Chapter Eight
Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet?
Are we in the clear yet, in the clear yet, good
~ Taylor Swift, Out Of The Woods (Taylor's Version)
BPOV
Panic attacks were different for everyone. Even for me, they always varied. Were always a new kind of hell made especially for me where even my body betrays me. Makes me think I can't breathe or move or think or do anything other than succumb to the racing heart and suffocating heat and shaky limbs.
For me, they're worse when I fight them. Push them off until a slightly more convenient time to spend an hour dry heaving over a toilet or curled in a tiny ball in bed in complete darkness waiting for the impending doom to disappear. Some can't be fought, and some are a bitch to push back.
The panic that flooded my veins when that reporter asked how it felt to be left at the altar nearly collapsed me on the spot. I didn't even remember Carmen interrupting or pulling me quickly down the rest of the carpet.
I did remember sitting on an uncomfortable couch in my dressing room backstage trying to get my head to stop spinning.
I could have called it quits right then. A very large part of me wanted to. But there was also part of me that was just tired. Sick of being the butt of the joke and the one always called out for fun. The one constantly made fun of and crucified for doing exactly what a majority of the rest of the industry did.
I wrote songs about love, which meant I was clingy and desperate and cringy. A man wrote a love song and he was praised and commended and set for life.
I was fucking tired of it.
So I put a smile on my face, and put on the best performance I could before getting the fuck out of there. I was up until five the next morning, sometimes curled in a ball in the middle of my bed, sometimes dry heaving over the toilet after I had already lost most of the contents of my stomach. A lot of times reading and rereading the text Edward sent me.
E: My guestroom is always free if you ever need a place to crash.
It meant he knew. He saw. And for some reason, that sent another rush of fear through my veins.
Because he was trying to make me feel better. And I really, really wanted it to work. Wanted to get myself up to Seattle as fast as possible and curl up on his couch with Daisy at my feet and my head in Edward's lap. But where did that leave me when he was gone? When my life got to be too much and he moved onto a normal girl with a stable job who could go out to dinner with him without a security detail, what did I do then?
For some reason, he calmed that part of my brain that was always going through worst case scenarios. I wasn't sure I had ever been quite as content and relaxed as I had been that week I spent up in Seattle with him.
After a while Jacob had stopped being sympathetic to my anxieties and got more annoyed than anything whenever I couldn't force myself out of bed. And even though the idea of Edward turning into a mirror image of Jacob made my stomach twist, there was also part of me that could already tell he wasn't the type.
It wasn't until later that morning that I had been able to respond to his message. In a much more logical way than I ever would have been able to last night.
B: I thought we agreed on no more guest rooms?
—How You Get The Girl—
"I don't get it," I repeated, sitting at my dining room table at my apartment in New York City surrounded by my team. Carmen was downright giddy, Angela was excitedly organizing the snacks in the center of the table, and Jessica was typing away at her phone with a smile so big I was surprised her cheeks weren't sore by now.
"What don't you get?"
"Um, everything."
Fans were fickle, I learned that the hard way when half of the people that used to say they loved me suddenly started trending topics about how overrated I was or untalented or whatever other hurtful thing they decided to discuss that day was after the Jacob situation. Nearly over night I went from living my dream to walking through a nightmare day after day.
It sounded incredibly vain, even when I tried to organize my own thoughts. But you didn't understand exactly how it felt to have millions of people hate you until they did.
I was on the verge of running away and sequestering myself in my own little corner of the world for a while when we got the offer for the Eras Tour last year. And it wasn't the kind of offer you turned down, so I kept my head held high and performed every night and worked my ass off.
But I still didn't understand quite what had happened since the VMA's.
It had only been a few days ago. And while I had assumed it was just going to give people more ammunition to tear me apart, apparently they… weren't.
"Everyone assumed it was you. Because, when in doubt, the world will always blame the woman. But, Kinsley's loose lips have worked in your favor. Because now people are pissed at Jacob and love that you kept your head high and took the high road."
"But…"
"It makes no sense, I know. But you know how it works."
"So, what –"
"I Bet You Think About Me is number one on every purchasing platform. Your streams are higher than they've been since tour. And Edward's publicist is now far less bitchy every time I talk to her."
I picked up a grape from the beautiful arrangement of fruit Angela had straightened up five times. I wasn't sure what his publicist, Jane, had said about me to Edward or Carmen, but I could guess. Carmen could get quite worked up where the last two years of my life was concerned, and I heard her verbally tear apart Jane during their first conversation.
Even though I was sure Jane had quite the conversation with Edward, too, he still called me that night. Wasn't fazed by any of it. Made all of the world disappear for an hour as I curled up in bed and face timed him until it was far too late for Mr. Star Quarterback to be awake.
E: reservation for Saturday is booked. You and that fancy jet still getting in that night?
My eyes darted to my phone, attempting to pay attention to the conversation going on between the women around me. I chewed on my lips as I stared down at the screen and fought a smile.
"We should really send Kinsley some flowers or something. I'm sure Jake's pissed–"
I tuned them out and picked up my phone.
B: Wouldn't miss it. I've spent far too much money on Seahawks apparel to back out now.
It was a joke. Mostly. But I had spent far too many nights scrolling through all of the options. And buying many of them.
I had the shirts and windbreakers and sweatshirts and sweatpants and shoes and hats and far too many options for my first game. That I was stupidly excited for.
"Bella?"
My eyes snapped back up. "Yeah?"
Angela chuckled beside me. Jessica's smile didn't falter as she looked up from her phone. "Sunday?"
"What about it?"
"Rolling Stone wants to do an interview. Maybe move around their latest issue and put you on the cover. It'd be perfect timing for the album rollout."
"This Sunday?"
Carmen's giddiness finally faltered. "Yes."
"No."
"Bella–"
"Any other day, Carmen. I'm in Seattle Saturday night to Tuesday night. Non negotiable."
They thought my attention had fallen back on my phone, but I saw the glances they all exchanged. Knew what was running through their heads as I put my foot down. It was the same, sympathetic, worried eyes I got when the trio of them woke me up on what was supposed to be my wedding day.
—How You Get The Girl—
"Hi," I sighed into the phone as I walked up the steps of the jet. "I'm going to be a little late. We're taking off in ten but I'll probably be about half an hour late to dinner. I'm sorry."
"That's fine," Edward said, voice uncharacteristically monotone. There wasn't a single term of endearment that I had come to expect every time we talked. No princess, no baby, nothing. Though, I had learned he liked to save the baby for more… passionate moments.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," he exhaled softly. "But I currently have my entire family staring at me wondering why I threw my body on my phone before any of them could see who it was."
"Oh," I chuckled. "So you haven't… told them?"
I had kept myself busy enough with work to ignore the anxiety over meeting Edward's family. They would all, of course, be at the game tomorrow. And the dinner we were all having tonight.
"No. I was going to, but then Alice got on my nerves so I decided to withhold my information," he laughed, his voice coming in and out as I imagined him dodging his tiny sister's attempts to grab the phone. "We'll see you at dinner. Don't worry about being late. Have a safe flight, okay?"
I rolled my lips, fighting my smile and plopping myself down in a leather chair.
When you had a private jet and security following your every move and cars to drive you wherever you went, people stopped telling you things like, have a good flight, or drive safe! Which was understandable. I hadn't driven myself anywhere in a long time. I had a pilot with a perfect record. And a man who would, quite literally, jump in front of a bullet for me by my side at all times.
Edward never ended a call without a be safe or something else along those lines. He even offered to pick me up from the airport.
It always made me smile.
The flight was uneventful. Easy. I got dressed as we neared the west coast and fixed my makeup to make it look like I hadn't just flown across the country. Honestly, an easy task when you were in a private plane.
I quizzed myself on everything I knew about his family as we made our descent into Seattle.
His parents were Carlisle and Esme Cullen. Carlisle was a doctor – sports medicine, unsurprisingly – and Esme an interior designer. They were both mostly retired now, living in a small town a few hours outside of Seattle. Carlisle was still working, but a couple shifts a week at the local hospital there was nothing compared to the schedule he used to have.
Edward still refused to have any kind of medical procedure or treatment done without his father checking off on it first. Which still made my throat tighten whenever I thought about it.
His family was close, supportive, and never missed a season opener. No matter what.
Alice flew in even though her senior year at the University of Texas had just started a couple weeks ago. Her boyfriend, Jasper, with her. Of course, Jasper was also the star quarterback of their college.
I shook my head, clearing my thoughts as I nearly skipped down the stairs of the plane to the car. Sam did a horrible job of hiding his shock.
It made me realize I wasn't quite sure the last time I had been happy was. Not just decent, not surviving, but happy.
—How You Get The Girl—
I jumped in my seat when my door was opened far too early for it to be Sam. But greeting me were bright green eyes and messy copper hair and a crooked smile that had my heart skip a beat.
His free arm went around my waist, his other hand holding the umbrella to keep us–mostly me–safe from the steady rain falling. He pulled me out of the car and into his arms before I could say hello. Pressed a firm kiss to my lips before my feet were even on the ground.
"Wow," I gasped, staring up at him with wide eyes and a nearly empty brain.
I got a lopsided smirk. "What?"
"This might be the most romantic moment of my life," I blurted out.
His head cocked to the side.
"The rain and the umbrella and the door and–"
He kissed me again before I could finish.
"Hi," I sighed happily once I could breathe, staring up at him.
I somehow always forgot how… large he was. It was quite a feat to keep my mind from going to very inappropriate places with his family waiting.
His hand drifted up from my waist, tucking my hair behind my ear and twirling the short end around his finger. Emerald eyes studied my face so intently a knot of embarrassment settled in my gut.
"What? Do I have lipstick on my face? I–"
He caught my hand as I reached up to wipe at my face. Smiled down at me. "You're beautiful," he said softly. "And I love the hair."
I tugged at the short strands. "Thanks."
"And the dress."
I straightened my skirt with my palms. It was navy blue. For obvious Seahawk reasons. A simple sundress that fell mid-calf. I might have chosen it for the color as much as I did for the corseted waist that did wonderful things for my breasts. While still being modest enough for a family meeting.
Because if there was one thing I knew about Edward Cullen, it was that he was a boob man.
A cleared throat broke us apart. Slightly.
Edward wrapped an arm firmly around my waist, making sure the umbrella was covering me, and led me to a backdoor. His arm tightened around my waist as he lifted me over a puddle without a break in his stride.
The realization that it was the most romantic moment of my life flashed before my eyes again.
"Are you sure you shouldn't have told them before?" I asked quietly once we were under an awning.
Edward shook out the umbrella, folding it up and leaning it up against the brick building. "I told them my girlfriend was flying in tonight for the game tomorrow. That's all they need to know before meeting you."
I leaned my head against his bicep as we walked through the door. It was hard to be nervous with him by my side. We had spent more time apart than together since we started seeing each other, but it just made the moments I had by his side so much more.
"I missed you," I sighed happily, mostly to myself.
He pressed a firm kiss to the top of my head. "I missed you too, princess."
It was the perfect distraction as we walked into the private dining room.
Picking out everyone from the information Edward gave me was easy. Carlisle and Esme sat side by side, both dressed to impress; Carlisle in a navy blue suit with what looked to be a seahawks cufflink on his coat and Esme in a lovely gray dress that made her hair–Edward's exact shade of copper–shine. Alice sat beside her mother, her navy dress shimmering in the soft light as she sat beside Jasper. Again, wearing a nice navy button down. Lots of navy.
And, as soon as Edward and I walked in, lots of wide eyes. And silence.
Before Esme and Carlisle started chuckling to themselves.
"Oh, Edward," Esme sighed, standing up and walking over. "You've never known how to not shoot for the stars."
My eyes darted between his approaching parents and Edward's unbothered smile.
"My parents," he said, motioning toward the couple. "Carlisle and Esme." His arm tightened around my waist. "Mom, Dad, this is Bella. My girlfriend."
My heart fluttered in my chest. Because I was known as a lot of things. Singer. Songwriter. Slut. Fake. Cheater. But Edward Cullen's girlfriend was a title I would happily take.
"Are you shitting me?" Alice squeaked from her seat.
Esme turned around with a frown. "Language, Mary Alice."
Her pale blue eyes widened, motioning toward Edward and I. "But–He–I–"
"It's lovely to meet you, Bella," Carlisle said, holding a hand out. "Edward has spoken nothing but praises of you for weeks."
I smiled, shaking his hand, then Esme's. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen."
"Oh, Carlisle and Esme, please," Esme said with a smile.
"No, seriously. Is this a joke? A prank? Are you trying to get back and me because I told you that you didn't have a chance with her back in–"
Edward cleared his throat. Loudly.
I smiled over at his sister. "When did you tell him he didn't have a chance with me?"
Her eyes went wider. Somehow. "I–um–well it was right after… you know, when you were with… and then not with… he said he…"
"What our daughter is so eloquently trying to say," Carlisle interrupted. "Is that Edward has been very honest about having a cr–"
"Okay," Edward interrupted. "That's enough."
I turned my attention up to Edward. "How long have you had a crush on me?"
He shrugged. Blushed.
Alice snorted. "Since I made him get me tickets to the Fearless Tour five years ago."
"See," Jasper drawled next to her. "This is why you should have told her beforehand."
I grinned up at Edward. "You've had a crush on me for five years?"
He shrugged, unbothered but still with that cute blush on his cheeks. "Mom got sick the night before the show. Dad was out of town. She needed someone to take her so I went."
I rolled my lips, stretching up on my toes to press a kiss to his pink cheek.
Alice choked on her water.
Jasper patted her back gently. "It's nice to meet you, Bella," he said loudly, attempting to cover up her coughing fit.
"Sit, sit," Esme said, motioning to the two seats left between Carlisle and Jasper. "You just got to town, you must be worn out."
I sat beside Jasper. Sent Alice a wink.
She whimpered from her spot.
"So," Esme started, smiling at me from across the table. Not the kind of smiles I was used to, with secret demands for pictures or preconceived opinions hidden behind them. Just a genuine, motherly smile. "How did you two meet?"
"Bella was stalking me on the internet," Edward shrugged nonchalantly.
I scoffed. "I was not."
"Were to."
"I mean… technically. But you were stalking Seth first."
He nodded with a smile. "That is true."
"Oh, my God," Alice sighed, her head falling to her hands as her elbows rested on the table. "You actually gave her brother your number at the show?"
"Sure did."
Alice turned to me. "And you looked him up because you had no clue who he was?"
I nodded. "Sure did."
"And it worked?"
"Okay," Edward interrupted. "I'm starting to get a little offended, Alice. I'm a catch."
I chuckled, sneaking a glance up at him.
"I take it you're not a football fan then, Bella?" Carlisle asked kindly.
My answer popped out of my mouth before I could think it over. "I am now."
—How You Get The Girl—
Dinner was lovely. Edward's family was nothing but polite and playful and kind. Nobody looked at me like I was an exhibit in the zoo or anything other than Edward's girlfriend. Well, Alice had her moments. But she was incredibly sweet about it. Furious with Edward, but nice to me.
As we were all getting ready to leave she came over and stuttered through asking if she could talk to me for a minute. I happily agreed, wandering over to the corner of the private dining room with her.
"Okay. I just… I have to get this out, okay? Once I do, I'll be normal, I swear. Treat you like any other girlfriend of Edward's. Well, better probably because I've never liked one of them. But I… thank you. For every song you've written, every interview, performance… I know it's dramatic but you've gotten me through life up until this point. Seriously. I've never had a lot of friends, was always the weird kid in school, and I… you were always there. Your music. I know its cheesy and you probably hear this all the time but–"
"It's not cheesy," I interrupted softly. "It's the best part of my job, knowing someone like you is out there. Because I was always the weird kid in school too. Writing was my only coping mechanism. And it'll never be cheesy or boring to know that someone relates to how I feel."
Alice smiled. Tears shimmering in her eyes.
I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug until I felt her take a steadying breath.
"So, why didn't you like any of his other girlfriends?" I asked, mostly to lighten the mood. Only partly because I was curious.
"Oh, he had a type. And it wasn't you. It was ditzy blondes who–"
Edward interrupted her before she could finish. But that was okay. Because he had his past, and I had mine, and now I was the one he was opening the car door for as we left the restaurant.
"Your family is nice," were the first words out of my mouth as I slid into the familiar sports car. It was a little stupidly freeing, driving with only him.
Edward nodded, pulling out of the parking lot. "They are. I know I lucked out, getting them. Even if Alice is a pain in the ass sometimes."
I chuckled, smiling over at him. The lights on the dashboard sent a pale blue glow across his face, shadows dancing along his jaw and cheeks. Even in the dark, he was far too handsome for a girl to stop staring for long.
"Five years, huh?"
Edward sighed. I could have sworn I saw a hint of that blush from earlier, even in the dim lighting of the car. "I did tell you I'd had a crush on you for a while."
I nodded. He did. "You didn't say it was five years."
"No. You can't blame a guy for shooting his shot when he has a chance, though." He smiled over at me as he pulled the car to a stop at a red light.
I chewed on my bottom lip. "You didn't have to drive me all the way back to your house," I said softly, changing the subject before I did something stupid. "Sam could have taken me."
Edward just shook his head, reaching over to squeeze my hand before pressing a kiss to the back of my palm. "I had time before curfew."
I held back my chuckle. Or tried to, at least.
"Okay. Let's hear it, princess."
"Nothing. I just… think it's cute. That you guys have a curfew the night before a game. It's like you're at a summer camp or something."
He chuckled as he pulled up to a stop outside of his house. Sam was already parked around the corner. "Let's get you settled in."
I smiled to myself as we walked into the house. It was just as comforting as it had been my blissful week spent sequestered here. Daisy was as adorable as ever, and I promised to make her some more treats while I was here. But as Edward deposited my suitcase(s) in his walk-in closet I plopped myself down on the edge of his bed.
"Hypothetically… What's the consequence of missing curfew? Or not staying at the hotel the night before?"
Edward smiled, walking over to stand in front of me. His hands went to my hair, brushing through the short strands and tilting my head up to face him. "A hell of a fine and possible suspension."
I sighed, pouting. "What if I paid the fine?"
It was a joke. Mostly. But I would happily pay the fine if it meant I got to spend the evening in bed with him. Especially after his lips fell to mine, kissing me until my lungs burned and I had become a panting mess beneath him in bed without realizing we had even moved.
His warm hand slid the hem of my dress up my thigh, hitching it around his waist. His lips gave me a few moments to breathe, peppering kisses along my collarbone and across the tops of my breasts before stealing my breath away again.
Steady fingers slid up my thigh, not hesitating to bypass my panties and brush against my center before two fingers slowly slid inside of me.
"You want me enough to pay a nearly seven-digit fine, princess?" he breathed into my ear.
It took me a good two minutes to be able to piece his words together and understand his question. Because his fingers fucked me slowly. Purposefully. Hitting just the right spot before pulling away and getting to it again. His thumb brushed across my clit with each thrust of his fingers and every time it happened my brain went blank.
"Yes," I gasped out eventually.
He grinned down at me, fingers never stopping as he peppered kisses across my face. "Tomorrow night, Bella," he breathed out against my neck. "I'll win that game just for you, princess. Then you're mine for the rest of the night. In every fucking way possible."
He kissed me again before I could answer. Or whimper in response. Then curled his fingers just right and swallowed my moans as I came.
It should have felt weird, being in the house without Edward that night. Instead, I curled up in his bed, Daisy by my side, and fell asleep instantly.
A/N: pushing this out to a two parter because I don't want to rush the first game and am trying not to be that person who posts 8k word chapters again. Hope you guys enjoyed this one :) I'll see ya next time!
