Phantoms - Part 1

Training was rigorous, as always. Vicious. Unrelenting. Today even more so. He had thrown himself into battle sims and workouts. Anything to quiet his mind. How he longed for the days of ignorance. Before he'd met her. Well, met her again. He wished the memories could be pushed back down. Locked away. Now they were a torment. A weight around his neck. That look of ferocity as she did what he longed for. What he could never hope to do. To lash out at Sidious. To curse him and try to strike him down. He could never. But oh how he wished it. The expression of shock and pain and fear as Sidious had rushed her, the spray of blood as he slashed her face. He'd spent so long wanting to remember, now he just wished to forget. Return to the focus on his missions. On the Sith. The glory of the Sith and all the power that came with it.

"Apprentice," came the cold and sickening voice of his master through the comm. Maul stopped his actions immediately to answer.

"Yes Master," he replied, a little breathless. Fear spiked in his belly as he awaited the next orders.

"Come to me on the upper levels. I have a task for you,"

"Yes Master," he repeated. Ever the obedient student, he hurried to the beck and call of his teacher. Anything to keep his mind free of memories. Of his failure.


The mission was simple. Yet not. But it was finally time. Time to step out of the shadows. The moment he had been training all these years!

Finally!

The Padawan he had slain had done nothing to abate the empty ache in his gut. The feeling of pain and loneliness. That emptiness that had been there. No matter what he did… There was only one time he hadn't felt it. Only once that he could recall. Those moments in the hangar right before his master appeared. Those small moments when he remembered when she was there- but no. She was gone. He had ruined the only good thing that had ever appeared to him. Snuffed out that lifeline like he deignighted his blade. And it was all his fault.

No, he couldn't think about his. He couldn't linger on it. He had a mission. This was a moment to be celebrated. He was free from the shadows now, and the Jedi would know their nightmares were real. Standing on that platform on Coruscant, he found himself on edge, he felt like he was being watched.

"I remember this," a feminine voice spoke and Maul was broken from the memory to look at Zaiya, perched on the railing of the balcony he stood on.

"How is that possible?" he asked, a frown crossing his features.

"When I-" she cut off and looked away for a moment, as though she feared saying too much. "I was indisposed, before I made contact with you in your ship." she looked back at him, "I saw visions, first while asleep then in my waking hours. I could see you, fighting, training… you fought another Nightsister, didn't you?" His eyes widened slightly in surprise. She had seen him? Even now and the whole time he had been in so much pain thinking her dead?! No. There is no pain where strength lies. Use it.

"You saw all that?" he managed, what a cruel thing.

"Yes… I tried to reach you, call for you, but you could not hear me," she replied, sadly. Cruel for both of them it seemed. He threw his mind back. He remembered seeing flashes of her, of hearing her voice. He had thought himself going mad. Perhaps he had been, or perhaps not. Dare he tell her the truth? That he had not been able to tear the pain away after she fell? That he thought of her? No, it was a weakness, such things. Besides, it would not do any good to talk about something foolish. It wasn't like she could- he pushed it all aside, too complicated to deal with right now.

He had seen her a few times, he realised, even when out on the sands of Tatooine, waiting for the probe droids to return. They seemed to take a ridiculously long time to find the Jedi. He knew they were there, and he had to stop them before they had a chance to escape. His Master had demanded it of him. He must not fail.

It was then he heard her whisper. Clearer than before. A voice without words so it must be in his head but… So clear he was certain it could not be. He looked up and… It was impossible. He must be hallucinating.

"How…?" he gasped. "Zaiya? You… you died…" Stupid, speaking out loud to a nonsense vision but… it was her. But she spoke again, her lips mouthing the words as her voice, that gentle voice of hers spoke in his mind. He looked at her. Really looked at her. Could it really be his own mind playing tricks? He could see her, though it was just her, surrounded by darkness. She looked awful, her eyes- no, eye seemed dull, the other a dark hole, and she was too thin, she looked weakened, bloody… and there was a collar around her neck. It infuriated him. That is not where she was meant to be! She had stood at his side, fought with him! Someone dared to chain her?! To hurt her like this?! It was his fault too, and he knew it. But, she was alive. At least she was alive. Though in such a condition, he was not sure how long she would last. She had asked him, in the ship before they'd encountered his master, she had asked him to survive, and what he might do if something happened to her. As if she had known. How much had she foreseen? Was she keeping secrets? What had happened to her? She didn't even answer him properly. He reached out, tearing his glove away in an effort to touch her, to feel that she was real. When her cool hands touched his warm ones a burst of air escaped him and he looked from her hand to her face. It hurt to see her like this, this wasn't right! But he couldn't look away. She was alive. She really was here. He twined his fingers with hers and held. He wanted to find her wherever she was and return her to her rightful place at his side. She was his apprentice. She belonged with him, his oldest friend… she had promised herself to him… he needed to bring her back. Kill the Jedi, then find Zaiya. Yes! Yes, that was what he had to do.

He warned her against letting her emotions out, not realising the weight of his words then. "Give them nothing," he said. Maybe she could keep a part of herself where he had not.

"I never did," Zaiya spoke this time, but it was beside him. Zaiya as she was now spoke, but she did not look in the direction of her past self. He could feel anger coming from her. A deep rage that burned hot. "I never gave them anything." There was more than rage, a hollowness, a darkness that was not there in the memory. Whatever happened between this moment in the memory and the moment he had seen her on Lotho Minor had changed her.

"Where were you?" he asked, "what happened?" Her gaze dropped completely and her face clouded over. "No, don't you do that, not to me," he said suddenly, standing and grasping her arm, "you do not shut me out like that. Savage said you were taken by people like the Nightsisters, what were they? Raiders? Slavers? Some crime faction?" Her eyes closed and her mouth formed a line. After a moment her eyes opened again.

"Is it so important?" she asked. Again she dodged the answer, but this time he could see emotion in her face. It was pain and sorrow, but he could see it. Still… she hid this from him, did she not trust him with this? What happened that she could not tell him?

I have only one Master. He was back to the memory, her hand in his. One master she said. She still thought of him as Master. Despite his failings… despite everything. But then he felt her fading.

"I will find you," he promised her, his voice and urgent whisper, "I will find you, Zaiya-" but she turned away as if someone were suddenly behind her and she disappeared, her hand gone from his grasp. "Zaiya!" he cried, his yellow eyes shot wide. No… no not again. Too many times were they torn apart. The galaxy was so cruel to torment him like this.

He tore himself away from that spot. Where were the probe droids?! What was taking so long?! His chest burned and he needed to do something. Cursed Jedi… of all the times…! After so long of being hidden, he could walk openly to battle with them, and yet he was being pulled away, urged to go elsewhere.

What had she done to him?


Eventually of course the Probe droids return and he had to go. He cannot leave this desolate planet, he has his orders. So long he had waited. Been so patient despite the burning urge to do more. Maybe this time it would satisfy him. No longer sneaking around trying to strike down a mere Padawan. No, this was a Jedi Knight he was sent to kill. His master had sent minimal details of his targets, though it didn't matter about their names. He just needed to find them. Then kill them.

The Master was in the desert, some child with him, there seemed to be something… a ripple in the Force around this boy, but Maul paid little heed. He needed the Jedi, not some human pet they'd collected. He barely gave the Jedi a chance, striking swiftly and mercilessly. The sand kicked up and he had to kill the Jedi before he had a chance to jump in the ship! His attacks were viscous, intense and strong. He had been trained for this his whole life. This moment.

He fought the Jedi, a big man, tall and strong, and no matter how Maul struck the Jedi seemed to meet every blow. To match every strike and anticipate what was coming next. It infuriated him, but he stayed sharp, channelling that viscous anger into power and energy he could use to cut the accursed Knight in twain. To destroy him in the here and now.

But victory was not to be. His distraction and the late return of the accursed probe droids…! The Jedi escaped and a mix of disappointment, anger and fear coursed through him. The Jedi had seen him and escaped. It was not even an honourable fight! They scrapped in the sand like animals, training aside. He had not even cast off his outer robe, it felt cheapened. A pathetic fight and once more he was left unsatisfied. Where was the intense duel he was promised? He wanted to test a Jedi Knight, a Master… but not like this, not a brief moment in the desert… he wanted a real fight! A real test of his skills - a challenge! He wanted to earn this. His Master would be proud then and he would have proved himself! Maul had to face the Jedi again, he knew he did. He would face them, and he would destroy them.


There was so much he had to bring together. His Master had told him he saved Maul as a child, brought the discarded child to Mustafar then, once he had learned enough to fend for himself, more of the galaxy. Master Sidious taught him hard lessons but lessons he needed in order to become greater. To be the best. The best of course that he now was. His Master had taught him the ways of the Force, explained the Dark Side and how best to utilise it. Taught him who had power and who did not. Taught him how to survive in the darkness, use it for his own gains. To use power, to discard useless things like compassion and love. It all was so simple.

Then she came into his life and everything he thought was rattled. He had intended to use her obvious affections for him for his own gain. Her words were nothing special. But the things she had said, what she had done for him, it wormed its way in and like a thorn in his mind had infected him. Fear that he conquered rose in him once more. He feared losing her. It was unacceptable. This was against his teachings! He only needed himself and his Master! There only needed to be two.

Defying words entered his mind where once there was total obedience. The very knowledge that his Master's Master was not yet dead? Maul was not meant to know about Plagueis… It was sheer accident that he did. Or perhaps it was another test, he did not know. She tells him he is from Dathomir, not Iridonia. She tells him he was not discarded but stolen. That he has a family, brothers and a mother. That they sent her. That she had been training for years to be strong enough to find him. And then of course it came back. His memories of the red planet. Of the swamps and rocky mountains, of the icy Nightbrother village… And of her. Her eyes, her hand leading him to secret places, of the stars sitting beside her… and the amulet. The promise that was made. His hand reaches for it unconsciously. Then he felt it. The little flutter. Her hearts beating lightyears away. She was alive. He had not imagined it. He was almost torn in two with his loyalties. His Master and his Apprentice. Both could not be true. One had to be a lie.

Still. He had not been able to shake it all from his mind and it ached. There is no pain where strength lies. His Master had taught him.

Maul had never felt so weak.


The droid was different. Ever since that last mission and she had 'fixed' it, the droid she had dubbed 'Sixy' had been decidedly different in its function. It seemed to have something of a personality now… and Maul wasn't sure whether it was a good or a bad thing. It was more irritating, though there was the occasional response that was so… so like her. It was almost like she had left him a gift. That did sound like her, didn't it? Why she was so keen to give him things, he had no idea. He did miss the food. The tasty spicy meat she often brought him.

He caught himself, his mind was drifting. Since when did a Sith Lord daydream of all things?

[We are nearly there, sir,] the droid said. It never used to call him that before. His hands grip the arm rests of his seat tighter. He would have to face his Master, having let the Jedi escape him. He was furious. How he wanted to see the Temple in ashes. Rubble at his feet to present to his Master. To offer a gift of his own in order to please the Sith Lord. Praise was so rare from Master Sidious.

[I have a query,] the droid said suddenly. Maul's head slowly turned.

"Yes?"

[Mistress once equated you to a star, I still do not understand this comparison.]

"What?" The question blurted from him without thought. Why was the droid bringing this up? Then suddenly he heard her voice.

[...he always shone brighter than the sun of Dathomir…] it was her voice but it came from the droid. His chest tightened. [...it was more of a metaphor. I mean that he was vibrant, bright, had a fire that could not be extinguished. I admired his power even then. I never-]

"Don't," Maul snarled but the recording continued.

[...he was stronger than all of us. He is a true Prince of Dathomir. I knew then that I wanted to stay by his side, that through me he had a chance to leave the planet. To be more, to do more. To take the opportunities he deserved.]

"Enough!" the Zabrak roared, and slammed his fist into the console, "you will not play that again, you will not even mention her name! Ever!" He threw himself to his feet and stormed from the cockpit, though not before he heard the droid speak again.

[I miss her.]

Maul had never wanted to destroy something more in his life. But he couldn't. Such a reaction would bring too many questions from his master. At least that's what he told himself. Perhaps he should destroy the droid… he could almost see it, ripped it to pieces with his bare hands- The image flashed of her in place of the droid and his whole body jerked involuntarily. No… not he couldn't bring himself to, even though he should. Even though he had to. Maul took deep breaths to calm himself, he had to control this. He was the greatest warrior to walk the Galaxy. His master had trained him to be so. He could not afford such distractions.


Notes:

Lil flashback there - yes these are the events of the Phantom Menace! And wouldn't you know it! It's that time again! May the 4th is only a few days away, and in honour of that - I will release another chapter on that day!

As it happens - as of the time I am writing this, I have The Phantom Menace on in the background and it's just fun to imagine that while I watch Qui-Gon talk to Anakin on the screen, I can imagine Maul and Zaiya talking on the Scimitar. It's the little things!

So! Next chapter we will conclude with the events on Naboo - and with Zaiya watching from a different vantage point this time and we shall see more of what we didn't see before. As always I appreciate your comments and critiques and feedback! I hope you are all doing well and I shall see you in three days!