Warning for adult content!
She wasn't sure that she knew entirely what she was doing, but she knew that she wanted to, wanted to more than she had ever wanted anything before. Everything felt somewhat surreal, and as they climbed the stairs to her bedroom, Siegfriend's hand in hers, she felt ripples of anxiety and excitement course through her at alarming speeds so that she didn't know at any given time which had prominence. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest and, at any moment, she expected her father to appear and angrily demand what they were doing. But he wasn't there. He was in Wensleydale with Cousin Joe, no doubt well on his way to inebriation. There was no one to caution her, no one to stifle her, no one to stop her.
Pushing open the bedroom door, she stepped inside, Siegfried following close behind. She had left her blouse discarded on the sitting room floor and she couldn't help shiver as his hands found their way to her bare shoulders and gently slid down the straps of her brassiere before his lips brushed against her skin. Turning to face him, she could tell by the look in his eyes that he desired her, even though she had no real experience to draw on. No man had ever looked at her the way he was looking at her and no man had ever touched her the way he had, the way she desperately wanted him to continue.
Without pausing to think, she began unbuttoning his waistcoat, each button sliding out with ease. He said nothing as it was discarded, and she turned to his shirt. She wasn't sure if it was her own body trembling or his, but there was a ripple of movement between them as she loosened each button, her mind returning to the afternoon in Mrs Calvert's cow shed when she had seen him shirtless for the first time. As he helped her remove it, he leaned forward and caught her mouth with his, gently pulling her into him once his arms were free, the heat of his body so welcome against her own. He didn't hesitate this time and she didn't stop him as his fingers found the metal hooks at her back and the tension around her chest slackened as the lace material fell to the floor.
He kissed her again, harder and deeper, his hands roaming over her bare back as hers explored his. She felt as though every nerve in her body was singing at the sensation of his skin under his hands, never having known before what it was like to be this close to a man. Then his mouth moved from hers and ventured lower, trailing down her throat and collarbone to the top of her chest before he moved backwards over towards her bed, catching her hand in his. He promptly sat down and pulled her gently between his thighs, her stomach dropping and her breath catching in her throat as his mouth worked down from the top of one breast to the bottom, his lips moving slowly around one peaked nipple before taking it in his mouth, his tongue flicking gently against it. She gasped again, her hands moving once more to the back to his head and pulling him into her, enjoying the sensation of him shifting from one breast to the other before he pulled back slightly and looked up at her.
"Are you sure…?"
"Yes, more than sure," she nodded, her hands going to the zip at the back of her skirt and lowering it so that it slid to the floor, his eyes fixed on hers the entire time. Her petticoat followed suit, then her stockings, until all that was left were her cotton briefs. Hesitating slightly, she couldn't help but wonder if he expected her to know what she should do and yet, how could he? He knew that she had no experience, had never so much as kissed a man before him let alone anything more. She suddenly felt a slight frisson of nervousness course through her at the thought that, whilst she was desperate to be satisfied by him, she might somehow come up short in satisfying him in return.
As though reading her mind, he took hold of her hand and guided her to sit on the bed beside him, cupping her face with his hand and kissing her again. "Lie back," he said softly when they broke apart, and she did as he instructed, watching as he got to his feet and unzipped his trousers before dropping them to the floor and then climbing onto the bed beside her. He lowered his mouth to the base of her stomach and kissed slowly up her flesh, lingering at each breast again, causing shooting sensations of desire through her body. He moved further upwards, his mouth eventually finding hers again and she relaxed into the familiarity of his kiss, only to jerk slightly as his fingers brushed over the gusset of her briefs before the material slowly started to slide down her leg. His mouth moved to one breast again as his fingers trailed back up along her body before moving across her hip.
The sensation of him touching her inner thigh made her gasp then stutter as his fingers slid more intimately into the wiriness of her hair and then…her breath came out as one long exhalation as he found the most sensitive part of her body, the part she had, in the past, gained some comfort from herself, and slowly began to encircle it as he bit down slightly on the flesh of her breast. "Siegfried…"
His head flew up as his hand jerked away from her. "Am I hurting you? I can stop…"
"No, no please don't stop."
"Maybe we shouldn't…" a look of doubt came into his eyes and she shook her head stubbornly.
"No, please. I want to, more than anything, please…" Despite his thoughts to the contrary, he appeared to need little persuasion towards continuing, and his mouth lowered again, his touch between her thighs growing more insistent and causing her to involuntarily arch her body against his, desperate for it to continue. She had often assumed that her first experience of lovemaking might be with someone like herself, someone inexperienced and fumbling. The thought that it might be with a man who had experienced the full gambit of a physical marriage had never crossed her mind…until she she had met him.
She felt out of control, a sensation that she wasn't used to in her own bedroom. He had the greater experience, the only experience and, as a result, she found herself acquiescing to each fluttering touch, allowing him to guide her, trusting that he knew what he was doing. Just as she was settling into the sensations his actions were evoking, he shifted slightly above her and she felt herself stretch and open as his fingers ventured intimately inside her, causing her to cry out.
"I am hurting you," he said suddenly, pulling back. "I don't want to, Lily, I…"
"No, Siegfried, please…" she raised herself up onto her elbows to look at him. "Please, I want you to. I need you to…
"But it might be better to wait."
"Until our wedding night?"
"Precisely."
"And will it be any different? Will it feel any different? There 'as to be a first time for me whether it be now or our wedding night and I want it to be now, don't you?"
"Dear Lily…" he lowered himself back down on top of her, his hardness pressing insistently into her thigh, and kissed her gently. "I want you more than I think I've ever wanted anything or anyone in my life. I'm just…afraid that in wanting you, I hurt you and I couldn't bear that."
"I can imagine it might 'urt a little to begin with, but surely it's worth it? Otherwise, why would people do it?"
His eyes darkened, "If only you knew just how worth it it can be."
She stroked his face gently, loving him at that moment more than she would have thought possible. "Then show me."
XXXX
He wasn't sure what he had expected. It had been so long, fourteen years, since he had last made love to Evelyn. In all the years that had passed, the memory of that last time had sustained him. It had been in her childhood bedroom on her parents' farm, the night before he had left to join his regiment. It had been, so he had always considered, a perfect expression of love, designed to remain with him through the months until he would see her again. He had often wondered if, had he known he never would, whether he would have done anything differently. Held her more closely, loved her more passionately. Of course, it hadn't always been like that. Both young virgins when they had married, they had required to overcome all the awkwardness and lack of knowledge together. There had been uncertainty and humour and, eventually, passion the likes of which he had never known before nor thought he would ever know again.
But now…with Lily…he had all the understanding such as it was, and she had none, and he would have been lying to himself if seeing her experience pleasure for the first time knowing that he was the creator of it didn't make him feel good. It was reckless, exhilarating and downright wonderful. He had almost forgotten how wonderful and couldn't help but think that the memory had nothing on the sheer bliss of the reality.
At her insistence, he continued touching her, stroking her, opening her in ways that he knew by discovery through marriage and the intimate exploration of another person's body. Hers was different from Evelyn's in so many ways and yet, so many things were the same. He could feel his own body quivering as he watched her, at the way one hand tightly gripped the sheet beneath her, the other moving gently up and down his own body. Her head was back, her eyes closed, her mouth open and gasping. Leaning down, he took her nipple in his mouth again and she groaned, her lower body working against his hand in a way that he recognised and yet thought he had long forgotten. He had never considered, prior to marrying Evelyn, that there was any extension to lovemaking beyond the physical act of a man being inside a woman. It had only been through his journey of discovery with her that he had had his eyes opened to the ways that a man could create pleasure in a woman before experiencing his own.
"Oh…" Lily gasped suddenly. "Oh…"
He felt her tense around him, and he lowered his mouth to hers. "It's all right," he murmured against her lips, acutely aware that this would be the first time she would experience what he knew was about to happen. "It's quite natural."
She started to flail, her body losing all control as she reached her climax and he held onto her as she stretched, mewed and wailed, pleasure crashing through her. Her face reddened and, for a moment, he feared that she might stop breathing, but guttural cry after guttural cry escaped from her lips and she arched up towards him, digging her nails into the flesh of his back, moaning his name.
The sound only served to excite him more and as she peaked and then crashed back down onto the bed, he gently slid her thighs further apart and moved himself inside her. His passage was without restriction, made so by her own expelled desire, and he gasped as he found himself encased within her. Moving, slowly at first, then more insistently, he pushed inside her, pulling her legs up and around his waist. She lay beneath him, flushed, her body rising and falling with the dying exertion of her own release and as she opened her eyes and met his gaze, he realised, somewhat ridiculously, that it was happening. He was making love to her. He was making love to Lily. His mind flew back to the first time that he had ever seen her, in the kitchen downstairs, when he had mistakenly assumed Tom was her husband rather than her father. He remembered thinking how pretty she was, though he could never have conceived that some eight months later he would be in her bed, loving her, wanting her, needing her, enjoying her…
He felt himself start to spasm and knew release was coming. Gathering her up into his arms he held her close as his rhythm quickened to the level of wonderful intoxication and then his long overdue, painful, blissful release came. He gasped and groaned and moaned her name as he came inside her, the sensation more incredible than he could have ever remembered all these years past. Then he collapsed against her, spent and exhausted, yet every nerve in his body still jangling from the experience. "Lily…darling Lily…" he breathed, "that was…more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. You…you were wonderful, quite…wonderful."
"I never thought…I never thought it would be like that."
Gently he prised himself from her and rolled over onto his side so that he could look at her. Her expression was calm, almost wistful, and he suddenly began to worry that something was wrong. "In what sense? Are you all right?"
"Oh, I'm fine," she smiled. "I'm wonderful, in fact. I suppose…I just didn't know 'ow it would feel."
"Please tell me I didn't hurt you."
"You didn't. You couldn't. 'ow could you ever think that? Siegfried…" she pushed herself close to him again, brushing her lips against his. "It were the most wonderful thing I think I've ever experienced in my life. Thank you."
"No," he cupped her face with his hand and kissed her deeply. "Thank you. I never thought that I would ever have the chance to feel like this again and then, you came into my life and changed everything. I thought I might have forgotten the mechanics of the act but…it would appear it's not something that you can easily forget."
"I always wondered what it would feel like to be touched by a man, to 'ave 'is 'ands on me. I thought that I might be afraid, but I wasn't, not with you." She looked up at him again, her expression so trusting, and he felt his heart swell.
"I'm so glad," he pulled her into him, "but this can't happen again until we're married."
"Why not?"
"Because…because it just can't. It's too dangerous."
"Dangerous?" she laughed, her body rumbling against his own. "What do you think might 'appen?"
"Well, the obvious concern would be that, well, that you might fall pregnant."
"Quite the scandal, I shouldn't wonder."
"Yes, it would be." He pulled back slightly so that he could look at her. "I wouldn't want that, and nor should you."
"I shouldn't want to 'ave your child?"
"Not out of wedlock, no. There is nothing on this earth that would make me want to be the cause of the ruining of your reputation."
"My reputation?" she raised her eyebrows. "So, if I were to fall pregnant out of wedlock, it would only be me who would be talked about, not you?"
"Well, I doubt I would escape rebuke but, yes, sadly, it would be you who would be the subject of gossip."
"I see…" she paused. "If I were to fall pregnant, would you still marry me?"
"Of course I would," he replied, feeling somewhat indignant at the suggestion that he might shirk his duty. "I'm not a man who runs away from his responsibilities, but given that we'll be getting married very soon, perhaps it's wise to simply avoid any risk."
"Fair enough," she smiled wickedly up at him. "As long as you think you'll be able to control yourself around me from now on, 'aving experienced what we just experienced."
"Well…" he sighed, thinking on how if could survive fourteen years he could survive a few months, "we all have our crosses to bear."
XXXX
They re-dressed in relative silence, though Lily could feel his eyes on her as she retrieved her briefs from the tangle of sheets and recovered her breasts with her brassiere. Electing to leave her legs free of stockings, she pulled her skirt back up and was searching in her cupboard for a new blouse to put on when he came up behind her, slid his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. She gasped slightly at the sensation then turned in his embrace to meet his mouth with her own. The kiss was long and lingering and, for a brief moment, she wondered if they might find their way back to her bed again, but eventually he pulled back and simply kissed her forehead before they made their way back downstairs to the sitting room, where the fire was slowly dying in the grate.
"Do you want another whisky, or some coffee?"
"No, thank you, it's getting late and I should be heading back." He paused. "It's not that I don't wish I could spend the whole night here with you but…"
"Folks would most definitely talk," she finished for him. "Especially if your car were seen 'ere all night, and I wouldn't want to risk my reputation."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that the way it sounded earlier. All I meant was…"
"You don't 'ave to apologise, Siegfried," she interrupted him. "I know what you meant, and I agree. If such a thing were to 'appen I'd be considered a 'fallen woman' even in these slightly more enlightened times. As much as I enjoyed what 'appened between us tonight, I can wait."
He stepped forwards and pulled her into his arms again. "It won't be easy, but I suppose we'll just have to try."
"I suppose so. I 'ope you know 'ow 'appy you've made me."
"No doubt as happy as you've made me."
The prelude to parting took longer than she had anticipated. He kissed her repeatedly, his hands straying over her body, his reluctance to leave clear. Instinctively, she felt the same way, wishing that time could rush forward and that they could be married so that no care need be given to what they did, when or where. Eventually, they reached the door and she shivered as the night air swept inside.
"Are you sure you want to come back tomorrow?"
"Yes, of course. I said that I would and I will. Speaking with your father is the final hurdle to clear before we can begin making our arrangements."
She sighed contentedly, still almost unable to believe that the events of that evening, all of them, had actually taken place. "Thank you."
"What for?"
"For everything. For coming into my life, for loving me, for asking me to marry you…for making love to me."
"I would never have presumed to if you hadn't…"
"I'm glad I did. If I die in my sleep tonight, at least I'll die 'appy."
"Oh please, don't say that," he said urgently. "You will die in your sleep, of that I am sure, but it will be lying next to me, and you'll be a very old woman." He kissed the tip of her nose. "Until tomorrow."
"Until tomorrow," she echoed. "Goodnight Siegfried, drive carefully."
"I will, goodnight darling. Go inside before you catch your death."
She did as bidden, and watched from the window as he turned the car in the yard and then disappeared down the hill and out of sight. Alone, and with the clock striking ten behind her, she suddenly found herself unsure what to do. The obvious choice was to go to bed and though part of her longed to lie in the sheets where they had been together and recreate in her mind what had occurred, another part of her felt that it might make her melancholy that he wasn't there with her and that the prospect of such bliss happening again before they were married was extremely small. She could understand his hesitation and fears and even agree with them, but when she thought about how it had felt to be with him…
Jolting herself out of her reverie, she began clearing up the kitchen, her gaze falling on her ring as she did so. Despite the bliss of the second half of the evening, she knew she couldn't forget the sheer wonderfulness of the first half when had proposed to her. She was to be his wife and she could think of nothing better. Well, nothing better than being in his bed, loving and being loved by him and bearing him as many children as her body could sustain.
She started humming to herself as she finished her chores, thinking on how 1931 had started so bleakly and yet appeared to be ending so wonderfully.
XXXX
Siegfried could barely concentrate on the road in front of him, the inclement weather being one reason, but Lily being quite clearly the other. Had he even less restraint than he knew he possessed, he would have turned the car around, driven back to Windy Hill and stayed the night with her, caring not for what anyone thought. The farm was secluded enough, and he could position the car where it was unlikely to be seen, rising early in order to leave before her father was due to return.
"Don't be a fool, Farnon," he chided himself as he negotiated the road, the rain battering his windscreen. "You'll be married soon enough and then you can be with her as often as you like." When he eventually pulled up in front of Skeldale House, he switched off the engine and then sat for a while, reliving all that taken place that evening. The look on her face when he had proposed, the feel of her under him, the sensation of her skin, the sound of her pleasure…
"Evening Mr Farnon!"
He was violently jolted back to reality by someone banging on the window and, peering out, saw the face of Henry Dinsdale looking back at him. He opened the door and stepped out, pulling his coat around him in the face of the wind and rain. "Good evening Mr Dinsdale. Terrible night, isn't it?"
"Isn't it just. I just popped down for a quick 'alf," he gestured over towards the Drovers Inn. "You weren't called out to a beast on a night like this, were you?"
"Uh…no."
"Ah, social call then?"
"Well…" he paused, recalling what Lily had said about comments Henry, and his wife, had apparently made about her. "Something like that."
"Up at Windy Hill then."
"Perhaps," he replied, realising immediately how ridiculous it sounded. Either he had been there or he hadn't. "Yes," he clarified. "I had dinner with Miss Bailey."
"Tom's away to Wensleydale. One of his visits to 'is cousin, Joe."
"Yes, Lily did say."
"All alone up there then, the two of you."
The implication in the other man's tone was clear and Siegfried found himself torn between telling him, a valued customer, to mind his own business and confirming the suspicion, not that he feared for a moment that the other man would genuinely have cause to believe that he had been within Lily's bed. "Yes, I suppose we were. Goodnight Mr Dinsdale." Before anything further could be said, he hurried up the steps of the house and inside, slamming the door behind him.
"Goodness me, I thought the 'ounds of 'ell were coming inside," Mrs Hall greeted him in the hallway. "What a night it is. I'm glad you made it back safely." She paused as he removed his coat and hung it on the stand. "Well?"
"Well what?"
"Did you ask 'er?"
"Yes, yes I did."
"And…?"
"And she said yes, as I hoped she would."
Her face broke into a broad smile and she rushed forwards, pulling him into an uncharacteristic embrace, one which he was quite unprepared for. "Congratulations, Mr Farnon! I'm so 'appy for the both of you, really I am." She pulled back. "And did she like the ring?"
"Yes, very much so. I'm glad I took your advice and purchased it in advance."
"Oh, how wonderful! And did you talk much? Make any plans?"
"Well…" he paused, thinking on how little talking there had really been. "I'm going back tomorrow to speak to her father and, well, after that it should be all steam ahead. In fact, on that point, Mrs Hall, I was hoping that you might be agreeable to baking the wedding cake for us."
"I'd be honoured," she beamed. "And I'll 'elp in any way I can with the arrangements. Oh, I'm so 'appy for the pair of you!" She pulled him into another embrace.
"Yes," he agreed, a smile spreading across his face at the contagion of her excitement. "Yes, I'm rather pleased too."
