***NOTES***
If anyone wants some ambiance~
This entire chapter was written to Pixar's musical short "Paperman" by Christophe Beck.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any Naruto media.
Say that I'm crazy, Or call me a fool
But last night it seemed, That I dreamed about you
When I opened my mouth, What came out was a song
And you knew every word; And we [both] sang along
To a melody played on the strings of our souls
And a rhythm that rattled us down to the bone
Our love for each other will live on forever
-Coco, Proud Corazón-
Chapter 10: You are my Dream
Something woke him in the middle of the night. A familiar trilling in his ear—
…and an impalpable panic that he could feel under his skin.
Kakashi would like to say it was because he'd been a shinobi for over thirty years that his instinct kicked in, but he knew better.
It was because he was a father of two small kids, that any sound or movement in the night made him bolt up from his bed—wide awake. A skill he had before, but was truly mastered in fatherhood.
He stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying to come to terms with the indescribable feeling of knowing he was not alone.
He grabbed the kunai from under his pillow—desperately trying not to notice the emptiness of the spot beside him—and slunk from the bed near silent. The digital clock on the nightstand flashed at quarter to five in the morning. Far too early for anything friendly, but never too late for Hokage business.
The Copy-nin sleuthed through the house—kunai in hand—as he kept his ears and nose open to any signs of life. His knee threatened to crack loudly and his neck was outrageously stiff, but he tried to smooth his movements over with years of training.
The deafening silence continued. The ringing became an unnatural tune in his ear—a soundless chorus—the melody both mute and blaring at the same time.
But far too quiet. Far too still.
No. It wasn't until he reached the genkan, and he watched the front door open—little by little and as quietly as possible—did he smell her.
Her scent flooded his lungs. Adrenaline rushed so heavily through his body in relief, that he almost felt faint. That fortissimo of trilling rattled around his brain as his blood rushed to his head.
She was trying to sneak into the house, oblivious to him watching. Muffled footsteps made their way in, followed by the soft sound of her slipping her sandals off. She scanned the room, and found him there, waiting for her—
He took in her hair. And eyes. The face of his wife.
Warmth blanketed his skin, and his chest swelled in a crescendo of solace and succor.
Her name blurred in his mind; lost somewhere between dream and reality—
But it echoed in every corner. Turning into a name—
Sakura.
***さくら***
"Kakashi?" she asked quietly into the room.
He was hiding behind a corner of a wall that was tucked on the side of a hallway—his looming figure hidden away among a shadow, but his kunai glinted in the low light. She really shouldn't have expected she could sneak in without waking him.
His gazed rolled over her—bleary and glazed for a second. Like he couldn't quite understand what he was seeing.
Kakashi stepped around the wall, as his weapon lowered.
Sakura's breathing grew heavy involuntary. Oh, she missed him.
She took him in—an ANBU undershirt, a pair of old joggers, messy hair from sleep, and—
Her breath hitched.
—a pair of matching charcoal eyes.
Those eyes.
Dark, intelligent, fathomless eyes that she had known for years and years.
She tried to swallow the alleviated sob that bottled in her throat.
"Sakura?" he called back, his voice gruffer than the Kakashi she had just left—deep and lovely with age. She knew it at once; wanted to roll and wrap herself in it.
He lowered his mask and pocketed his kunai. She felt him within seconds, his hands running over her neck and arms, her hips—
She heard him suck in a harsh breath. "Are you alright?"
His eyes were still running wildly over her form.
Her throat tightened again at his touch, the feel of it so familiar and comforting that it broke her heart.
"I—" She let out a small whimper when she felt his hand graze over her jaw, the feel of it short circuiting her brain. "I'm fine—I promise, I'm okay."
Was she? She felt a little dazed from the warmth of his large hands. Gods, she—
She could cry.
She wanted laugh, and scream, and cry—just cry until there was nothing left in her to give.
She was home.
Kakashi let out a slow, forced breath through his nose. His grip didn't lessen though. He was looking over her like he was trying to bottle her up inside himself.
"Fuck." He stated flatly. "Okay."
Another slow breath from him; she was currently blinking back tears.
"Where are the kids?" she asked with a quiet croak.
"Your parents have been looking after them—" he swallowed and bowed his head against hers. "—I wasn't in the best mood; Ino and Hinata thought it was best."
She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. His eyes automatically closed at the touch. Good god, she missed touching him like it was nothing.
"I can only imagine," she tried to smile but it was weak."Did they know I was…?"
"No." He hummed, nuzzling into her hand. "We didn't want them to worry. They just thought you were on a mission."
"Okay." she said softly. His grey eyes opened slowly and cut to her—a slow blink. And then low velvety rumble in his chest—like the words were stuck in his lungs. Like he had a million things to say and didn't know where to start.
"...Sasuke said you were lost in time."
"Yes." she swallowed.
"Past or Future?"
"Past." Her heart rate was climbing slightly.
"How far?"
She backed away a little, and met his eyes—his full of curiosity; her own full of trepidation.
"Fifteen years."
His brow ticked in thought. "Fifteen years? But that would have been—"
"When you first became our teacher?—yes."
Silence stretched on as he stared at her blankly. "Did we meet?"
She tried not to laugh. "Oh, yes…"
There was a warble in her voice; her tone had betrayed her. Kakashi's eyes narrowed on her.
"No…" he tugged on her pink braid. "I would have remembered you. The Sharingan would have seen through a henge—there's no way."
Her eyes flickered away from his. She could feel her disloyal chest rising with each breath as panic swam on the edge of her mind.
"Sakura?" He asked. "Are you—?…you're scared."
He backed away from her then, his expression turning grave. "What are you scared of, Sakura?"
She bit her tongue, and then slowly dragged her eyes up to meet his.
"I think it might be best to just show you."
Her hand drifted down to her shirt. She lifted the edge of it, until the inky lines of the Yamanaka seal were visible to him. He backed away from her a little more, his gaze tracing over the seal with interest.
"Well, that's…new."
She chuckled flatly. "It isn't just for looks."
"Clearly." Kakashi's fingers reached out to trace the marks, but he didn't touch them. "Want to share with the rest of the class?"
"It's a seal." She supplied reluctantly.
"I can see that. What's it sealing?"
"Memories." His fingers twitched above her skin.
He hummed as he cocked his head. "Mine?"
"Yes." Sakura swallowed. "Mostly yours. And others that I saw—Genma, most likely. He's—well, he's observant like that. Gai too, if he noticed. Yugao. Kurenai."
His hands dropped to his side. "How long were you in the past for?"
She hesitated. "A week."
"Ah…" the Copy-nin drawled. "Let me guess: you open that, and my missing week pops back in here?" He tapped his temple.
His tone was casual, but his shoulders went rigid as soon he dropped his hand. Sakura knew he was hiding his discomfort. There was something he didn't know. Something he had forgotten.
Something just…missing.
"Pretty much." She swallowed again. "It's your memories, Kakashi. I'll open it if you want, or I'll never touch it again—it's entirely up to you."
He hummed again, as his hooded eyes traced over her. "What I don't understand is your reluctance. What in that week makes you so scared?"
"I don't know." Sakura tried not to bite her lip, but failed miserably. "I'm worried you won't like what you'll see. That you'll blame me for not warning you, for not stopping—"
Kakashi clicked his tongue at her softly, but harshly. "And possibly change everything we know? No, I know you're smarter than that. It's not worth the risk."
Relief mildly soothed her nerves, but they were still raw and waiting.
He held out his hand to her, a gesture that she didn't know she had missed quite so much until now. Sakura slipped her fingers into his as he tugged her closer.
"I want to know." He stated softly.
"Okay." She nodded, but her mind went blank mid sentence. "Then, you'll know."
Chakra filled her fingertips, as she placed her hand over the seal. She hesitated only for a moment, as she looked at him—
Silver hair, and two charcoal eyes. Her husband.
"Ready?"
"Ready."
Her chakra flared. And the seal broke.
***かかし***
Kakashi didn't know what he expected.
He stumbled backwards, staggering hastily as his knees gave out. He crumpled to the floor, hunching over himself into a ball as the world moved around him. His breathing was harsh and clumsy as he clutched his head to try to lessen the pressure.
The world broke. Reattached itself, and then broke again.
Images of he had never seen, words he had never spoken, feelings that he never knew ripped him apart and glued the bits and pieces back together again in a new design.
His memories interposed themselves layer by layer on top of themselves—a paper mâché of thoughts, emotions, and memoires.
He felt that familiar ache behind his left eye, although the Sharingan was long missing from his head.
He heard her calling his name. The same voice Kakashi had always known; he heard it every day, and every night in his dreams.
"...Sa—" He tried to breathe out, but his head was splitting.
The woman who crashed into his life from the sky…
I really am Haruno Sakura. And you were my genin Sensei.
She was crying his name, and pushing at his shoulders trying to get a look at his face.
"Sa—…ra"
The one that exploded like gunpowder…
Did you just try to Obito yourself?!
His eyes squeezed shut as another wave of pain emitted from his eye to his head.
"...Sakura–"
Who grew a new heart so he wouldn't be alone…
I know...I know—you can't afford to lose anyone else.
His own heart stalled at the memory. A spear in the chest. She was so close to…fuck, he almost lost her.
Kakasi felt her hands tip his head back, as they flitted over his face and hair. His ears finally tuned into the world, and pieces of her words started to register.
"—I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If I had known—" she sobbed. "—fuck. I'm so so sorry, Kakashi—"
The woman who warned him…
—You'll grow to love it.
Fuck. He did, didn't he? He really fucking did…
And teased him…
My husband keeps me sated and fulfilled— all on his own.
His eyes blurred, and the room spun. He tried to push through the compulsion to say her name.
The woman who loved him…
Don't ever let me go…
I expect you to hold on and on and on…every day of your life.
I will always choose you…Always. In this world, or any other.
…even if the world falls apart, and we have nothing, we have us.
You and me.
And he loved in return.
"Sakura."
"—I'm here. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere—" She gathered him in her arms.
"Sakura…"
"—I know. I know, I'm right here. I promise—"
"Sakura—"
"Shhhh, I'm so sorry, Kakashi—" she sobbed against his forehead.
It wasn't until she shushed him that he realized he'd been saying her name, repeatedly. Over and over again. He was chanting it, savoring it, letting it roll off his tongue as if it was the only thing that mattered. Written in his bones and buried in his soul.
"It was you…" she flinched at his words, as if struck by an invisible hand, and backed away slightly on her knees. "Of course, it was. It was always…you."
A strangled sound died in her throat.
"The person in my dreams; the voice in my head—you've been haunting me for fifteen years…"
Her chest heaved as she stared at him in horror. Her eyes wide and scared, "You weren't supposed to remember—it was supposed to be locked away! …but maybe the Sharingan weakened the seal…maybe things might have slipped through."
He was still kneeling on the floor—broken and battered from the reassimilation. Cautiously, she lifted his chin.
"I'm so sorry, Kakashi. I know I couldn't change anything, but—" her cheeks were wet, and her face anguished. "I'm sorry I left you. I wish I could have been with you. It wasn't fair— that I got to say goodbye and come here. While I left you to some of the worst days of our life—all alone."
He blinked; and wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
Kakashi reached into his pocket, and pulled out his Good Luck Charm.
It was torn in places, worn, and rumpled with years of nervous antics—but the little origami-Pakkun had survived.
He had kept it on him throughout all of this week, since her disappearance. He remembered the message, the one he had forgotten about. The one that he had thought was a dream.
"You didn't." He handed her the paper ninken. Her eyes lit up in recognition, and tears threatened the corner of her eyes.
"You were there physically, of course, when the present-Sakura was around." He hummed amused. "But the dreams, your voice, your smell—" his voice cracked. "Your words. There were pieces of you with me every step of the way."
She smiled at him, but it was watery and weighted.
He chuckled, "I just realized I watched you make almost the same origami dogs with Sarada last week."
She laughed out a half sob. Kakashi watched as Sakura kissed the little paper dog, and laid it gently on the table near them. She eyed the paper, her finger stroking it lovingly, as if had done everything she asked of it.
"To be honest, I didn't think you'd keep it. But then I remembered something vaguely in your office that was similar…"
"Chicken and the egg?"
She grinned at him, still watery and harrowed. "Precisely."
He reached up, tucking one of her long bangs behind her ears as his thumb trailed her cheek. She leaned into the touch, and kissed his palm.
"I should be mad at you, I think."
Her gaze dropped, somewhat broken.
"'We are entirely unbalanced,' you said. 'I'm confident that I love you so much more, than you love me' were the words used, if I remember correctly," he quoted for her.
Jade eyes flickered to his own.
"Hatake Sakura." He said with as much warmth and love he could manage without pulling his heart from his chest and placing it in her hands. "You can't possibly think—you can't—"
She brushed her hands against his, but looked away.
"I know I love you, and you love me, too. That's all that matters—"
"No." he interrupted. "That's not enough. That will never be enough—"
"It's fine, Kakashi." She squeezed her eyes shut. "It's fine…truly. It doesn't matter if I love you more than you love me. Really, I just think—"
Kakashi cupped her face with both hands. She had to know. She had too.
"You don't know that. You—" His voice broke. "You don't understand. You really fucking don't—"
He knocked his forehead into hers just like he did all those years ago.
"I fell in love with you. I've been—in love with you for longer than I even knew. And I never stopped. It's like you pushed me off a ledge, and I kept falling…and falling. And the wind was rushing in my ears and my stomach was in my throat, until I looked up, and saw you beside me—falling with me too…then we weren't falling anymore. We were flying."
He wiped a tear from her cheek.
Those jade eyes that he loved so much. That smile. The ridiculous hair—
Her. Her. Her. Her—
"With you—the sky is open, and the possibilities vast. With you. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore."
He kissed that lovely little diamond on her forehead.
"I'll say it again, Sakura. I doubt there is a world out there where I don't love you in some way, shape, or form. But if there is…I'm so damn happy to be in this one."
Those cat-like jade eyes focused on him with such intent—filled with wonder and awe.
She rose before him; swelled like the tide—full of bubbles and sea foam—almost floating, swirling. And he waited for the crash. For the moment when she reached out for him.
He waited—
For the moment their lips collided; and he swore, it almost stopped the earth.
***さくら***
Something shifted in Sakura.
Something seismic and earth shattering—
that felt like the first time she ever landed a punch, and the earth crumbled beneath her hand.
She had often heard love described as many different things in her life.
Some said it was a burden to be carried on your back. Others said it was a fragile thing that shouldn't be lifted with shaky arms. She heard it could fill your days with happiness. Or could rip out your heart.
But her back was strong. If Kakashi wanted to be a rock, she would lift him. If he was made of glass—she would make sure her arms were steady and sure. She'd keep her days busy so that he didn't have to shoulder her happiness alone.
And she already knew she could regrow a brand new heart, if she needed too.
No. To her—love made her endless.
Fathomless. Immortal. It would carry her on long after she was gone, just as it has eons before her. It would be with her every step for the rest of her life and so much more beyond that.
She would face the world, with him by her side, and she beside him.
And if there ever was a day—
…where she was alone—her husband gone, her kids grown; she old and wrinkled—she would walk the world knowing that she loved, and had known love.
And Kakashi—
In all the little things this world had to offer...In the feel of the ninken's fur beneath her fingertips, the familiar smell of old books, the soothing taste of hot tea, the sound of her grandchildren's laughter, or the sight of the very stars in the sky
—would somehow still be with her.
Yes, he would still be with her. Together, they would never end.
Of this, she was sure.
***かかし***
They never made it to bed that day.
He dragged her down to the floor and touched, kissed, licked—every inch of her.
His tongue still remembered the taste of her from years before; the smell of her hair; the feeling of her skin. He kissed her like he wished he had yesterday...or last week...and all those years before that…probably since forever.
It was so much more than a memory. It was a primal barb embedded in his soul.
Kakashi wanted to meld into her. Reform their bodies and be reborn as one. If he could have stitched their skin together, and transfused their blood in an endless cycle, he would have.
He couldn't stop. So, he filled her to the brim and watched her overflow—over and over again.
Until the room was muggy with the sound of their panting, and smell of their coupling. Until she was limp and sated on the floor in a puddle of abandoned clothes and misplaced throw pillows that were pulled down along with them.
She was cradled in a nest of their making—flushed, panting, and slick with sweat.
He covered her with himself. Laid his naked body so that it draped over her in a protective cocoon like those blankets she loved to bury herself in, and wrapped around her in a vice. She didn't shy away from his possessiveness.
"I'm sorry if I was doubting you," she sighed in a breathless whisper. "For thinking that your love was somehow less than mine. I didn't even realize I was…"
She sunk in closer to him, and twisted a hand up to rub his jaw. Her emerald eyes shifted to see him.
"Thank you for loving me."
He wanted to snort at that, but the corner of his lips twitched into a smile instead.
"That's not something I need to be thanked for."
"Still." She huffed an indignant laugh, but it was too soft; too tender. "I'm sure it's hard sometimes. Thank you anyway."
"Not to me. Not if it's you."
He leaned down, and grazed his nose against her jaw. She let out a little sigh that warmed his chest.
"You—our family—"
"...I know."
"They are everything to me. You are everything—"
"—I know."
She looked up again at him—those beautiful eyes swimming to the brim with something he might have chased after his entire life.
"Thank you."
***ぱっくん***
Eight faithful hounds sat along the Hatake residence on perpetual guard, sentinels in the night. Pakkun smelled someone approaching, as the hairs on his spine momentarily stood up in caution.
It was his Boss's friend—Genma.
He only relaxed when the intruder's face was made visible, and the scent matched.
"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," The alpha dog panted, as he eyed the fool with his droopy gaze.
"Wait. Wait—why the fuck not? He owes me. That ass owes me fifteen years worthof money—" Genma started.
"Yah, well—" Pakkun snorted grumpily. "He owes someone else fifteen years worth of something else—" a few of the dogs chuckled beside him. "And she's priority. You're going to have to wait your turn, kid."
Mild horror crept across his face, and a full-bodied shudder revolted along the man like he'd walked into this exact scene far too many times. The hounds laughed.
"I told him—" Genma laughed in disbelief. "I fucking told him— there was no way that little pinkette wasn't absolutely in love with the man."
Pakkun chuckled deep in his throat. "That's the thing about our pup. He's got a thick head—he sometimes takes the long way round, even though no one's makin' him."
Genma's shoulders slumped, and he rubbed the back of his head hesitantly.
"Well…" He took a step towards the house, "Maybe I could leave just a note, or something—"
Bull lunged forward and snapped at the man's heel.
"What the f—"
"Nah, kid. See, we happen to be very invested in what's happening in there." Pakkun explained smugly. A few growls echoed from the other ninken. "And this investment promises a great return."
Genma bit his senbon hard, as he looked at the eight dogs. "...a return?"
"See, we want our Kakashi surrounded by happiness. And in our experience, nothing makes one happier than a pack, a mate—" Pakkun gruffed. "—and a litter full of pups."
Pakkun smiled—if a pug could smile—full of sharp teeth that glistened in the moonlight.
"Now, we can't have you messing it up while they're in the middle of it, can we? "
He watched as the man paled and backtracked his way from the house. The howls of his pack echoed in the night after him.
***かかし***
It wasn't until the sun was high in the sky and morning was bleeding into midday, did they decide to leave the house much to Kakashi's pleasure.
The pack walked around them in a subtle formation that seemed protective for some reason. He would have to question them later.
But he and Sakura—
They walked side by side to go get their daughter and son from his in-laws. Sakura kept her arms crossed behind her back, but her shoulder would knock into his every few steps or so. Kakashi relished in the feeling of her beside him again.
He broke the silence—
"I'm going to tell your Mother you groomed me."
"—don't you dare! "
"I was a young, and impressionable—"
"—at twenty-six years old?"
"—a lonely man, and you fell from the sky. Smiled at me. Seduced me. And played the long game. How was I supposed to not fall in love with you? I didn't stand a chance."
She tilted her head back and laughed—hearty and full—just the way he liked it.
A few of the ninken's tails wagged.
"You could have chosen someone else, if you really wanted to." She smiled up at him in jest.
He tugged his mask as he leaned down,and kissed her lips as easily as they exchanged smiles.
"Impossible."
***AFTERWORD***
I know this is not the perfect story…but I still really freaking enjoyed writing it. To me, it was story worth telling. (Hopefully it was one worth reading too!)
If there was anything I wanted to say with this story: it's that we never truly know the depth of our partners feelings. It's always a gamble. Maybe it's less than what we expected (i.e. Sasuke), and maybe its way more than we thought possible (i.e. Kakashi).
If asked who this story was about, either Sakura or Kakashi—I wouldn't have an answer.
At the beginning, I hope Sakura's love was obvious. Some of it is outspoken; some of it subtle—but I hope it was clear of how much she loved Kakashi. And hopefully, not until the end it's made clear how much Kakashi loves her in return. A quieter, more unspoken love. They both grow; they both learn how to love-it's both their story.
I've been married now for nearly ten years to a man quite older than me. I have no regrets; and never will. It's my own unique love story certainly. But being married for so long and a bunch of kids later, sometimes you start to doubt without reason. You think, "I wonder if he still loves me the same way as he did then?"
Back when we didn't have kids to keep us busy; or had set date nights; and I weighed less; and he had a little less grey hair...haha
But then...
He'll do something or say something that will just knocks me back, shatters every dumb thought I ever had, and I think, "I'm so stupid for doubting him."
"I'm so stupid for even thinking for one second-that I mean less to him, than what he means to me."
I think Sakura needed to go back to understand she was doubting him. She needed to see where he was, and where he's going now with her in his life. I hope she thought, "I'm so stupid for doubting him" too. ️
Anyway—
Thank you truly, to all of you, for reading my story—
Everyone has been so wonderful. The kindness and the excitement have just—
Touched my soul.
Now, I'm about get a stiff drink tonight, and then maybe go on vacation with my husband and kids.
Thanks for reading, my love-letter...
Til next time,
-Scarecrows_to_CherryTrees
