Home - Part 1
TW: Death
There were more memories over the next few days. They didn't do much other than sleep, eat and delve into the memories, the strain from the mental activity tiring them out easily. Zaiya had tried to step away, to let him rest on his own… but she found quickly, after leaving him alone one night, that it was not better for him, having been woken by screams and howls of fear and agony. She'd rushed in, finding him clawing at the bed, his arms and even his own face. She'd taken his hands and held him still, having to pin his hips with her body as much as she could. His eyes had opened and he had seemingly been so startled to see her above him it seemed that he was stunned into silence. He had crumpled a moment later, whispering apologies, begging her not to hurt him. She'd not known what else to do, and brought him up in a tight embrace.
"I'll never hurt you…" She whispered, her cheek pressing against his head just beneath his horns. "I swear…" Seeing him like this… so often she wanted to weep, brought nearly to tears by his state. But she could not. The Nightsister knew she had to be strong for him, to let him take rest on her shoulder. She could do this. She could do this for him.
After that night she stayed. She watched over him, let him lay on her lap and just let her fingers massage around his horns. She knew that it was done for the baby Zabraks as their horns grew in, to stop the pain. It seemed to help his dreams, as the worst she had seen in these times was his small whimpers and twitching while he slept. A gentle hand to his face or atop his head and he was slowly soothed back to slumber. She also noticed, much to her dismay, that he enjoyed playing with her hands. Just tracing the tattoos there, even the circular star-like shape on the back of her hand. She didn't hate the sensation… but it was strange to be without gloves, and she detested seeing her hands. She could remember what D'Sarr made her do… she remembered Nannie… so she always looked away.
After a week or so of regaining his strength, she decided to take him out of the temple, out onto one of the mountains and under the sun. It was warming up on Dathomir now. Never as warm a place as anywhere like Tatooine, but warm enough that they could sit outside in the air comfortably.
They were on a plateau, the same one where she had last spoken with him. On the day she'd lost him. They had been through so many memories already, but there was a lifetime to go through still, and she was not going to rush this. The memories were not in any order, it was like putting a puzzle together, sorting where memories went in his timeline so that he could be who he was again.
Sitting in what little sunshine Dathomir was attributed, she interlaced her fingers with his. A smile crossed her lips and his own curved slightly upward. He looked at peace, and that was something she knew to be rare indeed, even before now, even when last they had met, he always seemed on edge. With that in mind, she knew she could not dare let herself disappoint him.
"Are you ready, sire?" She asked. He nodded, and closed his eyes. She followed suit a moment later, delving once more into the swirling sea of memories.
This place was bright for once. Rocky ground under his boots and the sun high in the sky. Though this time he was not alone. Metal feet stomped along behind him and the memory cleared enough that she could see, she recognised the droid behind him.
"Sixy!" She gasped, a smile coming to her face. Maul in the memory, he had to be a teenager at this point, still round-faced and cute, looked up at her. It seemed he lived through the memories but also could sense her presence during them. She had been able to talk to him this way.
"TD-66 was assigned to me after Deenine was…" The boy sighed. "It seemed that my master thought Deenine was deficient."
"I'm sorry." She replied, her expression softened.
"Don't feel sorry for me!" He snapped back. Zaiya chuckled, that was more like it. More like the Maul she knew.
"Never, Sire." She smiled warmly. They fell back into the memory when Sixy spoke again.
[The target is in that settlement.] The droid explained. [Heat signatures show three lifesigns.] Maul was looking through his scope and turned sharply to Sixy.
"Three?" He frowned. "There were only meant to be two." She could feel the anxiety growing in him, though she suspected it was from his current mindset, knowing what was coming. He grasped the helmet from under his arm and slipped it on his head, walking forward to where the small primitive hut was. Zaiya felt her own trepidation growing, she didn't know what this memory was, but she was sure it wouldn't be good.
She followed like a shadow, as the boy and his assault droid navigated their way down a rocky slope. The ground was wet, it must have been raining recently.
"This was… the first mission my master sent me on alone…" He began, speaking to her through the memory now. He glanced at the droid, "Mostly alone." She watched him, his eyes were still that soft blue-grey under his helmet, she'd caught a glimpse of them before he'd put it on. She wondered how many memories he had of those eyes of his. She missed them. Though, even his yellow eyes sometimes turned to liquid gold and she was certain he was more beautiful than ever when she saw it. She wished she could tell the younger version of him that it would be alright… even then… telling his grown self that felt like a lie. She wanted to make it stop. Take away everything that had caused him pain and make him smile again. She hoped that dragging him through these memories was worth it.
The hut grew larger in their view, Maul's stance dropped low and he snuck closer to the makeshift shack. It was rundown, made of scrap and mud and dirt. The roof seemed to be made of metal and fronds of some kind, the occupant likely made it themselves. Zaiya was right behind her friend as he stalked closer. He had his blade in hand. The world was too bright for such a day as this. In stories tragic events happened in the rain.
He kicked a stone, not lifting his foot high enough. There were movements in the hut.
"What is it?" They heard a woman whisper in a hushed tone as Maul ducked low behind a large leafy plant.
"I thought I heard…" A male voice this time, and they saw the makeshift curtain in the window shift. Two dark eyes peering out from within.
"He sent you to kill them… didn't he?" Zaiya muttered softly. Maul's helmet nodded. After a moment, he moved forward. The nightsister shifted ahead of him, finding herself in the darkened room, though it remains that way for only a moment as the door is ripped nearly from its hinges.
A blaster is fired but easily deflected by the crimson saber blade. In the light she catches a glimpse of the male, an Arconian, the wide triangle shaped head and big insect-like eyes. He stood over another Arconian, this one female. Maul entered the room, his saber deflecting blast after blast until he reached the male and struck him down with ease. The woman was screaming.
"Please! Please! Mercy please!" Then a sound pierced through the hut. A child's cry. "Please… please my baby..!" She begged, sobbing uncontrollably. She was clutching a small bundle in her arms. The cries emanated from within. "Please… mercy please…" Maul hadn't moved. He stared down at them through his mask. She felt the Force shift, and anger swirled in him.
There was no mercy for me. She could hear him in her mind. I was a child too… Zaiya watched in horror. Master Sidious will punish me if I don't… and why shouldn't I?! She could see the turmoil in his heart. He didn't want to. He didn't… The shrill cries of the baby grew louder. He didn't want this. There were only supposed to be two people here… he couldn't-
There was a darkness that overcame him, the threat of pain, of punishment… Then the cries stopped. The woman slumped to the side. It was done. Maul quickly left the hut, backing away and rested his hands on his knees, wrenching his helmet off. He looked like he was going to be sick. After a moment, he managed to calm himself.
"Maul…" But she didn't know what else she could say. He looked at her. His eyes were yellow.
"Are you going to pity me now?" He snarled. "I did what I had to do!"
"I know… My first experience was… not quite the same, but similar." She looked down. She could remember it.. The hotel room, the Twi'lek woman…
Everything changed and she looked up, the hotel room was as it was in her memory, the desk, the furniture, decor… even her uncomfortable frilly dress.
"What is this…?" asked a voice that was not in her memory. She looked up, she saw Maul standing there, swathed in the black robe and pants she'd found for him, his metal feet visible. But she was as she had been when the memory occurred, young, in a purple dress and heels… kneeling over a Twi'lek that was begging for her life.
"A gala on Alderaan…" She muttered, "I was just supposed to plant some substances in a Senator's room." She looked down. The woman begged and pleaded, begging for her life as Zaiya has dragged her inside and pinned her to the floor. Her disguise dropped to show her true face and tattoos and both blue eyes glared down, thinking. The only thing available was… She looked to the drawer.
"Please… I'm-I'm pregnant!" She gasped in a whimpering tone. Zaiya held the woman down. Her face screwed up in concentration. She was lying. She had to be. Zaiya was sure she was a liar. She grabbed out about a half dozen of the pills and shoved them into the woman's mouth.
But what if she was telling the truth? The white-haired child's hand held the Twi'leks mouth shut. The girl's lower lip trembled. What if she was pregnant? She wasn't supposed to kill anyone here… and this… Bane would be pissed. He didn't like it when things got messy. It took a long time. Far longer than she would have thought, but the Twi'lek stopped fighting. She began to convulse and Zaiya jumped back with a gasp. The Twi'lek woman shook, frothed at the mouth and her eyes rolled into her head. Zaiya stared, wide-eyed in horror. Her eyes welled up, a choked sob in her throat as she watched the other woman spasm and shake… then eventually stop. She was still.
"Tunkasila!" She gasped, wide blue eyes, staring at the corpse. She swore in her mother tongue, tears streaming down her face. What had she done? This was not what was planned… this was not what she wanted… "Akici kto je miye…" she breathed, clasping her hands together, whispering a Rite of the Dead over the body. After too long, she managed to stand on shaky legs. She wiped her face, and Maul watched as she turned away.
The memory faded.
The sun streamed over them on the mountain top as they opened their eyes. No tears stained her face this time, but her expression was melancholy.
"I suppose we still share a few things…" She muttered, he looked up at her, his golden eyes searching her face for something.
"I suppose we do."
There were more days like that, spent out of the temple, walking outside, it helped him get used to his new parts so he didn't stumble around. Yet, she was always beside him. Days stretched to weeks and he found the fog clearing in his mind. He was a beast lesser and lesser, now becoming more the zabrak he had been before… before this.
The dreams didn't stop, always, they clawed at him when he was particularly weak. He had seen her in his memories, as she re-lived them with him, putting them back in the place they belonged instead of jumbled together. Things were more in order now, the whispers were so quiet when she was around…
But he was not completely safe, that voice instilled in him, from the first memories they explored… that voice that was Sith. It returned, far louder than the whispers. It spat and hissed in anger at the way she treated him, like a child or a pet. He fought back this time, that she was helping him, that he was still unable to function properly. He didn't want to admit he was afraid. That he didn't want to be alone. It was… a strange feeling that mixed with his fear, knowing that while he was abandoned, it was not by her, she never abandoned him. She always seemed to find her way back. Find her way to his side to drag him out of whatever dark place he found himself in.
He felt his head aching, his scar burning around his middle. She had worked miracles to make him more himself… but he was still so incomplete. The complex contraption that had somehow replaced his organs with synthetic ones meant he could eat, walk, run and breathe as he had before… though not everything was the same.
They found themselves in the foggy marshes today, she walked by his side, far enough away that he could move independently, but close enough that he could reach for her at any moment if he felt that his balance was not steady enough. He was moving more and more each day, she seemed pleased, from the look on her face. The bright smile, the warmth in her features.
"I should have known you were more resilient, sire." She told him with a grin, "It took me far longer…" far longer to what? Walk? Had she been injured?
"What do you mean?" He asked, turning his head to look at her. It still hurt to speak sometimes, but he was growing more confident by the day. Even in his state, he did not miss the flash across her face, was it fear? But as quickly as it arrived it was gone again.
"It's nothing important, sire, just an old… injury." She shook her head, "Nothing to concern yourself with."
"I wasn't." he snapped before he could stop himself. The old ways had begin to awaken in him as he pieced his mind back. With each memory he recalled his training… and his master. The lessons that were hammered into his head over and over, the rage he had to focus on, the anger he had in him resurfacing, his hate, his fear… but it felt… a little different now. To see her in his memories gave a sense of comfort. He knew she hadn't really been there, but as he viewed them where she was present, it made it seem less painful, like he was being watched over… that he could dare to hope that it might just be alright.
They reached an open flat area of land, only a few rocks and plateau's jutted out from the soft damp ground at the edges. Zaiya took to climbing one of the taller ones, clearly hoping to meditate here and delve into the memories again. He glanced up as he moved to follow, and was greeted with her bright smile, slightly pointed canines glinting, eyes welcoming and her hand extended down to him to help him up, her white hair was like a halo around her head. He wasn't prepared for the sudden clench in his chest on seeing her like that. He instinctively pushed her hand aside, even though he wanted to take it. Especially when her smile dropped slightly. He found his way up to the top of the little plateau with more ease than previous times he'd had to climb. He was getting a better hang of his legs it seemed. That was good at least.
They sat opposite each other as per usual, and he let out a long sigh, leaning one arm on his bent knee.
"So many memories…" He groaned, his free hand running over his face. "So bleak and dark and…"
"I know." Zaiya murmured, his golden eyes flicked to her and she was looking down, she sounded apologetic and he frowned.
"Don't act like it was your fault." He huffed irritably. She blinked and looked up at him in surprise. "Instead… show me a pleasant memory, surely you have more than I do." She looked at him with those two different eyes. Sometimes he swore he could see her the way she was if he looked long enough. Before the scar across her face and the glowing green eye. Sometimes he saw her without it, two blue eyes looking back so bright and full of starlight. Until he blinked and he was reminded of his failure to act. This time though, she took his hands and smiled, and he felt that unsettling feeling in his stomach lessen a little.
"A pleasant memory…" She mused, her head tilted to one side. "I think I can do that." A grin crossed her lips and suddenly it felt like they were children again, sitting outside the camp, just passing time together as they had done so many times in the past so, so long ago. It was a little poetic if he thought about it. He closed his eyes and let himself drift into their joined subconscious, into the memory she wished to show him.
Notes:
This was a sad one! I hope you guys are alright, and enjoyed it, despite the dark content.
The next half of the chapter is much longer and we will indeed get a nice memory next time! I am looking forward to it! It was my favourite chapter to write and I hope you guys like it too!
As always I would love for you to leave your thoughts, what do you think the pleasant memory would be? Let me know! I look forward to seeing you next week! 3
