Shockwaves - Part 1
The group had amassed in the main living area of the ship. Maul was not pleased as he began to pace. Zaiya was silent. She could feel the tension in the room growing, and she would much rather tend to Savage, even though he'd already been bandaged and had both bacta and stims and insisted he was fine, just that his memories were hazy.
"If I could-" she began.
"Zaiya." Maul growled. "I have had enough of secrets."
"You always know everything there is to know about us, yet you keep everything so close to your chest," Feral said with a droop in his shoulders.
"I…" Zaiya grit her teeth. It was true. Of course it was. "I have my reasons," she managed in a whisper.
"Then what are they?" Maul demanded. Zaiya looked up to see him standing with his arms folded.
"What?"
"You have your reasons. I would hear them."
Shame crawled up her back. She had to tell them… she had to say something.
"I… I am ashamed…" she admitted. "That is the truth of it. I am ashamed of what happened. Worse… I am afraid."
"Of someone?" Feral supplied.
"Of- of the way you will see me once I tell you."
There was heavy silence in the room.
"What could you have done that would cause such shame?" Maul hissed.
"I…"
"It's alright, Zaiya," Savage said finally and Zaiya turned to look at him. He looked like Hell but his expression showed a small smile. Slowly, and with what looked like great effort, he reached out and grasped her hand in a large one of his own. She pursed her lips and nodded.
It was time.
"When… when last we saw each other… on Coruscant…" she nodded to Maul and felt him tense up. "I was struck down by Sidious." She gestured to her left eye. "I awoke to heat and noise and I- I couldn't see." Her throat felt tight at the memory but she pushed forward. "Eventually, after passing out and waking again, I found myself in a bed. I was told I was in a hospital… but there was something around my neck…" her fingers brushed her throat instinctively, even through her gloves she felt the scar tissue.
She had to take a breath, but continued.
"Two Twi'Leks spoke to me… and I couldn't tell why but something felt… off. I couldn't see at all, and I was covered in bandages." She heard Maul make a sound but she daren't look at him. Not if she wanted to finish this. "Then there was- he…" She grit her teeth and took a deep breath. "His name is Harasan D'Sarr."
Zaiya nearly gagged at the name and she could only stare at the floor, her words dripping like venom.
"What… did this man do?" Maul asked and she heard the unsteadiness in his voice.
"Initially he said he was helping me… I had no way to verify… I was at his mercy-" she cut off in a scoff and shook her head. "I should have known. No one helps each other in this Galaxy. It was only once my sight returned enough to my good eye did I realise who he was -or rather what he was." Feral reached out to touch her hand gently.
"What was he?" the youngest brother whispered.
"A Zygerrian." She heard Maul growl and Savage curse under his breath.
"What is a Zygerrian?" Feral asked timidly.
"A slaver," Maul snarled. "They deem all other races as weak and therefore they ought to be in chains…" He paused. "Then the collar…"
"Was an obedience collar, yes," Zaiya replied. "It is where these scars originate." she gestured to the scarred burn marks on either side of her throat.
"To leave marks… the amount of times he would have had to-" Savage began.
"I was… uncooperative… at least at first," she explained. "He moved me to a cell after my first escape attempt."
"Could you not use the Force to-"
"No. I had no connection to the Force at all. It was as though I had lost a limb entirely," Zaiya said bitterly. "The only connection I had at all was-" she cut off and finally looked at Maul, though she couldn't quite meet his eyes.
"The visions…" he replied in a whisper. "You witnessed my battles, and… you saw what happened on Naboo." Anger rippled in his words and she could only nod.
"It… I saw you… and I…" she looked away rapidly, her voice trembling, teeth grit as she fought off the wave of grief at the memory. "I broke…" she admitted. "Any semblance of the Force or my magick, even my voice left me in that moment."
"Your voice?" Savage asked. "You didn't speak?"
"Not a word. Not until I managed to make it back to Dathomir and Talzin restored it… and my eye." She gestured limply to herself.
"So your green eye was not of your doing?" Maul asked, "I had thought-"
"No… my eye is completely gone," she shook her head, "I had a patch to cover it while I-" she cut off again. Frustrated at herself for how often she was unable to finish sentences. "Eventually I was his bodyguard, in a sense; but really I was his pet. I did as he said, I killed who he demanded I kill and when he wanted to play…" She let out a soft growl. "It was the only defiance I had in me. He had a fondness for having me wear all white." She couldn't look at anyone now, her chest was so tight she could barely breathe.
"So… he was the one that called you Angel…" Savage said in realisation and Zaiya's eyes squeezed shut.
"They didn't know my name. So he gave me a new one. He called me his Angel of Death, and the only time he would allow me to remove my gloves was to strangle the target of his choosing…" She felt the words bubbling in her now, the anger and pain beginning to rise in her chest. "He said I looked fetching in all white, but I know the real reason was that he liked to see how it would soak up the red when he wanted to play his games."
"He cut you?!" Feral gasped. "For fun?!" Zaiya just nodded and ran a hand over her forearm.
"It was some game he took sick pleasure in. Sometimes he would offer false kindness and affection… all in an attempt to get me to react. He told me he wanted to-" She nearly gagged, remembering what he'd said. "It was perverse."
She heard Maul make a sound and begin pacing again.
"How long…?" Feral asked.
"Eight years," she whispered.
"Eight-?!" Maul spat, "you did not think to strike back? To attack him? To-"
"I wanted to!" she snapped back, suddenly on her feet. This was what she had feared. He gave voice to all of those thoughts. "I know! I did nothing! I let him do this to me! I let him control me! Kill my own allies! I was weak, alright?! Is that what you wanted to hear? I-I'm not like you! I'm not as strong…" The burst of emotion was too much and the dam broke. Tears flowing from her eyes and her body wracked with sobs.
She could not see the way Maul looked at her through the tears. The way his face contorted in horror and his eyes wide. She sank to her knees and Feral was there at once to catch her.
"That's not true Zaiya…" Feral said, speaking softly to her. The pain was too much to bear and she shook, trembling in the Nightbrother's arms… she screamed. The entire ship rattled but it was not quite to the level of the one she had unleashed when she was freed.
She heard them talking but the words didn't make sense to her at that moment. She tried to control her breathing, but she couldn't… she couldn't breathe!
A large hand pressed against her back and Savage's deep rumbling voice spoke in her ear. He was telling her to breathe… that she was alright.
Safe…
Yes… she was safe… though she dare not look at Maul. She was right; he did think she was weak. Pathetic. That it was her own fault.
"Zaiya…" She heard his strained whisper after her cries had muted to shaky gasps. She wiped her face with the damp cloth Feral offered her. She felt so disgusting.
"What did you mean… kill your allies…?" Maul asked, and the closeness of his voice meant he was sitting on the floor with her.
"I… there was a chance one day. He- D'Sarr said he would lend me to one of his business partners for some pick up. It was during a party. I kept D'Sarr busy and a woman - she was a Togruta and they all called her Nannie." Her breath hitched again as she remembered the woman's face. "When I was taken, my amulet was hidden from me. She'd found it, and offered to steal it back. Nannie was the only one that had ever shown me any semblance of kindness."
Zaiya wiped her face, the cool cloth helping to calm her. The embarrassment of her emotions had already begun to set in.
"She found it then?" Feral asked, pointing to Zaiya's chest and Zaiya pulled the golden half-disk out of her shirt to hold.
"She did. But… she was caught. And I… D'Sarr made me…" her teeth grit again as she tried to fight the grief back again. "She was so peaceful. Like she knew what was coming, she accepted death at my hands and she… smiled at me." The look in Zaiya's good eye was utterly haunted, she could almost see Nannie's face before her as though she was still there.
"It's not your fault," Feral insisted.
"Isn't it?" she replied dryly.
"No! You did what you had to do to survive." Zaiya pursed her lips. She didn't know if she believed it.
"It was when the associate took me off-planet to some pick up that I had my chance. The one he was sent to meet was… Hondo Ohnaka." She let out a dry chuckle.
"The Pirate?" Maul asked and she nodded.
"He helped me, got me out of there and got the collar off." Her fingers flexed as she looked at them. "The power came back to me then, and I felt free…"
"And the Zygerrian?" Savage asked.
"The one that took me away is dead." She nodded, "I… screamed, this power ran through me and I screamed so loud that he fell and never got back up." The three Zabraks exchanged looks.
"You have that power?" Savage asked.
"If what we saw a minute ago is any indication…" Feral muttered and gestured around the room.
"I've not used it since then," Zaiya explained, but she suspected she could do it again if she needed to.
"So that was when we saw you again on Dathomir," Savage added and Zaiya nodded. Feral looked to Maul.
"When we saw her she was skin and bones, starved, sallow and I don't know how she was even standing," he explained. "It… it was so painful to see her like that."
"I'm… I'm sorry-" she began.
"No!" The three of them almost shouted at her all at once, making her jump.
"This was not your fault, he did this to you." Feral squeezed her hand.
"You are stronger for what they did," Maul muttered, though the words seemed hollow. She lowered her head, she was suddenly so tired. He had to be disgusted with her weakness. Of course he was, he vauled strength and power and she had just admitted to giving up hers and letting this slaver scum break her down until she was his willing pet.
"You don't ever have to go back there," Savage comforted, still slowly caressing her back.
"He is still alive, is he not?" Maul asked in that same hollow tone.
"He is."
"Then we must kill him." His answer was immediate and harsh. "You must have your revenge."
Of course. Always revenge. Always payback.
"I… I have other pursuits…" Zaiya closed her eyes and counted her breaths. She had to regain control.
"Other…?" Maul scoffed, "what could be…?"
"Kenobi is a far more reachable target," she said, and managed to push those feelings away. This feeling of weakness was utterly vile. Especially in the presence of those that valued strength. Finally she looked at him and his dark expression was one of contemplation.
…His nose scrunches up when he's angry. She thought to herself. Wait… where did that thought come from? And why was she so distracted?
All that emotion… was she really so tired from something so simple?! Perhaps she ought to retire, if she was unable to focus. She blinked slowly and let out a slow breath.
"You need sleep," Feral said gently, caressing her arm. Being touched like this was so strange, usually she didn't like to be touched at all… but Feral, Savage and Maul didn't have the same effect on her. They seemed to be the exception.
"I'm…" she began to protest, more out of habit than reality but Savage chuckled.
"You're practically falling asleep on my arm." Zaiya jerked slightly as she realised she'd begun to lean on him. "I need to rest after everything that has happened today, I suggest we all do, the droid has the controls." He gestured a large hand over his shoulder.
Zaiya looked at him with a soft expression, unable to school herself as she looked at him sweetly. She cupped his chiselled cheek and rested her forehead on his.
"I missed you, Savage. I'm so very glad you're alright," she confessed and Savage let out a little purr-like noise.
"Thank you for coming for me," he replied warmly. He reached out to help her rise and she made it to her feet. "Come on…" he insisted on escorting her, and they passed by Maul who appeared to be fuming, and the painful feeling in her gut just twisted further. He had to be disgusted by her, surely.
Zaiya pointed the way to Savage who guided her along, much to her annoyance. She wasn't invalid! Moreover Savage was the injured one! After a few sleepy steps she shook her head to clear it, walking forward normally and leading Savage to the sleeping quarters.
In the background she could hear Feral talking with Maul, it almost sounded heated, but she wasn't sure she could look at Maul at that moment. It just hurt too much.
She said goodnight to Savage and he chose a room to sleep, while she too returned to her own bunk. She was very glad Sixy was there to pilot… she was out the moment her head hit the pillow.
Notes:
This one was a little heavy, I hope you are all keeping safe and that you're all well.
I believe we have a few new readers and that is so very exciting. I love the influx of new people and the comments of "I wasn't sure if i'd like this, but I am really enjoying it!" It brings me a lot of joy.
Recently I found you can buy Rancor plushes at build-a-bear and you guys just know... I wanna get one and put a yellow ribbon on it. T^T So that's my current obsession.
As for the next chapter, Maul finally breaks his silence and Zaiya has some wild visions. As always, comments really keep me motivated and excited to keep going. It's been pretty difficult lately and I hope that this week the looming dread I have will dissipate and I can get back to writing a bit more.
Next week I will be posting more Sins, so if you enjoy my characters, I encourage you to check it out.
Thank you!
