Right then, in the moment when Noibat first noticed Mandibuzz looming over him, he didn't feel frightened, angry, or resigned. Just confused. Obviously, being stalked by a vulture in the desert was a bad omen. But he had found the oasis and the water, he should have been in the clear! Vultures weren't a threat, they were a symptom. They were supposed to eat your corpse after you starved, or fell off a cliff, or were shanked by giant spiders.
That skirt of bones, though—surely Mandibuzz had scavenged those.
The heavy-lidded orange eyes which stared down at Noibat weren't outwardly hostile; a grandparent watching children play in their yard could have worn the same languorous expression. Mandibuzz glanced from Noibat to Unfezant and raised their eyebrows slightly, hinting at some private joke.
Something unspoken passed between Unfezant and Mandibuzz. Was Unfezant saying 'Spare him'? 'Get rid of him'? 'Not on my turf'? Noibat couldn't read him any better than he could read a Joltik. These two birds had a mutual understanding built on years of familiarity, if not friendliness.
The silent standoff ended. Unfezant went back to corralling the Pidove and Mandibuzz began to preen.
Noibat didn't know what to make of the situation. Was he safe, or should he be running right now? He took it up with Unfezant, forgetting his fear of the proud bird.
'Thanks for warning me about that Mandibuzz. What do they want? Can you get them to go away?'
Unfezant could definitely hear Noibat, but he didn't acknowledge him at all.
Not an encouraging answer.
Noibat stared openly at Mandibuzz. They were straightening their morbid skirt with a klak-klak. Unfezant was busy preventing a Pidove from jumping into the pool.
Okaaay. I should get out of here before either of them start giving me funny looks again.
Noibat started toward the mouth of the canyon, then hesitated.
'I'm going to go now. Good luck with the Pidove.'
"Faa," Unfezant exhaled without looking up. This sigh of relief was probably not meant for Noibat's ears.
He tried to walk away without attracting any more attention, one more gray splotch among the shadows and thickets of the canyon. Actually, he moved with the uniquely awkward gait of someone who had no business walking on all fours trying to act casual.
Smooth as tallow, Mandibuzz stopped their preening and glided down to perch in a tree directly in Noibat's path. They were staring at him again with those cryptic eyes. The Pidove began to chatter in alarm.
Oh fuck. They totally want to eat me. I'm trapped here!
Maybe he shouldn't have jinxed himself by thinking about reincarnation so much.
"KWAAAA!"
Unfezant wasn't happy with this development either. He cawed at Noibat and Mandibuzz, telling them to take it outside, please, herding twenty pigeons was difficult enough when they weren't spooked. It was Unfezant's turn to be ignored, however, because Noibat was transfixed by his up-close look at the vulture's skirt. It was a very delicate piece of clothing, made of all kinds of bones: small vertebrae chained together, slender ribs snapped in half. He tried to picture where these bones would fit inside a Woobat or a Pidove.
He imagined Mandibuzz patrolling the skies high above the black plateau. From there, they could track all of the Pokémon in the scrublands, keeping a more sophisticated version of Noibat's own tally: which Pokémon traveled alone, which Pokémon seemed lost, which Pokémon could barely stagger their way to the watering hole. Even the sick and injured would have to risk the journey eventually. Mandibuzz had the luxury of watching as their prey crawled right to their doorstep, just as Noibat had.
So the only reason Mandibuzz isn't attacking right now… is because they have me right where they want me. Their next meal, fresh and well-hydrated.
There had to be another way out, figuratively speaking. It had taken him twenty minutes to walk from the mouth of the canyon to the spring. Too far for him to outrun Mandibuzz, and that was assuming that they wouldn't just follow him into the desert.
The Woobat would be back tonight. If Noibat could get them to take pity on him again, then he and a few Woobat might be able to gang up on the vulture. On the other hand, Mandibuzz was at least twice as tall as he was, towering over even the Swoobat. He and the Woobat would be hopelessly outclassed in terms of size, weight, and raw talon-power (Mandibuzz had six, he had four, the Woobat had none). Plus Noibat had hardly slept in the last couple days. He would struggle to stay awake until the Woobat came, nodding off to the sound of lazy wingbeats and the rattle of bones…
No, Noibat couldn't wait around. Mandibuzz would strike as soon as Unfezant left. That was the second reason that Mandibuzz was keeping him alive: Unfezant didn't want Mandibuzz to maul Noibat in front of the Pidove, and Mandibuzz respected or feared Unfezant enough to honor that wish. Yet the defenseless Pidove couldn't live in the vulture's shadow any more than he could—Unfezant would also have to sleep at some point. By nightfall, the only Pokémon at the spring would be Noibat, Mandibuzz, and the Cutiefly.
Mandibuzz looked at Noibat expectantly. They knew that he was recovering from dehydration, that he had been wandering the desert for days on end, that his position was only getting weaker. Noibat would have to make the first move.
"EEEEEEE!"
Noibat yelled at Mandibuzz and flapped his wings. They were unfazed. If anything, they seemed a little bored. The Pidove chirped at each other anxiously, struggling to pinpoint this new shrieking threat.
"KWAAAA!"
Without a hint of irony, Unfezant cawed at him to keep it down.
'If you want me to stop, then come over and help me! I know you know that Mandibuzz is hunting me!' "Kvvvvv! Krrruvvv!"
"KWAAA-A!"
Unfezant unfurled his wings in a threatening gesture. Noibat chose to interpret it as a shrug.
Damn, I'm sorry that my imminent death is such an inconvenience to you!
Noibat hurled a green cauliflower at Mandibuzz. It struck the base of the tree with a dull thud.
This got Mandibuzz's attention. Their sharp beak clipped a branch off the tree with unsettling ease. The branch swayed side to side in that cruel beak, rolling like a cigar between the lips of a predatory mafioso. Noibat tried to remember if there were any Pokémon attacks that involved waving a stick. Metronome? Mandibuzz fluttered to another tree, positioning themselves right above Noibat. The vulture drew back slowly and deliberately, preparing to slam the branch down onto Noibat's head!
Swoosh.
Noibat flinched, but the branch had not left the vulture's beak.
"Baw-aw-aw!" Mandibuzz's coughing laugh sent another ripple of panic through the Pidove.
Unbelievable. If it wasn't insulting enough that he was about to be eaten, now Mandibuzz was playing with their food.
"KWAA-A-A!"
Noibat turned to snap at Unfezant but balked when he saw the look on his face. He wouldn't have thought that a bird could scowl. Unfezant had had it up to here with these trespassers in his spring and their noisy posturing.
A Cutiefly buzzed annoyingly close to Unfezant. The tiny bugs were swarming the Pidove flock, especially Unfezant himself, attracted either by his colorful plumage or by the angry glow of his aura. Whatever self-destructive tendency drove the Cutiefly, this one had the bad luck of flying too close to Unfezant when he wanted to make a show of force. Unfezant flicked his wing, and SWIT! The Cutiefly plummeted to the ground. He took his time retrieving his kill, making sure that Noibat and Unfezant saw the creature's shredded wings. The Pidove had already eaten today, but Unfezant could always distract them with more food.
Noibat got the message. He was screwed.
How did it come to this? I'm a Pokémon, stuck in this canyon with two psychopath birds who would probably kill me without a second thought.
Mandibuzz's probing eyes were fixed on Noibat in this critical moment, when the prey decides whether to fight, flee, or die politely.
Was everything I've done over the last couple days leading up to becoming bird food? And everything that came before I lost my memory—if I die, what happens to that person? Do I have friends and family who are searching for me right now?
The Pidove churned around Unfezant. No two were quite the same: some were bigger, perhaps older; they had slightly different proportions, different hints of the browns, reds, and greens of their later evolutions. Some seemed to be responding to stress better than others. Unfezant was fussing over a Pidove that was puffed up in fear, trying to calm them down with the Cutiefly he dangled in his beak. They accepted the bribe eventually. The Pidove with the Cutiefly fell in line behind their father as he went on to comfort their siblings. He was gathering them to leave.
Watching the nervous Pidove gave Noibat an idea. A drastic, stupid idea. He had to move.
As he walked toward Unfezant, Noibat began to appreciate that the regal bird was just as large as Mandibuzz. Unfezant spread his wings again. Those wings seemed to be the real threat, not the talons or the beak.
"KWAAAA!"
He tried to imagine Unfezant as the scared little Pidove he must once have been. Unfezant's tail twitched. Maybe he was nervous, too, now that Noibat was blatantly ignoring his warnings.
The Pidove shrank back as the strange Pokémon approached them. Was he actually going to do this? He should give Unfezant one more chance to cooperate:
'Unfezant, help me fight Mandibuzz, or I'm going to do something that you definitely won't like.' "Vvvvvvvk. Mrrrcck."
"KWAAA-A!"
It was useless. They were just making sounds at each other.
Sorry, Unfezant, Pidove. I want to live, and Mandibuzz is way scarier than you.
"KWAA-AAA!"
He inhaled deeply.
You think I'm going to back off because you're loud?
"KWAA-A-A-A!"
His ears whirred with power.
Well, I can be loud, too.
"KW—"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Have you ever tried to scream as loud as possible? You'd think it would be easy, a release, especially if it feels like you spend all day holding yourself back from screaming. It can be. But it takes effort to go that extra mile, to achieve not just a loud scream, but a truly blood-curdling, ear-destroying shriek. Fortunately, Noibat had a natural gift for screaming loud enough to wake the dead. Full volume. Sustained. Nothing fancy, just raw sound in every conceivable frequency.
Unfezant was horrified. Even Mandibuzz looked a bit taken aback.
The Pidove absolutely lost their shit. Suddenly every Pidove was in the air, warbling, screeching, and singing. It was a stampede!
Noibat took off before Unfezant could mash him into a fine paste. Whatever misgivings he had about this plan, he was committed now.
The flock of Pidove rushed down the canyon like a tsunami, the incapable fliers tackling every bush, tree, and Pokémon that stood in their way. Cutiefly darted around manically. Tympole cheered on the horde from the shallows. An Emolga took one look at the screeching mob and ducked into the hollow of a tree. Unfezant tried to rein the Pidove in, begging them to stop, but he could not get through to them while their voices still echoed with the feedback of the scream. A single Noibat was practically invisible in the chaos.
The Pidove spilled out into the scrublands in a low-flying ball, completing the race from spring to canyon mouth in record time. Noibat looked around frantically as he ran.
Where do I go?! Did I lose Mandibuzz?
He heard one large pair of wings descend below the cacophony, closing in on his unguarded back.
VAAAAM!
Noibat fell flat as his ears boomed reflexively. If his earlier scream was a kick in the shins, then this ultrasonic attack was a spritz of pepper spray in the eyes: not as powerful, yet all the better for disarming an opponent.
"Baw!"
Mandibuzz almost plowed into the ground as they shot past, their wingbeats unsteady as they flew away. Noibat felt a moment of pride for finally landing a blow on the unflappable vulture. It didn't last. Only a minute passed before he heard a skeletal rattle sneaking up on him again.
VAAAAM!
Noibat tried to stay in the middle of the flock of Pidove, desperate to find cover from Mandibuzz. He hadn't thought this far ahead. Was he going to follow the Pidove all the way back to their nest? Mandibuzz was already blinking off their confusion.
VAAAAM!
The ruff on his neck was blown flat as Mandibuzz hurtled by. He couldn't ward them off forever; they were getting closer with every pass. Unfezant was cawing, Noibat's ears were ringing from the aftershock, Mandibuzz was—
SWIT! Noibat seized and fell as a hundred tiny blades cut into his back. Not Mandibuzz's talons, but a vortex of air launched from Unfezant's wing.
"KWAAAAA!"
Unfezant was stalking towards him, murder in his eyes.
No! Not right now! Why now?!
The flock had gone quiet. Twenty Pidove were scattered in the sand, struck down by Noibat's auditory assault. If one ultrasonic attack could make a grown Mandibuzz stumble, imagine what three of them could do to a Pidove! Noibat had gone too far. He had crossed the line between scaring the Pidove and actively hurting them, and that wasn't something Unfezant could forgive.
I… No—
Noibat rose unsteadily to his feet, all too human, then dropped to all fours again—
Unfezant raised his wing, seconds away from slashing Noibat across the face—
The Pidove slumped like so many discarded dolls, one still clinging to a tattered Cutiefly—
Mandibuzz swooped low, talons grasping for that same Pidove—
Noibat flung himself into the air with a great gust of his wings, dodging Unfezant's next attack, not leaping out of danger, but on a collision course toward his real opponent. Noibat bounced off of Mandibuzz's bony flank just before they could grab the Pidove.
"Baaw?"
Mandibuzz didn't even turn to swipe at Noibat, they just leaned on him, pinning him under their oppressive weight. Noibat felt something inside him pop as all the air was driven from his body. His ears weren't working. His lungs weren't working.
KRAK-KRAK-KRAK-KRAK-KRAK!
Mandibuzz clattered like an ossuary in an earthquake as a vortex exploded against their skirt. The disheveled vulture stepped away from Noibat and the Pidove to glare at Unfezant. Unfezant glared right back, channeling all the rage that had previously been reserved for a certain Noibat.
For all of their strength, Mandibuzz was an opportunist at heart. They didn't want to face off against this fearsome Unfezant—it took hours to fix their skirt after it got tangled like this! Was Unfezant really going to fight them over this malformed Woobat? I mean, Mandibuzz had also been trying to eat his children. Fair enough.
Mandibuzz retreated back onto the black plateau, abandoning the leggy Woobat and the two-for-one Pidove-Cutiefly combo without so much as a backward glance. There would be more prey. In fact, Mandibuzz had already sniped a few Cutiefly during the stampede.
Unfezant roused the Pidove one by one. Luckily, none of them were seriously injured, just a bit knocked about from their panicked flight through the canyon. There was no need for Unfezant to coax the Pidove into following him, the poor pigeons were ready to go home. The Pidove with the Cutiefly chirped their thanks as Unfezant helped them up with an affectionate peck. Unfezant counted heads. All twenty were accounted for and unharmed! Twenty-one including Noibat, still immobilized on the ground.
Unfezant regarded Noibat coldly, his expression unreadable once again. Did he understand why Noibat had to start the stampede? Was he grateful that Noibat rescued the Pidove, or would he hold a grudge for endangering them in the first place?
Noibat's paralysis loosened enough for him to grovel one last time.
'I'm sorry I put your kids in harm's way to save myself. I can't excuse that. But please don't kill me! I didn't want Mandibuzz to attack the Pidove, I just needed a distraction and you were the only other Pokémon there! Please please please—'
Unfezant made Pidove look the other way.
Skit!
Noibat winced as Unfezant kicked a big pile of sand into his face. That finally snapped him out of his paralysis. He flailed around blindly, expecting the next attack to come from the front, from the back, from above… The finishing blow never came. When he got the sand out of his eyes, Noibat saw the Pidove with the Cutiefly standing in front of him.
"Doooo!"
They threw the Cutiefly at Noibat's feet. With that, the whole Pidove flock flew away in one graceful motion.
Noibat spat dust. Somehow, there was even sand in his ears.
"If the Woobat can live here, I can, too!" What was I thinking?
He eyed the thoroughly mangled Cutiefly suspiciously. It was funny: in the last three days, he had been prepared to die, miraculously pulled through, gotten his hopes up, stumbled into yet another crisis, despaired, survived, and had the rug pulled out from under him so many times that he was numb to it, only concerned with whether the Pidove's gift was edible or not. The numbness wouldn't last forever. After the excitement of being hunted wore off, he would relive it all again.
Right then, though, Noibat was thinking about how closely the Cutiefly resembled a soiled towel with legs.
I'm not eating that. It's raw insect meat, Pokémon meat, whatever… That's sick.
Was he going to top all of his previous feats of survival by reinventing fire before he starved to death? His options for food so far were rock-hard cauliflowers, leaves, cobwebs, sticks, or this.
Another memory: he was at his aunt's house, and his little cousin was a picky eater. Now that the bread was finished, the toddler wanted him to haggle over every morsel of food. Smile approvingly, frown pleadingly—the magical response changed with every bite. Everything he did offended the toddler because he wasn't his aunt. He didn't know what to do. He was supposed to keep an eye on his cousin, not play hostage negotiator. He tried to just sit there. Wrong again. There were now pears, green beans, and juice all over the carpet. Why would you ever put a carpet in a kitchen?
His aunt came in from the living room. She was mad. His mother was there, too, with eyebrows knitted, part concerned, part sympathetic, part preparing to defend him from her crazy kitchen-carpeting sister. And there was the tiniest hint of a smile at his forlorn expression, perhaps remembering a time when he had been the picky toddler.
It's just a few bites…
It tasted disgusting. And sandy.
