"I am trying very hard not to be insulted," Edith said, folding her arms over her chest and giving a huff as Michael pushed her wheelchair into the room, followed shortly after by a bemused Tom who was being driven by Sybil.
"I'm trying very hard and I am still insulted," Mary added, shooting a dark look at Matthew from the bed she was sitting in, supporting by what might have been every pillow Downton had. "Why do they get to be wheeled about?"
Matthew pinched the bridge of his nose. "Because they weren't as sick as you were, darling."
"Oh posh!" Mary said, waving her hand dismissively. "I am perfectly fine now. Better than fine. I am more than I was before the sickness. I do not need to be-" She had begun to try and get out of bed only to nearly pitch to the floor, Matthew catching her just in time. "That proves nothing. And I am still very insulted that you are treating us like children."
"I don't mind," Tom said rather happily. "I don't know why you were such a grump about this, Matthew." Michael, for his part, looked over at Tom, the reporter merely shrugging as he sat in his own wheelchair. "I'm not insulted but then again Sybil was actually honest with me."
Edith and Mary shot glares at their significant others.
"Thank you for that Tom," Michael grumbled. "By the way I think I will have you cover the latest in women's fashions. Have you try things out yourself."
Matthew smiled at that comment but when he glanced at his wife his smile fell and he moved to her bedside… which was a dangerous thing because that meant he was in striking distance. It was utterly uncultured of course and she would deny it if asked but Mary was a hitter when it came to being in private with those she loved and more than once during both his lives Matthew had been forced this shield himself from her blows-
'No,' he thought to himself as he stared at Mary and felt his heart clench and a giddy sense of euphoria flood his veins. 'Not my lives. Ours. She remembers… she remembers!' Glancing over he could see Michael smiling as he glanced at Edith though he was trying to hide it and Sybil wasn't able to even move away from Tom as he had refused to let go of her hand ever since they'd entered Mary's room. They remembered… they remembered.
He knew that for those that might have been on the outside looking in it would have been easy to believe that he had forgotten about his first life with Mary. Lived his life with this Mary and banished the first from his mind. Or views it as merely continuing on where he left off. Both were wrong… he had never forgotten that first Mary. For him it was as if she had died and a ghost had remained to haunt him. Yes, he loved the Mary in this life but he understood that thanks to his changes the two of them were different. There were times he'd look at her and wonder how the first Mary would have reacted differently and he had felt the stab of guilt, like he was cheating on his wife… with his wife.
It was all rather mad.
But now she remembered. The first life and the second life had merged together into one and he could have both. It was almost perfect and Mathew felt like he was walking on air.
'Now I just need to make sure she doesn't tie me to an anchor and drop me off a pier,' he thought as he sat on the edge of her bed and took her hand, glad that she didn't yank away.
"We know you are upset for us not telling you," Matthew began.
"Oh Matthew!" Mary said in exasperation. "If you think that is why I am mad at your then you truly are dense." She gestured at Tom. "You said you told him and he reacted badly, did you not?"
Tom frowned. "I don't think…" he paused and took a breath before saying, "No, you're right… I did react rather poorly."
"Edith and I would have been worse. Far worse. Especially Edith."
The blond glared at her sister though without the heat that had come during their first lives. "Yes, of course I would have Mary. And you wouldn't have labeled Matthew mad and used it as an excuse to try and drive him away yet again? 'Papa, how can this deranged fool be your heir, let me just run things while we commit him!'."
Mary opened her mouth before clicking it shut. "Quite," she said before looking at Matthew. "I understand why you didn't tell me. I am sure Edith and Tom do too."
Seeing the other two nod Sybil smiled at that. "It is very odd to see the three of you on the same side."
"We had to join together," Edith said softly, staring at Sybil with tears gathering in her eyes. "We were the only three left. Mama and Papa and Granny… they were the past generations. We were the future. We were RAISING the future…" Matthew saw Michael wince at that confirmation that Sybil's theory had been right and Edith had been pregnant with his child when he had died. "We had to work together."
"You'll be surprised to find that I get around rather well at Downton now, with the memories I have," Tom said with a small smile that was nearly blinded by Sybil's beaming grin at the fact that her husband had managed to make a home at Downton after she and Matthew had past; it had been her great fear that with both his champions gone Tom would become rudderless. Knowing that Mary and Edith had ensured that Tom had a home and was part of the family was a weight off their shoulders.
"We managed to make him quite the gentlemen," Edith teased.
Tom shot her a look. "I merely was being respectful."
Mary looked at Tom though and teased, "Remember when Edith suggested you keep a set of tails at Downton and you claimed you'd never use them?"
Sybil snickered at that. "Oh Tom…"
"They were modestly priced," he argued, his smile having not fallen as he crossed his arms over his chest like a petulant child refusing to admit that they'd done anything wrong. It was all rather Mary-like.
They all laughed at that before Mary turned to Matthew, smile becoming more tender as she reached out and caressed his check. "I understand why you didn't tell us. And I certainly don't judge you for falling in love with me or attempting to make life far easier." Her smile became a bit more… forced… "Though I am a touch annoyed you used future knowledge to embarrass me."
"You needed to be embarrassed," Edith chimed in.
Matthew cut in before Mary and Edith could begin to squabble. "Then why are you feeling insulted if you aren't upset with us not revealing the truth to you?"
"Because you are treating us like children and keeping us locked away from everyone!" Mary complained. "I want to see Papa and Mama and Granny! I want to talk with Carson!" She gave his cheek a light smack, no sting at all but still it let him know she was annoyed. "Yes, I have one set of memories that state it has only been a day or so since I last saw them all but another set of memories… they tell me its been so very long for some of them."
Michael paled at that. "Did… did they die…"
Edith waved off his concern. "No no, nothing like that." Her brow furrowed. "It is… odd, really. The memories."
"What do you mean?"
Edith rolled her hands about, searching for the proper words. "You described how it was for you… waking up in this new world. You closed your eyes in one life, taking your last breath, and then you woke up years in the past. Rather like waking suddenly from a deep dreamless sleep."
Matthew frowned. "That isn't how it is for you?"
Tom shook his head, chiming in. "No, it is not. You don't have the second set of memories which are… odd, to say the least." His mouth worked, the Irishman sucking on the corner of his mouth. "I remember getting ready to pour the ink and oil and dye on that general's head. I was going to embarrass him because I had been ruled unfit to be drafted." He held up his hand before Sybil could speak. "Yes, I remember that I am on a regiment. I will stick with it."
"Good because I demand the two of us last until we are old and wrinkling and us kissing disgusts our grandchildren…. NONE of whom will be named 'Sybie'."
Tom chuckled at that, settling into his wheelchair in an effort to be a bit more comfortable. "But I also remember having many dinners with Allen and that very general joining us. I remember being here as a chauffeur and I remember arriving as a reporter. I remember that I was banished from Ireland and-"
"Ya won't be burning down any fuckin' houses this time?" Sybil said fiercely, slipping into her broque.
"Quite."
"That must be rather confusing," Matthew said sympathetically.
"Yes and no," Tom said. "It's a bit of a jumble but… well, I get the sense that as time goes by it will get better. It's gotten better for you three, hasn't it?"
"It has," Matthew assured him.
Edith popped back into the conversation. "And then there is the matter of how our memories end." She patted Michael's hand. "Unlike you I don't remember how I died. In fact I am rather sure I didn't die."
"What do you mean?"
She once more struggled to explain what she had gone through. "The memories after your death are the strongest. I remember our daughter, Marigold. I remember not knowing what to do… I remember fearing what the family would say-"
"I'm sorry, who is Marigold?" Mary asked, raising her hand.
"I'm confused on that too," Tom said.
"My daughter with Michael and proof that what we are experiencing is different from you three," Edith stated. Mary opened her mouth to question that but Matthew grabbed her hand, stopping her before she said something she'd regret… once she actually had time to consider what she'd said. "My memories of your death, Sybil? Clear as day. I remember my final moments with you… when it was what should have been the last time the three of us would be together." Sybil reached out now, stretching so she could hold Edith's hand while still gripping Tom's. But then she let go and to Matthew's surprise moved her wheelchair to him, placing her hand over his. "And your death… it was like a thunderbolt from the sky, cleaving everything apart. Mary was broken, Papa became a ghost for a while, Tom found himself having to hold everything together, Mama kept thinking of all her mistakes…
"But as it gets past giving birth the memories become fuzzy until… nothing. Just phantom images. The wispy things, like trying to remember childhood."
Mary nodded. "I have the vague memory of George's first birthday but nothing after."
Tom nodded. "For me your death is the last solid thing I remember. The rest are snippets of my life after but it all is faded. I… it is hard to remember even exactly how you died-"
"Car crash," Matthew said. "And yes Mary you were right and yes I will not get behind the wheel ever again."
"If I have my way you won't ride in one ever again! You can use horses. I have ways to make you forget about those silly evil autos." She paused and gave him a look that was DECIDEDLY the Mary from this life and not the last. "You know… my first self wasn't nearly as creative and daring as my current self…"
He swallowed and wondered just how long he could safely let her recover before they could-
Mary smirked at him, making it clear she knew where his thoughts were lingering, and he shot her a glower as she snickered.
"So yes I understand why you kept this from us, even if it is different from what you are going through," Mary said. "But that doesn't mean I am happy that you are keeping us here. You don't trust us."
"Mary…" he said with an exasperated sigh.
"And don't you dare claim that it is because of our health because you know that it is a rather flimsy excuse!" Mary thumped the bed with her palm. "You don't trust us."
"…I don't," Matthew admitted, deciding that the best way to defuse the situation was to come at Mary and the rest in a way they wouldn't see coming. Sure enough Mary gaped at him in surprise and he quickly moved to speak before her temper could trigger. "When you see Lillian… will you be able to resist making a comment about how odd it is to have a baby sister? Keep yourself from mentioning to your mother how you wish you had been able to have Lillian in your life the first time? How she would have been with George?" He glanced at Edith. "Will you be able to resist the urge to not use future knowledge to help with a story?"
"I did give in," Michael admitted. "I got my knighthood doing so. The Titanic. And even as I told myself that I was merely giving grieving families the news sooner, news they would have found out hours later… the knighthood is tainted in my mind. I work every day to be actually worthy of it. Every time I have run a story because I had information bought by my death in a timeline that no longer will be… I can justify it by saying that it is helping me give you the life I want you to have, Edith, but it is still me taking an advantage that can be seen as wrong."
"It is the eternal question, I suppose," Tom said. "Are we being immortal by our- immoral by using such knowledge to help ourselves."
"Not at all," Mary said firmly. "You used that knowledge to help us, did you not?" She looked at Matthew. "You didn't seek to trick me, you sought to help me. To allow me to become a better person."
"I did," Matthew said. "But…" he glanced at Sybil. "We have destroyed others."
"If this is about Kamal he can rot in Hell! I can't believe I ever felt an ounce of guilt for his passing, that monster!" Matthew and Sybil didn't say a word, deciding they didn't want to bring up the others that had suffered because of their actions. So instead they watched Mary as her good mood fell. "But you did help me… you helped me be so much more than I was." She paused, looking down at the bed, fingers worrying the duvet. "It's honestly my greatest fear now."
"What is?" Matthew asked. She didn't look at him and he moved closer to her, gently raising her chin up. "What is your greatest fear?"
"Forgetting the good this life gave me because of the bad of the last," she finally said softly. "I don't mean to sound mad but… I fear that so greatly. The Mary that existed before these memories of that last life… she was a better Mary. A happier Mary. And I fear she will slip away."
Matthew though shook his head. "Do you know that there are scientists who believe that nothing can truly be destroyed? All there is and ever will be… it exists right now. You can't truly create something new you can only take what exists and mold it into its new form. Just as you can't truly destroy something… you merely break it down. If I tore Downton down brick by brick… yes the abbey would be gone but the bricks would remain. The wood. The stone. All of it. And something could be built from it again. The Mary of this life… you? She hasn't gone away because she is you. This is merely…" He waved his hand about, "more being added. Another wing added to the abbey."
Mary's lips quirked at that. "I have spent so much time linking my happiness to this drafty old place that I suppose it is only fitting to use it as a metaphor for my life."
Edith laughed. "Don't let your father hear you call it drafty you'll break his heart."
"Maybe he does deserve that for being so foolish with us!" She instantly held up her hand. "Yes yes, I know, I forgave him… and I did before I remembered how he had been in our first life and he didn't ruin things."
"No, that was just you," Edith pointed out with a smirk.
Mary's eyes suddenly went wide before turning and staring at Matthew in shock. "Lavinia."
"Yes," Matthew said with a dry chuckle, "that has been…awkward."
Mary let out a giggle at that. An actual giggle. Another sign the world was crashing down around them and nothing would be the same again. "Oh… oh my poor little lamb. You know I couldn't hate her when she was with you. I found her oh so nice and I am so glad she will get to live and we are friends." She beamed. "And Anna! Oh, oh Matthew thank you for all you have done for Anna and Bates. Things were dark for them even after you passed; she wouldn't admit it to me but I just knew her married life wasn't as it should have been. Nothing he did but… thank you for helping her."
"Michael?" Edith said, looking at her fiancé. "What is it? You see rather deep in your thoughts."
The newspaper man smiled weakly at her, rubbing his chin. "It's just… I am thinking about Tom's slip of the tongue. I think he was right the first time."
"My slip of the tongue?" Tom asked his employer.
"Immoral. Immortal." He gestured at them. "What happens if one of us dies tomorrow? Is that it? Do we die? Or… do we get another chance? Will we draw our last breath a hundred years from now only to awaken once again?"
"I wouldn't mind that," Mary said. "Though I'd like it if both Matthew and I were together for once on the journey from the begining."
"But I worry about all of this," Michael said. "How has this happened? Why? Why were we blessed? And how long will it last?"
"I do not know," Sybil said. "None of us know."
"Does it matter?" Edith asked him. "If we are happy?"
He finally nodded but Matthew knew that Michael would be puzzling over that problem for quite some time.
"Well," Tom said finally, placing his hands on his wheelchair. "I think it is time we were off."
"Yes, I agree," Sybil said. "You three need your rest…"
Mary glowered at her sister. "We haven't even gotten to the matter of you three keeping us bundled up like infants! We can be trusted to keep this secret."
"And we will discuss it more in the morning," Sybil said, pushing Tom out of the room, Michael doing the same with Edith. "Good night love."
"Damn you Sybil, get back here!" Mary exclaimed but Sybil continued on and finally Matthew closed the door so Mary didn't draw any attention. "She acts like she's the big sister."
"Technically she has been while you didn't… remember?"
Mary's brow furrowed. "This is going to be utterly confusion."
"I have managed for the last few years."
"Yes but you are rather slow so that helps you not consider as much."
"Indeed," Matthew said, taking to ribbing with good humor as he returned to sit on the bed, gathering Mary up in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder and he began to stroke her hair. "I promise I won't keep you in here forever. When you have fully recovered we will venture out again. And I will help you as you adjust to these memories."
"That is also odd for me," mary said. "Heavens, the verbiage alone…" She shook her head. "I haven't replaced the Mary you've been with I am merely her plus the original Mary… and now I feel insulted because that makes it sound like I am an inferior copy. Except I'm also the original. But not…" She bobbed her head against the pillow she was leaning against several times. "Blast!"
"I wish I could help you with some advice but I came about my second set of memories naturally."
"And believe me I am rather cross at you not having to suffer like this!" Mary tried to wiggle in frustration but the way Matthew was holding her all it did was make her snuggle into his embrace all the more. Not that she minded too much. "Why couldn't it have been the other way around and I returned with my memories and you were the one with two sets?"
"Do you think you could have done better than me?"
Mary opened her mouth only to think on that. "…no, I don't think I could have. The changes I would have shown would have startled everyone. Granny would have thought Patrick's death had driven me mad. And that is assuming I didn't scare Anna when I first woke up and called her "Mrs. Bates" and asked about George." She stiffened and Matthew knew why.
"We'll have him again," Matthew said. "I… I actually kept track of when we could have actually conceived him. I believe we will be able to do so again."
"How can you be sure? Papa and Mama were to have a boy and now they have Lillian…" Mary shrunk down into herself. "What if we've lost our son?"
"We haven't," Matthew assured her. "And not only that we are going to give him brothers and sisters. We are going to raise him together. Every first I missed out on… I get the chance to be there."
Mary nodded at that but she still feared her happiness had cost her George.
So he did the only thing he could think of: give her something else to focus on. Namely his own foolishness.
"I made a list, you know," he said.
"A list?"
"Of all the things I wanted to change with this second chance."
"Oh really?" Mary said, perking up.
"It had a horrible name. Sybil teases me constantly about it and Michael told me I could never write for him if I were so horrible with titles."
"Titles? Who cares of titles. Tell me what was on the list!"
"Well…" he drawed out before finally smiling. "Getting you to fall in love with me."
"You did rather well with that both times. Though I much prefer this life to the last. We'll keep this romance I think. All the drama might make for an interesting tale but I think this life's love is far better."
"As you wish," Matthew said. "Save Sybil."
"She is going to the doctor I used," Mary said firmly. "And if we have to strap her to a bed and fly in doctors from every country we will. Not just to prevent what happened to her but any other problem."
Matthew nodded at that. "I'm glad you'll be here for that… Sybil is stubborn and she will think she knows what is best."
"Then I will deal with her. What else?"
Matthew thought of the list. It had been a long time since he'd looked at it. "Not die. Me that is."
"And you will not," Mary said firmly. "I forbid it."
"Yes my love," Matthew told her. "Keep Downton from falling into debt."
"Did you manage that? Even with Papa being… Papa? After the falling out?"
"I did. I talked with him while I ran the hospital and he admitted that he continued on with my projects. He wanted to stop but he kept getting distracted."
"Good! Let him stay distracted! Did you know Tom and I were thinking of getting into raising pigs?"
"Truly?"
"Oh yes," Mary said. "I decided to do what I always knew I could do: run Downton. George was too young so I acted in your place, Tom at my side." She smiled fondly. "I am glad he remembers… we leaned on each other heavily after you and Sybil died. He became the brother I never had."
"It will be so odd to have the two of you so close… but I am glad that Tom and you found that love."
"So am I," Mary said. "He is my brother now." She smiled. "Now, what else on your list?"
"Let us see… the Turk."
"Rotting in Hell, we covered that."
"Yes." Matthew thought over the list only for his face to fall. "I failed in one."
"…William?" Mary asked softly. "Oh Matthew… you did everything you could short of kidnapping him. He… William…" She rolled her eyes skyward. "I wish I had the words to remove that guilt from you."
"I wish you did too."
The two of them were silent for a while.
"Michael… he mentioned us becoming stuck in some sort of loop… having to relive this life over and over. If that is the case… I can think of worse punishments." She squeezed his hand before bringing it up to her lips, kissing his knuckles. "Though I hope if that were true next time we'd remember together."
"Oh?" Matthew asked, smiling slightly.
"Yes. Imagine the chaos we could spread."
Matthew snickered at that. "Oh yes… I show up for that first dinner and just propose to you before your father can say a word. 'Cousin Mary… oh, that is far too awkward to say, will you just be my wife instead?'."
"No no no," Mary said with a laugh. "Before that. I'd find you in London, we'd become married, and when you arrived for that first dinner I'd glare at papa and declare, "That isn't your heir, papa, that is my husband!"."
Matthew caused Mary to shake and bounce due to his laughter. "Perhaps… though it would be fun for us to fight rather viciously and make them all think we loathed each other… then just one day collide and embrace."
The absurdity of the situations was making Mary laugh so hard tears were leaking from the corners of her eyes. "I tell papa that I must go away after Patrick's death… and return the day you arrive at Downton several months pregnant. 'Papa, you now have an heir and your heir has an heir!'."
"And your grandmother would STILL find someway to claim she knew all of this!"
The couple laughed as the cuddled on the bed.
And all was right in the world.
END OF SERIES 2
