Pins and Needles
Chapter 13: Symmetry
Looking up from her book to check the clock once again, Hermione sighed. She did not really mind just how late it had gotten; she was perfectly content to spend the evening and the better part of the night like this. A snow storm raging on the outside, a fire cackling in the fireplace, a good book – she was just fine. At least, she would have been, had she not known for sure that Minerva was miserable.
Two days after the Christmas party at the Burrow, Minerva had received an owl by Kingsley Shacklebolt with an invitation to the New Year's Ball hosted by the Ministry. The timing was suspicious. No doubt, the ball had been planned for weeks, if not months. A last minute invitation was more than just a bit unusual. Something was up. And in order to find out what, Minerva had begrudgingly accepted.
Her lack of enthusiasm had still been more than evident when she had left earlier this evening. Trying to cheer her up, Hermione had said, "At least there is no risk of babbling and bumbling," which had prompted Minerva to inform her that she would be glad to suffer baboons over sycophantic popinjays any time.
With the clock now showing midnight, that had been more than five hours before. An eternity.
Turning the page to start a new chapter, Hermione had only read a few more lines when she heard the loud crack of someone apparating in the hallway. Just a few seconds afterwards the library door opened and Minerva appeared inside.
Putting her book away, Hermione gave her a sympathetic smile. "Hey."
Her relief palpable, Minerva swiftly kicked off her shoes before walking over to the sofa bare-footed. She let herself sink into it with a satisfied sigh. When her head hit the backrest, she shot up again and with an annoyed wave of her hand she banished the hair-pins that had been foolish enough to prick her.
Hermione had appreciated the way Minerva's elegant, dark green dress had made her look before, but with her hair suddenly falling down to frame her face, she found herself staring at the other woman for a few moments, unable to form words. Swallowing, she was relieved to see that Minerva had closed her eyes and was unaware of her blatant ogling. "That bad?" she finally forced herself to ask.
"You could say that. I have not had a chance to sit down for hours. My feet are killing me." She pulled up her legs and started to reach for them in an effort to rub her feet.
"Let me?" Hermione heard herself asking before she could think better of it. She gestured towards Minerva's feet, the offer of a massage easily recognisable.
"You really do not–" Minerva barely managed to suppress a moan as Hermione reached out and started to rub her feet in spite of her objection, "–have … to," she managed to continue.
Unable to stop a broad grin at Minerva's obvious enjoyment of her actions, Hermione asked, "Want me to stop?"
The answer she got was swift and decisive. "Sweet Merlin, no!"
For the next few minutes they simply continued to sit like that with no need for conversation. Minerva had dropped her head back again, her eyes closed, obviously enjoying herself while Hermione was all too happy to get a chance to commit the image to long-term memory. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she finally asked, "So, what did they want?"
Minerva opened her eyes and turned her head to look at Hermione before answering, "They plan on re-opening Hogwarts this autumn. Kingsley spent the better half of the evening explaining to me why closing it down was the right thing to do, but since then things had happened, times had changed and you get the drift." She paused for a moment, then continued, "He practically begged me to oversee the repairs and be the new Headmistress."
Hermione forced herself to keep on with the massage, fighting down a surge of panic that instantly threatened to take hold of her. This was a good thing. Minerva deserved it. "So you told him yes."
"I told him, I would think about it."
Hermione gaped at her. "Excuse me for being quite blunt, but have you gone nuts?"
Minerva scoffed. "After being dim-witted enough to close it down in the first place, he more than deserves to squirm for a day or two. I have never been known for my patience regarding foolishness." She continued in a much gentler tone, "I also wanted a chance to talk to you first."
"About?"
"Your apprenticeship, obviously."
"Would I be able to continue?" Hermione tried not to sound as desperate and scared as she felt, but was pretty sure she had failed in that attempt.
"Absolutely!" Minervas quick reply made her relax at least somewhat. "You could easily become a teaching assistant at Hogwarts. However, I think I may have an even better proposition for you. We step up the pace. Quite a bit. If we both commit to it, I am convinced that you can finish Level One by summer. If you do, I would like to offer you the position of Transfiguration professor."
Hermione's eyes widened. Surely she had fallen asleep while waiting for Minerva to return and was now dreaming. "Can you just do that? On your own?"
"Strictly speaking, no. The Board of Governors will have to agree. I do know two things, however. Firstly, you will be more than qualified. We might even be able to convince your tutor to add some lessons on teaching to the curriculum. Secondly, there is not exactly an abundance of candidates for the position. The field is notoriously difficult and most who have mastered it are not interested in teaching. Believe me, they will be relieved to even have such a good applicant in the first place."
Hermione still looked doubtful. "Wouldn't that put too much pressure on you? Overseeing the repairs, preparing for the new school year, and at the same time dealing with my apprenticeship?"
Minerva shook her head. "It would not. I know you to be quite capable of studying independently. I will be there to guide you. And to help, of course, should you get stuck. But the bulk of the work would undoubtedly be yours. Aside from that, once the school year starts, it would actually considerably lessen the pressure on me. I would be quite relieved to not have to be both Headmistress and still have the responsibility to teach." She paused for a moment, then amended, "Well, truthfully, I would rather teach. But if there is any chance to have Hogwarts be rebuilt, I will do anything necessary to accomplish that. It goes without saying that I would still be available should you ever need any advice regarding your classes.
"All that being said, I need you to understand one thing. It is but an offer. If things are moving too fast, or if you simply are not interested in the position, our initial agreement still stands – we will take as long as you need. We would have to arrange some kind of schedule, obviously. But we will make it work."
Hermione nodded her understanding and said, "Thank you, but I don't think that will be necessary. It's a pretty spectacular offer." Her wide smile left no doubt at just how honest her statement was.
Minerva happily returned the smile. She was too modest to ever have put it that way herself, but Hermione's reaction was exactly what she had guessed it would be. Standing up, she made her way to her small but excellently stocked drinks cabinet and poured herself a glass of whisky. Looking over at Hermione, silently asking her if she wanted one as well, she saw the young woman shake her head, indicating the empty glass of wine on the side table.
Hermione had observed Minerva's movements intently. She knew that, on principle, Minerva did not drink any alcohol at functions like the Ministry Ball, but nevertheless it was unusually late for her to still have a drink. Had anything else happened that needed to be addressed?
Sure enough, when Minerva had returned to the couch she sat down facing Hermione before taking the first mouthful of her whisky. An outright spoken declaration could not have expressed 'We need to talk' any more clearly.
Setting down her glass, Minerva finally spoke up, "Did you truly believe I would simply abandon you?"
"No." Hermione answered, barely managing to resist the urge to break eye contact. The look Minerva gave her made it painfully obvious just how convincing she had been, so she went on to explain, "I told you before, it scares me how much I need you."
Minerva let out a sigh before answering, "I really wish you would just trust me on this. Because I told you before that there is perfect symmetry. I need you just as much."
"Not if you have Hogwarts."
Hermione had not meant to say the words out loud, but had not been able to stop herself. She hated just how needy they had made her sound. Being jealous of a school, how pathetic was that? But there was no way to take it back now.
Minerva quietly looked at her for what seemed like an eternity, carefully considering her answer, then spoke very softly, "I may love Hogwarts. But Hogwarts does not love me." Quickly gulping the rest of her whisky she rose. "I am going to get ready for bed now. It has been a rather tiring day."
When joining Minerva in her bedroom a little later, Hermione had brought her current book with her as usual. She had also opened it. She was looking at it. But she was not actually seeing any of the letters.
"Is everything okay?"
Minerva's voice had been gentle, but startled her nevertheless. She looked up for a moment, surprised to see that Minerva had put her own book onto the bedside table and was looking at her intently. With a sigh Hermione put her book away as well. Turning to look at Minerva again, she took another moment to gather her courage, then said, "I do, you know. Love you."
She was rewarded with a tender smile. "As I said, perfect symmetry." Listening to the sound of her words, Minerva decided that Hermione deserved to hear it in a less roundabout way. "I love you too, Hermione." She could see Hermione's eyes dart down to her lips and back up to meet her own eyes several times and added, "With all of my heart."
Hermione had found herself stalled. 'Love can mean a lot of things,' her brain had cautioned. Not willing to be silent, her heart had been quick to chime in as well, 'Would you just kiss her already?!' Both voices had been very insistent, but Minerva's last amendment had been just the push of confidence her heart had needed. Before her brain could interfere again, lecturing her on the persisting ambiguity and going on an endless tangent on forms of love starting way back with the Greek philosophers, she had already made her decision. Distinctly feeling her heart hammering inside her chest, she finally closed the distance between them and brought their lips together.
During all of this, Minerva had remained completely motionless. When Hermione had first kissed her right after she had changed the branding, she had been blindsided by just how intense the short, unexpected touch had felt. Nevertheless, kissing her back had been completely out of the question. She never would have allowed herself to take advantage of her vulnerability like that.
She had decided then and there that she would not be the one to initiate any further developments in that direction. She owed the young woman a chance to figure out her feelings at her own pace, wherever they might lead her. It had meant exerting a considerable amount of restraint in her interactions with Hermione in the last few weeks. Minerva was very much aware that, considering her goal, some of her actions had been more than just a bit questionable.
Sharing a bed with someone you were actively trying not to court would not be considered wise by sane people. But she had witnessed the effect it had on Hermione's sleeping patterns as well as her own. Denying them this comfort would have been contrary to everything they had been hoping to achieve with their arrangement in the first place.
Then she had asked her to dance. That had just been foolish. While it had been the most wonderful thing she had experienced in a very long while, and she knew for a fact that she would do anything to see Hermione's eyes twinkle like that again, it had also turned out to be a lot more than that. She had not been able to resist the second dance and it had been more intimate than anything she had ever envisioned when suggesting the waltz. When she had realised that Hermione was about to kiss her, she had used a well placed spell – cast silently and wandlessly – to make the gramophone's needle jump just in time. If they were indeed going to head down that road, she needed to be absolutely sure it was not a spur of the moment decision in a situation that had only been brought about by her severely misjudging the romantic potential of her actions.
Only this evening, she had effectively put a declaration of love into Hermione's mouth, once more feeling herself being pushed forward by circumstances. Fleeing the scene had been the only way she had been able to think of to diffuse that situation.
And just now, she had known exactly what Hermione had been thinking about. There had been no gramophone to manipulate. No plausible reason to leave the room. She had also known that even the slightest bit of encouragement on her part would settle Hermione's evident indecision. But frankly, she had also been growing tired of constantly keeping herself in check. Not taking initiative had been as good as she had still been able to manage. As far as she was concerned that was laudable enough when being faced with a declaration of love by a woman as amazing as Hermione.
But even those last tiny vestiges of her restraint left her as soon as their lips touched.
Despite her young age Hermione Granger was anything but a stranger to momentous, knife-edge situations. And yet, even though it did not make sense logically, she still felt that she had never experienced a single more life-changing moment than the instant she felt Minerva kissing her back. Gently, but empathically. She had intended to merely brush their lips together ever so lightly before breaking the kiss and making eye contact again to ensure her advances were welcome, but the unambiguous reaction had instantly silenced all of her brain's objections and washed away all of her insecurities.
Within seconds she had lost any remaining capacity of coherent thought. A soft tongue traced her lips and she heard herself moan in reply. Her lips opened automatically and she felt her tongue being caressed ever so gently. She basked in the feeling for what could have been minutes or mere seconds for all she knew. When she finally tried to deepen the kiss even further, she felt Minerva pull back. Blinking a few times in an effort to refocus her thoughts, she looked at the other woman, slightly confused.
"I would like to take things slowly," Minerva said while reaching out to push a loose strand of hair behind Hermione's ear.
Closing her eyes for a moment to enjoy the gentle caress, Hermione still had to chuckle. "Because we've been going at the speed of light so far?"
Minerva had to smile at that, but was not about to get sidetracked, "How about dinner?"
Her eyes twinkling, Hermione replied, "We have dinner every evening, Minerva." When Minerva rolled her eyes at her, she smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. I think it's the tension – or rather, the sudden lack of it."
Gently squeezing Hermione's hand in understanding, Minerva said, "You do have a point. Maybe not dinner then. I am confident I will come up with something."
"I'm sure you will. And I'm looking forward to it." Hermione hesitated slightly before asking, "I do hope that by slow, you don't mean me returning to my room?"
Minerva frowned. "Slow, not backwards." She gestured for Hermione to cuddle up against her as she had many times before and the younger woman eagerly complied. When they had settled down, Minerva asked, "Do I still make you feel at peace?"
Hermione had to chuckle before answering, "That. And so much more."
With a wistful smile, Minerva asked, "Would you like to know how you make me feel?" Hermione turned her head to look at her again, but did not bother to otherwise answer what was clearly a rhetorical question. "Alive," Minerva said.
Such a simple word. But to Hermione it brought back memories of Minerva first opening up to her on the patio over tea. They both had come a long way since then. Together. And if Hermione had anything to say about it, they would continue to do so.
Unable to resist, she pulled herself up for another kiss. Starting out ever so softly again, she soon decided to make herself more comfortable, coming to rest halfway on top of the other woman. More confident this time, it was her tongue that sought entry and, after it had been granted, eagerly relished every new spot it discovered. Gently teasing Minerva's tongue for a bit, she then successfully coaxed it into following hers. They continued back and forth, totally lost in exploring each other until Hermione finally broke the kiss.
Still propped up on one elbow she tenderly traced the outline of Minerva's face with the other hand's index finger, her eyes following every inch of its path. Finally, it came to rest near Minerva's chin while Hermione's thumb brushed over the lips she had just been kissing, promptly causing them to part with a light gasp. "Alive?" she asked with a teasing smile, meeting Minerva's eyes again.
"That. And so much more."
Notes: Finishing this chapter took a lot longer than expected because my wonderful beta just wouldn't shut up. I do believe it turned out much better than it was initially because of her insistence. So, a heartfelt thank you to you, Lib McGranger! I do appreciate it! Even though I can be quite stubborn ;)
As always, feedback is treasured. This includes constructive criticism.
