The slam of the front door echoed through the small apartment and into the master bedroom, but Donna didn't let it derail her movements. Haphazardly she tossed unfolded clothes and mismatched toiletries into a large suitcase. She didn't bother to keep things organized.
"Donna, what the hell's going on?" came her husband's wary tone from the doorway.
Tired of waiting, tired of trying, tired of life in general, she refused to stop packing. "Since when do you care what's going on?"
Harvey sighed and stepped into the room. "If this is about dinner, I'm sorry, okay? I really did try to get here. This Dannon class action is kicking my ass." His apology lacked sincerity and it pushed her over the edge.
Donna ran a hand through her long red hair and then laughed in bitterness. "Jesus. You really think that this is about missing dinner, don't you?"
"Then what is it about?" he demanded, with his hands balled into fists.
"This is about you never being here!" she practically yelled.
"Donna, you know how crazy things have been at the firm."
She pointed a furious finger in his direction. "Don't do that. Don't feed me your bullshit."
Harvey's lips parted. His brows furrowed in confusion. "Bullshit? I'm a third year associate. It's not like I get a say in when I get to leave every night."
His defense was exactly what she had expected. She wouldn't let him spin tales to her the way he spun them to the jury. "But you're able to meet up with Scottie for lunch and dinner a few times a week?" His face drained of color and she let out a harsh chuckle. "What, you didn't think I knew about that?"
Like the aftermath of an explosion, she let the deafening words hang there. She didn't shy away from his stunned expression. Instead, she welcomed it. He deserved to feel every ounce of what she had been feeling.
He remained silent, and Donna used the opportunity to zip up her suitcase and yank it from the bed. She was out of their bedroom before he could stop her.
"Donna," he called out, unable to believe that she was walking away from him. When she didn't turn around, his tone grew urgent. "Donna!" He fell into step beside her. Harvey reached for her arm, but she managed to shrug him off. "Donna, please," he begged. Finally, she stopped in the doorway to the nursery. "Nothing's going on with Scottie. I swear."
With a heavy sigh, she turned to face him and this time, her eyes were shining with tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but he beat her to it.
"You know how I feel about cheating! I'd never cheat on you. You know that, right?"
Donna's bottom lip trembled. Her gentle nod was a stark contrast to the charged air around them. "I do know that." It was the truth. She had no doubt about that. "But that doesn't change the fact that you'd rather spend your free time with her or at the firm than with your family."
Harvey's jaw tensed. "That's not true. Scottie's been helping me with the case and I come home as soon as I can."
"Has she? I've never known her to be so generous." Normally she would tip toe around the nursery, but she let her suitcase fall to the floor, unbothered by the noise it made. "You're never here. You care more about your job than your family. Hell, you care more about your former fuck buddy than your family. I asked for one night of your attention, Harvey. One. If you can't give me that, then what the hell are we even doing here?"
Harvey stood up straight at the accusations. "What are we doing here?" he bristled. "We agreed that I would work and you would stay home with the twins until they're older. That's what we're doing. I'm working my ass off to keep a roof over our heads."
"Oh please," snapped Donna. "That's not why you're doing it. You do it so that you can get your goddamn name on the wall."
Harvey's eyes darkened to a dangerous shade of brown. "Don't pin this all on me," he ground out. "You're the one who runs off to Courtland every other week."
His words were the final straw. Anger raced through her so fast that she couldn't stop herself from putting her hands on his chest and shoving him backwards. "You're gonna compare me helping my sick father to you being an absentee husband?"
He tried to reach for her again, but she ducked out of his grasp and backed up into the nursery. "That came out wrong," he held his hands up in surrender. "I'm here now, let's just talk about this."
Angry tears ran down her face as her voice broke. "I'm done talking," came her defeated tone.
Harvey's hopeful face fell. "What do you mean you're done?"
Clearly able to read him, she shook her head. "Don't play stupid." Two cribs sat side by side, taking up almost the entire room. She moved to the closest one and lifted the sleeping toddler out of it. "My dad started a new round of chemo last week. It's hitting him hard, so I'll be up there for a while."
Rubbing her hand up and down her daughter's back to soothe her back to sleep, she then peered over into her other daughter's crib. With her free hand, she tucked the small blanket around her. "Elizabeth is still fighting that cold. I called the doctor this morning, they told me not to bring her around my dad. His immune system is too compromised."
Harvey stood completely still, watching the scene unfold around him in confusion. "Donna, what are you doing?"
"I made arrangements with Susan, next door. She's gonna watch Elizabeth during the day, and I filled Jessica in too, so you should have no problem leaving the office on time."
"You did what?"
"I'll be back," she insisted. "Maybe then we can talk." With graceful movements she stepped around her stunned husband and picked up her bag. Eventually she heard his heavy footsteps following her to the door, but she refused to turn around.
"So you're just gonna leave?" he snapped.
Donna let out a bitter chuckle as she opened the door. "I don't know what else to do, Harvey."
Their eyes met as she finally looked back at him. His face was stoic, but he was breathing hard and his eyes were blown wide in panic. He said nothing in response. He didn't move an inch to stop her.
More tears trickled down her cheeks as she watched the love of her life remain rooted in place. He fought harder for his client's than he ever would for her…and that was never going to change.
With a final shake of her head, Donna walked out the door. Elizabeth's cries pierced through the air, calling her name, but she had to go. She had no choice.
A sudden burst of turbulence jolted Donna awake. She inhaled big gulps of air into her diaphragm as she looked around, desperate to get her bearings. The vivid dream had already faded away. The fuzzy edges swirled around her mind like puffs of smoke that were impossible to catch.
"Are you okay?"
Donna's gaze finally landed on her 11 year old daughter in the first class seat beside her. For a split second, the girl was replaced by two wide eyed toddlers.
"Mommy, Mommy…"
"Donna. Please."
Wisps of the dream were still there. They still floated freely around the corners of her mind. She had to forcefully shake her head to get rid of them.
"Mom?"
Donna forced a smile, and silently reminded herself that there was only one girl beside her. "I'm fine, Anna. I must have been dreaming." The dream may have faded, but the real memories never would. As their trip grew closer and closer, twisted memories that blurred the line between nightmare and reality refused to let her sleep. "We should be landing soon."
"Great," huffed Anna. She avoided her mother's gaze to focus on the airplane window. The sun had set, creating a palate of colors across the puffy clouds, but Anna pretended not to notice.
"Hey, I know you're not happy about this move, but it's only temporary. We'll be back in LA before you know it."
Beneath dark lashes, Anna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, after I've missed the whole school year."
Donna couldn't help the sigh that escaped from her mouth. When her agent had come to her with an opportunity to take on a lead role in a Broadway play, accepting the part had been easy. Convincing her pre-teen to leave her friends in sunny Los Angeles for strangers in blustery New York had not.
Anna gave up on the view from the window and turned towards her mother. Her jaw was set in defiance. "Rachel offered to stay with me at home instead of coming with us."
Donna shook her head at the familiar argument. "Rachel's my assistant. Not your nanny."
"She offered to do it!"
"I need her with me. And what kind of mother would I be if I left you for six months?"
A terrible mother, she thought, as the image of two identical girls popped back into her head. Two perfect combinations of their parents with hazel eyes and light brown hair stared back at her. She let the image stay this time, letting the pain of what could have been linger until her throat burned and her eyes blurred with moisture. She would never get over the guilt of leaving Elizabeth behind. There was no cure for it. All she could do was never make the same mistake with Anna.
"At least I could have finished school."
The twins vanished again, and left only one half beside her. Donna rested her hand softly across Anna's arm. "Rachel helped me find a great school for you. They're supposed to have an amazing music program. The band director is really excited to have another saxophone player."
"It won't be the same."
"I know honey, but this is gonna be great for us. Trust me, okay?"
Anna tucked her long hair behind her ears and crossed her arms. For once, she had no fight left in her. Donna was relieved. Along with her grandfather's talent on the saxophone, Anna had also inherited her father's penchant for arguing. It made for a very noisy household.
Glancing towards the window, Donna let out a small gasp as the New York skyline came into view. "Look, there it is." She couldn't keep the wonderment out of her tone. Even after 9 years, the city still felt like home.
Anna followed her gaze. "Maybe we'll find the big apple that everyone talks about."
Donna opened her mouth to correct her daughter, but closed it quickly when she saw the huge grin spread across her cheeks. "Very funny." The girl's grin grew even wider until the edges of her eyes crinkled. Donna's chest ached at the familiarity.
At that moment, Anna Paulsen looked just like her father. As the plane prepared for landing and the city, Harvey's and Elizabeth's city, grew closer and closer, Donna suddenly realized how absolutely screwed she was.
