XCVI

Lapsus Linguae

By now, almost the whole pack has gathered, crushed together into Kouga's room. Almost, because a few at the edges, having heard the most important thing, have already slipped away. Saya is among them; seeing her, he had almost stopped her, knowing where she would be going, but instead he had put the thought aside for after this trip.

It's a very little bit of trouble, but he doesn't want to deal with anything unpleasant today. Let her run to Miroku, she'll get tired of him soon enough. He's so eager to leave, isn't he? Sad for her, but she made her choice, and it won't be so hard to comfort her when the man is gone, anyway.

Those who've stayed are all whispering or murmuring or growling, laughing or howling – mostly depending on their shape. Kouga sits on his furs like they're a throne, holding Kagome close, and just listens. Listens to all of them, one at a time and together, and grins showing all his teeth when he hears nothing that he has to call out or challenge. Nothing criticizing his woman, no one saying anything is wrong.

Some of them praise her; some of them admire her. Some of them are only concerned about his happiness, and the fact that the leadership of the pack will be complete now. That's alright. Those who are busy being pleased he has his Alpha female instead of celebrating who she is at least accept her as such. They will learn her in time, and come to adore her as she deserves.

For this, at least, he thinks he can thank that taijiya's presence. The half dozen on patrol who witnessed Kagome talking to her have spread word, telling the story many times. And more had heard Kagome's rage, her absolute rejection, when he had first tried to explain to her what a taijiya is; what one might do to them.

It's very clear now that even in the face of human needs and desires, even carrying the burden of a miko's powers, his woman has aligned herself, not with mortals, but with them. She considers herself part of their pack; so does he. Now, so do they. It's wonderful, more than he expected. Absolutely perfect. He'll remember this moment forever as one of the happiest in his life. The moment he knew she would never leave him, the moment everyone he loved, all his Wolves and his woman, were united.

In this moment, there are no shadows in his heart.

More than ever, Kouga wants to kiss her, but he knows that once he does, he won't want to stop, either. Before he can do that he has to get rid of all their guests. And even then, he thinks, he has to be careful.

Self-control is an annoyingly necessary thing, now, when instinct won't serve any longer and she thinks she has no reason to resist. Kagome is willing, too willing, but not ready, even though he knows she thinks she is. He's thought through more clearly than she has the demands mating her will put on her body, small as she is, and so fragile, so softly human. The last thing he wants to do is cause her pain.

There's also the fact that no matter what she says, he felt the tears she hid against his chest. He tasted the many emotions she didn't give voice to. For her sake, for that reason, he wants to wait. He wants a ritual to show her how much she means to him, wants to give her a ceremony before he takes that final step.

It should be easier, he thinks, knowing that he's waiting just for that. Knowing that she wants him, that she's said yes, that she loves him… but somehow, he feels that's not really the case. She's so warm in his arms, the weight of her body in his lap a pleasant pressure. He can feel her gaze on him, somehow sharper than usual.

To distract himself, he looks over his pack one at a time, then stops on his betas and grins when they wince. "Sweet Kagome, the things you say I should have told you… does you not knowing them mean Hakkaku's been slacking? You should've known at least that our courtship started with a ceremony; that our mating would be one. Or do you only want to hear about it from me?"

Kagome flushes more darkly than she has since last night, and closes her eyes. "Yes? Maybe?"

The look on her face reminds him of the expression she'd worn just before she fell asleep, and that reminds him of the plans he made – and gives him an excuse. "We'll have time on our trip for all your questions, don't worry. Hakkaku, your penalty is removed, since she didn't want to ask you, but don't get too excited. I'm still giving you work."

Hakkaku meets his eyes with a sort of hopeless expression, despite the protest forming on his lips. "Work? But-"

"No buts. I'm taking Kagome to the flower forest and the sacred water." He reaches out a finger and holds Shippou in place before he can make a wild leap. "Alone."

The kit shifts shape smoothly, while the pups around him whine jealousy. "Aw – That's not fair, I can keep up!"

"You'll get your chance, kit, but you've been on enough adventures this year." Beside him, Sho barks decisively, as if to say yeah, no fair, and Kouga roughs up the fur on his head with one hand until it stands up straight, and pokes his belly when he tries to gnaw on a finger in retaliation. "Are all of you trying to grow up too fast? We'll be back soon enough." He turns back to Hakkaku, lifting his eyebrows. "Anyway, you make sure to clear out the caches nearest the peak, they should be thawing by now."

"Spring feast?"

"Uh-huh. Late this year, but it's been cold. Three days, I think, we should be home by nightfall. And don't forget a smaller fire, too, so Kagome can eat."

Hakkaku only shrugs, nods, sighs. Ginta exchanges a glance with Shiori, and she's the one who steps forward. "Kouga-sama, what about celebrating the end of your… courtship…"

Kouga growls very quietly, and her voice trails off. "We'll celebrate when we get back, what did I just say? No complaining. I'll share her with you, haven't I been doing so already? But I'm allowed to be greedy with my woman, and I want a private celebration first."

Huffing laughter comes from many directions, but now that he's said so much and the necessary announcements have obviously been made, the crowd begins to disperse. Kameko strides away slowly, but her voice comes back over her shoulder, carried clearly by the curving walls of the den. "I will take bets of white leather and fine bone-work; who thinks these two will come back still unmated?"

Kouga shouts after her, despite Kagome snickering against his chest. "I do!"

"Alpha, if I believed you I wouldn't be taking bets. And you can't gamble on yourself, anyway. As for the rest of you, this way…"

He can only watch her go, a bit amused and a bit annoyed by the number of the pack that trot grinning after her. "And after I made an announcement like that, too."

"You can't blame them, I'm not convinced either." Kagome sits up in his lap and leans her head against his shoulder, and neither the way she moves nor her words are much help for his good intentions. "Obon's not for ages, Kouga."

"You think you made me wait long enough, is that it? And now you're allowed to be impatient?" She nods decisively, or tries to, but he kisses her then, the kiss he was waiting for, kisses her until the scent of her desire is the only fragrance in his awareness. She squirms in his arms until she's turned herself to straddle him, and he lets her, lets her move as she wants to, rocking against him, lets her kiss him more deeply and sink her fingers into his hair.

Her eagerness is enticing, but that alone isn't enough to move him. It just delights him that she is so easily moved. She lifts her mouth from his lips to breathe, hot, panting little breaths that feed his desire, and he slides his lips along the line of her jaw, murmuring against her skin. "Don't you see, this is the point of giving me the choice now, beautiful woman. At first you agreed to let me court you, gave me more of yourself a little at a time. Every kiss a promise, every touch a hint of your regard. Then you said yes. That means now it's my turn to make you want what you can't have yet."

He skims her ribs with his fingertips, watches her gasp, shiver, arch away from and clutch him closer at the same time. "My turn to make you pant and beg for me. Just for a little while. Just until I choose a mating day."

"Kouga. That's not fair-"

He smiles against her throat, nips under her ear, kisses her neck and sucks heat to the surface while she moans. "Yes, it is. I even explained how. I even told you my intentions for which day, instead of keeping you in suspense. Tell me how it's not fair, Kagome."

"I… I didn't make you wait on purpose; you know that! As soon as I knew I loved you, I told you. So it's not the same, and it's not fair." She turns her nose up at him, but she's still holding his hands against her hips.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

She blinks at him as if she'd expecting him to say anything else, and he licks the red mark he's made on her skin. "Uh-huh. I can admit that's true. But I'm being unfair to myself, too, aren't I? And I already said, I won't make you wait for very long."

She squints at him, wrinkling her nose. "Obon is weeks away, we aren't even halfway through the fifth month yet!"

"Kagome." He's laughing at her before he can stop himself, laughing at the face he knows she's going to make as soon as he gets the words he's thinking out of his mouth. "Kagome, listen to yourself. Are you hearing what you're saying? Already begging me to take you; you really can't wait?"

"I – what? I –"

He slides his hands from her hips to her waist, and she stops rocking against him as if only then aware that she was doing it. "I don't mind hearing it, woman. I don't mind knowing how much you want me for your mate. Tell me everything you want me to do to you; beg me all you want. It won't change my mind, though."

"I – I –" She's stuck repeating herself, her mouth opening wider and wider until she shuts it abruptly, squeezing his arms with both hands and looking anywhere but his eyes.

"Didn't I tell you I thought you were my favorite dream this morning? Now that you know the beginning, should I tell you the rest of it, or do you already know how it goes?" Blood-color rises ever darker in her cheeks, paints her neck and spreads across her shoulders with every beat of her heart.

He remembers how open with her desires she was when she climbed on top of him last night, and now she can't even meet his eyes. "Will you ever stop blushing when we talk like this? I can't decide if I should hope for it or not. I love to see you flushed and hot and shaking just a little for me… but there are also things I wish it was easier for you to hear… and say."

"You're so – so –" She's shaking now, her fingers trembling against his shoulders, her pupils dilating as she looks at him, like he's her whole world. "You're so much, Kouga. Too much for me, sometimes. I told you, people aren't… aren't open about this stuff when I'm from, I'm just not used to it. Yet. Maybe someday." And she grins a little, still not quite meeting his eyes completely. "It doesn't matter as much when you're touching me anymore, does it? So I'll… I'm…"

He sweeps the hair back from her temples and tucks it behind her ears, so she can't hide her face from him. "So this is like telling you I love you. I have to get you used to it, a little a time."

"Well, I… yes."

"That means I just have to tease you more."

For one blinding instant, she meets his gaze. "Yes."

"Woman, my woman. If you keep saying yes, what am I going to do?"

She wraps her arms around his neck and murmurs daringly into his ear. "Anything you want?"

It's pure temptation. She's teasing him to get revenge, he knows it. He can see it in her eyes, the curve of her smile, feel it in her skin as her blush spreads down her back. But even so. Even so. For an instant he tastes her blood in a kiss he's never dared to take, sees her on her hands and knees before him, really begging - "Woman, you say too many dangerous things and don't even know what you're saying."

He squeezes her tightly, breathes the scent of her until his lungs are full, then lets her go. "Up with you, or I won't escape."

There's something languorous about the way she slides out of his lap and stands, something ambiguous about her smirk. He's in the middle of thinking how simultaneously good and disappointing it is that she's already dressed, when her hands move behind her back. His eyes track the fall of her bandeau as it drops, but he's reaching for her before it hits the furs, already dragging her back to him, kissing his way from the smooth skin between her breasts to the rosy crinkle of her nipple.

"This isn't going to help me get dressed, Kouga."

"You were dressed. Now you're the one who's not going to escape."

"Be good. You said I needed to wear those miko robes where we're going, did you think I was going to change halfway?"

He remembers having told her as much, and it's true, but in the moment he's only thinking about how that means he can first undress her the rest of the way. "That's why? But you haven't even brought those clothes out. And you say be good, but Kagome…" He unwraps her skirt, lets the fur slide down her legs. "Don't I always make it good for you?"

"Kouga. That's not what I meant-"

"I know." He stands abruptly, and she stumbles back half a step, startled, which is all the excuse he needs to catch her, so he can lie her back down on the fur. "But I said I would tease you more, didn't I? So you can get used to it. And I might not take you here, now, but does that mean I can't even have a taste?"

As much as he's teasing himself, he can see from her shivering how much he's affected her. Her thighs part at his touch; he can hear her heart speeding wildly, and the moment his tongue touches her, she moans. It takes all his willpower, but he stands then and smirks down at her, imprinting the sight of her in his mind, naked and squirming on his furs, reaching up for him with both hands. "Now I'll bring your clothes, Kagome."

"Kou… Kouga what –"

"Just a taste, didn't I say? And then I would be good like you asked. Wait here, I'll be right back." He walks away before he can't anymore, before she has a chance to collect herself and say anything, smirking to himself and thinking ahead.

The road they'll travel is steep and narrow. She'll be close to him all day, and there are so many places he'll have to carry her. By the time they get where they're going, she'll have forgotten all about the flowers, and the sacred water. All about everything but the dangerous, wonderful thing she said.

Maybe, he thinks, she'll even say it again.

Anything I want? Woman, I love you, but sometimes I wonder if you're crazy. I am still yōkai, you know?


The pressure of his silent observer, the taijiya pretending indifference just inside the hill, is beginning to wear on Miroku's brain. She's not being as subtle as she thinks she is, with her staring, and her spying, and her blushing, and her glares. It's distracting him, when he doesn't want to be distracted.

Not from Saya; never from Saya. Especially not when she's sharing herself with him, when she's vulnerable like this. "I'm sorry. That it still hurts you, I mean."

Saya growls, but it's halfhearted and Miroku doesn't flinch from the sound. He does flinch when she pokes his ribs; those claws hurt. "When did I make you think I wanted your pity, hmm?"

"It's not pity." She turns away from him, leaps back up the hillside. He watches her tail lashing and follows her as close as he can, catches her easily and slides both hands up her back. She doesn't step away, but he has to turn her to face him. "I'm not brave enough to pity you, Saya."

"No?"

"No. And I should've realized you would have already thought about asking Kagome-sama for help. But you're fearless; I've seen that."

"Have you."

It's not a question, and he thinks it would be better if it was, so he treats it like one. "You wanted me. Still want me. The priest that attacked your Alpha." She growls; she laughs. They're not different sounds. "And you're not afraid of Kagome-sama, either. But it must be agonizing if you can't stand the pain. You say you're not mine, but I care about you anyway. So I'm sorry you've suffered, and I don't like to think of how you've been hurt. If I knew who…"

It's not the first time he's said as much, and she still rolls her eyes at him. "It's been nearly sixty years, Miroku. That miko would be an old woman by now, if she's even lived so long. And her master, he must be a dried up corpse. But what a sweet mouth on you today, promising revenge for me. You're going to turn my heart into a jar of honey, full of sweet things." Quickly, briefly, as if to prove she's not angry, she kisses him. "So? Are you breaking the rules with me or not?"

"Hunting, you said?"

"Yes. After all, I don't think this woman is going anywhere." She strides into the cave, bends over, then prods Sango in the ribs with her foot. "She smells like she's half-dead."

Sango shoves the foot away with an angry hand. "I'm still alive, Wolf. Quit it."

Saya takes two quick steps and stops beside Sango's sleeping roll. As she crouches, her hair moves away from her face and the left side of her body, and Sango sucks in an audible gasp, seeing for the first time the scars Miroku knows hide beneath – scars that look like someone tried to burn Saya alive.

What Miroku knows isn't all of what happened, but enough. Too much. Enough to know that it was worse than fire; worse than the ofuda he tried to use on Kouga when he was first attempting to escape. Half her forehead and the cheek beneath her left eye are branded with parts of a character Miroku hasn't been able to identify. Twisted scars mark Saya's neck and collarbone on the same side, curl across the front of her shoulder and down her left arm.

Something lives in them, a miko's sparkling power; not quite sleeping, not quite waking, but he expects it's still present enough for Sango's trained senses to pick it out. He wants her to sense it. He wants her to think about what it means, what kind of torture it is, what kind of holy woman would go so far.

And the scarring – it looks like handprints, like a burning palm and fingers had wrapped around Saya's upper arm, grabbed her throat, then smeared themselves across her face along with that brand in the shape of an unknown word. Perhaps they had; those are details Saya hasn't shared, and that Miroku will never ask for. But the evidence of some human attack, some past catastrophe, is undeniable.

Saya doesn't move, doesn't cover them now that the taijiya has seen. Instead she brushes the hair back from her face, and smirks down at her as if she'd revealed them intentionally. "Not so pretty as you thought, jealous woman? Does it give you hope to see my scars, and hear me turn him away? Woman, you don't even know how to play the game, do you? But it doesn't matter. If my Alpha had no need of you I'd kill you myself to free Miroku from watching you, and then go rut with him just to rid him of the stink of your skin."

Wincing, Miroku tries to pull her back. "Saya –"

"Shh. I'm talking to this woman, Miroku. I'm trying to help you; don't interrupt."

"Saya." He can only sigh. If she doesn't want to move, he doesn't have the strength to move her even if he tries.

This time she ignores him, and reaches down to pinch Sango's chin in two fingers. "Taijiya, I will only say this once: find yourself another man. Miroku is a good human, and a bad Buddhist. He likes me, but not you. You are a hypocrite, and a murderer; I am very honest, and was once a victim of someone very like you. He can't smell your feelings and your confusion, but I can, and you should know better. Can't you see it when he looks at you? You're the obligation of his religion. The fulfillment of his duty to Kagome-sama. By yourself, you have no meaning. You don't belong here; you have no place."

"You're only telling me this to hurt me. And it won't work, since I don't care." The taijiya's words are defiant, but her cheeks flush more than her fever managed. Miroku blinks. She does care? Saya is… right? For the first time in his life Miroku is faintly appalled that a woman has a good opinion of him.

Only Saya's eyes move, so she can look at him with her peripheral vision. Then she looks back down at the taijiya. "Of course you do, or why would I say it? I don't like you either, didn't I make that clear? There is no one in this world who wants you to live, except Kagome-sama and the fool who sent you here. That one will use you up and discard you. Kagome-sama only saved you because she thinks you'll help her deal with him." She pauses, and looks back over her shoulder. "What's his name, Miroku?"

He lifts an eyebrow. He is very sure that taunting this taijiya is a bad pastime for Saya to start entertaining herself with, but he's equally sure that there isn't an easy way to stop her. "Kagewaki. Or Naraku. I still think it's Naraku."

"It could be both, at least in name. That's what Kagome-sama says." She stands, and the way she turns her back dismisses Sango entirely. "But enough, I'm tired of her. I came because I missed you, Miroku. As soon as Kouga-sama was distracted, I was the first one to flee, since I can get away with it. But if you won't, I'll go back and find someone else to play with."

He takes her hand because he can, and guides her back out of the cave. Down the hill. To the edge of the forest. He thinks, though, that she's hunting him, even if she wants the excuse of other prey. "Would you really? I don't believe it."

The green of her eyes glints at him, her gaze equally full of promises and lies. "I really would. And if you return to the human world, I might even come find you to prove it, someday. I'm interested in the taste of your regrets, Miroku."

He wants to smile, to show her the words don't affect him. He wants to be able to pick out which are the promises, and which are the lies. He can't do either thing; he frowns and clenches his fists so hard his knuckles crack. "But I'm not interested in having them. So I think, after all, if I leave I'll come back to you."

"Miroku-hoshi, idiot human, does that mean you're crazy after all? Crazy about me? Kagome-sama says that, that she's crazy about Kouga-sama. I like her words, you know, the ones she brought with her. I like how they mean what they say."

She's circling him again, with her words this time. Like she's looking for a weakness, a vulnerability; he's brave enough to give her that. "Saya, if I leave, if I promise to come back, will you wait? Tell me you'll wait. Assuming Kouga-sama lets me go in the first place."

"Wait? For you?" The words sound doubtful, but the smile on her face is both relaxed and relieved. "Yes, Miroku. I can wait, if I know you'll be returning. I have time that you don't have. But you're such a human. Why don't you get it? Kouga-sama's trouble with you is because you have no commitments. Not to us, not to anything – though I suppose some kinds of attachments could be worse than none."

No commitments? His surprise must show in his expression, because she shakes her head at him impatiently, and internally he mourns the loss as her hair falls back over her face. "You don't see? If you told him you wanted to come back, he would worry less about you leaving. If you told him I was waiting for you, he would know you have feelings for me and think better of you… hmm. And me. You said once that our pack is like a human clan, the way we treat each other, the way we share many branches on the family tree. He cares about me, that way. You should understand that, at least."

"I never really thought about what bothered him; I attacked him, Saya. I don't know if it'll be as easy as you say. I've tried to avoid him as much as possible, that's all I can do. He really, really doesn't like me." And he winces a little, shrugs. "Me and my smart mouth. It's my own fault, really."

"But how do you know he doesn't like you? What if you're being-"

"Saya." He tugs on her hand, and she stops walking, looks back at him. "He told me so himself."

To his lasting surprise, she laughs at him. "Oh, good. You don't have to worry now he's said something. It's just a chance to improve yourself; I like your mouth, but now you know he doesn't. Next time do better, hmm?"

She taps his lips with a finger; he tries to catch her hand and misses on purpose, so his other arm has a chance to snatch her up from behind. "What are you talking about, that doesn't make any sense at all."

"It's been a peaceful year for us, no one causing trouble, or you would have seen already. That's just our Alpha treating you like one of us. He probably hates that, though. That he has to because of me. He'll mind it less if you tell him… well. Unless you were lying; but you know you wouldn't get away with that, and you're only a little bit of an idiot. And I would know already if you were, anyway."

Away from the puddles that have accumulated where rivulets ran down the hill, Miroku finds a single patch of sun, and brings Saya to sit beside him where last year's fallen leaves are mostly dried. "I'm not so sure about that, but I can't say I know him well, and you do."

"Yes, I do. I came here for him, you know. To this pack. I have family here too, of course, who doesn't have siblings or cousins running on another mountain? But I came for Kouga-sama, and I only stayed for them after he made clear he wouldn't look my way." She flicks a grass stem, watches the water spray off it, then prods another.

"You… really? You and Kouga-sama?" He barely stops his frown, but after thinking about it for a minute he chuckles. "Sorry, I'm sorry. But I just can't see it at all."

She looks up from the grass very abruptly, stares into his eyes. The look is too direct, but he doesn't look away. Something… there's something he likes very much hiding there, but he can't tell if it's thoughts she's thinking or things she's feeling, brightening the shadows in the green.

"No?" He shakes his head, still smiling. She brushes her thumb over his lips. "Neither can I, these days."

A kind of prickling, hot and cold at the same time, swoops through Miroku's chest and settles in his stomach. Those words, he thinks, mean a lot more than they say. "Well, I'm glad. If you were his, I wouldn't even have hope you'll be mine, would I? And I have strong feelings for you, Saya. I've never met a woman like you, or a yōkai for that matter."

"No?"

"No, and I've never been the one being pursued before, either. Ah… well. At least not by anyone I wanted back. But you won't let me marry you, won't let me court you… It's a shame you Wolves only run your courtship in one direction. You're my commitment, Saya, you should know that by now, but I don't think you really believe me. It'd be easier if you were the one courting me, wouldn't it? You know what you're doing, and I would say yes and let you. Probably. Maybe."

He's teasing her with her own words, but the sudden shine in her eyes isn't at all subtle; little about her ever is. "It would be easier. You're so smart, Miroku. Why don't we?"


A/N: Ha! Haha! HA! There are so many things going on here that amuse me I can't even start. So, I hope you all enjoyed that, and I promise not to let Saya take over the plot. Entirely. Okay maybe a little bit. Just a drop. AHEM. Annyyywaaay…. This week's chapter title, "Lapsus Linguae" means "a slip of the tongue". And I'm sure you can all see how that one applies. Hehehe.

Coming soon: poor Kagome, on an adventure. Poor Kouga, who really did not think through who would be teasing who. Poor someone else, because tormenting these guys is what I do best, and I have no idea who's going to be in scene 2 of 97. Naraku? Kikyou? Saya the Scene stealer? Rin's death cult? Will there even BE a scene 2? I have absolutely no idea, so… See ya next week, when I do!

Please Review!