Chapter 23: Dog Dayz Part 1
(Hey everyone. It's me again. As I mentioned in my Jigoku Files story, I'm going to try not expanding the Author's Note if I don't need to. It's not what you're here for. With that being said, I do have a bit of news to share. For Halloween, I will be making a one-shot companion to this series. Consider it a Halloween special and my only special contribution to my favorite holiday. Year's been total shit. Lost a Aunt, election year, all that shit. As such, I needed time to get back into the flow of writing which meant no time to plan anything special for Halloween. I already had this idea on the back burner so I figured why the hell not.
One more thing, as I mentioned before, there's a scam going on where people will PM you asking to make commissioned artwork of your story. I don't know the full story but enough of these people have sent me the exact same PM for me to know something's up. I know you all know better so this isn't meant so much as a warning to you as it is a message to them that I see through their bullshit so don't bother asking.
Anyway, that's enough bullshit from myself. Time to get into the story which I think you'll find has a few interesting developments...)
The First Church of Springfield was one of the few places in town that hadn't changed much in the past eight years aside from a paint job turning it a pristine white. It still had that sign in front of it with no guard glass to prevent vandals from changing up the lettering to suit their own needs. It was still run by Reverend Lovejoy and his family with the Flanders volunteering quite a bit. And, despite the decline of Christianity in recent years, it still attracted a large crowd of believers every Sunday. Believers and the people dragged into Church with them.
Lisa was one of the latter.
She never bothered offering a complaint when it came to Church attendance. With a mother like Marge Simpson, it wouldn't do her any good regardless. Every Sunday, she dressed in a long olive dress not dissimilar to the one her mother often wore, practiced a little meditation for patience and went along quietly. Of course, Lisa was still a Buddhist and as the years have gone by, that religion only made more sense to her as Christianity made less so. The biggest clincher for her, of course, was the fact that in Buddhism, animals were viewed as sentient beings deserving of love, respect and protection while in Christianity, they were only placed on Earth to feed Man. (Never mind all the inedible species running around.) Lisa sometimes found herself wondering if Christianity had a role in the amount of animal abusers in the world due to this point of view. She always pushed this thought out of her mind quickly, however, for the last thing she wanted, especially since the Beast appeared, was to develop a prejudice against anyone beside animal abusers.
Especially when the people in that category included her mother.
The Simpsons rolled into church on that Sunday like any other with one huge exception: Homer wasn't with them.
Marge sighed heavily as she studied the crowd of church-goers, clearly hoping to find Homer among the bored, sleepy faces. Lisa and Bart exchanged a look of concern at this action for they both knew it was completely pointless. Homer had never been one for Church, always in a hurry to leave when the service was over and always outright cheering if something came up that cancelled the trip altogether. There was the slight possibility that Homer was simply at a different church to avoid the awkwardness of bumping into his family but logic dictated that he was most likely sleeping in at his new apartment, embracing the one undeniable plus of a life separated from Marge
They both envied him. Bart as he was never a fan of Sunday service either and Lisa because...well, she would be reminded of that soon enough.
The family made their way to the entrance where one Ned Flanders was standing, doing his best to greet his fellow Christians with a smile. Even after losing his second wife to lung cancer a few years back, Ned never seemed to waver in his faith. Much like the church itself, Ned was the same that he had always been, save for some grey hair and a mustache. Some people returned his favor, others reacted with complete indifference and still others didn't take kindly to his joyful greetings at all.
"Good morning, my good sir! Ready for another board with the Lord?"
"Go to hell."
"Okily Dokily." It was then that Ned noticed the Simpsons. "Well if it isn't the Simpsons! Early to raise, early to praise, am I right?"
"Get bent." Bart muttered, feeling far too tired for Ned's banter. This earned him a slap upside the head from his mother. "Hey!"
"Bart, behave yourself!" Marge cleared her throat and replied to Ned. "Sorry about that Ned. This kids are still a little irritable after the separation and all. You understand."
"Oh I sure do." Ned nodded. "It was one thing to lose their mother at such a young age but to lose Edna a year later? It took Rod and Todd years to recover." He removed his glasses and wiped them with his tie. "But you know what they say, the Good Lord never gives you more than you can handle."
"Tell that to Clementine." The Beast whispered. Lisa uttered a low growl.
Just then, the bell rang, signifying the beginning of mass"
"Well cut the sass, it's time for mass!" Ned waved good-bye. "See you inside!"
Marge ushered her kids into the church. As with the outside, the inside of the church mostly stayed the same throughout the years. The walls were lined with stained glass depicting the various saints and martyrs and bathing the pews in a sickly rainbow glow. Marge and the kids took their usual spots near the front and waited patiently for everyone else to get settled. Well, Marge and Lisa waited patiently. Bart and Maggie grumbled to themselves about how many precious years of their youth were being stolen by that jerk Jesus. Marge murmured in an effort to keep them quiet but it only worked for a few seconds at a time.
Eventually, every pew in the church was filled and Reverend Lovejoy made his way to the podium. Standing to his right with a projector beside her was Helen Lovejoy. Reverend Lovejoy cleared his throat, murmured about how he'd rather be playing with his train set, and began his sermon. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the First Church of Springfield. Glad to see so many faces returning from last Sunday unlike a certain man I can mention."
Marge tugged at her collar as she knew for a fact he was talking about Homer. The Lovejoys certainly had a thing for bringing up the unattending.
"Anyways, I was going to deliver to you a riveting sermon from the book of Job, concerning how even in the darkest of days, one must praise God rather than ask questions."
Lisa felt the need to meditate again.
"However, due to recent events, there's been a change of plans."
Ned groaned sadly. He was already looking forward to hearing the story of Job for the millionth time.
"No, what I want to talk to you folks about today is...THIS!" With that sudden shout, Reverend Lovejoy pointed to his wife who dimmed the lights and turned on the projector. Above the Reverend's head, the screenshot of a news article could be seen. The congregation gasped as they bore witness to a most ghastly sight plastered on the front page, the partially digested head of one Captain Horatio McCallister floating on the ocean surface. Above the gruesome picture read the title: "ANIMAL AVENGER TURNS THE SEA RED WITH ATTACK ON LOCAL FISHERMEN!"
"How awful!" Marge whined. "How could they just show such horrific images in a church?"
"Eh, Christianity just be like that sometimes." Lenny answered from behind Marge's pew. He was currently watching The Passion of the Christ on his phone, specifically, the part where Jesus was being flayed alive. For whatever reason, he had neglected to bring headphones.
"This here is the latest addition to the body count wrought by that vile Animal Avenger!" Lovejoy growled. "So in light of this, I've decided to change my sermon from one about accepting grace in times of sorrow to one simple concept: Priority.
"Huh?" There were confused murmurs throughout the congregation.
"Tell me something, people." Lovejoy continued. "What do you think is the Animal Avenger's priority? What is it that you think he seeks above all else?"
"Well certainly not God!" Ned spoke up in a fearful tone. He always got quite nervous whenever the Animal Avenger was mentioned. "No man could do the things he does and call himself holy!"
"Exactly Flanders!" Lovejoy shouted in agreement. "There is nothing holy about that maniac! Nothing godly!"
"But, doesn't he only kill, like, animal abusers?" Lenny looked up from his phone to ask. "Wouldn't that make him like a vigilante or something?"
"Blasphemy!" A random churchgoer shouted as he yanked a cross off the wall and launched it at Lenny. The pointy end of the cross wedged itself into Lenny's right eye. "Oww! My eye! I'm not supposed to get Christ in it!"
"That right there is exactly my point!" Lovejoy confirmed. "Whoever this Animal Avenger is, they're clearly someone who prioritizes the lives of animals more than their fellow man!"
"Oh brother." Lisa muttered.
"Yeah, what?" Bart asked.
"Huh? Oh nothing." Lisa waved her hand.
"Now I love all of God's creatures as much as the next human being but there is a reason the Lord gave us tongues to speak and brains to think and guns to shoot and that is because all animals are subservient to us, made for our use."
"Mom, can I go to the restroom?" Lisa asked through gritted teeth.
"Not now, sweetie, the Reverend's talking." Marge replied without taking her eyes off Reverend Lovejoy.
"Man is not to prioritize animals over his fellow man anymore than he is to prioritize himself over God!"
Roars of approval erupted from the pews and Lisa felt herself sinking into that same feeling of angry dread she always felt at times like these, times with it seemed the whole world was turning on her without realizing it.
"And for that matter, nothing else in this world is to take priority over God, This is a lesson that all good Christians must have imprinted on their heart and I say unto you that it is the parents who wield this awesome task!"
"The parents!?" Marge looked around as if everyone was accusing her of something.
"Yes, it all begins with the parents! Why, I bet you if anything the Animal Avenger became the twisted monster they are now because his parents didn't imprint the word of the Lord onto their souls!"
"Bite me." Lisa whispered darkly. Inside her mind, the Beast cackled loudly.
"Parents, I'm sure you've often fretted over how your child's future will unfold. You send them to school. You teach them right and wrong. But how sure can you actually be that what you're doing is enough? How can you be sure your children fear God enough to stay on the path of righteousness?"
"More like self-righteousness." Barth whispered into Lisa's ear, causing her to snicker.
"Kids, quiet!" Marge growled.
"Sorry Mom." They both said in unison.
"Take my daughter for example." Lovejoy spoke. "I love her with as much love as a father can give his child without getting the Abraham treatment but she was going nowhere fast. Always sneaking off to sinful parties and stealing from the collection plate when she thought no one was looking. Not to mention her awful, awful taste in men."
Bart simply glared at the Reverend.
"Luckily, my wife and I found a most excellent place to send Jessica for the summer that we hope can bring an end to her pretty reckless ways." Lovejoy clapped his hands and his wife changed the image on the projector. The congregation found themselves staring at a much more saccharine image then the Sea Captain's rotting head, a group of youths sitting before Jesus with a banjo in his hands, his mouth open in what was sure to be quite a hokey song.
"Mr. Davy's Bible Camp for Willful Youths specializes in imparting the will of God onto youths through various activities and exercises." Lovejoy continued. "By that, of course, I mean chores and Bible study."
The Simpsons siblings groaned to themselves at the mere thought of such a nightmare.
"Best of all, while it specializes in catering to younger children, they're more than happy to take in teenagers, even those on the cusp of adulthood. This is where we sent Jessica." Lovejoy uttered a sigh of content. "Yes as we speak, I'd imagine she's sitting through a service just like this one, imparting the importance of choosing God's will over our own. I'm confident that when she gets back, she'll be the kind of young woman she was always meant to be, a true paragon of faith and virtue."
Bart winced uncomfortably as Lovejoy spoke. "Come on! Does this guy even hear himself? He sounds like he's expecting her to be brainwashed or something!" Bart lowered his head as his thoughts continued to weigh it down. "Poor Jessica. This kind of crap is hardly bearable for just an hour a week. I can't even begin to imagine a whole summer of it! And she put herself through it for me." Bart recalled what Jessica told her that night at the prom, back when everyone was still expecting to remember that night for their first kisses and hookups and not a random suicide at the park. "She gave up her first summer as an adult...for me?" Guilt encased Bart's heart like frost and he found himself drowning out the rest of Lovejoy's words.
Lisa was not so lucky.
"Nag! Nag! Nag! Who does that Reverend think he is, chastising us for what we do? Guess he never bothered to research the full history of how his religion grew so vast, huh?"
"Most Christians don't." Lisa thought. "It doesn't really matter to me. He always makes sermons like this after I've completed a hunt. That's one of the things I hate the most about sitting through Church."
"Yes. I'd imagine it must be quite uncomfortable listening to a bunch of self-righteous sheep bray for your blood. Why, if they knew who you really were, they'd probably crucify you!"
"Thanks for the mental image."
"You're welcome."
"Now sign-ups are obviously closed for this summer but the good folks at Mr. Davy's were kind enough to lend us flyers to hand out." Lovejoy nodded to his wife who lifted a box from behind the projector and made her way to the pews, placing a flyer in the waiting hands of her husband's congregation. The flyer was green in color and had a badly printed picture of a cross on a hill beneath the text. The text itself read as follows:
Lost? Confused? Not sure where to turn to next? Mr. Davy's Bible Camp for Willful Youths will guide you to the right path whether you come willingly or not. Praise be to Good!
Lisa couldn't help but snicker at the typo capping off the whole thing. Maggie refused to take one so Helen shoved it into her chest. Bart took his graciously, only to tear it to shreds as soon as Lovejoy left.
"Ohhh!" Marge cooed as she read it over. "Sounds like fun?"
"How exactly?" Both Bart and Lisa thought.
"Those of you who have children, especially of the rebellious kind, I implore you to consider Mr. Davy's for next summer. I think you will be very pleased with the results as I'm sure me and my wife will be." Lovejoy looked at his watch. "Oh...45 minutes left..." He tented his fingers nervously. "Hmmm...I know! What about a song?" He took out a guitar from behind his podium and began to play. "Amazing Grace, how sweet the so-
One of the strings snapped.
"Oh son of a-
"You know kids, this might be a good idea for next summer." Marge spoke. "You could always use more moral fiber, that's what I always say."
"No way!" Bart crossed his hands. "Sorry Mom but I'm a legal adult and I'll move to a box on the street if I have to."
"And since when have I needed more moral fiber?" Lisa asked. "I'm the only one who donates food the homeless for Thanksgiving."
"Hey, me and Homer donated late year!"
"Plastic toys don't count!"
"Says you!" Bart took a toy carrot out of his pocket and started chewing on it the way a dog would a chew toy.
"Well I guess that just leaves you Maggie." Marge said as she turned to her youngest daughter.
Maggie gasped in horror at the thought as well as the realization that unlike her siblings, she had not excuse that would save her. She turned to both her siblings pleadingly but they just looked away in shame. Realizing her next summer had effectively been stolen from her, she growled and crossed her arms.
"Sunday, cruddy Sunday." She muttered.
"Come on, Benny! I'm almost done! Gah! No! Ahh!" Lisa shielded herself in vain as the little brown puppy shook itself dry in the sink. "You know, you really should save that for when the bath's actually over." She giggled.
Benny paid no heed to Lisa's words and placed his front paws on the edge of the sink. Lisa giggled again as she gently grabbed his paws and placed him fully back inside the sink before grabbing the nozzle. The puppy whined as Lisa sprayed his body with warm water, washing all of the remaining suds from his brown fur. Lisa clicked in sympathy. "Now now, it's almost over." She promised as she turned the water off. She placed the nozzle back on the sink and grabbed a red towel which she then wrapped Benny in. She lifted the puppy from the sink, placed him safely on the floor and dried him as carefully as she could before lifting the towel and allowing the puppy to shake himself dry once again.
"There," Lisa beamed. "Don't you feel better without all those pesky fleas in your fur?"
Benny replied with a delighted bark as if confirming Lisa's assertion. She laughed as she scooped the puppy up in her hands again and allowed him to lick her face a few times before walking back to the kennel. As soon as she stepped inside, her ears were once again assaulted with the thunderous barking of dozens of dogs in cages, begging to be set free. At the back of the kennel was a large cage set aside for puppies younger than six weeks. There were already three other puppies playing in that cage as Lisa approached it with Benny, two black labs and a beautiful white Cocker Spaniel with tan spots all over her. Benny seemed shy of the new puppies and burrowed himself into Lisa's chest as she approached the cage.
"Aww! Don't be shy Benny." Lisa lifted the puppy to her eye-level. "These are going to be your new friends for a while. I'm sure you're going to have a lot of fun together!"
Benny continued to whine in protest as Lisa opened the cage slightly and slipped him inside. At once, the Cocker Spaniel went out to greet Benny, sniffing him vigorously. Benny seemed a little apprehensive at first and even growled at the newcomer who mistook it for an invitation to play. She lifted her tail in the air and yelped happily as her way of accepting it, licked Benny on the nose and ran off. With that lick, Benny realized that the other puppy was no threat and happily gave in to the game, barking happily as he gave chase. The other two labs noticed the newcomer as he ran past and chased after him as well.
Lisa smiled to see the entire display unfold. It was moments like these that made her especially grateful to have a job at the Animal Shelter. Well, a season job anyway as still being in high school meant Lisa could only participate in this line of work during the summer and spring break. Luckily, management was impressed with Lisa's skills enough to set up an arrangement so that she could still be paid for her work here when she was present. Even though Lisa still had every intention of going to collage after high school, she figured she would need a job to pay for the tuition and student loans and what better job than the animal shelter.
It most definitely helped that she had a friend here.
"Thanks for bathing the new puppy for me." Clarissa said as Lisa stepped out of the kennel. In her hands was a four-week old orange tabby kitten drinking from a bottle. "I really needed to feed the kittens."
"It's no trouble at all." Lisa handwaved. "You know, when all is said and done, after the feeding and the cleaning and enrichment, there's just something so utterly satisfying about getting a stray back on its feet."
"I know right?" Clarissa agreed. "Why would anyone do drugs when they could just volunteer at the shelter?"
"Exactly!" Both Lisa and Clarissa laughed to themselves as if they were in a comedy club.
"Someone shoot me." The Beast whispered inside Lisa's head. If there was any evidence to the concept of the Beast being her own entity, it would be the fact that she seemed to absolutely hate the shelter. No killing. No death. No blood except for the occasional fuck-up with the nail clippers. Nothing but cutesy puppy-wuppies and kitty-wittys and all that other wholesome bullshot she hated. She had begged Lisa to find a different job, maybe something more violent, but this was one of the few portions of their arrangement that Lisa asserted full control over. This was something for her and her alone, something removed from the killing, a chance to help rather than harm and she liked it just fine.
"Speaking of volunteering, did you ever talk to your brother about it?" Clarissa asked.
"Oh. Oh no." Lisa shook her head. "In fact, Bart actually got a job last week so I don't think he'll be able to spare the time anymore."
"Oh. That's a shame." Clarissa said before leaning closer to Lisa. "You know, Madison told me she found him kinda cute."
"Please don't remind me," Lisa cringed playfully. "Honestly, it's for the best really. Knowing Bart, all he'd do is make a mess and then concoct some hare-brained prank that would most likely involve releasing all the animals."
Clarissa burst out laughing. "Honestly, that sounds like it would be a riot."
"I'm sure it would be, for him at least." Lisa shook her head again. "Enough about Bart, how about Nathaniel? I bet you're excited for your big day this October."
"You know it!" Clarissa beamed with pride as she looked down at the engagement ring resting on her finger. "God, it still feels so surreal. I keep replaying the night he preposed in my head over and over again. Oh, you should have been there Lisa. The way the moonlight bounced off his face when he got down on one knee in front of me. I...It was like something out of a novel!"
"Yeah. A cheap discount novel you'd find next to the coloring books in a gas stop!"
"Well, I'm happy for you." Lisa replied. "I'm sure Nathaniel will make you very happy."
"Thanks, Lisa!" Clarissa sniffled, a single tear of joy seeping from her eye. She wiped it away at once. "So...what about you?"
"Huh? What about me?"
"Are you seeing anyone?" Clarissa clarified. "Maybe a high school sweetheart?"
Lisa blushed. "What!? No! I...I'm kinda focused on other things at the moment."
"Right. Sometimes I forget you're not exactly the girly type."
"Geez, you make me sound like a tomboy!" Lisa giggled.
"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant, you know, you're the kind of girl that's more concerned about her education than love life and I can respect that. But...But come on, Lisa. You can't tell me you've never at least had a crush."
"Well, of course I have!" Lisa replied and this was true. She thought back to all the people she had developed feelings for over the years. Corey. Luke. Jesse. Nelson...Clementine. Without meaning to, Lisa replayed that awful moment in her head when she was forced to kill the one person who fully accepted her for who she was. She could still smell the blood in the air, still feel the squish of gore beneath her feet. She went silent and her eyes darkened.
"Oh...Lisa..." Clarissa set the by-then empty bottle down and tapped Lisa's shoulder. "Lisa, are you alright?"
"Huh!" Lisa snapped back to her senses. "I'm sorry what?"
"Geez, Lisa. I'm not sure what happened but I'm sorry for bringing it up. Dating I mean. You looked like you were having a war flashback."
Lisa blushed again as she realized Clarissa had witnessed her silent breakdown. "No no! It's nothing like that! Really! I just-
Before Lisa could finish, the bell connected to the front door rang, signifying that someone had entered the shelter. Both women rushed down the hallway toward the front office to greet someone they hoped had come to adopt some of the dogs and cats under their care. Or at least, donate some much needed food and bedding.
As they entered the front office, they found three young men, two white and one black, speaking with Madison, the girl in charge of the numbers and stats as well as all the legal paperwork. She had black hair with neon green streaks in it and a tattoo of a snake running down her right arm as well as a pierced lip. All this combined with her resting bitch face made her quite an unfriendly sight to anyone just seeing her. Of course, Lisa and Clarissa had gotten to know her enough to learn that Madison was actually quite kind, especially to animals. It was only when one went out of their way to piss her off did she so much as speak in a unfriendly tone so when they heard that very tone being used as they walked in, Lisa and Clarissa knew something was wrong.
"For the last time, we don't give animals away." Madison explained. "And if you want to adopt a dog, you need to get the proper paperwork-
"We don't have time for the proper paperwork!" One of the young men slammed his hands on Madison's desk. "We just need...just want some dogs alright? I thought you were supposed to find homes for all the strays right!? We're offering a home!"
"Yeah!" One of the other guys backed his friend up. "Why's it always gotta be about money huh?"
"What's going on here?" Clarissa asked as she and Lisa walked up to the group. Madison seemed to relax a little now that her friends were here.
"These guys keep asking if we give away dogs and I'm trying to explain that they have to adopt like everyone else." She explained.
"Well, that shouldn't be a problem." Clarissa said as she turned to the men. "The fee for adopting a dog isn't very costly and it's the same for every dog here."
"But we ain't trying to spend any money." One of the men said. "We trying to ma-OOF!"
His "friend" elbowed him in the stomach with a "quiet moron!" hidden under his breath and walked up to Clarissa. "I'm sorry Ma'am. It's just, me and my friends were led to believe that this was sort of a charity operation. We didn't realize they ran animal shelters for profit now, especially with so much red tape involved."
"We don't." Lisa defended. "The only reason there's a fee is because it costs money to run the shelter in the first place."
"And the paperwork or the red tape as you call it is to ensure the animals are going to a home they'll be loved and protected in." Clarissa added
"And what, is my word not good enough for ya?" The man asked.
"I'm afraid not." Lisa said.
"Tsk!" The man flicked his head toward the front door and his two friends started walking. "Alright, alright. I get it. We'll come back with the money. Until then," He clicked his teeth and pointed a finger gun at the girls. "Stay pretty!" He clicked again as he followed his friends out the door.
"Ew." Madison stated flatly. She took a can of air freshener from her desk and started spraying. She always did this when a truly annoying customer came by.
"Geez, what was up with those guys?" Clarissa asked.
"I don't know." Lisa replied. "I guess some people just assume there's no fee for the animals given how close to a charity we are." She sighed. "Almost feel bad for them, really. That must have been embarrassing, coming to the shelter without any money and learning you need it."
"Oh they knew." Madison croaked. "They knew damn well it cost a fee and some paperwork to take an animal from here. They don't care."
"Huh?" Lisa turned to Madison. "What do you mean?"
"I mean this isn't the first time these assholes have shown up here demanding a free dog." Madison answered. "In fact, this is probably the fourth or fifth time they've come by here."
"What!?" Lisa exclaimed.
"Why didn't you tell us before?" Clarissa asked.
"You guys just seemed so busy with all the new dogs and cats we have to deal with, I didn't want to bother you." Madison explained. "Besides, those guys are pushovers. Stand your ground just a little and they leave before long."
"And they're always trying to get a free dog?" Lisa inquired.
"More like free dogs." Madison corrected. "Always say it's for their kid brothers birthday or something. I don't know." Madison took out some black lip gloss and a makeup mirror and started applying it.
"That's strange," Clarissa put her finger to her chin. "Why are these guys so adamant about getting dogs for free?"
"Hmmm...Hey Madison," Lisa asked. "Did these guys ever mention what kind of dogs they wanted?"
Madison smacked her lips before speaking. "Once or twice. Said they wanted something big and strong. Like a rottweiler or a-
"A pit bull." Lisa finished in a solemn voice
"Um...yeah...Hey, Lisa are you alright?" Madison asked. "You look like someone pissed in your cornflakes."
"What!?" Lisa fixed her face and chuckled sheepishly. "No no! I just...I need the restroom. To use the restroom! Yeah!" Lisa waved to her coworkers as she stormed down the end of the hall, a fake smile fixed on her face until they were finally out of view. Once that was the case, Lisa allowed the smile to drop, her eyes once again turning predatory as the Beast began to snicker.
"My my, Is that the scent of bloodlust I smell in you, dear Lisa? What ever could have brought that on?"
"I think we both know." Lisa answered as she entered the bathroom. "Think about it. Those men are trying to get dogs for free and they want strong ones like pit bulls. Now does that sound familiar to you?"
"Hmm...maybe." The Beast teased. "It does bring to mind two names, however. Names I think you remember quite well."
"Raul and Miguel." Lisa hissed. "I had heard rumors of the dog fighting community in Springfield rising up again after I put those two in the dirt but I figured that was all they were. Just stupid rumors." Lisa sighed. "That's what I hoped they were."
"Well looks like hope is dead." The Beast snickered. "Only thing to do now is have history repeat itself. So, what's the plan?"
"Hold your horses," Lisa scolded. "We still need to be absolutely sure that these guys are looking for fight dogs. I'll need to do some scouting."
"Don't you mean stalking?"
"Shut up." Lisa growled. She sat on the closed toilet and waited. She figured hiding out here for a few minutes and clinching it with a flush would be enough to throw the girls off her back, even if it did mean wasting water. "I still hope I'm wrong." She thought. "I really really hope the dog fighting ring isn't trying to reform in Springfield again. I really hope I'm wrong." In her head, The Beast continued to snicker and Lisa knew why.
They both knew she was right.
"Welcome to Krusty Burger. What can I get you?" Bart asked.
"Yes, I will have four Double Krusty Burgers, two extra-large Krusty fries and a Bucket of Flan." Jeff Albertson or as he more well-known as, Comic Book Guy requested. He then gestured to his wife Kumiko. "She will have the Deep Fried Salad with extra crunchy crotons. Finally, he turned and presented his children, two small twins, a boy and a girl, clasping at the flabs of his back like koala bears. "These two will have a Krusty Kiddie Meal with extra ice cream."
"Yes sir." Bart typed in the order with a yawn. "Do you want the Super Secret Sauce with those Double Krusty Burgers?"
"Do you even need to ask such a thing?" CBG replied in a almost offended tone as he and his family made it to their table. A long time ago, the very idea that Comic Book Guy could get a date, never mind a wife, was completely laughable, a thought only to be entertained by the insanely hopeful. And yet, there he was, sitting next to his beautiful manga artist of a bride with their two young and, dare we say, adorable children sitting across from them. Not much changed about Comic Book Guy appearance wise aside from his grey hair, glasses and the vest he now wore over his favorite blue shirt, the pockets lined with virtually every trading card series you could think of. Kumiko's hair was also starting to grey but other than that, she looked the same as she always had. And as for their kids, Stan and Naoko, they were twins with their mother's black hair, her skin completion and...well just about everything. Only they they really inherited from their father was his sarcasm but that wouldn't be apparent until at least a few more years.
None of this, of course, was of any interest to Bart as he was currently refilling the fry tray. "Damn, who knew that a job would be so much work?" Once he was finished with the fries, he took his spot back at the counter, relieved to see he hadn't missed a hungry customer. "I know jobs are supposed to suck by default but this one really takes the cake. The customers are rude. The manager's never here when you need him, the uniform reeks of geek," He looked down at the pink and white striped shirt and blue pants that made up his uniform. "And those two bozo coworkers of mine aren't any help either."
"Hey Weevil." Rex's voice shouted from the kitchen. "Wanna dare me to stick my schlong in the deep fryer?"
"Heh heh heh. Yeah! I dare you! I dare you to make a deep-fried hotdog heh heh."
"Stop sticking your junk in the deep-fryer!" Bart screamed at his coworkers before whispering to himself. "Geez, you'd think he'd learn from yesterday."
"Hey, what's your problem, dork!?" Rex shouted from the kitchen.
"Yeah, you mad because your name rhymes with Fart?" Both Weevil and Rex burst into laughter at this discovery.
"Yeah! Fart Simpson! Ha ha. Like, eat my ass!"
"It's eat my shorts!" Bart corrected angrily. He sighed as he heard a group of footsteps approaching his counter. "At least this can't get any worse." He cleared his throat and turned to his newest customers. "Welcome to Krusty Burger. What can I get you..."
"Bart?" Milhouse asked. "Is that you? At his right was Nelson, looking as if he was holding in a laugh while on his left, her arms draped around his, was Janey.
"Ahh!" Bart began to stammer. "N-No! I'm not Bart! I'm...I'm..." He ducked down behind the counter and returned with a fake moustache. "I'm Bort!"
"Hey, Fart Simpson!" Weevil shouted from the kitchen. "Rex's dumbass spilled all the frying oil on the floor."
"H-Hey! Don't blame this on me! You're the one who dared me to put my junk in it!"
The moustache fell off of Bart's lips and he sighed in defeat. "Alright, it's me."
"Haw haw!" Nelson guffawed. It was the first time in years that he had uttered his signature laugh. "Bart's invoking the Burger Fool trope!"
"Hey, shut up, man!" Bart shouted. "I'm working this job to put food on the table for my family.." He crossed his arms. "I don't know about you guys but some of us are taking this adulting thing seriously."
Nelson scoffed. "Big deal! I scored a job working at Otto's mechanic's shop."
"Otto runs a mechanic's shop?" Bart asked.
"Oh yeah! It's a pretty swell place to work once you get used to the smell of oil and weed."
"And I got a job at the computer repair store!" Milhouse happily butted in.
Bart raised an eyebrow. "You know how to fix a computer?"
"Well, no." Milhouse admitted sadly. "But they've started me on calculators and I've been making some heavy progress." He wiggled his eyebrows in that confident way he usually did when he was proud of something which caused Bart's eyes to roll.
"Well I think it's great that Bart's working at Krusty Burger." Janey spoke. "The position of a fast food employee is a cruelly underappreciated one."
Bart stifled a laugh himself. "Man, you sound like my sister saying things like that."
"Never tell her." Janey said in a serious tone.
"Whatever, we just want our food." Nelson broke in.
"Sure, what will you have?"
I want two Double Krusty Burgers and a Krusty Shake!" Nelson ordered.
"I want a Krusty Kiddie Meal!" Milhouse beamed.
"But Milhouse! You're an adult!"
"But they're doing a Puppy Goo Goo toy line right now!"
Janey patted Milhouse on the shoulder and giggled before turning to Bart. "We'll just take two normal Krusty Burgers and I would like mine without pickles."
"Understood." Bart typed up the order. "That will be $117."
"What!? No discount for friends?" Milhouse leaned over the counter as if trying to intimidate Bart into lowering the price. The eldest son of Homer Jay Simpson simply tapped the sign to his left with a loud "ahem" sound. The sign read in black bold letters:
Any Attempts To Give Discounts To Friends Or Family Will Result In A Lifetime Ban For All Parties Involved.
"Oh." Milhouse groaned in disappointment as he pulled out his wallet. Once the payment was made, the trio went to a table near the back of the restaurant to await their meals. Bart placed the money in the register and looked around for any more customers. Once he realized they're weren't any, he found his attention shifting back toward his friends. He couldn't hear what they were saying but from the gestures Nelson was making as well as the laughter coming from Milhouse and Janey, Bart figured he was regaling them with another one of his sports stories. Maybe even the one about the guy who stormed out into the field with a jock strap stuck to his foot. Just thinking about that one made Bart chuckle to himself.
"Ahh. Youth." Bart sighed as he continued to watch his friends. After he was apparently finished with his story, he got up and marched to the restroom, leaving Milhouse and Janey alone. Once the former football Captain vanished behind the darkened hallway, the young couple turned to each other and whispered sweet nothings. It didn't take long for those sweet nothings to evolve into gentle kisses on the ears and neck and as Bart watched on, for the briefest of moments, he envisioned himself in Milhouse's place and Jessica in Janey's.
"Ahh...Jessica." He sighed as he gripped his head and allowed himself to be lost in thought. So caught up was Bart in his heartache that he failed to notice the sizzling frying oil seeping behind his shoes as yet another fire erupted in the kitchen.
One usually enters the park for one of two reasons. Either they are looking to play on the playsets or generally have fun or they are looking for peace and fresh air, sometimes even quiet if the playset isn't swarming with young children. Maggie's motivation for going to the park leaned a lot toward the latter although if one were to be perfectly frank, the main reason she had come to the park was to be alone.
Ever since the separation, Maggie found it hard to stay in the company of anyone in her family for very long. The logical side of her dictated that she was just being immature in taking her anger out at everyone and that she should take the time to see things through their point of view. But every time Maggie considered such, the wounded part of her roared at how unfair Logic was being. She had every right to be angry, no one bothered to consider her feelings before this situation happened so why should she do the same? And thus, Maggie found herself walking down the winding sidewalk in the middle of the park, ignoring the cries and screams of the playful children to her far left. She was wearing a "New Adventures of Itchy and Scratchy" T-Shirt and black denim shorts. On her feet were her favorite pair of light-up sneakers. She noticed a bench coming up in her walk, looked around to see if anyone else was present and decided to take a breather when she realized that wasn't the case.
She felt somewhat silly sitting on the bench in the middle of the park the way an old woman might. She half-expected pigeons to fly down at her feet, requesting food she didn't have with her. She let her imagination run away with her and envisioned an angry flock of pigeons swarming her, pecking the eyes from her sockets and tearing piece after piece of flesh until she was nothing but bone and cloth scraps. "What the fuck?" Maggie shook her head free from those disturbing thoughts. "What the heck's wrong with me?"
She curled up into a little ball and watched the world around her. An elderly couple walked past without giving her so much as a passing glance and a single little girl two years younger than her ran down with a hula hoop. A blue butterfly fluttered by her, landed on one of the spikes comprising her hair for a few moments and then flew off. The air smelled fresh and clean and the roaring of the children at play was far enough away to be harmless background noise. It was hard to believe that this very park was the sight of the Rich Texan's demise just a month or so ago and during his own Rattlesnake Roundup to boot.
"The Rattlesnake Roundup." Maggie sighed. "The last time we were a true family." Maggie sighed as she dug her face deeper into her knees, once again caught in the throes of her own self-pity. She was so lost in thought, she didn't even hear the footsteps approaching her.
"Hey! You ok?"
Wordlessly, Maggie looked up to see a black kid about her age standing in front of her. He was wearing a Lakers shirt and seemed to have a cocky grin. Once Maggie had picked her head up, he leaned closer to her. "Huh? I thought you was crying."
"I wasn't crying." Maggie stated flatly, already feeling annoyed at this boy's presence. "I was just resting."
"Resting?" The boy laughed. "What are you, an old lady?"
"Get bent!" Maggie growled as she lowered her head again. This seemed to put an end to the boy's laughter.
"Wow, you are one crabby girl." He remarked. "You know, I'm thinking you and I, we got off on the wrong foot." He held out his hand. "My name's Eli. What's yours?"
Maggie didn't respond. She simply curled her arms even tighter around her legs.
"Wow. You really are crabby." Eli said. "Did something happen to you recently? Someone die?"
Maggie couldn't possible close herself in any tighter so she settled for a low growl. She wanted this annoying kid to leave her alone as soon as possible.
"No, I think you would be crying if something like that happened so I think you're just crabby." Eli decided. "And I get it, when you feeling crabby, that's all you want to feel but if you don't force yourself out of your crabbiness, you'll never feel better."
Maggie didn't respond.
Eli sighed. "Alright, just remember, this is for your own good." Eli popped his finger into his mouth, coating it with spit and stuck it in Maggie's ear.
"Gah!" Maggie recoiled at once from the Wet Willy and fell of the bench. Eli laughed for a few seconds, only to mutter "oh shit!" under his breath as a furious Maggie hopped back to her feet. He took off at once.
"I'm going to kill you!" Maggie screeched as she rushed sprinted after him. This Eli was one fast customer, zig-zagging thought the adults and other kids with ease as he tried to put distance between himself and Maggie. Unfortunately, Maggie was a speeding train, knocking adult and kid alike down as she raced toward her target. "I'm going to tear your head and stick it on a pike!"
"You know," Eli called back. "You got a really funny way of flirting with people!"
"Gahhhhh!" Maggie roared in anger at the insinuation and picked up her speed, intending to beat the little brat to a pulp. It wouldn't be the first time she had to wrestle a boy to the ground. Gerald could attest to that.
Eli, however, was smart. Every time it seemed like Maggie was finally gaining on him, he would jump out of the way and take off in the other direction with Maggie growing more angry with each near-miss. This continued until he finally dashed toward the playset where the little kids were. They all took notice of the older kid approaching them but didn't respond until they noticed the pissed-off starfish-haired girl racing behind him. They scattered with terrified screams as Eli leapt onto the netting and climbing into the platform making up the body of the playset. He turned to Maggie and called out to her "Girl, you a glacier? Because you're so slow the human eye can't see you move!"
"Get back here!" Maggie screamed as she reached the netting. In her haste to reach Eli, she wound up getting a foot caught in one of the holes. It took her a few seconds to get untangled all while she could hear Eli's laughter fade deeper into the playset. Once Maggie was free, she raced down the bridge herself and caught Eli messing with a section of rotatable letters. He turned to her with wide eyes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck and ran down the corner. Maggie ran after him but stopped to check the lettering.
F A R T
Even in her enraged state, Maggie couldn't help but giggle at the sudden mention of flatulence. She was her brother's sister after all. She heard a voice whistle to her and turned to see Eli, his head poking out from some sort of tunnel. "Nah nah! Come and get me."
Despite some of her anger having been ebbed away with the laugh, Maggie still sped toward Eli and made a leap at him, an event he wasn't all that prepared for. It was only after she had caught him that Maggie realized the tunnel he was hiding in was actually a slide. They both screamed as they slid down the artificial incline head first, popping out of the tunnel and onto the sand surrounding the playset. Maggie was the first to gather her bearings and thus was the first to realize she had landed right on top of Eli, her hands clasping his arms as he lay splayed out on the ground. Eli coughed a little and looked up at Maggie, blushing slightly as he too realized the situation they were in. Without meaning to, Maggie returned the favor as her eyes locked in contact with his.
They both stared at each other, their faces growing closer and closer, until Maggie spit up a wad of saliva from her mouth and allowed it to drip down toward Eli's face.
"Ahh!" Eli struggled to get up but couldn't move beneath Maggie's weight and stranglehold. "No! No! No! Wait!
"Revenge!" Maggie sneered through the string of spit dangling from her mouth. She continued to giggle as Eli thrashed about violently in an attempt to get away. It was all for not, however, and as Maggie's saliva hit his cheek, he uttered a disgusted groan. "Oh man! You is nasty, girl!"
"Eye for an eye, loogie for a Wet Willy!" Maggie laughed as she climbed off of Eli, allowing him to get up and dust himself off.
"Well, I guess that's fair." He admitted as he wiped the loogie off his cheek "At least it got you out of your funk."
Maggie fought the urge to gasp as she realized he was right. In her capturing and prompt "loogieing" of him, a huge bulk of Maggie's fury had faded. It wasn't gone, of course, but once again, she found herself feeling better than she had all day. And it was all thanks to this annoying boy. Of course, for pride's sake, she wasn't about to admit that. "W-Whatever!"
"Well, whatever whatever." Eli parroted with a laugh. "But if you're up to it, I think we can try that first greeting again." Eli cleared his throat and held out his hand. "Hi! My name's Eli. Eli Cornell. And you are?"
Maggie stared at Eli's hand for a few moments, smiled, and gently took it. "Maggie Simpson."
"Alright, so if what Madison says is true, this won't be the last time those guys come back." Lisa rationalized as she made her way back to her block.
"I sure hope not because all the old dog fighting locals were complete bust."
"That's to be expected sadly." Lisa whispered. "After all, if someone really was trying to bring dog fighting back in Springfield, they'd be completely stupid to try doing it in the same locations where the previous generation got killed."
"Well if you ask me, the fact that they would even dare to try and bring back dog fighting on your turf is proof enough that they are beyond stupid."
"Good point." Lisa scratched her chin. "In any case, we won't be able to act until they come back which I have a sneaking suspicion will be tomorrow. After that, I can track them down and see what their goal is."
"Oh come on, Lisa. We already know damn well what their goal is. You just like to keep me waiting."
"Whatever you say. The point is, I'm calling the shots in this operation. No one dies until I say so. Got it?"
"Yeah, yeah." The Beast sighed. "You know, I'm starting to really hate this assertive side of you."
"And I love that you hate it." Lisa giggled. Her giggling stopped once they turned the corner down the sidewalk that would lead to home. She made sure no one was looking, whispered "quiet now" to The Beast, and made her way down the sidewalk. Before she could reach her house, she had to pass the Flanders residence. Lisa had quite a funny relationship with Ned Flanders and his ilk. For the most part, she respected him as a man and as a Christian despite her own Buddhist beliefs. However, she did remember the odd time he took his beliefs too far with her such as the time she was arrested for trying to teach evolution when he had convinced the whole school to lean toward creationism. (How the hell did he manage to do that?) Then, of course, their was the time he nearly got her Wiccan friends drowned after snooping into her room. She still occasionally thanked the Buddha and even the Triple Goddess that everything worked out and, while she was no longer very interested in Wicca, she still talked with those girls via Internet message board. One of them, Stacey Deathsatan, even went on to train under a coven priestess.
Nonetheless, she had no qualms about Ned Flanders, at least, not to the degree that her father did. And now that he was out of the picture, it seemed old Ned could breathe a little easier.
"Hidey-ho, Lisa." Ned greeted with a can opener in his hand. After Homer had borrowed all of his lawn mowers, Ned was forced to improvise. "Another fun-filled day tending to God's little orphan creatures I hope."
"You know it," Lisa chirped, put at ease as she always was when the animal shelter was mentioned. "And I wanna thank you again for your generous donation to our shelter last month. Those cat beds have really been helpful!"
"Aww it's nothing." Ned waved his hand. "I do apologize for not being able to give more but most of my donation rotation funds are tied up with the church or the more human charities. You understand."
"Oh but of course!" Lisa waved her own hand. "Honestly, we're just grateful for any little thing we get. Good luck on your lawn, Mr. Flanders!"
"And good luck with whatever endeavors you're currently going through but just remember, whatever you plan, the Lord has the final say."
"Heh. right. Bye!" Lisa chuckled nervously before turning from Ned and groaning. It wasn't so much him interjecting his God into her plans as him wishing luck on her current endeavor which just so happened to be deciding whether or not to butcher a couple of young men that visited the shelter today.
Talk about awkward.
Lisa reached her home and stepped inside. At once she was greeted by Santa's Little Helper who licked her hand as she sat down to pet him. "Good boy!" SLH got on his back and allowed Lisa to rub his belly as her mother spoke from the kitchen.
"Lisa? Is that you?"
"Yes, Mom! I'm home!"
"How was your day sweetie? Is Maggie with you by any chance?"
Lisa grew confused. "No? I-I mean my day was swell. But no, Maggie's not with me."
"Oh." Marge poked her head through the doorway, stirring a bowl of honey batter. "I see."
"What's wrong? Is Maggie ok?"
"She's fine." Marge tried to assure her eldest daughter to no effect. "It's just...She's been going to the park by herself a lot recently. I've tried to keep her around the house but she...she just seems to slip away."
"Oh...do...do you want me to go get her?" Lisa offered.
Marge shook her head. "No no. I know Maggie's just trying to process the fact that me an Homer separated. That's all and it's well within her rights to do so." She sighed drearily. "I just wish she would come to forgive me already."
"Oh Mom." Lisa went up and hugged her mother. "It'll be okay. Maggie's just trying to sort things out. I know she hasn't been the most...friendly these past few weeks but it'll pass."
"I hope so, Lisa." Marge droned. "Because I'd do anything to see her smiling again."
Just then, the door opened and Maggie hopped in, a great big grin plastered on her face. "Wassup!?" She shouted.
Both Lisa and Marge looked at her with astonishment they would reserve for a celebrity bursting into their home. Only SLH seemed to react normally, pouncing on Maggie and licking her face as she giggled. "Come on, boy! Stop it!"
"M-Maggie?" Lisa walked up to her sister. "Are you...feeling alright?"
"I'm fine!" Maggie answered through the dog's affectionate licks. "Why?"
"Oh nothing! It's just-
Lisa cut herself off as Maggie got up from the floor and wrapped her arms around her leg. "How was your day at the shelter?"
"Oh! Um...it...it was alright?"
"Did you get any new puppies or kittens?"
"Maggie, what's gotten into you?" Marge stepped up to her daughters. "Did something happen at the par-
Now it was Marge's turn to be interrupted as Maggie rushed toward her and hugged her tightly. The baby of the Simpson family's nose twitched at the detection of the batter in Marge's bowl. "Mmm! What's you making, Mom?" She asked as she grazed some of the hang-off on her finger and popped it in her mouth.
"Uh...h-honey cookies. They're for dessert later." Marge answered.
"Mmmm! Taste great!" Maggie popped her finger out of her mouth. "Well, I gotta go. That new Death for Despair album isn't going to finish itself. With that, Maggie ran up the stairs, a barking SLH right on her trail.
Marge and Lisa exchanged an uneasy glance, their mind preoccupied by the exact same question:
What the hell just happened?"
"Lisa, I think you should talk to your sister." Marge spoke. "Find out if she's really...well okay."
"Okay." Lisa nodded and placed a kiss on her mother's cheek as she went up the stairs. Marge watched Lisa until she made she was halfway up those stairs and then slipped back into the kitchen to finish with her cookie batter.
"Maggie?" Lisa called out as she entered the second floor. From Maggie's room, she could hear the sound of death metal blasting from earphones. This was nothing new as the separation of her parents seemed to trigger Maggie's "Misanthrope" phase, a phase endured by her older siblings. Ever since school ended, it seemed all day every day, lyrics of hate, war, gore and occasional sex blasted from that room. Lisa took a moment to cringe slightly at the memory of her own "Misanthrope" phase, and entered Maggie's room.
"Maggie? Can we talk...huh?"
Lisa was half-expecting to see Maggie sprawled onto her bed like a dead animal, not caring nor wanting to care about anything other than her music. However, she was on the floor next to the bed, her head bobbing up and down as she happily sang along to the morbid lyrics of her song.
"Oh! It's over now! you're time is now! no time for repentance! It's over now, you're time is now! They will have their vengeance!"
"Um...Maggie?"
"Oh! It's over now! Your time is-" Maggie noticed her sister standing over her and popped out the earphones. "Oh hey Lisa! What's up?"
"I...Well, Mom...think maybe we need to talk."
Maggie frowned which didn't surprise Lisa. What surprised Lisa was that, instead of the angry, hate-filled type of frown she had grown accustomed to seeing, it was a frown of genuine concern. "Am I in trouble or something? Did I do something wrong?"
"Oh no! No!" Lisa waved her hands as she racked her brain for a low-key way to state her intentions. "I...I just want to know what happened at the park to make you so...happy."
Silence filled the room like a deadly gas.
"Real low-key."
"Shut up!"
"The park?" Maggie raised an eyebrow. "And what do you mean by that? Isn't it a good thing I'm happy?" The tone in her voice was returning to what it had been for the past few weeks and that scared Lisa.
"Oh! No! It's great that you're happy again! It really is!" Lisa assured her little sister. "It's just, we just wanna know why, you know? N-Not that we think its's anything bad, of course but we just...wanna make sure?"
Even Lisa wanted to beat herself up for that one.
Maggie glared at Lisa and for a single terrifying moment, it seemed that she was going to revert to her horrid misanthrope state. Instead, Maggie sighed, picked up her phone and sat on the bed. "I made a new friend at the park today, ok?"
"New friend?" Lisa sat next to her sister. "By new friend, you mean...a kid right? Not some creep trying to sell you weird-smelling crap,"
Maggie giggled. "Geez, Lisa! I watched the after-school specials! I'm not stupid! Yes, he's a kid. His name is Eli and he lives in the hood, whatever that means."
"I think it means he lives in the inter-city." Lisa explained.
"Whatever. The point is he's wicked cool. He showed by how to do flip off the playset and the best spots for skateboarding and he even showed me how to hot-wire a car!"
"Maggie!"
"Just kidding with that last one." Maggie giggled. "But the point is, he's pretty awesome."
Lisa sighed in relief. "Well, he managed to put you in a good mood so I guess he is." Lisa gave her sister a small smile which faded a little as she thought of what to say next. "Maggie, listen. Mom and Dad separating, you know what wasn't your fault right?"
Maggie frowned as well, although thankfully it was more sorrowful than angry. "It's all our faults." She hung her head low. "Yours, mine and Bart's"
"No! It isn't!" Lisa argued. "And it's not Mom and Dad's fault either. Sometimes these things happen and there's nothing we can do about it," Lisa grabbed Maggie's shoulder. "Except be there for each other."
Maggie looked up at her older sister and smiled. The two slowly pulled each other into a hug.
"Thank you, Lisa."
"Think nothing of it. I'm your big sister. It's my job to take care of you."
"I thought your job was working at the animal shelter."
"Smartass."
Both sisters shared a laugh, the first time in a long time that they had done so. Once it was over, Lisa found herself still sitting in Maggie's bed, the conversation over but her not quite ready to leave yet, most likely because she had just gotten her sister back and wanted a little more time with her, even at the risk of reverting her back to her Misanthrope phase. It was then that Lisa noticed the song still playing on Maggie's phone, the harsh vocals blasting through her hanging headphones. Without giving it much more thought, she asked: "So...what are you listening to?"
Part of her expected that she had fucked up at the moment as back in her phase, there was nothing more annoying than someone asking her what she was listening to. Thankfully, Maggie proved her wrong by picking up the phone and backtracking the page she was on, showing the entire album. "It's a new band I've been listening to. It's called Death for Despair. You might like it Lisa, the singer is a girl!"
Lisa chuckled nervously. "While I'm always glad to hear a woman making headway in a male-dominated field, I think my metalhead days are behind me."
"No but they're really cool!" Maggie continued to gush. "They sing about the environment and political corruption and this song I was listening too," Maggie opened up the song she was singing when Lisa entered the room. "It's about the Animal Avenger!"
"What?" Without thinking about it, Lisa snatched the phone from Maggie's hands and removed the headphones. Her younger sister scooted closer to her to watch as she played the song once more.
"Everywhere I look, I see disregard for life!
All the children of Mother Nature doomed to death and strife!
With tears of blood running down my face, I pour my hate into my knife!
With the cries of the damned in my ears, tonight I take your life!
Lisa felt an uncomfortable relation to the song lyrics and was able to see at once what Maggie was talking about when she said the song was about the Animal Avenger. "Those...Those are pretty powerful lyrics."
"I know! I could listen to this song on repeat forever." Maggie swooned.
"Heh heh! Well well," The Beast sneered. "It would seem you do have fans out there."
"She's not a fan." Lisa growled.
"What?"
"Huh?" Lisa slapped her hand over her mouth as she realized she had accidently replied to the Beast out loud. "I mean, b-but she's not a fan of the Animal Avenger, right? The s-singer I mean."
Maggie lowered the phone. "Actually...she kinda is."
"Huh!?"
Maggie accessed the Internet on her phone and pulled up a video. It was an exclusive interview with the lead singer for Death for Despair, Laura Nightshadow, a beautiful red-head whose edges were a dark blue. The black eye shadow surrounding her left eye ended with a lightening bolt at the bottom.
"Ms...Nightshadow?" The off-screen interviewer asked. "Recently, there's been some controversy concerning your stance on the Springfield serial killer dubbed the Animal Avenger. Care to comment?"
"There's nothing to say that I haven't already explained." Laura said. "I believe the Animal Avenger is not a criminal but a vigilante, someone who hears the cries of the innocent the others choose to ignore. The only reason you're complaining is because those innocent cries being answered happen to come from animals and not people like yourselves. If only could pull the head out of your asses for a few seconds and care about something bigger then yourselves, you'd see the Animal Avenger for what she really is, a hero and an necessity to society."
Lisa gasped.
"Interesting, and, not to change the subject or anything but, regarding what you just said, what would make you believe the Animal Avenger is a woman?"
Laura scoffed. "Only a woman could have a sensitive enough heart to do something like this for the animals as well as the inner strength to do what needed to be done to those filthy abusers."
To Lisa's horror, she realized she was blushing at the compliment Laura had unintentionally given her. "That's uh...That's quite the hot take."
"Really?" Maggie asked. "I thought you of all people would like the Animal Avenger? After all, you're always defending them."
Lisa stammered. "I...I wouldn't say defending, per-say. I just...I just feel like people should consider why they do what they do, the Animal Avenger, I mean." Lisa stopped herself right there. One more word could tip Maggie off about the real reason for Lisa's sensitivity on the matter.
Maggie studied Lisa closely which only served to amplify her anxiety. Finally, she shrugged and looked back to her phone. "I don't know." She said as she replayed the interview. "If I'm going to be honest, I think I actually kinda root for them."
Lisa felt her heart stop as her sister spoke. "Root? You mean...for the Animal Avenger?" She asked.
"Why not?" Maggie replied. "I mean, sure they kill people but those people were going out of their way to abuse animals and that's a bad thing right? It's kinda like they're the Punisher, only dangerous to the guilty and when you consider that, they're like...I dunno...some kind of hero I guess."
Lisa could not believe what she was hearing. Her baby sister, the one who had partially blamed her for the separation of their parents and had been shunning her for the past few weeks, was now praising her without even realizing it. Lisa fought not to show any emotion other than silent surprise. She didn't want to give herself away in any way. And yet, there was a small part of her that longed to do so, that longed to let Maggie in on the big secret. For what purpose, she wasn't sure.
Inside her head, The Beast made a quiet but pleased growl as if she knew the answer. But she wasn't about to let Lisa in on it just yet.
Maggie gasped as she realized the words that had come out of her mouth and with a slight blush on her face, she turned to Lisa and said. "I'm...I'm messed up, aren't I?"
"Huh?" Lisa began to frantically shake her head. "Oh no! No! No! No! You're not messed up! People find themselves interested in macabre stuff all the time." Lisa sighed. "Truth is, I kinda think of the Animal Avenger the same way."
"Really?"
"Of course! Don't get me wrong, killing is wrong, no matter the circumstance but in this case, when all the victims are people who happily exploit or mistreat innocent animals, one has to question whether the good outweighs the bad in this situation."
"Heh. Way to stroke your ego." The Beast commented. "Go a little faster and you just might climax!"
"Ewww!" Lisa shook her head in disgust.
"Something wrong?" Maggie asked.
"No, it's nothing. I just remembered a shock video Bart showed me when I was your age." Lisa placed a hand on Maggie's shoulder. "The point is, I understand where you're coming from."
Maggie smiled, a look of relief in her eyes. "Thank you, Lisa."
"Anytime," Lisa hugged her baby sister once more. "That being said, I think we should keep this under wraps in front of Mom."
"Oh definitely." Maggie agreed. "She'd freak."
Maggie and Lisa looked at each other and burst into hearty laughter. Said laughter could be heard by Marge all the way from the kitchen and as she bent over in front of the stove, sliding the carefully cut cookie dough into its blazing interior, she couldn't help but smile in relief.
"Maybe this family will survive after all."
Night had fallen over the Stag Horn and a single car was pulling into the driveway. Homer opened the door and fell flat on his face against the asphalt. With a groan, he peeled himself off the parking lot, locked his door and staggered up the stairs toward his residence. Usually, around this time, Homer would have just been returning from Moe's reeking of Duff and his mind a foggy haze of false memories and far-our fantasies. However, ever since he left the Simpson's residence, he had fallen into a new routine after work, namely eating alone at Lard Lad donuts for a few hours before buying a 12-pack of beer and some snacks from the Kwik-E-Mart.
It was only when he had reached the top of the stairs that Homer finally realized he had left these supplies inside the car.
"D'oh!"
After an excruciating return trip to the car, Homer finally made it back to the top of the stairs, only to gulp as he noticed Kirk smoking a cigarette at the far end of the walkway. The last thing he wanted was to get dragged into another meaningless conversation so boring it made Lovejoy's sermons seem thrilling by comparison so he held his breath and tip-toed toward his room. Each step felt like an earthquake, each second felt like a minute and yet Homer persevered, determined to reach his room and spend his night in drunken peace and quiet. At last, he reached the coveted room and while fighting the urge to giggle in triumph, he reached into his pocket for his keys. In his slight movement as he fumbled for them, however, a pack of pork jerky fell off from his provisions and landed on the floor with a slap. At once, Kirk turned his attention to Homer.
"Hey Home-slice!" He greeted with way more gusto than was necessary.
Homer screamed, dropped the food and beer and yanked on the doorknob as hard and as fast as he could. In a unusual moment of raw strength, he pulled the door off its hinges, proclaimed "Whoo-Hoo!" and ducked into his room before slipping the door haphazardly back into its frame. A split second later, he struggled to get it out again and only managed to move the corner off the floor, allowing him to slip his hand out and grab the 12-pack which he then yanked back into the room before letting the corner fall again. Realizing that the door was broken now, Homer scrambled to for something to block it with and settle for a chair squeezed right beneath the knob.
There was a knock on the door and Homer silently waited by the side.
"Homer?...Hello...Well, I can see you're busy. Good night."
Homer sighed in relief as he heard Kirk's footsteps walk away. He whistled the theme to Spanish Flea as he tore a beer from the ringlet and cracked it open. He took a swig, removed his shoes, and threw himself on the bed. As he was taking his second sip, he fell asleep, spilling the beer on himself as he dropped it.
On the TV, the host of the Daily Show were being lynched by an angry mob.
It was another ordinary day at the animal shelter and Lisa had just finished combing the last of the cats. This particular grooming session had been quite the battle give the feline's long dark brown fur but in the end, as Lisa pulled a great big wad of fur from his body, she knew she had won. She petted the pleased feline before placing him back in his cage and depositing the fur into a small bucket full of the stuff. "That'll do it!" She wiped the sweat from her brow as she grabbed the bucket and carried it over to the trash can. She turned the bucket over with the intent of dumping the fur inside but it refused to budge. Lisa groaned and patted the bucket a few times until at last, the fur came out. Only, it came out in a giant hair ball that bounced away from the rim of the trashcan, smacked into the wall and left the room in a manner a tumbleweed would. "Wait, come back!"
Lisa chased the furball into the main office where Madison was chewing some gum. Just as the ball was about to crash into the entrance doors, someone opened them.
"Hey! You guys-Whoa!"
The young black man lifted his leg as the furball strolled by. He watched as it rolled right into the busy traffic and as he closed the door, the sound of tires screeching, metal clashing and people screaming could be heard. "Heh. Hope that wasn't any of your cats."
Both Lisa and Madison were able to recognize the boy at once as he was one of the men who came in yesterday looking for free dogs. He looked like your typical gangster-rapper wannabe with a backwards cap and basketball short, both in blazing orange. He wore a gold chain that Lisa could tell even from the distance she was standing was a fake, mostly because of the "Fake Swagger" logo on it. His grin was cocky and as he stepped toward Madison, it was clear he was already thinking of pick-up lines in his head.
"You remember me, girl? I was here yesterday with my friends." As he reached the counter, he placed his elbow on it and flashed his teeth at the unimpressed Madison. "We were looking to get some dogs."
Madison made no effort at all to hurry with her chewing. Thus, the man was kept waiting for a minute or two as she chewed the flavor our of her gum. Once it was done, Madison blew a bubble and popped it before replying. "I remember. And it's still the same deal. You have to pay a fee and sign the proper paperwork."
"I know, I know." The man said. "And listen, I understand you got a thing going on here. A really good thing but don't you think this is a little too much fuss for a dog?"
Another bubble popped. "No."
The man sucked in some air, losing a little bit of patience as he tried to persuade Madison to see his version of reason
Now was Lisa's chance.
As the two preoccupied each other, Lisa snuck out of the front door and spotted the newest vehicle among the group. It was the man's, a small black car littered from within.
Ignoring the disarray inside the vehicle, Lisa snuck behind it and got on her knees. Once she was face to face with the license plate, she took out Clementine's phone and snapped a picture.
"I hope this is for the mission and not just to report the dumpster he's made out of his car."
"I told you. We need to scope these guys our first before there's any killing." Lisa whispered as she examined the picture she took. "And thanks to Clementine, I have the just the way to do it."
At that moment, however, Lisa heard the bell ring as the front doors opened. "Shit!" With no other options, Lisa crawled underneath the car to hide. This proved to be a bad move as the one coming out of the shelter was none other than the man himself. She could tell from his shoes, another fake-off brand, and the sound of his angry yet hushed voice.
"Bitches, man. Can't be reasoned with."
"Shit!" Lisa scrambled to the underbelly of the next car, Clarissa's as the man hopped into his car and started the engine. A hip-hop song blared through the speakers as the man backed up, right as Lisa finally got her foot underneath Clarissa's car. She watched from beneath as her potential prey sped off, coughing from the fumes he left behind. Once she was able to stop herself, Lisa crawled out from under the car and reexamined her photo "It's not much but it'll do." She stuck the phone back into her pocket and reentered the shelter. Madison was still sitting there, her gum long out of flavor but still in her mouth for some reason. Her eyes rolled up to Lisa as she walked in and a single eyebrow cocked. "You alright, Lisa?"
"Y-Yeah! I'm fine!" Lisa said. "Just wanted to..to survey the damage that furball caused. And it was a furball! As in a bunch of fur formed into a ball! Not a cat! A cat didn't get out if that's what you're thinking." Lisa chuckled nervously as Madison continued to stare at her with almost judgement eyes.
"Whatever." Madison reached down into her counter, pulled out a Heavy Metal magazine and opened it to a random page. Around this time, Clarissa walked in, bottle-feeding another kitten. Her eyes grew as big as dinner plates as soon as she saw Lisa.
"Lisa!" She shouted. "What on Earth happened to you?"
It was then and only then that Lisa thought to look herself over. To her horror, her clothes were stained with dirt and oil from crawling beneath the cars. There were even little pebbles of asphalt embedded into her skin, one of them popping out and landing on the floor. Blushing, Lisa racked her brain for an explanation that wouldn't arouse suspicion or sound completely insane. But alas, the best she was able to come up with was. "L...Like I was telling Madison, I was looking for a stray furball, that is a ball of fur that got loose. It uh...it rolled under the cars so..." Lisa chuckled sheepishly.
Awkward silence followed.
"Well?"
"Well...What?"
"Well, did you get the furball or not?" Clarissa asked.
"Um...no."
Just then, the girls heard the sound of the ambulance pull up.
"As much as I do want the hunt to get underway, I must admit part of me wanted to stay and observe the carnage on the streets."
"Of course you do." Lisa sighed. "And there wasn't any carnage to speak of unless you count the wrecked cars. Everyone survived!"
"Bummer!"
Lisa shook her head as she turned the corner. It was near evening and due to the chaos caused by that damned furball, work had let out early for her. Thus, she was now free to pursue the young men and decide once and for all if they were to be next for the Slaughterhouse.
She was getting close now, that much she could tell from Clementine's phone, or rather, the website she was accessing using Clementine's phone.
"I still can't believe you hacked into the Springfield Auto Logs from Clementine's phone." The Beast commented. "To think my little partner had such naughty talents."
Lisa shuddered. "Please never use that word again. Besides, it's not all that hard to hack into something if it was programmed in Springfield, as much as I'd hate to admit it. We have all our tech geeks fixing our laptops."
"Okay Milhouse," The blue-haired teen whispered to himself as he stared down his first laptop job. "You've been training a week for this. Just take it slow. First, to turn it on."
He pressed the power button, waited a few seconds and then the laptop exploded.
"Thanks to that license plate, I had all the information I needed to track that car." Lisa continued as she looked down at the phone. "And wouldn't you know it, it looks like we're here!"
Lisa found herself across the street from a giant crumbling apartment building. From the sidewalk she could hear the sound of rap music blaring through boom boxes and the occasional annoying shout. What really caught her attention, however, was the car parked outside the apartment as well as the three young men talking next to it.
"Jackpot."
"Dammit." Lisa hissed. "That stupid music's too loud. I can't make out what they're saying. I'll have to get closer." Lisa scanned the apartment and the surrounding land for a safe place to sneak to and noticed the small building to the right of the makeshift speaker. She noticed the small grassy yard to that building's right and wondered if she could somehow access it from a different direction. It would be risky but she had no choice if she wanted to complete her mission and so Lisa backtracked to the edge of the block and walked all the way around to the other side then down the road. Once she had made it to the yard, it was simply a matter of climbing the fence and sneaking to the edge of the smaller building. Now she was but a few feet away from the young men with none of them the wiser. And despite the loud music blaring from the apartment, she could hear them speak.
"Son of a bitch, Maurice." The taller boy said. "You told me you could handle this!"
The shorter boy just laughed. "Heh. Guess all that talk about your so-called godly charm was just bullshit, huh Maurice?" He broke into a cackle.
"Fuck you, Greg!" Maurice shouted. "Look, I tried to turn up the charm alright. But some bitches man, they just ain't having any of that shit. Like they're allergic to a good time or something."
Lisa groaned.
"Who cares?" The taller boy said. "We got bigger issues here than your incompetence with the fairer sex. Because in case you morons forgot, the dog fights start up Friday night and we still ain't got any dogs!"
Lisa fought the urge to gasp. Even thought she had her suspicions, hearing them being confirmed out loud still made her blood curl.
"Heh. Guess they are prey after all."
"I knew it." Lisa growled to herself. "Those bastards! Wanting to pit dogs against each other for no reason other than to line their own pockets. And to be wanting to take them from the shelter!?" Lisa recalled to herself a similar incident that happened last Halloween but she shook her head against the memory and banished it from her mind. Now wasn't the time for a trip down Memory Lane, not when she still had come recon to do.
"You think I don't know that?" Maurice argued. "My kid brother is still waiting for me to take him out of this shithole like I promised but I can't do that until without the money you promised me!" He pointed a finger at the tall boy. "You said it would be easy!, Tony!"
"It was supposed to be easy!" Tony argued back. "How was I supposed to know the animal shelter would be run by a bunch of uptight bitches with sticks up their asses instead of dicks?"
"Fuck you too, Tony." Lisa whispered.
"Guys! Guys! Calm down, will ya?" Greg raised his hand in an attempt to defuse the situation. "The dogs are supposed to fight, not us, remember?"
"We ain't got no dogs," Maurice brought up again. "And those bitches at the shelter ain't gonna let us have 'em either."
"Fuck them," Greg waved his hand. "I know a guy. Says he can get us a really tough fight dog for a good price. We're talking real tough."
"You? Tony shoved Greg. "Your fatass knows a guy?"
"Yeah. Says he's got connection and I gotta tell you, Tony my friend, I'm inclined to believe him."
"Bullshit!" Maurice cried out. "Any asshole can claim to have connections for the right price. Probably just means he's got some goons that gonna hit us over the head with crowbars and steal our shit after we give him the money."
"Come on, guys!" Greg spoke. "Have I ever been wrong about this kinda thing? Was I wrong about the hash from New Havenbrook?"
Both Tony and Maurice thought back to that day with Maurice laughing to himself. "That was pretty good dope!"
"Alright, alright." Tony relented. "Suppose this guy of yours really is on the up and up. When are we supposed to meet him?"
"Tomorrow night." Greg answered. "In a safe and secure location. Listen closely." Greg grabbed either of his friend's shoulders and pulled them closer to his ear so as to keep his words secret. Lisa tiptoed a little closer in an attempt to hear, too focused on what they were doing to notice the empty beer bottle next to her foot. Without meaning to, she kicked it slightly, causing it to roll into the street with a clank, catching the boy's attention at once.
"What the fuck?" Maurice asked.
"Shit!" Lisa bolted back toward the fence and climbed it as fast as she could. In her haste, she scraped her leg as she jumped down on the other side but wasted no time running down the street, gripping her new wound so as not to leave a trail of blood droplets for them to follow. Once she had covered enough distance, she ducked behind a old building and hid in the empty trashcan, discovering the lid leaning on the side and placing it over her just as Maurice came by.
"Who's there?" He shouted as he looked around frantically for the eavesdropper. "When I find you, I'm pound that ass like hamburger meat!" After a few more seconds of searching, he ran off and after a few minutes had passed, Lisa poked her head out from the trash can, the top resting on her head like a smelly metal hat.
"You know, if I end up having to hide among garbage just one more time, I think I'm going to scream."
"Lisa?"
Lisa froze at once, part of her trying to convince her that she did not just hear a familiar voice speak to her. Despite her best efforts not to look back, she turned around and found herself sharing a confused gaze with two children. One of them was a young boy with a backwards cap, Springfield Isotopes shirt beneath a black jacket and torn blue jeans with sneakers a little big on his feet. As for the other child...
"Oh...H-Hey Maggie."
"Lisa? What are you doing in the trash can?" Maggie asked.
Ignoring the Beast's hysterical laughter, Lisa tried her quickest to think of an answer. "Uhhh...I...I was recycling! Yeah!"
Both kids only seemed more confused.
"I-I mean I was looking for stuff in the trash can to recycle!" Lisa further elaborated her lie. "You wouldn't believe how many people just let perfectly recyclable materials rot away in the trash!" Lisa giggled sheepishly even as she died on the inside.
Another moment of crushing silence.
"Damn," The boy said. "I know you said your sister was one of the environment nuts but I didn't think she was that nuts."
"Me neither."
Lisa groaned. "Maggie, who's this?"
"Oh! This is the boy I was telling you about yesterday! Eli!" Maggie turned to her new friend. "Eli, this is my sister Lisa."
"Oh!" Lisa climbed out of the trash can, allowing some of the muck and scum to fall off of her body. "Nice to meet you Eli." She held out her hand, one of the few clean parts of her body left.
"Pleasure's all mine." Eli greeted warmly as he took Lisa's hand. "Maggie, you didn't tell me your sister was such a babe."
"Yuck!" Maggie gagged. "Never refer to my sister like that in my presence again!"
Lisa couldn't help but giggle. "So what are you two doing all the way over here.
"I live here." Eli answered. "Well, around here anyway. I was going to introduce Maggie to my older brother but he wasn't home."
"I see," Lisa mused. "And yet, you run into me, how ironic."
"Guess so but it's not surprising." Eli said. "My brother tends to hang out with his friends a lot. We don't have a lot of money so he's always finding odd jobs too."
"I see. He sounds like a good brother," Lisa commented.
"Yeah. He's the best." Eli agreed with a genuine smile, only to frown once again. "Although if he's out again, It'll probably be awhile before he comes back home." Eli sighed, clearly disappointed by this development.
"Well, if that's the case, maybe you could come visit our house," Lisa offered.
"Huh?" Eli asked
"Yeah! It'll be great!" Maggie practically jumped up and down at the prospect of her new friend coming over. "Mom's a great cook and we even have a treehouse!"
"A treehouse? For real?" Eli sounded excited.
"Maggie, you know Mom said the treehouse is off-limits." Lisa reminded her sister. Even after all these years, the treehouse Homer once built for Bart still sat in that big tree in their backyard. However, years of disrepair and general abandonment have turned it into spider-infested splintered wreck. Homer was to eventually tear it down and build a new one for Maggie but as with most of his promises, he never came through. Marge declared it off limits around Maggie's sixth birthday, right as she was at the cusp of "prime treehouse enjoyment" as Bart put it.
"Oh...right." Maggie sighed, only to brighten up again. "But there's plenty of other things to do."
"Got any video games?" Eli asked.
"Only every GTA ever!" Maggie declared proudly.
"All right!"
Lisa giggled as she saw the friendship between Eli and Maggie blossom. It did her heart good to see her baby sister bounce back from the separation like this. "Well come on then. I'll walk you two back home." Lisa heard a fly buzzing in her ear and groaned as she looked down at the grime and trash water staining her clothes. "I need a shower anyway."
The shower was indeed the first place Lisa raced for once she brought Maggie and Eli back home. She only considered the clothing situation after the water starting hitting the back of her neck but luckily, her mother had purchased her a robe for her last birthday. She threw it on once her shower was over and speed-walked to the safety of her room. With only Aristotle for company, Lisa changed into a orange t-shirt and black shorts. She slipped on a new pair of sneakers, placed a bandage over her scrape and went to join Maggie and Eli in the kitchen. The two of them were munching on cookies while Marge was humming to herself over the stove, clearly pleased to have met this new friend of Maggie.
"Damn Mrs. S, these cookies are better than drugs!" Eli proclaimed.
"Eli!" Maggie laughed through a mouthful of cookie.
"I would hope so." Marge said. "It's always better to be addicted to sweets than to speed, I always say."
"Yeah but not by much." Lisa took a seat next to Maggie and poked her belly. "Are you trying to get Dad's tummy before you turn 10?"
"Shut up!" Maggie retorted before sinking her teeth into another cookie. Just then, the group heard the front door open and a few seconds later, Bart stumbled into the kitchen, slouched and haggard.
"Bart!" Marge chirped happily. "How's my little working man?"
"Working." Bart nearly fell over and had to grab the table to keep from hitting the floor. "Will dinner be ready soon?"
"In a minute," Marge replied. "We're having meatloaf!"
Bart groaned at the mention of "meat", grabbed a cookie off the plate and stumbled back toward the door way.
"Bart wait!" Lisa called out. She waited for her brother to turn toward her, the cookie hanging from his mouth and his eyes clouded over with exhaustion. "Um...I..I want you to meet Maggie's new friend, Eli!" Lisa presented Eli as if he were a prize Bart won at a gameshow whit Maggie following suit and the "prize" himself waving to Bart. The only son of Marge Simpson simply stared at them for a few seconds, did a half-assed salute, and returned to his room to wait for dinner.
Lisa sighed as she turned to Eli. "Sorry about that. I swear Bart if usually more...alive than that."
Eli chuckled. "Hey, I've seen that look on my brother's face all the time. I know how it is." He capped off his sentence with another bite of cookie.
Marge sighed longingly as she watched Bart leave the room. Even though he came home much earlier than Homer used to, it was still as if he wasn't here most of the time on account of him recovering from the fatigue in his room. It was at that moment that Marge remembered the laundry she had left to dry outside and panicked. "Ah! My silken underthings!" She rushed outside to collect the laundry, leaving Lisa alone with Maggie and Eli.
"Hey Maggie! Check this!" Eli reached into his pocket and pulled out a switchblade. Lisa gasped but Maggie awed as he clicked it open and showed it off. "My brother got this for me last year for my birthday!" He explained as he tossed the knife from one hand to the other. "Says I needed it for protection."
"Wow!" Maggie whispered in amazement. "Aren't you scared you're going to cut yourself?"
"Nah! I'm past that point." Eli said. "Truth be told, I already got used to handling this knife like a week after I got it. All it takes is a little practice."
Lisa couldn't help but think back to how she taught herself how to handle knives, back when she first finalized her decision to become the Animal Avenger. She figured there would be a couple of cuts and scrapes along the way so she bought a small cactus, named it Mr. Prickly, and kept it in her room, blaming any and all gashes she received during her training on the newcomer. It only took her a month of so to get the hang of it and, even to this day, Mr. Prickly continued to live rent free in her room. "Well, you know what they say, practice makes perfect."
"That's so cool," Maggie said. "I want a switchblade."
"Maggie, you don't need a switchblade. You-" Lisa stopped herself before bringing up the fact that her sister and her lived in a safer neighborhood compared to Eli and thus did not require the personal protection of a switchblade. "You...You just don't need it." Even after stopping herself, Lisa still felt guilty about even almost saying such an insensitive thing. Neither Eli nor Maggie seemed to notice her emotional turmoil as the former was too busy playing with his knife and the latter too busy watching.
It was at that moment that Marge came back with the laundry. "Alright! Now that that's taken care of, we can..." Her eyes scrolled toward the blade jumping around in Eli's hand. "Ahhhhhhh!"
Once the confusion was cleared and Marge calmed down, the family enjoyed a nice supper of meat loaf, macaroni and broccoli. Lisa, of course, simply doubled up on the sides for her meal and was just as full as everyone else when it was over. The Sun was just an hour away from sinking into the sky so Lisa volunteered to take the car and drive Eli back home. She tried to invite Bart but his only reply was the shut the door in her face after another silent staring contest. "Gee, manual labor must be taking more out of Bart than we thought, she thought as she gathered the keys and ushered the kids to the car.
"Obey the traffic laws!" Marge called out as she saw the trio off, waving from the doorway as they sped off. "Even the stupid ones!"
"We will!" Lisa shouted back as she sunk into her seat. "So Eli, where do you want me to drop you off?"
"Just at the apartments is fine." Eli replied. "My brother should be there soon anyway."
"You got it," Lisa nodded as she made the turn toward the inter-city. It took them about an hour or so to walk all the way to their house but with her mother's car, the return trip would only be about 10 minutes. Lisa allowed her thoughts to return to the real problem at hand, namely the three boys attempting to bring back dog fighting.
"I take it the goal will be to kill them before they can make that trade, right?"
"If only it were that simple," Lisa thought. "The fact is, we don't even know where they're going to have the trade or even have the dog fight. This whole thing is starting off all wrong.
"Well I guess our only choice is to do more sleuthing."
For all the good it'll do us."
Lisa happened to glance into the rearview mirror and noticed Eli showing off his knife to Maggie again. Her little sister seemed quite enraptured with the blade, even more so than Bart was when he was a boy scout. Lisa herself was never obsessed with knives or blades, they were just a means to an end. Yet something about seeing her little enamored by the weapon in the boy's hands made her feel strangely...hopeful.
Inside her head, The Beast snickered as if it knew the answer to this mystery.
In no time at all, the trio made it to the apartment. Within the pale light of the moon and without the blaring music of life sounding from its windows, the building had a certain aura to it that Lisa did not frankly care for. She took another gander at the rearview mirror and noticed Maggie looking discomforted as well. Eli on the other hand, casually opened the car door and undid his seat belt. "Well, see ya around girls!" With that, he hopped out of the car.
"Eli wait!" Maggie undid her seat belt and left the car.
"Maggie!" Lisa did the same.
"Eli wait!" Maggie exclaimed as she raced around the car to her new friend. "A-Are you sure you don't want someone to walk you to your place? It's kinda dark up there."
"Pfsst!" Eli dismissed Maggie's worries with a hand wave. "Ah it's always like this at night. Sorta has been since the curfew. Besides, my big brother should be here about now."
Lisa had just stepped onto the sidewalk with the two kids when she heard a strange yet familiar voice call out from further up the concrete path.
"Eli!? Is that you?" The figure of a man stepped up from the shadows, his visage only illuminated once he stepped into the headlights of Marge's car. Once he did, however, Lisa had to fight the urge to gasp as she recognized the boy who had visited the shelter earlier.
Marcus.
"Where the hell have you been, little man?" He asked as he stepped up to her brother. There was concern in his voice but it was mostly masked with a mostly jovial tone. "I've been looking for your ass since 6!"
"Sorry Maurice." Eli apologized. "I was at my new friend's house." He gestured to Maggie. "This is Maggie. She's the one I told you about yesterday."
"Hello," Maggie said shyly.
Eli raised his hand toward Lisa. "And this is her sister, Lisa."
Maurice's expression changed when he locked eyes with Lisa. Not into one of anger or fear but of quiet surprise. "Hey You're the lady from the animal shelter!"
"Um...yeah...I guess I am." Lisa replied, trying her best to sound normal.
"Huh?" Maggie and Eli said in unison with the latter following up with "You know her?"
"Yeah," Maurice said without taking his eyes off of Lisa. "She works at the animal shelter where we've been trying to get those guard dogs from." There was a certain emphasis on the word "Guard" that Lisa didn't care for. She almost expected Maurice to wink at his little brother as he spoke.
"Oh. Oh! Right. The guard dog!" Eli replied as if he understood the hidden meaning beneath his brother's words.
"Huh? You guys are trying to get a guard dog?" Maggie asked innocently. "Why?"
"Maggie, have you seen this place?" Eli asked. "If there wasn't some sort of robbery or mugging happening around here today, there'd be one tomorrow and we;re long overdo for a gang war to erupt. So my brother's been trying to get us a guard dog to keep us safe."
"Yeah but I haven't had much luck." Maurice added in a accusatory tone while looking at Lisa. "Lots of red tape."
Lisa laughed uncomfortably. "Well I do apologize for the inconvenience you've had to put up with but our main goal at the animal shelter is to ensure the animals in our care are sent to good homes. We just want to make sure that they're not going to someone who's going to mistreat them or put them through any kind of unnecessary pain or abuse. I'm sure you understand." Lisa was well aware of the accusatory tone in her own voice and part of her, most likely the Beast, hoped that Maurice had heard it. That part seemed to get her wish and Maurice looked taken aback for a moment.
"Damn girl, you afraid we gonna put the dogs in a stew or something?"
"Eww!" Maggie and Eli shouted in unison.
"I just want a protector for my little bro when I'm off doing a job to put food on the table." Maurice continued. "But I guess if those dogs are more important than my human brother's safety..."
Lisa had to fight the urge to deck Maurice in the face as the Beast cackled.
"He did not just pull the zoophilist card!"
"Doesn't matter. It's not like it's unfounded anyway."
"Oh so you admit it? You admit to caring more about animals than people?"
"In the words of one of the only sci-fi heroines that wasn't sexualized in her own first movie, at least you don't seem them screwing each over for a goddamn percentage."
"Or this case, having a hopeful refugee fight a monetized battle on your behalf."
"Exactly." Lisa gently took Maggie's arm and pulled her closer to herself. "Just what are you implying? My little sister is right here after all. Are you trying to suggest I don't care about her anymore than you do your brother?"
Maurice once again looked taken aback. "I wasn't suggesting anything. All I'm saying is that some people got their priorities mixed up is all."
"Mixed up? With what? What other people want?"
Lisa and Maurice stared at each other, the entire world lost to them in those eternal seconds. Maggie and Eli watched on, both children wise far beyond their years yet regressing to simple childhood rationalization.
"You think they're gonna make out?" Maggie whispered.
"If they do, I'm gonna throw up." Eli replied in a deadpan voice.
Neither Lisa nor Maurice heard their siblings but around that time, they decided to break away from each other's glare and grab their sibling's shoulders, pulling them away from each other. "Maggie, I think it's time to go." Lisa said flatly.
"O-Okay." Maggie waved farewell to Eli. "See you tomorrow, Eli."
"Yeah!" Eli replied with a bit of unease in his voice. "See you tomorrow." He was still waving as Maurice pulled him away. Lisa, in turn, dragged Maggie to the front seat and slammed the door shut. She stomped back to the driver's seat and took a few moments to breathe. Even in the most vicious grip of anger, Lisa made it a point to never take her rage on the road. Her mother had taught her that.
"Lisa?" Maggie asked. "Are you alright?"
Lisa took one more breath before turning to her sister with a soft but genuine smile. "I'm fine, Maggie. Just some typical grown-up work drama. It's no big deal."
Maggie shuffled uncomfortably in her seat. "I'm...I'm not going to have to stop seeing Eli now, will I?"
"Oh no!" Lisa shook her head. "Oh no no no! It's nothing like that. I just...I just would try to stay clear of his brother."
"But why?" Maggie asked. "All he wants is a guard dog."
Lisa sighed. Part of her wanted to tell Maggie the truth about Maurice. The truth about the dog fights. But in doing so, she risked revealing the one truth she could never let slip out, that she was the Animal Avenger.
"Maybe you're right. I...I'll talk to the girls tomorrow." Lisa replied. Of course, she had no intention of talking to her friends as she knew of Maurice's true intentions. She just didn't feel like having a lengthy discussion with her sister on the ethics of owning a guard dog. She was tired and she needed to figure out how she was going to approach this dilemma without the crucial information she needed.
The car ride home was silent, neither sister speaking a word. There was no tension, just a agreed-upon fatigue that guaranteed both girls would be hitting the sack almost as soon as they headed home.
Homer awoke with a start thanks to the draft in his room. He caught sight of the broken door almost as soon he picked his head up and panicked for a full second before remembering what had happened. "Oh right. Kirk."
He looked as his watch and was surprised to see it read the same time as when he last checked it. "Huh? I could have sworn I was asleep for at least a couple of hours." He tried to think, which wasn't easy for him to do, even without alcohol poisoning his brain. "Oh I get it! I must have been having one of those dreams that seem like they last a long time but were only a couple of seconds, like that dude with the weird looking lamp." Satisfied with his own theory, Homer stretched out his arms with a great big yawn. "Well, if that's the case, might as well return to Dreamland, pronto!"
And thus, Homer fell back onto his pillow and back to sleep, blissfully unaware that he had slept through the whole day. But he would find out soon enough, when Mr. Burns calls him into his office the next morning.
Bart was the only one in the entire household still awake after midnight. Even Santa's Little Helper was asleep on the couch where Homer once sat, as the old dog had done virtually every night since he left. Before that, SLH would usually sleep in Bart's room at the foot of his bed but now that he had moved, the room felt more silent. More dead.
But that wasn't the reason Bart was awake.
Bart wasn't listening to any music or reading any comics. His phone was still resting on the ancient charger he refused to let die, gaining a single percent of power for every 25 minutes that passed. His comics stash remained under his bed along with his stack of video games, some of which had not seen the light of day since he was 10. He simply laid there, his arms acting as his pillow and his left knee erected toward the ceiling. He certainly would have looked relaxed to the untrained eye, maybe even scheming a new prank to pull on the unsuspecting populace of Springfield.
But that wasn't why Bart was awake.
He was awake because he was lost in thought. That had been happening to him quite a bit since he graduated from high school. Mostly, it was the thought of adulthood that trapped him in his own head, tormenting him with the prospect of a harder life for little reward. He had gotten a job to try and distract himself from these thoughts and while they abated a bit, it was mostly because now they'd been replaced with thoughts of rude customers and wieners touching the grease fryer. He kept trying to rationalize to himself that it was just how life was but it did little good. Besides, even above the agony of adulthood or the weariness of his work life, there was something else tormenting his thoughts, something who's hold hadn't lessoned at all since he graduated.
Jessica Lovejoy.
Bart's hear ached to so much as to think of that name. Despite his best efforts, he constantly found himself replying that night at the Prom over and over in his head. He could still smell the perfume she was wearing, still feel the warmth of her skinny body close to his, and still see the sadness reflected in her eyes as she feared for her own impending adulthood. One that had been marked with a trip to Mr. Davy's Bible Camp for Willful Youths.
Bart had never been to Bible Camp but he had been to Kamp Krusty and that experience alone told him all he needed to about how bad things could get there. He could picture it now; Jessica being forced to wash the counselor's unmentionables with an old-fashioned washboard and having to sit in Mass for up to 16 hours a day. Jessica only being fed a slice of bread and a cup of lukewarm water for every meal and getting threatened with crucifixion for failing to praise God after every sentence. These thoughts, far-out as they might be, caused Bart to shudder.
"Oh, I can't believe how selfish I am," He muttered. "Here I am, free as a bird and still complaining while Jessica's trapped in Hell on Earth! He muttered as he turned and pulled the covers over himself. "What am I doing? Why am I torturing myself like this? It's not my fault Jessica got sent to Bible Camp...but then it kinda is...no it's not! It's...argh!" He gripped his head and gritted his teeth. "Get it together, man! I know you miss her but there's nothing you can do now! Maybe, just maybe after she gets back, you might have a shot again."
Bart found relief for a full ten seconds, during which he rolled over toward the back of his room, his delict childhood treehouse visible from his bed. "Yeah right." Bart whispered in reply to himself. "By the time Jessica gets back, she'll be just another Churchy Joe like her parents. She wouldn't want anything to do with me." Bart pressed his head against his pillow. "I should just...huh?
At that moment, Bart noticed a small light within his old treehouse. He was at once ready to write it off as a trick of the Moon until he noticed it bobbing up and down, as if in search for something. When he finally realized what it truly was, he had to fight the urge to gasp out loud lest he wake up someone.
"Aye Caramba!" He whispered. "It's a flashlight!"
Carefully, he threw off his covers, went for the closet and took out his shoes as well as is trusty crowbar Bluely. Bluely had become somewhat rusted in the passing years but, as far as Bart was concerned, it was still capable of taking out whoever was rummaging through his treehouse. With Bluey in one hand and his shoes in the other, Bart sneaked out of his room and tiptoed down the stairs and into the living room. He noticed SLH sound asleep on the couch, his legs raised up and his tail wagging as if he were getting a belly scratch in his dreams.
"Aww!" Bart cooed quietly before passing the sleeping pooch and entering the kitchen. He briefly considered if he should grab a knife while he was here but a quick glance at good ol Bluely told him he was as armed as he needed to be. He opened the door slowly and carefully, threw his shoes down before him and slipped them on as he stepped outside. He closed the door behind him just as carefully as he had opened it and stalked toward the treehouse. Years of sneaking off to cause mischief and mayhem across Springfield had made Bart quite adept at sneaking away from the house and that was to go as far as the park or the school. To sneak off to the treehouse was child's play.
Once in front of the treehouse, Bart placed Bluey within his teeth and climbed up the steps his father had nailed in the trunk of the tree so long ago. He accidently pulled one off as he tried to use it and another one above cut into his hand with a rusty nail. "Ow! Son of a-" He shook his head, ignored the pain and finished climbing up to the treehouse. "Alright! Who's there?" He called.
Whoever it was stopped at once, the flashlight pointing right at Bart's feet. Slowly, the light rose up toward his face, blinding him as it shone in his eyes.
"Hey! Cut that out!" Bart complained as he brandished Bluey. "I have a blue crowbar and I'm not afraid to use it! Now show yourself!"
After a few moments of silence, the intruder obliged Bart by carefully pulling the flashlight up to their face. Bart's own expression changed from confrontational to shocked as the intruder revealed themselves.
"J-Jessica?"
"Hey Bart," Jessica Lovejoy giggled within the glow of the flashlight. "Funny seeing you here."
(Ugh! I hate how short this chapter came out. Trust me there's to be a lot more to this little arc and it'll all have to be packed into the next chapter I suppose. But trust me, you won't wanna miss it.
Once again I wanna mention that for Halloween, I will be publishing a one-shot spin-off of this story which will be a Halloween special. It will be published as a separate story so you may want to keep a lookout on my profile for it. Or you could just follow me, that would work too.
Please drop a review if you liked this chapter and I will see you all next time, buh-bye!)
