Chapter 38: Rue's 15th birthday evening
[June 2374 AD – POV Timotheus Mellark]
We had organized Rue's and Ruth's birthday just like in the year before, in the Jones' big barn. Rue was now 15 years old, and Ruth was 10, but despite that difference in age, Ruth was a few centimeters taller and looked more like the older sister.
In the evening, when we were sitting on the porch together, my sister Primrose had pulled me away to talk privately, and she had suggested that Rue was longing to be more than just my friend and kind of adopted brother. For various reasons, including Rue's tiny and preteen body, I found this hard to believe, but Primrose had assured me that Ruth, our baby sister, was certain about this, and Ruth was practically never wrong in her views on social topics.
My sister and I slowly walked back and found Rue and her grandparents still sitting on the porch. I collected all of the courage I had, which wasn't a lot altogether, and asked:
"Rue, would you feel inclined to go for a walk with me, please?"
Her eyes still showed signs of recent tears, but she nodded and went with me. Once we had walked silently for maybe ten minutes, Rue asked:
"So, what did your sister talk to you about?"
"Mainly telling me that I am an idiot." I blurted it out without thinking much.
"What? Really? But you are not!"
"Well, maybe she is right and I really am, and Ruth seems to agree."
"I cannot imagine that your sisters consider you an idiot – that's nonsense!"
"Not necessarily, but that depends on them being right or wrong about something."
"And this is what?"
"This is about your feelings about me and my feelings about you, Rue."
It was now almost fully dark and I could not see her facial expression any longer, but I heard her swallowing. Slowly I continued:
"Rue, since we have met I have always considered you like my little sister. I have grown to like being around you, I have enjoyed talking to you, and I have immensely enjoyed to be in bed with you and sleeping together with you while holding you tightly."
"I hope that this does not imply that you want to stop doing that?"
I could hear the girl's voice trembling, and somehow I felt that I'd better get to the point rather than winding my words around the core topic; so I quickly replied:
"Not, not at all, rather the contrary."
"What do you mean, Tim?"
"Do you really have a crush on me?" I blurted out without thinking, again. Maybe that was wrong, but I had an urged to get it done quickly; if she laughed about me, I could still run away.
Due to her dark skin and the darkness around us I could not really see if Rue blushed, but she stopped walking and turned away from me. I realized that this question had been very direct, maybe too much so, and I added:
"Sorry, Rue, I should not have asked. This is very personal, and not really my business."
"No, Tim, it is your business! And yes, I have had a crush on you probably since the day you rescued me in the mountains. I just cannot help myself, if you like it or not, and you are always so nice to me and treat me like your younger sister, and I mean it's fine, I understand that I am like a sister to you, and this is actually great, as I could not expect that, but I just cannot change it; my feelings for you are different from seeing you as just a big brother, and this is even more than just being 'soul-mates', as Dr. Aurelius called it. Maybe it is the brain waves dictating my feelings, but I just can't help it; I'm in love with you."
With those words she started to sob, and I needed a moment to sort my feelings. She really was in love with me? Ruth and Primrose were right? I understood that I needed to comfort her very quickly, and thus I slowly pulled her into my arms. After some time I started to explain, although I had trouble finding the right words:
"You are right, until recently I used to think about you like a dear sister. Primrose, though, got me thinking, and she asked a few very good questions which make me doubt my own feelings. Rue, I have never had a girlfriend, as you know, and I am sometimes really slow in understanding social relations. But Ruth and Primrose may be right; the way I feel about you and care for you may be different like for a sister. Maybe it's your size and looks – you are so cute and adorable, but in a little girl kind of way. But I need to keep in mind that you are not a little girl, at least not in your mind and your feelings. I love the way I can talk to you about nature and technical stuff, like we did in the museum recently, but also about fantasy worlds. You are my favorite human being to be with, and I am so very happy that you are in my life. Except for my closest family, I have never felt for a person like that. I just do not know what that is!"
She looked up at me again, and the sobbing reduced:
"So, not entirely just like a sister?"
"No, probably not, but I am not sure. During the last months, I had sometimes thought about my feelings, and I have started to become worried about the time when your body finally starts puberty. With such a change, I am not sure if I could keep viewing you as a little sister, and I have been increasingly concerned about my feelings towards you moving into an area which may not be appropriate, and I was even worried that you might be angry with me if I mentioned anything else. I need to remind myself that you are a fifteen year old teenager and not just a little girl. Now, based on what you just admitted, I would really like to find out more about that, together with you, if you'd like that."
"So, you did not get the hint and realized why I asked so many times if you really did not have a girlfriend?"
"I guess not. You asked a question and I answered it, and I failed to see the point asking the question several times, as I had answered it before."
With that reply Rue started to laugh suddenly, which got me very confused again. When she had calmed down, she told me:
"Actually, this is perfect. I have spent so much time thinking about how to drop proper hints, and I even read some books on how to do this. I could as well have skipped the books and just asked you directly, right?"
"Ask me what?"
"Ask you if you want to be my boyfriend, of course!"
I swallowed when I understood the question; this was exactly what Primrose had predicted, and I guessed that I should have realized the situation and Rue's feelings earlier, but I had not. I needed some time to process the statement, and she probably misunderstood my hesitation to reply:
"You don't want me as a girlfriend, right? You want a girlfriend with a woman's body and boobs and all rather than a skinny girl without curves who looks like a preteen. And you also don't want a girlfriend with bunny ears and slit pupils."
"What? No, that's so totally not it; you know that I love your looks. I might mind bunny ears, but yours are more cat like, and you know that."
Rue giggled for a moment, and I continued:
"I just doubt that I am good enough for you, and besides, I am so much older!"
"Are you kidding me? You saved me from certain death, you are the only one who can really keep me from having nightmares, you spend almost all of your free time with me, you kiss my forehead like you really cherish me, you are the only person who literally understands everything I want to talk about, you are the one person who makes my life make sense again, at least for the time being, and you doubt that you are good enough for me? I very much doubt that anyone closer to my age could cherish, comfort and understand me like you do. No, it's just the other way round – I am not good enough for you, I know."
"No, not at all. Since I have known you, I have felt so happy when you are with me, and my feelings – I do not know what to call them, but I really really like you a lot, and spending time with you is the best I can think of. Rue, I do care for you a lot, and I would love to find out more. Your special features are not a problem for me at all, rather the contrary. So, I guess, if you really want, yes, I do want to be your boyfriend, and I'd love to find out how this works for us."
We had stopped walking for some time, and Rue now asked:
"You are sure about that?"
"Yes, I am, indeed – absolutely sure now, after talking to you about that."
At this time we had walked away from the farmhouse for some time, and there was darkness all around us; a large cloud covered the moon, but many stars were visible. Just as I looked up at the sky again, thinking about something specific, the cloud moved, and all of a sudden the quarter moon kind of looked down to us; I almost imagined the proverbial 'man in the moon' smiling. In addition to that we were passing a row of rose bushes, and even at night there was strong and wonderful smell emanating from them. Suddenly I knew what I wanted to say, although I wasn't entirely sure where the words came from all of a sudden:
"Rue, this situation and location we are in right now reminds me of words in a book I read some time ago: 'Moonlight, the scent of roses, and a star-strewn sky, this is romance in pure form'."
Despite the moonlight which was now providing a little bit of illumination around, I still could not really see the girl's facial expression, and I was not sure at all if I should have mentioned what had been in my mind. I had allowed myself to be guided by a streak of romance, which rarely dominated my thinking and behavior, but had suddenly made itself known in my brain, and I almost started to regret that. However, Rue grabbed one of my hands with both of hers, and I could feel her trembling, which I just hoped was a good sign. Encouraged by her action I continued with a low voice:
"I tend to believe that I am a very organized and scientifically oriented person, but you know that I also like to read about fantasy stories and play fantasy games. Now, I am not sure if this is real or fantasy, but I have been wondering recently…"
"About what?"
"I have been wondering how it might be to kiss you."
A long pause happened, and I wondered if I maybe should not have said that; surely I should have been less quick with such a daring proposal. Eventually, though, I heard her whispering, in a voice which I almost felt tempted to categorize as seductive:
"Why don't you find out?"
Seriously now? I had not expected this answer and hesitated, and for a few seconds I was not sure if I was brave enough to try, but when I felt her body very close to me, I lifted her up to me in my arms, held her upper body against my chest and slowly moved my head forward. Rue reacted quickly and wrapped her arms around my neck, and she did not wait for me to finish my move; all of a sudden her lips were on mine. The smell of the roses around was now supplemented with the smell of her hair and her skin plus the taste of her lips.
'I guess that Primrose and Ruth may have been right after all' was my first thought. After that, I stopped thinking and just allowed myself to get lost in my feelings. I held Rue close to me and simply enjoyed the moment; there would be time enough to ponder implications later. One thing was clear, though – the feeling was not at all like kissing a sister. It was something else entirely, something I had not felt before, or maybe something I had not allowed myself to feel before. It was a great and wonderful feeling, and it was something which filled my entire being; as a matter of fact, it felt totally right.
I had no clue how much later it might be when we finally stopped kissing; for quite some time we had only interrupted for short moments to breathe, and now I slowly lowered her down to the ground. We had kept our lips closed and no tongues involved, and yet the feeling had been much better than I had expected, almost impossible to describe. I had had a few kisses with girls before, but nothing which had made me feel like this, not even remotely. I did not know what to say, and she helped me out:
"I guess that your sisters may have been right, indeed. But I don't blame you, and I am happy that they actually dared to help here."
"Yes, me too. So, about us, Rue. I did tell you that I never had a girlfriend, right? I may not have a clue what to do with you now."
"That's all right, and we will find out together. For a start, there's not much you need to do in a different way. Just do what you used to do and add some more hugging and kissing, and we will be fine."
It felt kind of odd for me, being more than ten years older than Rue, to get educated by her what proper behavior for a boyfriend might include, but that was all right. After all, whatever 'common sense' and moral expectations might demand or suggest, I needed to make sure to treat one person properly, and she was apparently willing to guide me in the right direction; that was no problem for me at all, and actually, I was very happy and willing to accept guidance in that area. Above and beyond that, even trying to impose anything like 'as my girlfriend, I'd expect you to do this and that' would have felt totally wrong, specifically considering her tender age.
Hand in hand we walked back to the porch, and my sister and Rue's grandparents were looking at us. When they saw Rue smiling and our hands joined, Mrs. Jones prompted:
"So, you have finally found out?"
"You knew about that?"
"Mr. Mellark, come on, give us some credit; Rue is our granddaughter. She did not fully confide in us, but the way she behaves around you and how she looks at you reminds me of my own youth, and we've been seeing the signs. At least since last New Years Eve we have known beyond any doubt that our Rue is totally smitten with you and wanted you as a boyfriend, but that was for you to find out, and for some time we weren't sure what you actually expected from her. Your sisters understood this better than you, probably, and they have educated us a little bit on your lines of thought. Now, it's been about time with the two of you, and we are happy for you."
"Yep, and Ruth and I won our bet against Mom and Dad."
"Bet? Which bet, Primrose?"
"Well, Ruth and I were sure that I could make you understand today and get you to finally ask Rue to be her boyfriend. Mom and Dad thought that you'd need more time."
So, I had been the only one not knowing what was going on? And they had even done bets on my slowness in understanding? My own family?
When we eventually went to bed this night, later than usual, a flow of tears started to run from Rue's eyes. It was almost like a barrier had been opened, and at first I was getting quite worried. We had a small nightlight on, and in the dim illumination I could see that her face looked happy nonetheless. So, what was going on? I'd have to wait for an explanation, and all I could do for now was to hold her tight. Quite some time later the sobbing stopped, and she said:
"I am confusing you with my tears, don't I?"
"Yes, you are, indeed."
"I do not know what came over me, but I feel like a huge load dropped from me, and I just needed to find some relieve in shedding tears. You can't imagine how frequently I have dreamed about having you as my boyfriend, and I was always afraid that you'd find a girlfriend in the city and stop spending much time with me. You probably do not even know what it means to me to be close to you when I sleep; it's like you are a part of me, and it hurts when you are not around. It's like an addiction."
Maybe that was related to the strange readings in her brainwaves? But anyway, I did not really have a problem with her attitude, and the 'like you are a part of me' feeling was certainly there on my side as well. I replied:
"Rue, I am sorry for not getting that earlier. I am totally happy with having you as my girlfriend, and I am looking forward to finding out where this will lead us. Just have patience with me and let me know if I don't do something which I should better do or vice versa."
"I am in your arms right now, and this is almost perfect. Still, how can you like me that much with my tiny body, without anything which makes me attractive or so?"
"Rue, honestly, I do like your body. You have a wonderful skin color which I admire very much, and feeling this tiny body of yours close to mine makes me feel like totally at home and just great and very happy. Besides, I am in in love with your mind and your soul, and with the possible exception of Ruth, I have never met a female person I can share practically everything with and who accepts me like I am."
"You love my mind and my soul? Are you serious?"
"Yes, I am, absolutely!"
"That was very nicely phrased, and I am very happy indeed that there is at least one part of my body which is not quite as retarded as the other parts."
Before I had a chance to ask what they might be, Rue opened her mouth wide, so that her four long canines were visible in the dim light; those teeth made her almost look like a vampire. The girl switched off the nightlight, dropped her face down to mine and pressed her lips on mine again. And I had to agree with her; while her body in general looked like a preteen's, her mouth was definitely more like her real age of fifteen, even with all of the baby teeth being in there.
Later, before I fell asleep, feeling very happy, I thought back about a conversation my baby sister Ruth and I had had more than year ago. We had talked about Corinna playing matchmaker with my twin cousin, and Ruth had hinted that she was going to play matchmaker with and for me. She had not told me any details, but it was apparent now that she had known or at least strongly suspected that Rue and I were meant to be together; Ruth, with her unfailing ability and sense for social relations, had of course been right all of the time.
When we sat together for breakfast on Wednesday morning, my sister Primrose looked at Rue and me and finally said:
"So, the way you two look at each other and you radiate happiness, one could assume that you got laid."
"Primrose!"
"Yes, I know, and I know you well enough that you would not even try that with her, big brother. But it's nice to see the two of you so happy. And, by the way, nice hickey you got on your neck!"
[Author's Notes: Quite a happy end for the day, isn't it?]
