Pins and Needles
Chapter 9: Once Bitten
Slowly drifting towards consciousness the next morning, Hermione felt a warm body next to her, an arm draped over her midriff. For a few moments she simply enjoyed the cosiness before her brain became alert enough to notify the rest of her body that this was a rather unexpected circumstance. Suddenly wide awake, she turned her head to look at her companion and found Minerva already looking at her.
"Hey there," Minerva said, sounding slightly apprehensive.
"Hey," Hermione replied, half in greeting, half in question.
"You had a nightmare. I got you to calm down again, but you were a bit reluctant to let go afterwards. I hope you do not mind …" Minerva's voice trailed off.
Thinking there could not possibly be any better way to wake up but not quite willing to voice that, Hermione settled on giving her a reassuring smile and answering, "I'm grateful."
"It was not a huge sacrifice," Minerva deadpanned.
Emboldened by the remark Hermione allowed herself the luxury of relaxing back into the embrace. After a few moments she felt her hair being caressed ever so lightly. Closing her eyes again she simply lay there for a while, determined to enjoy every last bit of this special occurrence. When she could not contain herself any longer, she looked back up at Minerva and said, "You make me feel so at peace." Her stomach chose this moment to rumble loudly causing both of them to laugh. "Well, most of me," Hermione amended.
"Breakfast?" Minerva asked and they reluctantly ended their unexpected snuggle time.
When Hermione came back down to the kitchen, Minerva was busy preparing their coffee. As Deely had already taken care of the rest, she sat down at the counter and silently watched Minerva for a bit. Finally she said, "It scares me."
Looking up, Minerva quipped, "Breakfast?"
Hermione rolled her eyes at the remark, then clarified, "Needing you as much as I do."
Minerva offered her a tender smile. "The feeling is mutual. Thus, I would say it actually works out quite nicely."
"If something happened to you, I'd be devastated," Hermione said. In an effort to make light of the situation, she added, "Not to mention broke."
"You would not." At Hermione's confused look, Minerva specified, "Be broke, I mean." She waited for a moment, but soon realised that Hermione still had not gotten her meaning. "You are my only family." She trailed off again. Surely she did not have to spell it out.
Bright as she was, it still took Hermione a few seconds to connect the dots. Then she gasped, "Oh," her eyes widened in shock as realisation set in, "No! No, no, no, no, no. That was never what I intended!"
"I know," Minerva quickly said, not wanting Hermione to think otherwise. "I would never have believed differently. Nevertheless, it is what it is."
"But I cannot accept that." Hermione violently shook her head. "I will not."
"Hermione, please calm down." Minerva had raised her hands in what she intended to be a placating gesture. "As things stand, I am quite confident it will be a long time yet until it matters. But if something were to happen to me, you would at least not be left destitute."
From what Hermione had seen so far that was not even close to being an adequate description. She felt herself getting angry at the other woman's stubbornness. "Minerva, be reasonable!" Surely she could be made to see that this was madness.
"I am being reasonable!" Minerva's voice had turned sharp as a razor. Being unreasonable was not an accusation she was particularly familiar with. "Please, enlighten me, Miss Granger." She realised how condescending her words sounded, but could not bring herself to stop. "Who precisely would you deem more suitable?"
"Don't you dare and professor me!" Hermione would be damned if she was going to let herself be treated like a little girl. "I never even thought of this when making up my mind regarding that thrice damned mark. Did you?"
Minerva shrugged. "It crossed my mind."
"I would never have accepted this!" How could Minerva have withheld such a crucial piece of information from her? "You manipulated me!"
"I did no such thing!" Minerva shot back, putting emphasis on every single word. They had both been raising their voices more and more during the exchange and by now were almost yelling. "I simply did not consider it important. Excuse me for valuing your sanity more than my house or my money. Which, by the way, are exactly that. Mine. To do with as I please. I could have written you into my will any time without you being any the wiser." With that, she turned around and headed for the library, her shoulders shaking visibly.
"Minerva …," Hermione started, but did not get any further before the other woman interrupted her without slowing her steps even a bit.
"I am letting you know, I am in need of alone time," she spat, before slamming the door behind her, making Hermione flinch. She desperately wanted to go after Minerva, but felt that after that particular declaration it was out of the question.
She would have loved to just curl up on the sofa in the library – it had become her favourite spot in the house by far. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, it was also where Minerva had decided to hole up. She could not bear the thought of facing the loneliness of her own room. Desperately needing to escape the echoes of their argument that still seemed to reverberate within the kitchen, Hermione closed her eyes and disapparated.
Minerva was still seething with anger when she heard the loud crack of Hermione's disapparation. While it had a sobering effect, it still took her several more minutes to calm down, but then her anger was quickly redirected at herself. She had known that Hermione was not exactly an epitome of emotional stability right now. The woman herself had told her as much back when they had first agreed on her apprenticeship. But instead of calming Hermione down and getting her to talk things through, she had lashed out. Now they were both hurting and she had driven the young woman away to Merlin knew where.
Muttering curses that would have left her former students wide-eyed at her choice of words, she went back into the kitchen, hoping against hope that Hermione might have left a message of some kind, but only found the vestiges of their abandoned breakfast preparations. Having lost her appetite she settled on her time-tested method for calming herself down and started to prepare some tea. She kindled the fire in the kitchen stove with a quick spell and put the kettle on. While she waited for the water to start cooking, she stared out of the kitchen window, not really seeing anything but instead pondering how long she was going to wait for Hermione to return before she would go looking for her. How long she would be able to stand waiting.
She had just told Hermione she needed her and it had been the truth. Minerva had never required many people for company. She enjoyed just reading a book in silence. But since Hogwarts had been closed down and she had moved to her family's home not just for a few weeks each year during the holidays but permanently, she had no longer been alone here. She had been lonely. A difference that she was once again acutely aware of at the moment.
So far she had avoided thinking beyond their current arrangement. She knew full well that at some point, once she had found some amount of inner peace again, Hermione would finish her studies and head out to face the world again. That was as it should be. She knew it and she really believed it, but at the same time she already dreaded her inevitable departure. Right now, Hermione's distress was far more intense than her own, but Minerva knew that while Hermione's situation was bound to improve over time, the same was not true for her own predicament.
She was shaken out of her depressing musings by a hint of movement on the hill with the stone down the valley. Squinting her eyes did not help, so she quickly transformed a drinking glass from a nearby shelf into a spyglass. With its help she could make out a person sitting there, leaning against the stone. It had to be her. Just as quickly as she had lit the fire she doused it again with another flick of her wand. Donning her outer robe, she accioed Hermione's as well and headed out. She could easily have apparated, of course, but wanted to gather her thoughts before starting another conversation. It also would give Hermione a chance to see her coming. The last thing she wanted to do now was startle her.
Hermione had found that the distance she had put between herself and the manor allowed her to at least breathe again without her chest aching. She had slid down against the erect stone that had first welcomed her to the area. Sitting on the ground she allowed her tears to fall.
She had just been starting to feel a little less lost in the world for the first time since Voldemort's return and now she had been so incredibly careless. She tried to convince herself that, surely, this incident would not be enough to permanently damage their budding friendship and for a moment she succeeded. But then she thought back to just how angry Minerva had been when she had stormed out of the kitchen. The memory made Hermione break into a fresh round of tears.
At some point she had buried her head into her arms in an effort to block out the world, so she never saw the other woman approach, but only looked up when she heard footsteps.
Their eyes locked and Minerva stopped dead in her tracks. "May I?" she asked quietly.
Only when Hermione nodded, did she close the remaining distance. Before sitting down on the ground next to Hermione, she held up Hermione's robe and the younger witch leaned forward slightly allowing her to slip it around her back. After a moment of shared silence, Minerva was first to speak. "I am starting to wonder how you have managed to live this long without freezing to death."
More than by the remark itself, Hermione's laugh was caused by the relief she felt at realising that, since Minerva had followed her and now was even jesting, things could not possibly be beyond repair. Reaching out to hold Minerva's hand, she said, "I'm sorry."
Minerva intertwined their fingers. "So am I. That outburst was totally uncalled for. I owe you an explanation."
By now they had both turned towards each other. Still feeling guilty herself, Hermione tried to forestall Minerva's words. "You don't need to–"
"Please, let me." After a short nod, Minerva went on, "You may have gathered that Albus was my best and oldest friend, by far?" Again, Hermione nodded, and Minerva continued, "I was … stunned and, quite frankly, appalled to learn just how much he had manipulated everyone, including me. I do not think I will ever be able to forgive him."
Hermione looked surprised at the absoluteness of the statement and Minerva felt the need to elaborate. "I am not even referring to his strategic planning and scheming per se. He felt it was necessary to give us a chance to win the war and while I may not agree with all of his calls I can reconcile myself to these decisions, though not easily in some cases. But my best friend of half a century knew that he was going to die – for a year – and he did not see fit to grant me even the slightest bit of a heads-up."
Hermione had never even considered this aspect before. With all of the revelations at the end of the war, not to mention all of their losses, it had simply never crossed her mind. Imagining the pain this realisation must have caused, she found herself unable to speak and settled on trying to offer comfort by gently stroking the other woman's hand with her thumb.
Minerva continued, "So, when you accused me of manipulating you …" She let the sentence hang.
But this time Hermione understood immediately and went on, "... that was pretty much the single worst thing I could have said."
"It stung," Minerva amended, unsuccessfully trying to play down the pain. After all, the intent of her explanation had not been to make Hermione beat up herself but to help her understand.
"I am so very sorry." Hermione realised they had even more in common than she had previously believed. "I had no idea. I was absolutely horrified by the way Harry had been used. It may have made me just a tad oversensitive." Smiling ruefully, she added, "In all fairness, you have never done anything to warrant that. Forgive me?"
"So long as you forgive me for biting off your head like that?"
"Deal."
Feeling relief flood her just as intensely as despair had before, Hermione relaxed and let her head come to rest against Minerva's shoulder.
Minerva allowed herself to relish their closeness for a few moments. Staring at their hands that were still firmly clasped together, she then said, "Now, if you insist, I could of course disinherit you, at least for the most part. I will leave you a sum sufficient to tide you over. I did urge you to quit your employment after all." Her tone made it clear she would not suffer an argument there. "In that case, however, I would still like you to answer my earlier question. Who would you consider to be more worthy? Bear in mind that if there is no legal heir, the Ministry of Magic will automatically become the recipient."
As Hermione had never before been compelled to research wizard society inheritance law, she had not been aware of that unappealing possibility. Finally, she admitted, "I really don't know."
With a sigh, Minerva answered, "Well, neither do I. Hogwarts would have been the main beneficiary for the last decades, but since that is no longer an option …" She broke off and looked at Hermione pleadingly. "Can we agree to just leave it be?"
Hermione nodded, then quickly added, "Just make sure it's not going to be relevant for a very long time yet!"
"I will do my best. Now," Minerva found herself quickly wanting to change the topic, "how about we head back to cosier settings?"
They both clambered to their feet, and with a bang the hill stood deserted once more.
Note: Starting with this chapter I have gained beta support by the wonderful LibMcGranger. Thank you! Any remaining mistakes are my own.
Reviews are appreciated ;)
