Chapter 49 - You're What Keeps Me Around Through The Ups And Downs

Rosalie's POV

I don't think there is enough words in any language that could describe the emptiness and devastation that I feel.

After realizing that Amber couldn't even touch me had shattered me in ways that I didn't even know could be possible.

Once my family was able to get me to at least be anything besides catatonic any progress or hope of learning to move forward with my broken pieces was dashed as I saw Amber laughing and acting as if our love...as if I didn't mean anything to her.

I guess I truly had been holding out a small amount of hope that everything was just a huge monumental misunderstanding and that Amber didn't just leave. That she had to of been deployed again there were several natural disasters around the globe at the moment and surely that was why Amber hadn't tried to contact me or try and smooth over this misunderstanding.

The final string that cut any hope that I may of had was when Carslie came home and told us that Amber wasn't gone because she was deployed. She was on leave. Amber had taken leave and was who knows where on vacation having fun while I was in agony.

But seeing Amber, who obviously had moved on and was laughing and carrying on and clearly was not even remotely sad concerning our break-up, that's when I truly knew. I knew that Amber wasn't my mate and that even if I was heartbroken, I had to move on.

Time. Time is what I needed and time is what it will take. After enough time I'll learn how to move on in a world without Amber.

That was easier said than done. My life felt like it was in ruins and I didn't know how to even breath at this point.

Every breath I took was agony, because with every new scent I could smell I always felt like I was only breathing in Amber's unique scent. My brain tells me how impossible that is since we are in the other side of the country at the moment. However impossible that was what was happening, so I just stopped breathing.

Breathing wasn't the only problem that seemed to haunt me. No mater what I tried eating all my taste buds could taste were meals that I had shared with Amber. How in the world I could be tasting lemon cake when I was drinking elk blood was beyond me, but with every burst of my taste buds my heart broke a little more. So, I just stopped eating.

Moving was the latest heartache. Every move my body made or twitch of my fingers brought along phantom memories where I could swear that I could feel Amber's touch. A gentle hand sliding along my back. Fingers playing with mine in a nervous tick kind of manner. The ghostly press of her lips on my neck or lips. So, I stopped moving.

I had become a shell of my former self.

I'm just grateful that I was able to leave Spokane on a brighter note than expected.

I almost have a ghost of a smile on my face at the memory of my last few days.

- Flash Back -

Incessant knocking on my apartment door for the last 10 minutes has me finally leaving my bed and throwing my door open.

In my hesitation of the site before me gives the woman enough time to pounce on me.

Normally I would hate to be on the floor, but for her I would accept my fate. That was until she began raining my face full of slobbering wet kisses.

After ordering a smorgasbord of food we settled in the living room. While I filled Leah in on everything that had happened.

With others I might have censored myself, but never with her.

Things were rocky all those years ago when my family first settled into Forks, but within the first week or so the tensions embedded away.

Realizing that we essentially lived next door to shape-shifters that turned into huge wolves took some getting used to.

It didn't help that shape-shifters and vampires don't usually get along which lead tosome trepidation on both sides, but with patience, kindness, and understanding given on both sides it didn't take long for the pack to feel more comfortable around us.

I think the fact that my father and brothers taking it upon themselves to be of service to the reservation helped to endear them in the hearts of the tribe.

Emmet having grown up with rugged and rustic living as a human knew how to make homes from scratch. Once Emmet had heard that Sam had a construction company and about how he tried to scrape together resources to help take care of the tribe, but especially some of the elderly in the tribe, he was fully onboard. That's how Sam had found the three of them a few weeks into our move. Emmet, Jasper, and Edward were fixing roofs and helping update the houses that really needed some help.

After that Esme and my sister's and I would make lots of food and buy much needed supplies, doing anything we could to help out wherever we could.

That was how Leah and I had met. It took awhile for Leah and I to form a friendship. Our standoffish and surly personalities clash horrifically at first, but eventually we came to find a camaraderie in our similarities.

After we both gave the other a chance it didn't take long for us to become thick as thieves. Finding someone who you're able to be your full authentic self with when everyone else gives you a wide birth becomes very freeing.

If anyone was going to be able to pull me out of this devastation it would be Leah.

In a lot of ways Leah reminded me of Amber.

The huge appetite. The harder exterior that protected a soft and loving core. I had always loved Leah and our sisterly sleep over nights, where we would cuddle together and talk or watch movies. I always loved the warmth and comfort that I could find in Leah's presence.

It was a warmth and contentedness that I had never been able to experience, that is until Amber.

I hated to admit it to myself but Leah's warmth and security even with how healing it was, pales in comparison to being in Amber's presence.

It will take time, but now that I have my sister Leah here with me, I know that I will be alright... eventually.

After spending some much needed one on one time with Leah I finally felt like I could breathe again. It gave me the inner strength that I needed to start to pick up the shards of my life.

Time, time is what I needed. Time and maybe new scenery. Those thoughts are what made me decide to take up the family's offer to move us all to a new location.

I thought that leaving Washington state would allow me to leave my heartache behind, but that was obviously just wishful thinking.

Maybe I should call up some old friends and invite them to our new home in Montreal, Canada.A distraction might be just the thing that I need to get a jump start on this new chapter of my life.

Amber's POV

Shaw, Air Force Base wasn't a hard assignment. The work was pretty routine and we had a decent amount of free time. Which was what made the assignment a great assignment.

It has been exactly what I needed. I needed to be surrounded by my family, to remind me that my life wasn't over, even if it still felt like it.

My family that's what was going to get me through this. My family and time.

Mike as always has been my constant throughout my life and he still is with all of this. At this point it was never a question that he would be my rock.

It's always been me and him against the world. He's my brother, my best friend and my left hand.

And now I have another brother to add to the mix. For someone who never had a chance to have a real family or just people to be able to rely on this new development has been so freeing.

With each passing day Peter and Charlotte have become to intertwined with not just my life but with Mike's as well. We're a packaged deal after all.

It wasn't until the last week of our assignment that I realized that I needed to make a decision.

Would I leave and try and form some kind of new life? Or would I stay and keep dedicating my life to creating a better future?

It only took a few moments of reflection to realize that I had already made my decision, I was just waiting for the rest of myself to catch up.

Charlotte's POV

I was laying on Amber's bed watching as she packed up the last of her stuff into her bag.

My unwavering gaze must have tipped Amber off, because she asked, "What's on your mind darlin''?" as she tossed the bag towards the bedroom door.

I couldn't help but give a soft smile to Amber's straight to point frankness.

"I was just wondering when you would finally tell us about your decision to stay in."

There was a few seconds of silence as Amber stands at the side of the bed watching me before she says after a deep sighing breath, "So you already know."

"It wasn't that hard to guess." I say flatly.

Amber hesitates before asking, "I...uh...Are you upset with me?"

I crawl to the other side of the bed where Amber is still standing. Once I'm kneeling in front of her on the bed so that I can be at the same height as Amber I'm able to look directly into her eyes as I give her an understanding smile.

I place my hands onto Amber's broad chest near her clavicles with my fingers absently stroking her shoulders. Knowing that the best way to soothe the both of us during this hard conversation is through physical contact.

Amber's eyes that had shifted to look down at the floor snapped up and back into my eyes as I softly spoke.

"How could I be anything but proud? You'll be dedicating another 6 years to trying to make the world a better place." I let that sink in before I add "Am I worried? Yes. And I'm not happy about the fact that I just found you and now you'll be coming and going."

After seeing that my words caused a painful look to cross Amber's face, I take my right hand and cup her face as I continue to stroke my hand and fingers around her neck and shoulders.

"We understand. We do. That's why we are supporting you deciding to do what you feel is right."

With a deep calming breathe Amber leans her forehead onto mine as her arms slip all the way around my waist. We both take comfort in each others physical embrace.

A knock on the open doorframe has us separating to find Mike leaning casually against the doorframe.

"Got your last bag ready Amb?" Mike asks.

"Yeah, I'll go load it into the truck and then I'll be ready." Amber says to Mike with a pat and squeeze on the shoulder as she passes him out the bedroom.

Mike's gentle gaze turns hard as he turns his eyes to me. I let him gather his thoughts as I get off the bed and come to stand in front of him.

Mike's voice turns ice cold as he demands more than asks "What are you playing at?"

The cold demeanor as well as the absurd question has me frozen in place as I continue to gaze up into his face.

"What are you implying?" I ask defensively.

"Amber is very vulnerable right now. She may be able to put on a brave face. She may even be able to move on to at least find a way to live with this new heartbreak, but that doesn't mean that she's okay." Mike says matter of factly.

I'm unsure about where this conversation is going. The three of us are well aware of Amber and her heartbreak. All of us have been trying to do everything we can to help Amber.

"You already have a mate and playing with Amber's vulnerability like this won't just hurt her, but all of us." I'm stunned into silence as I stand there shocked. Mike actually thought that I was trying to actively chase Amber behind Peter's back. After a few seconds I realize that yes, Peter, Amber, and I had talked about the intimacy and closeness that Amber and I felt towards each other, but Mike was not privy to that conversation.

Almost like a slap to the face I realized that to an outsider it could and probably did look like I was pursuing Amber behind Peter's back. Using Amber's vulnerability to try and manipulate her into some sordid love affair.

As I tune back into the conversation, I realize that Mike had been verbally berating me for using Amber in such a devious scheme.

Mike continues his longwinded tirade

"... and if you think that I won't go straight to Peter..." I cut off Mike after that

I cut off his tangent by desperately trying to quickly explain, "Peter already knows!"

Definitely not the right thing to say. Especially when it was so out of context.

As I saw the anger and rage build in Mike's eyes. I rush out, "No, it's not like that. We share a bond and we, the three of us, have talked it through already."

Mike's rage goes to a simmer as he allows me to go on to explain.

I take a moment to try and gather my thoughts as I try to explain what the three of us haven't really been able to put into words.

"My inner vampire recognizes that my mate shares a likeness with Amber. It can sense the family bond between Peter and Amber."

I pause to take a deep breath that I don't need trying to let Mike digest my words before I start again."Under normal circumstances I would just be attracted to Amber. Seeking comfort with Amber being near. Kinda like you would find comfort in a twin. Twins are close physically, mentally, and emotionally. But that closeness isn't romantically driven."

I pause again as I gather my thoughts and I try and keep my emotions in check as I continue, "This situation is different though. Amber is heartbroken and has a lot of trauma from a hard life. As far as we can discern, my inner vampire has detected that brokenness and has made those strong feelings even deeper. My inner vampire has been driving me to help Amber in any way that I can. Amber needs the comfort and reassurances and I am more than willing to freely give them. So, if Amber needs some extra physical contact or to be verbally reassured that's what she's going to get."

Mike and I hold eye contact that's just short of glaring at each other before Mike deflates right before my eyes like the wind has been knocked from his sails.

Mike rubs his face with the palm of his hand as he takes a deep breath before he locks his gaze onto mine. "I do think it's helping. That you're helping. I've seen the difference. Amber hides it well but her pain is there if you know what to look for. Ever since you and Peter came around Amber doesn't seem so...lost. Almost like some of the weight that she constantly carries has lightened. It hurts to admit that I wasn't enough to help her on my own, but I love Amber enough to be thankful that she is doing better than before you arrived."

Mike pauses before he adds, "I'm sorry I overreacted. I just can't stand the idea of her hurting."

I close the distance between us. I place my hand on his chest over his heart as I say with so much conviction, "Mike, you are a wonderful man, an amazing friend, and an even better brother. We are all lucky to have you in this family."

We both hug as our love seems to intensify even brighter for one another and for our family.

Our family will be alright, as long as we hold onto each other.