A/N Oh hello! Has it been a while? *checks watch* Maybe just a teenie tiny short thirteen years? Oops!
I have been working on another story for the past year and am in a little funk so I went back to read some good fics from back in my day for inspo and low and behold there was my last entry from 2011. Oh boy. I was NOT in a good mental place then! The A/N on the first chapter wtffff? Who were they and why were they so ANGRY? Chill.

Anyway! I have, since starting this story, actually watched the entirety of Buffy with my wife and plenty of other vampire works that I love and hold dear, including the new iteration of Interview with the Vampire that we literally just finished tonight! I love where I was going with this story and how I set everything up! Good job, little Mali! I would love to keep this going and am going to take a little mental break from my re-write and elaboration of 'Take This to your Grave' that's at *checks document* 182497 words? Dear lord.

Inevitably this is not going to look like my first four chapters, but I hope it continues in spirit! Enjoy and expect a couple more chapters because this is a silly little fun one!


CRESTFALLEN WOE

V

Get Out

(And Never Come Back)

"WHERE would we go?" I ask the neurotic boy scrambling in front of me. He's ripping through his closet and dresser tossing various items of clothing into a pile in the middle of the floor.

"We c-could go somewhere busy, w-with l-lots of nightlife!"

"Hide in a big city? Genius."

"L-like L.A., N-new York, Chicago? Or Vegas! Oh God!" Tweek's hands fly to his mess of hair. "I have to change my n-name! And my hair! And my clothes! We have to go off grid, man!" He dives into the bottom of his closet and tosses out a backpack and two duffle bags.

I stand up to look at myself in the mirror. My translucent complexion and glowing ocean eyes startle me once again. The long hairs dragging in front of my face have been pissing me off for weeks since even before I died. I think its grown… Maybe I'm not stuck with this shit haircut forever.

I grab the pair of scissors stored amongst an array of pens in old Colorado State mug with a broken handle on Tweek's desk. How hard could chopping this shit off really be?

"Gah! What are you d-doing?" Tweek grabs the scissors from my hand frantically.

"What does it look like?"

"Making a fucking mess!" Tweek slammed the scissors down and swept the hair from the desk into his hand. He rushed off to the washroom to come back with a different pair of scissors and a small broom.

"S-sit down." He demanded and I do. With an uncanny steadiness he starts cutting my hair akin to a professional.

"When did you become a fucking hairdresser?"

"My mom taught me. I can't sit still long enough for anyone else."

I follow his calm movements, mesmerized by his unusually slow heartbeat. His hands work quickly and precisely.

I shake out the excess trimmings and Tweek immediately starts sweeping the floor and returning to packing. I can hear his stomach gurgling, screaming for sustenance.

"You should eat." Tweek yelps as I step beside him.

"Ngh! Fuck! Do you know you're doing that?" I cock my head to his annoyed expression.

"Doing what?" My hand drifts to push the soft hairs from his eyelashes. He flinches at my fridgid touch.

"Move so f-fucking fast."

"I do?" I ask simply, entranced by his eyes as per usual. His stomach gurgles again. "You're hungry, you should eat while I pack."

"Fine." Tweek drops the pair of pants he was haphazardly rolling to shove in the bag.

AS I pack the bags my mind wanders thinking about the three vampires again from last night. I could go the rest of my life without seeing those disgusting freaks and be so happy. And what the fuck was up with that guy running off to the creeper van? Tweek's right, we need to get the fuck out of here.

"We can't take a bus, too obvious and v-vulnerable. We could steal a car. But th-then we'd have to ditch it. And we don't have time to learn how to drive! I guess it would make the most sense to hitchhike… Gah! And then we could get rid of the driver and steal the car and then ditch the car!"

"Where would we stay to sleep and during the daytime?"

"Ergh! This is so much pressure!" Tweek collapses on the bed with his head in his hands.

"It's a great start." I pat my friend on the back to encourage him. "Even if I find some closet or basement to hide in during the days I'm sure we can figure it out."

"Gah! We need to get to a big city as f-fast as possible so no one can track us! Fuck, man, we have to fake our deaths!" Tweek hands wave wildly.

"That should be easy considering how many people are fucking going missing."

"We could throw our jackets in the creek! They'll f-find them in the spring and just assume we're dead!"

"And my hat." I held one of my chullos that I had intended on packing.

"Y-yeah! And then just d-disappear without a trace!" Tweek gently held my hat as well and looked me in the eye. "You know we can n-never come back, r-right?"

"I know." His smell after having eaten is even riper, mouth watering, like a fresh baked batch of cookies. My tongue rubs along the back of my sharp teeth as I take a deep inhale of Tweek's close body.

"I think we should head for Vegas." Tweek sighs and bites his lower lip as he examines my face. "Everyone's f-fucking weird there, we'll f-fit right in." His breath shortens as his heart rate increases. I hadn't noticed my salivating mouth was slowly edging towards his neck.

"You smell so fucking good." My hands let go of the hat to wrap around Tweek's slender frame.

"Craig," Tweek whispers. He presses a hand to my chest and grips my shirt.

"Mm," I hum. The sound of the blood coursing through his main artery is intoxicating.

"Too tight..." Tweek gulps and I realize finally how firmly I had been holding him. He gasps as I finally let go.

"Sorry," I step away, but Tweek's grip remains on my shirt. His cheeks are a beautiful crimson. His grip finally ceases, and he steps away to put the hat aside for later.

AT dusk we dress in our notifying clothing and load our bags. Tweek looks back at his bedroom and sighs. He shuts the door and passes me in the hall to lead us out the back towards the creek.

"Tweek, where are you headed so late?" Tweek's mother Helen asks as we exit the sliding kitchen door.

"Craig forgot something at home, we'll be right back." Tweek lies to his mother and shuts the door knowing full well this was the last time he'd ever see her.

We walk along the creek until we come to small bridge. Tweek removes his flannel button up shirt and tosses it in the rushing water. I follow suit and toss my chullo and puffy blue jacket. As we change into our backup clothes, we watch the creek carry our personal items away towards the setting sun.

Tweek tucks a gloved hand in mine and pulls me on our way into the unknown.

THE brisk January air was clearly an issue for Tweek. His face is covered in his scarf and his arms are crossed as we trudge against the cold wind blowing down from the mountains.

"We need to flag down the next car we see or you're going to freeze to death."

"I'm f-f-f-ine." Tweek argues. His regular shaking has evolved into full blown shivering.

Finally, I hear tires rolling across the damp highway. I look back to see a set of high beams in the distance and stop to wave my arm. Tweek turns around and holds out his thumb to help our cause. Thank fuck the car is slowing down.

"You boys alright? You'll catch a chill out here!" The driver is an older woman who has covered her dashboard in a collection of small figures. Her silver hair is pulled back into a tight bun, and I can see every wrinkle on her aged face. My tongue runs across my teeth as I hear her strong heartbeat pumping delicious blood through her veins.

"We need a ride to Denver. Our mom's sick in the hospital and we missed the last bus out of town." I deadpan. Lying is easy when fear has entirely left the building.

"Oh, dears! Please, hop on in! I'm heading home from visiting my grandchildren!"

"Thanks so much, ma'am." A smirk crawls onto my lips. I am so fucking hungry.

Upon seeing the city lights from a distance, I lean forward in my seat to speak with our courteous driver, interrupting her conversation with my anxious friend in the passenger seat.

"Our aunt lives nearby if you could drop us off there that'd be really appreciated."

"Oh, of course, boys!"

"You're too kind." I smirk and Tweek glares at me.

I guide the driver onto some side streets in a secluded wooded area and lie that we've arrived at some shack with a long driveway. As soon as she parks the car, I cuff her mouth and sink my teeth into her frail neck. Her blood tastes sharp, like ginger. I finally release her weak body as is goes limp and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

"P-pull her into the back. Ngh! We'll drive a bit f-further and dump the body." Tweek instructs. He climbs into the vacant driver seat and adjusts for his stature. I use the woman's frumpy cardigan like a towel on my soiled face and neck before climbing into the passenger seat.

"I think you just put it in gear and slowly tap the gas pedal."

"Gah! I'll t-try. This thing is fucking ancient."

"Good, no one will be looking for it." I pick off all the stupid tchotchkes from the dash and toss them onto the fresh corpse behind us. Tweek throws the van in reverse and does a very clunky three-point turn. I grab for the handle above the window instead ripping it right out of the roof.

"Ah! Sorry!"

"You're doing great." I say unconvincingly as I toss the plastic behind me.

WE dumped the body in the woods in hopes the animals would get to it before anyone notices. It was a relief I could just carry the dead weight with ease over my shoulder so Tweek could take a breath.

"Ty." Tweek said finally as we entered the outer suburbs of the city.

"Bless you?"

"Eng! No, idiot. A n-new name. You need one, too."

"Oh." I watched as the LED signs of the nearby businesses passed by. I don't give a shit about a new name. Why would anyone care? There's a million 'Craig's' out there. 'Tweek's', not so much, so that makes sense.

"We should s-stop by a hardware store and get some gear." Tweek carefully pulled into a nearby parking lot and parked probably as far fucking back as he could have from the door.

Tweek's warm hand grips my arm before I can undo my seatbelt.

"You, uh, have a little..." Tweek points at his chin and I try to wipe my face with the back of my hand again. "Ngh! Stop." With his sleeve he gently rubs my chin with one hand and holds my shoulder with the other. His focused gaze reminds me of when he cut my hair earlier that day. His heart rate instantly increases when he locks eyes with me.

"Thanks." My knuckles gently caress his heated cheek, painted once again with gorgeous crimson. Tweek's shaking body jumps suddenly in his seat.

"Gah! It probably closes soon! Hurry up!"

"I don't think it's a good idea I go with you…" I pull the cash from the woman's wallet and hand it to Tweek. The glow of the parking lot lights reflects off Tweek's vibrant hair. I quickly grab a beanie from my backpack. It's probably not a great idea his defining feature is left out for the whole fukcing world to see.

"Ack! Jesus, you're right! For the c-cameras!" Tweek yanks on the hat and quickly scurries from the vehicle.

I have no idea what his plan is. I have no idea if that creep who murdered me and his buddies are following us. I have no fucking idea what we are doing. Fuck, I just want my boring ass life back.

Across the parking lot I notice a figure emerge from a black creeper van, the windows are tinted, and the licence plate is missing. Oh, that's smart. Wait, is that guy going in the store that same weirdo that bumped into me? The one with the thick rimmed glasses? Holy shit.

In a couple swift motions, I grab my pocketknife and move across the parking lot to slash the other van's tires. Good luck following us now, asshole.

"Jesus, man, is that the l-license plate?" Tweek buckles himself and tosses the bags of supplies on the bloody floor behind us where the dented metal plate now resides.

"That guy's fucking following us." I point to the van across the parking lot. Tweek squints at the dark vehicle where the guy with thick rimmed glasses is angrily huffing about the newfound state of his vehicle. Suddenly he glares in our direction. His golden eyes are filled with fury as he stomps over to us.

"H-holy shit! He's coming!" Tweek's shaky fingers fumble and the keys fall to the floor. I quickly grab the keys with the seventeen stupid charms attached and stick them in the starter switch.

"Drive." I demand. Tweek cranks the ignition, steps on the gas pedal, and peels out of the parking lot as fast as he can. I can feel his heartbeat pounding against the seat like the double foot pedal of a death metal song.

"AH! I don't know where the fuck to go!" Tweek screeches.

"We still have seven hours until daylight. How far can we get in seven hours?"

"I dunno, man! Fucking nowheres-ville Utah?"

"Then get on the fucking I-70 and gun it until this piece of shit runs out of gas."