisy staring at the big bright ball in the sky that always made her eyes hurt but father said was pretty to look at and she should do it often (he also told her to go out in the rain and stand there with her mouth open but she always ended up gagging before she could finish their game). "Heavens child, come in here and dry up!" the woman called, shuffling back towards the door of the large house.

Daisy didn't know what to do. She'd never met the other woman before. She thought back to what her grandmother used to always tell her.

"Daisy, you're as dumb as a stump and twice as ugly! If a strange woman that looks like a witch invites you into her house and tells you to crawl inside her oven and clean it I say go for it!"

So she shrugged and followed after Mrs. Patmore. And that's how she got her first job at Downton.

…yes, I'm horrible, I know.

On twitter I said this chapter would have a tom and Sybil scene. Well… I ended up adding so much to this chapter that I decided to split it in half. Saves me time.

Our plot bunny today Plot Bunny is based on my favorite episode of Frasier. I would place it Season 1, maybe middle of the season. It comes out that a famous writer is coming to Downton as he wishes to write a book about the Crawleys. Robert has read his books about other elite families and knows that the author writing about them would be a major thing for their standing so he wants things to go right. But he also knows that the author is temperamental… he wants to talk to all members of a family and if he can't he becomes enraged and will write a scathing book about them. One family once had an aunt not show up and the book that followed made them laughing stocks. As such he promises that everyone will be there.

The first issue that arises is that Edith, who took the train into London to visit Rosamund, has been delayed and probably won't get back till the next day. Robert, fearing that this will drive the author into a rage, comes up with a frankly insane idea: pretend ANNA is Edith. Quickly Anna gets roped into things and Mary and Sybil are treating her as their sister.

Except then more news comes down; Violet is a no show (her car has stalled). Thinking quickly it is decided to have Isobel pretend to be Violet. But who will take the place of Isobel? Why Mrs. Hughes, of course! So Matthew has to come, pick up Mrs. Hughes, and take her back to Crawley House just so they can come back while Isobel needs to be made up to better look like a Dowager. But then a telegram arrives and Robert learns that the author hasn't heard about Patrick and James dying and he believes they are alive and he wants to talk with them. Cue Carson being roped in to play the part of James and Thomas being Patrick… and Thomas and Mary have to pretend to be a couple. Tom is roped to be a footman when William comes down with the flu and Bates needs to be Carson… and to replace Bates Molesley is gotten to pretend to be Bates (complete with him pretending to have a horrible limp… and a dead arm because he really gets into the role!).

Through this all Sybil is getting annoyed that Robert is acting so insane and barking orders and not standing up to the author and his insane demands. So right before the author arrives Sybil has Gwen be her (much to everyone's surprise)… and Sybil dresses in footmen's gear and pretends to be a footman named Samuel. She even has Gwen cut her hair in a boy's cut! Tom finds this hilarious and Robert has no choice but to go along with it.

And just to make things truly insane when the author first arrives he questions why Matthew is even there (as he believes Thomas-as-Patrick will be the heir after Carson-as-James) and Robert lies and says that Matthew is courting Edith…who is being played by Anna.

So we have Mary having to pretend to be engaged to Thomas who is pretending to be Patrick and that Carson is his father. Isobel is pretending to be Robert's mother. Gwen is Sybil and Sybil and Tom are footmen. Bates is Carson while Mrs. Hughes is Matthew's mother and Matthew is courting Edith who is really Anna. And Molesley is Bates.

And when Violet DOES show up late… well, she is Cora's mother, of course! Complete with Violet just utterly hamming it up pretending to be Cora's American mother. And when Edith shows up just when Dr. Clarkson arrives to check on William… well look, it's Dr. and MRS. Clarkson!

It is a night of role changes and chaos as the Crawleys work to keep the whole thing together. I see moments like Anna and Matthew awkwardly having to pretend to be flirting with each other while Thomas and Carson bicker to the point that the author really sees them as father and son and Mary struggles to keep control. Isobel mocking Violet to her face (things like "Oh yes, I am quite set it my ways… I do say if I saw a street urchin I would rather hit them with my buggy than give them a copper') while Violet happily pretends to be a brash American who mocks Matthew's mother… who is Mrs. Hughes. A scene where the author's valet goes down stairs and catches Tom and Sybil making out (because of course they would)… with both of them as footmen… which leads to talks of homosexuality and Thomas-As-Patrick using his station to defend gay men everywhere (and maybe even having him announce that he is gay and he's breaking it off with Mary when things REALLY go insane… bonus points if he claims he is in love with Matthew and kisses him just to really screw things up because at this point Thomas figures they are all doomed anyway so why not go out with a bang!). A moment where Daisy asks Mrs. Patmore who SHE is and Mrs. Patmore sarcastically declares that Daisy is the princess of france… cue Daisy later on having been dressed up by Sybil to walk in as the Princess of France, much to everyone's shock and Sybil's utter delight. Just a snowballing lie that keeps going and going and going.