"Is everything fine, my lady?"

Cora managed a smile. "Quite fine, Portman, I assure you." Her dear friend Eleanor's lady's maid merely nodded at that, not believing Cora for a second. She didn't blame her as frankly the words had sounded so terribly false in her own ears when she'd said them.

She'd returned to Eleanor's townhouse to find Robert sitting on the floor with Lillian. Robert. Her husband. Who'd she'd last seen making a disgrace of himself in front of the Army and the people of Downton as he bellowed about how he knew more about war than a general. It had been that moment, the sight of Robert so foolishly tossing his honor aside to try and score petty victory in a war of words with a true military man that had shown her that she could no longer stand with him. That it was no longer safe for her or Lillian to be at Downton. Robert had allowed his need to be the victim in all to twist him into something vile and if she didn't want to be sucked into the muck with him she needed to flee.

And now, nearly a year since she had made her escape… Robert had returned.

'And not the Robert I left,' she thought to herself. 'I don't know who this man is.'

It wasn't the Robert who had destroyed the charity concert by standing with those dreadful White Feather Women. She hadn't been ignorant of what was going on at Downton. She wondered if anyone realized that O'Brien and her remained in touch, Cora having convinced her lady's maid, since she was being paid all the same to remain at Downton, to correspond with her inform her of what was happening within her home. O'Brien's letters had slowly shown her Downton changing over the last 6 months, with the hospital altering all within it. Especially Robert.

'He has repaired his relationship with Bates. He and Tom Branson have become friends… they go down and have drinks together at the Grantham Arms!' She shook her head at that as Portman helped her into her shoes and did a final check of her hair. 'The Irish Radical and his former employer…'

And that in and of itself led to Cora's current problem: she had no idea who the man sitting downstairs waiting for her was. It wasn't the Robert she had last seen at Downton but he always wasn't her husband from before the War. This was not the man she'd married nor the man she'd left.

She didn't know who he was and that scared her.

'Of course I am not the same either,' Cora thought to herself as she walked down the stairs, reaching the bottom step and running her hands along the front of her pale blue and white dress. It was perhaps a bit too sunny and cheerful for the season but Cora had begun to dress in lighter colors. The darker dresses that she'd favored for much of her life now felt like the shrouds of widows and she wanted to remind herself that she was still young and had so much life ahead of her. 'This year has changed so much. I am not longer the woman he knows either.'

And perhaps… that was the best place to start when it came to all of this. To go into their first conversation in ages understanding that they were very much strangers.

When she arrived back in the living room Robert was still sitting on the floor, smiling as Lillian explained in her short, sharp way her play.

"And why must this dresser go here?" Robert asked, pulling out the little wooden piece of furniture and holding it up. Mary, Sybil, and Edith had come together to purchase the house for Lillian, wanting their sister to have something special that came from the three of them. It didn't look like any house that Cora or the girls had ever been in and that was the point; this was Lillian's doll house, to decorate and maintain on her own. She didn't need to mimic Downton, for her oh so serious baby girl would do just that, or Eleanor's townhouse or anything of the like. It was hers to do with as she saw fit. "Why can it not go… here?" Robert said, pointing to another bedroom.

Lillian pressed her lips together before finally shaking her head. "Too big."

"Too big?" Robert asked with smile.

"Yes papa. Too big."

"Well, I bow to your judgment," he said, putting the dresser back only for Lillian to reach over and begin to fuss with it. "I had it in there just fine," he teased, no bite in his words.

"I fix." She screwed up her face, a rare show of honest emotion from the quiet and stern child. "I'll fix," she repeated before nodding her head, clearly pleased that she'd corrected her grammar.

"It's a recent thing," Cora informed him, alerting Robert to her presence. "She wants to talk like the rest of us. She won't put up with baby talk."

"Did she ever?" Robert asked with a soft smile.

"She was more lenient," Cora said before leaning down and pitching her voice up a few octaves. "Isn't that right Lilly Willy?"

Lillian shot her a glower that reminded Cora so very much of Mary. Not when she was a child but now. It seemed Lillian had decided to start early when it came to being annoyed at people patronizing her.

"Well, I'll just have to remember that," Robert said, making no move to get up off the ground, much to Cora's surprise. She honestly could never remember Robert ever sitting down on the floor. Even in their most vulnerable and tender moments, at the start o their marriage, Robert had always sat in a chair like the dignified lord. She honestly remembered how it had taken him months to feel comfortable sitting on the edge of their bed. The floor? It seemed like he might as well be sitting in the mud with his shoes off and a piece of straw in his mouth like he was one of Samuel Clemmons' southern characters.

As he and Lillian continued to speak Cora was suddenly struck by the fact that he wasn't engaging with her. She'd expected him to instantly leap to his feet and make a thousand different demands or requests or pleas… but he didn't. Instead he merely sat there and talked with their daughter. Another wife would have been offended by him not making them the center of his attention but Cora was actually rather pleased with his choice. It gave her a chance to get used to him there and thus ground herself for the conversation that they had to have. He was allowing her to choose when they spoke and how they began and she was grateful for that.

Finally though Lillian began to yawn and, much to Cora's amusement, tugged on her father's hand, leading him over to the couch. Robert, curious did as silently commanded and sat down, the littlest Crawley clamoring up onto the furniture and lying her head in Robert's lap, soon fast asleep.

"This is… rather new," Robert finally said, stroking the little girl's hair.

"Edith started it," Cora admitted. "A horrible habit, I admit-"

"I quite disagree," Robert cut in, looking down at Lillian. "I rather like it." He let out a tired sigh. "I wish we had been wise enough to do this with Mary and Edith and Sybil. Far better than letting a stranger read to them some dusty old book, wouldn't you agree?"

"I suppose you are right," Cora said with a faint smile.

They were silent for several minutes, just enjoying the quiet little huffs Lillian made in her sleep, before Robert finally spoke up. "Has Matthew and Sybil been keeping you informed of what is occurring at Downton?"

"They have," Cora stated. "They send letters, when they can. Matthew gets away more than Sybil does to visit but I'm sure you know that."

"And don't blame him. Sybil is quite happy to stay at Downton, as odd as that might seem to you. It is different with Matthew, what with Mary being in London. I suppose in Tom was here she would be finding more excuses to break away-"

Cora leaned forward, surprised by that comment. "Tom?"

"Yes… surely you know." When she merely looked at him in befuddlement Robert let out a laugh. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be mocking but… I do believe this is the first time in our marriage that I have known as secret before you!"

"I don't know about that…" Cora began only to sigh and wave her hand in his direction. "No, you are right. So you have earned the chance to gloat."

"I won't though, I promise," he assured her. "Sybil and Tom… they decided to court one another."

Cora blinked at that.

"That… makes far more sense than it should," she finally said.

"Almost feels like we should have seen it coming," Robert agreed. "As if she were always destined for him and we should have known since she was born and we were looking down on her in her swaddling cloth that 'Yes, she will one day marry an Irish Radical'." Robert chuckled at that. "Though I suppose it is hard to call him a radical at this point. He is opinionated, yes, but it isn't as if he is running around burning down houses and dancing in the ashes."

"I suppose so," Cora said. "I just… Tom is a lovely man, very kind and a good person to have a conversation with but… he is not the man I ever pictured Sybil being with."

"And who did you picture her with?" Robert asked. "And do you truly see Sybil… or the woman we expected her to be?"

Cora opened her mouth before snapping it shut. "Yes… yes I suppose you are quite right on that account, Robert." She sighed. "When she was growing up I just knew… Mary was the eldest and was settled with Patrick when it was clear he was your heir. Edith-" Her face twisted at that; honestly she'd never put too much thought into settling Edith and it shamed her greatly now to realize how much she had neglected her second born. "-would marry a lord of great standing. But Sybil… darling Sybil… when I looked at her I just knew that she would be the one that would get the best match of all the girls. She could marry high above us… I dreamed of princes Robert." She held out her hand to stop him from speaking. "But you are right… she was never going to do that."

"We raised three powerful, cunning, opinionated girls," Robert said and Cora smiled as she heard the utter pride in his voice. "All of them could conqueror the world. Mary has said that she wonders what life would have been like had she been a boy but I find myself rather pleased she was not because I think what she and the rest of the girls will be able to do will be all the more historic." He looked down at Lillian. "And you, my dear sweet one, will beat them all. Because you not only have mama and papa to help you but your sisters as well."

Lillian merely snorted in her sleep.

Something he had said tickled her brain. "You said Tom and Sybil decided to… court each other?"

"To be honest I get the sense that it is Sybil courting Tom but she's allowing him the dignity of her sharing the power." He shook his head. "But from the way both of them talk about the other it is clear that Sybil is the one leading this dance. Not that Tom isn't happy to allow her to do so. In fact I rather get the sense that is why he has fallen for her."

"You and Tom talk a lot?"

Robert nodded, a bashful little smile on his lips. "We do. It took a long time for me to come to my senses and realize what a… well, what a stubborn ass I had been these last few years but when I did I decided to change. I didn't like that Robert so I moved to become a different one. A better one. More willing to embrace change." He shook his head and continued to stroke Lillian's hair, the toddler almost purring like a kitten in his lap. "Everyone else has decided to evolve and grow so why not I? Mary might pretend to be merely a housewife but it is clear that she is seizing power in London and soon will be its secret commander." Cora chuckled at that; if only Robert knew! "Edith has her paper and is doing such a marvelous job with it. Sybil runs Downton expertly… oh, you will be shocked if you ever come to see her in action-"

"If?" Cora said, surprised.

Robert swallowed at that. "I… didn't want to presume with one conversation that didn't devolve into snide remarks that you'd like to return." He turned and fully locked eyes with her. "I came here not to beg you to return, as much as I want to. I understand that you simply can't do that. Not after all I did to you and the girls."

"Then why did you come here?"

"First and foremost to see you all. You. Lillian. I have called Edith and she has agreed to meet me for lunch. General Lothrop suggested I-"

"You… spoke with the General?" Cora said in surprise.

"Yes, I did," Robert admitted. "He and Lord Merton and I shared drinks and hashed out the Larry Grey business. And other things, such as all I have done to the family." His brow furrowed. "Including him because I suddenly realize that I have gained a brother as he is now the girls' uncle in all but blood."

"He earned the right," Cora reminded him.

"He has," Robert said. "And as such we have found ways to… mend some of the damage between us. I don't know if I will ever be friendly with the man but then again I never thought I'd be friendly with the likes of Tom." He let out a playful huff before growing serious again. "I also came to tell you that I am giving you full access to the accounts. I know you have gotten by on the charity of others and that will have bothered you. No more. Use what you need to live." He stared intently at her. "I am willing to wait. I will come to London when you allow me. I will write and call you. If you wish merely to visit Downton for a time and then return here I will understand. But I will not expect you to return until you feel I have earned that right."

Cora shut her eyes at that, taking a deep breath.

"And… what if I said I was ready to return but it wasn't you holding me back?"

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her slack jawed and she couldn't help but smile at him thunderstruck expression.

"I must admit it is so very rare for me to shock you that I'm rather pleased with myself right now."

"You… want to return?" Robert managed to get out.

"Very much so." She moved from the chair she had been sitting in, lifting up Lillian so she could sit beside Robert, their daughter now resting on both their laps. "I left because the man you had become… it was someone I couldn't support. Couldn't trust with Lillian." Robert looked down in grief and she reached out, grasping his chin and forcing him to look at her once more. "But everything I have heard over these last few months… how you have strived to make amends for your errors… I feel-" She stopped. "No. I was going to say that the Robert I had married had returned but that isn't true. Because you are different. Better… but different."

"I have grown, as shocking as that is," Robert admitted. "All of us have. The War has changed things." He paused. "Do you know that it is very likely that mama has become close friends with a farmer?"

Cora pursed her lips at that. "I did not." She filed that away before returning to the matter at hand. "We have all changed but I have not changed so much that I wish for you to leave and never return. That I desire our lives to be lived separately." She reached out and took the hand that was stroking Lillian's hair, feeling the warmth of his skin on her palm. "I have missed you Robert."

"And I you."

Cora let out a soft sigh. "I want to return to Downton. I want to help you repair the damage that has been done to our family and make it whole again. And I will. But not yet. There are things I am doing that I can't explain yet-"

"Then don't," Robert stated.

"You do not care?"

"I don't have the right to judge you and what you decide to do," he retorted. "I understand well that I am the one at fault. I have broken things but I can not truly fix them on my own. I can only work with you all. And as such I will wait."

"…thank you Robert," Cora said. "Will… will you seek out Mary?"

"I wish to though I doubt she will see me. I think perhaps I will write a letter-"

"Or you can talk to me now, papa."

Cora and Robert started as Mary stepped into the room.

~MC~MC~MC~

Mary looked at her parents, lips pressed together in a firm line.

When she'd arrived in London that cold dark night three and a half years ago she had thought that she would hate her parents forever. That she would happily avoid them for the end of her days, make no move to see them, and that even in death she would not look upon their faces as they lied in state.

That had changed thought when her mother had arrived and she'd had a chance to speak with her. The anger and disappointment had been there but there had also been the desire to have her mother once more in her life. Mary had tried to fight it, to avoid it, to not let it take root and grow… but she failed. In the end she had begun to make amends with her mother, allow her to have a part of her life once again.

But her father… she had been so sure that her father would be another matter entirely. That she would refuse to allow him to have a place in her heart. That he had cut himself from her with his actions and cruel words.

Seeing him there though…

"Mary," papa said with a swallow, looking utterly startled by her arrival.

"How… how long have you been here?" her mother asked. Her tone wasn't accusing, at the very least. She wasn't acting like Mary was a naughty child who had been listening to her parents speak of secret things not meant for little ears.

"For most of your conversation," she admitted. "I rushed here at first to warn you, mama, that papa was in London and would wish to speak to you. I was concerned that he might…" she trailed off when she saw her father grimace.

"You were right to think that," he admitted. "I wasn't kind to any of you."

"No, you weren't." She took another step into the room and shook her head. "So… you disgraced yourself, called your heir a coward, treated your daughters at little more than property, and put Downton ahead of family… but believe that you deserve forgiveness?"

"No," her father said with a shake of his head. "I do not believe I deserve it. I hope for it. I will work for it. But… I don't believe I deserve it as if it were some prize to be won from the carnival."

"Which is how you treated all of us," Mary said. "And now that you have been fully embarrassed your hope to win us back so you might look better in the eyes of the boys at the club?" She said the last part in such a mocking way that even she herself cringed.

"Mary," her mother began to chide only to catch herself.

She scoffed. "Only a few minutes and already preparing to defend him. Why am I not surprised?"

"No one is defending me," her father said. "I am not defending my actions."

"Because they are horrid and can never be defended," Mary snapped. "You treated me worse than you would have Isis. You insulted the man I love, my husband. You drove me from my home with your boorish ways and now you come here-"

Lillian stirred.

Mary fell silent. Her mother and father stilled. They all watched as Lillian slowly sat up, looking about and rubbing her eyes before she saw that there was someone new in the room with them. Sliding off the couch she walked over to Mary, reaching up and taking her hand in her own. But she didn't tug her in one direction or the other. No… Lillian just stared at her with her deep soulful eyes.

"Mad." It wasn't a question. She was confirming what she thought and Mary didn't know how to think of that. It seemed so wrong that such a small child could sense she was angry. It was… blasphemous.

Mary swallowed, never considering just ignoring the little girl. She remembered too well what it was like to be ignored by those older than her, patting her on the head and dismissing her just because she was small. It was frustrating and rage inducing and she'd sworn never to do that when she was 'a big person'.

She wouldn't now.

"Yes, sweetheart. I am mad. But not at you."

"At papa?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Once more she refused to lie.

"He hurt me. Sad some very terrible things."

Lillian considered this for a moment. "Is he sorry?"

Mary took a breath. It would have been so easy to say he was not. That he was faking it, that he was telling Mary what he thought she wanted to hear. That it was all a ruse and a trick. But she knew that if she did that Lillian would no and her quiet baby sister had the power to Mary feel utterly ashamed if she tried to slip a falsehood past her. More than once when they'd played Mary had tried to tease her much as her parents had her when she was a child with silly stories and tales. But Lillian always just shook her head like she thought Mary was the dumbest creature alive. Without saying a word she would call her out for her patronizing comments. It made her feel doubly foolish for not just lying but being caught by someone so young.

So… she answered Lillian. And to her surprise she realized what she was saying was the truth. One she hadn't wanted to admit.

"He is."

Lillian nodded. "Good." Mary thought she was done but Lillian continued to stare at her. "Not mad."

"I'm not mad at you," she assured her and Lillian let out a huff and rolled her little baby eyes and Mary would have laughed if she didn't know that Lillian would get even more annoyed at that.

"You're not mad," Lillian said, poking Mary's leg, saying the words slowly like she was tasting each one. "Not at papa."

With another child she would have humored her and said "no, I'm not mad anymore". But Lillian… the child seemed to be able to read her thoughts and know her soul and there was simply no way of hiding the truth from her.

"I am mad at papa, sweetheart," she told him. "And I will be for a while."

But Lillian shook her head. "Not mad." Before Mary could comment Lillian tugged on her dress rather firmly until Mary finally bent down. The little girl nodded before pressing her pudgy starfish hand against Mary's chest. "Not mad. Sad."

"Sad?" Mary asked.

Lillian nodded. "Sad." She paused. "Tired."

Tired.

Five little letters. A short little word. And yet… it packed so much into it that Mary was utterly floored. Because as soon as Lillian said it… her eyes were open. It was as if she had entered a dark room and been stumbling about, her hands waving wildly in front of her as she tried to not bump into everything. Then the curtains were thrown open and light streamed through and she could see everything. All was revealed.

Tired.

"Yes," she whispered, licking her lips. "I am… very tired." Mary knelt down and pressed her hands against her baby sister's shoulders. "I am tired of pretending that I am okay with everything that happened. That it doesn't kill me even now to know that my own parents were willing to toss my happiness aside because they cared more for what some old men who are going to die soon might think. I am tired of people asking me if I am doing well even after three years and I'm tired of lying to them because I am certainly not.

"But I'm also tired of holding onto this anger. This hate. Of finding excuses to continue on this frigid battle that has no words or attacks. I'm tired of the silence and making those I love tiptoe around what happened because I don't want to discuss it… because if I do then I have to admit that I am tired. Of fighting. Not just what happened but… but fighting to keep fighting."

She looked up at her mother and father then and it was only when Lillian reached over and touched her cheek that Mary realized she was crying.

"I'm so very tired of hating you both."

Things were not settled. As wonderful as it would have been to proclaim that all their problems were solved and things could go back to normal… that wasn't life. Because while Mary didn't want to be angry anymore that didn't mean the anger wasn't there. Bubbling like a pot that had been taken off the heat… no longer threatening to boil over but still to hot to touch.

As wondrous as it would have been to say that the rift between Mary Crawley and Robert Crawley was healed in that moment… it wasn't. It couldn't be. When so much bad had happened one couldn't hope to repair such pain and suffering with a few choice words. Or even many words. Lives had been altered and changed and pulling the Crawley family back together wouldn't happen with the blessing of a child. This wasn't some fairy tale.

And yet…

Mary left Lady Eleanor's house after an hour, not looking back even though she wished to. But her departure wasn't in a huff with her head held high and her nose stuck in the air. Rather it was a quick walk but for a completely different reason. She hurried along the streets without actually looking anyone in the eye and when she arrived back at the Lothrop townhouse she made her way to the phone, leaving Lotten blinking as she tossed her coat to him. She picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number, waiting until someone answered before quickly cutting them off and demanding a certain someone answer.

"Hello Mary," Matthew said pleasantly. "This is a pleasant surprise." He paused. "It is a pleasant one?"

"Very much so. Nothing wrong, if that is your concern." She took a moment. "Matthew… would you mind ever so terribly… I have some matters in London I must deal with-" Carlisle still needed to pay for what he had done to Lavinia, "-but when that is settled… would you mind terribly if I… came for a visit?"