Pins and Needles
Chapter 3: Minerva
They materialised on a hill, next to a Pictish stone. A trail led down the hill onto a plain. The vegetation was shrubby for the most part, with dark green, brown and yellow tones as the dominating colours. Even from up on the hill it was easy to see that most of the terrain appeared to be covered by marsh. Further down the plain, Hermione spotted a creek flowing into a small river. These two bodies of water framed a green meadow that was dotted by several trees and a big house. In the distance the soft, greyish-blue contours of mountains could be seen towering over the plain.
"McGonagall Manor," McGonagall proclaimed proudly. "I trust you do not mind the walk? It will give you a better feel of the place. Also, if you ever wanted to apparate here on your own, this will be the closest the wards will let you get. The stone makes it a rather good apparition spot."
"Give me a moment?" Hermione asked and started to make sure she would be able to remember the place well enough.
"Of course. Let me know when you are done." McGonagall walked down the trail for a bit, then waited while taking in the view. There were a few clouds in the sky. One of them had been covering the sun, but as it moved on the scenery was bathed in warm light again.
"All done." Hermione had come up next to her. "It's beautiful," she added, her voice filled with awe.
McGonagall glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "Most people choose words like barren or uninviting."
Hermione decided not to comment on most people's taste, and merely answered, "I like it." Letting her eyes roam the vast expanse of mostly empty land before her once more, she asked, "Is this where you grew up?"
"Yes." McGonagall's expression as well as her voice clearly reflected the love and pride she felt. "I never grow tired of it."
They both transfigured their footwear into light hiking shoes. The path down the hill was somewhat steep, but once they had reached the valley floor, it was a leisurely stroll, at times over boardwalks to cover particularly wet spots. The older witch used the chance to tell Hermione some of the estate's history, but most of the way they just walked next to each other in silence, enjoying both the company and the setting.
"There we are." McGonagall opened the heavy front door with a wave of her wand, then went on, "How about a tour of the house and a nice afternoon tea with some ginger newts afterwards?"
The tour had left Hermione in awe. McGonagall's home was furnished in tasteful elegance. Some of it reflected the house's history, but mostly it radiated a feeling of cosiness and security. There were several comfortable bedrooms on the upper floor and the ensemble of kitchen and dining room downstairs was in no way less welcoming. But what truly made her fall in love with the house was the library they were currently standing in as the lady of the house had saved it for last. It had everything one could possibly want from a place like that. A couch and armchairs, a table to play chess or cards on, a fireplace, and, of course, a vast amount of books. Knowing McGonagall, the quality of these books would probably even surpass their quantity. At a loss of words, Hermione found herself staring open-mouthed.
"I am glad you approve," McGonagall stated in a slightly teasing tone before leaving for the kitchen where she had Hermione sit at the counter while she started preparing their afternoon tea. "Did I ever tell you how I ended up becoming a professor?" McGonagall asked, knowing full well that she had not. Nevertheless she waited for Hermione to shake her head, before continuing. "Right after graduating Hogwarts, I had become involved in the final stages of the war against Grindelwald. Afterwards, Albus asked me to be his assistant at Hogwarts. We both knew he did not need one. So did Headmaster Dippet, yet he never questioned my employment. The position gave me a chance to clear my head, figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I became his apprentice a little later, a teacher soon afterwards."
"I miss Hogwarts," Hermione said.
That had not been the point of the story. But McGonagall knew that Hermione was aware of that, so she decided to oblige her guest, "So do I."
"I was going to return for my seventh year."
"A wise plan. I am sorry that chance was taken from you. Just as I am sorry to have been denied the chance to teach you once more."
Hermione found herself growing irritated. Surely her former professor did not think she was this easy to manipulate. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Minerva," she snapped.
McGonagall forced herself to take a deep breath before answering. Moody indeed. She chose not to comment on Hermione's tone, but was unwilling to let the accusation itself stand. "I will have you know that I am not prone to using unfounded flattery as a means to an end." She had been trying to keep her annoyance out of her voice, but knew she had not quite succeeded, so she quickly amended, "It is not flattery, if it happens to be true. I apologise for being such a nag. But I really need you to understand that I meant every word I said. In the Vellum and right now. I would be overjoyed to take you on as my apprentice."
Taking in Hermione's rather obvious embarrassment at her outburst, McGonagall decided to give her some space and turned her attention back towards her kitchen activities. The tea was done steeping so she started to put everything onto a tray. It was a warm late summer afternoon and they were going to take their tea on the patio. With a flick of her wand she started levitating the tray towards the hallway and motioned for Hermione to follow her. In an attempt to ease the tension, she said, "I trust you have had a chance to read the dreadful lead article on transfiguration and thermodynamics in the current edition of Transfiguration Today?"
Of course Hermione had. Both were glad for the change of topic and they were already engaged in a lively discussion before they had even left the house.
"That was fun." Having finished both the ginger newts and their discussion, Hermione leant back in her chair, closed her eyes and let herself bask in the gentle afternoon sun.
"I agree," McGonagall said. While the article itself had indeed been dreadful, the discussion it had inspired had been most fruitful. And challenging. She had been pleased to learn that Hermione's sharp intellect had not been dulled by her mindless work at the Ministry over the past weeks.
Hermione cracked open one eye to glance at the other woman and said, "That would be where you point out that we would be obliged to enjoy this kind of fun regularly as part of an apprenticeship."
McGonagall was unable to fully contain a grin before answering, "It would appear there is no need for me to point it out."
Returning the grin, Hermione closed her eyes again. Glad to finally see the younger woman relax around her, McGonagall continued to observe her. Just now, with the warm sunlight illuminating her, Hermione looked downright serene. Only a few moments later the smile started to slowly fade away though, to be replaced by an expression that easily betrayed the pain she had so valiantly been trying to hide. Remaining quiet was not an easy feat at all. But McGonagall was certain that trying to push Hermione into anything would only serve to drive her away. So she forced herself to wait.
Finally, her patience paid off. Hermione turned towards her before speaking. "The war is over. We won. I fared pretty well, all things considered. No big personal losses. It shouldn't be that hard to just move on."
McGonagall shook her head. "You lost plenty, Hermione. You lost time that should have been yours to make important choices concerning your future. The chance to do so without constantly being worried sick about everyone close to you. The feeling that you could rely on your parents' unconditional support. You lost a great bit of faith in everything that is good in the world far sooner than you should have." She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, then went on, "In many ways events like these hit people of your age the hardest – they have not had a chance to find their place in life yet. And at the same time they often expect themselves to be independent and self-reliant. It is a less than optimal combination."
Hermione remained unconvinced. "Perhaps. Still, I didn't even lose someone really close to me. Unlike Harry. Or Ron. Or you!"
Again, McGonagall shook her head. "It is not a numbers game. Someone else's loss does not make your pain any less real. We are all hurting. And, believe me, you lost people as well. I know that Nymphadora was determined to look out for you after the war. So was Molly, who is understandably a little overwhelmed right now, but who will come around eventually. People do care, it is important you know that."
Staring into her tea that had long gone cold, Hermione quietly observed the swirls her spoon created. When she spoke up again, her voice was barely a whisper. "I feel so lost."
"So do I." The quiet admission made Hermione look up to meet Minerva's eyes. "I would like to tell you that it gets better with time. And it does. But then evil comes back and it just keeps happening over and over again. And it's …" Her voice broke and she had to swallow a lump in her throat before being able to continue, "... it's really wearing me down. To the point where I do not know that I can bring myself to care the next time around. And that scares me. Because that really is not who I want to be."
For a few moments Hermione found herself speechless. She was amazed at how much effort the older woman must have put into maintaining her facade. And at the fact that she was willing to drop it for her. "I had no idea," was all she finally came up with.
Minerva shrugged and said, "I doubt wearing my heart on my sleeve would have served me well." Smirking, she added, "In the wars or as a teacher."
Hermione had to chuckle at the image of her professor being all mushy while trying to handle a class of Gryffindors and Slytherins. Then she turned serious again. "It's certainly serving you well as a friend."
"Does that mean you will accept?" Minerva found she had to force herself to keep breathing while waiting for the other woman's answer.
Hermione kept staring at her for a few more moments, then she slowly, almost imperceptibly nodded her head. The gesture made the older woman smile widely, the relief she felt more than evident. Returning the smile, Hermione asked, "You're quite certain you'd prefer I didn't get a part time job? I'm sure they'd agree."
"As I said, I would rather avoid the added complications and limitations." As Hermione still looked doubtful, she added, "It really is not a problem."
"It's not just about the money. It would give you some alone time. I don't want to be a bother ..."
Minerva rolled her eyes as she answered, "Honestly, Hermione. The manor is not exactly a cottage. If I want alone time, I will let you know and be sure to shut one of the doors behind me. You do the same and we are going to be just fine."
"Let me sleep on it?"
"Of course."
Smiling her thanks, Hermione continued, "When would you like to start anyway?"
"Whenever suits you best. It would also depend on the time needed to make the necessary arrangements at your workplace, obviously."
Shaking her head, Hermione said, "I honestly don't expect any kind of trouble there. My job isn't exactly what you'd call indispensable."
Minerva rose and started to gather their cups and dishes. Afraid Hermione might develop second thoughts, she decided to try and keep the forward momentum. "Well then, if you would like a chance to explore the library on your own, I can fix up one of the bedrooms for you in the meantime."
Hermione's eyes widened. "As in, right now?"
"As in, whenever suits you best." Minerva winked.
"I can't very well just barge in on you like that ..." Hermione had quickly drawn her own wand and was now following Minerva towards the house while levitating their afternoon tea leftovers.
"Last time I checked, following an express invitation was not considered barging in." They had reached the kitchen and Hermione put down her cargo. "Thank you," Minerva said, then added, "You remember the way?"
Hermione grinned widely. "To the library? Always."
"Then why are you still standing here?"
"I'm not," Hermione said while darting out of the kitchen, only to poke her head back in seconds later to add a quick "Thank you!" before leaving for real.
Hermione's first exploratory expedition into the library had been just as exciting as she had known it would be. It took her no time at all to find the first book she would be devouring. In fact, she had already spotted it when Minerva had first shown her the room – the centrepiece of the most prominent bookcase, the one anyone would be looking at when entering the room, was a first edition of Hogwarts, A History. Some of the more glaring omissions had made her wonder if the text had perhaps not only been updated but also abridged at times and Hermione had been dying to get a chance for a comparison. The fact that the library at Hogwarts itself had only been stocked with relatively new copies had not served to alleviate her suspicions.
Barely containing her curiosity, she still forced herself to inspect the rest of the bookshelves as well. Halfway through the room she had already decided that keeping a part-time job would be one of the more spectacularly bad ideas in the history of bad ideas. If Minerva was hellbent on providing her with the free time needed to study all of these, who was she to argue anyway?
Shaking her head slightly in disbelief at just how lucky she was she finished her first rough mental chart of the room – there were no less than three bookcases containing all kinds of texts related to transfiguration magic alone – then carefully picked up the History and quickly got lost in it. Already spotting the first minor differences, she soon lost track of time completely and only noticed her stomach's rumblings when Minerva came in to tell her that Deely, her house-elf, had fixed them something for dinner.
Later that evening, Hermione found herself lying in what was going to be her bed now. Heavy clouds had formed all evening long and now repeated gusts of rain and wind quickly lulled her into a deep sleep.
Author's Note:
If you want to get a better impression of the landscape I have tried to describe, search for "flow country caithness". I have been there on vacation and Hermione's reaction very much mirrors my own.
